[one-shot] One Piece - Bored
Title: Bored
Author: shono_hime
Fandom: One Piece
Characters: Zorro and Sanji
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Oda's the man. He owns them. I don't.
Sanji is an idiot. No, really, he is… Oh, of course, to be fair (and Zoro is always fair, no living person would say otherwise), he has excuses: for one, he is blonde. Now, don’t go thinking Zoro is prejudiced. It’s not true anyway, and it’s dangerous: he’s chopped people to pieces for less than that.
Still, there is something so undeniably dumb about the shitty cook that Zoro has trouble explaining it by just sheer stupidity. Nah, for someone to be that idiotic, there must be another reason and it must be the hair… No doubt about that.
Just by looking at him, Zoro is convinced that he is right. One minute, the guy is showing off by carrying a tray full of glasses single-handedly, strutting past him in that irritating way of his, which makes Zoro itch to cut off his hands and use them to choke him, and the next, he’s fawning over the girls, rambling about his “gorgeous Nami-san” and his “lovely Robin-chan”, with his usual smokey hearts and blush and basic dork attitude, looking like some kind of retarded peacock. This too, makes Zoro thirsty for blood, or at least makes him want to knock the bastard out and dump him overboard. At least, the monsters underwater would appreciate his company… or not.
But either way, he can’t do that. Luffy would bug him to no end and they would all starve to death. So, nope… No killing the shitty cook, unfortunately, no matter how strong the urge can get, especially while watching his antics.
Not that Zoro enjoys looking at him, mind you… But there is nothing else to do, really.
He could have been either sleeping or training but the sea is bitchy, today. It moves too much, making them feel like they’re in some kind of amusement park.
And yes, Zoro went to an amusement park once, but only because Luffy threw a tantrum. He wouldn’t have gone, otherwise.
Che… Who do you think he is?
So, yeah, the boat is going up and down the huge waves, making it impossible to train. He’s tried lifting weights, but at one point, the boat lurched and he lost his grip. Okay, so there IS a hole on the deck, but it’s not big deal, really… And if that stupid love-cook hadn’t kicked him in the back of the head to distract him, there would have been a hole in Usopp’s ugly face, too. The idiot had the nerve to complain about this tiny hole.
Well, he’s now mending the deck, after apologizing for not making it more solid. That’s better…
Zoro’s tried sleeping after that, but in vain. He’s not sea-sick or anything, but the movement of the boat makes his head roll back and forth, right and left and it makes his neck ache.
“Your face is turning the same colour as your hair… You’re not sick, are you, shitty swordsman?”
That’s when Zoro stopped trying to sleep. Instead, he chose to glare at Sanji’s back, wishing his death with all his might.
Roronoa Zoro doesn’t get sea-sick, get it? The nerve of him…!
He could stand up and cut the asshole in half, but he would probably need to stumble on deck and grab the closest thing in order not to fall, and he’s not sure his ego can stand the humiliation. Especially not after watching the cook walk around without any trouble, as if there were no waves, no wind, no water under the boat and no boat, actually… Sanji walks as if he were on solid ground, sleek as usual and that’s irritating. Couldn’t he stumble and hit the walls like everybody else, including his precious Nami, that doesn’t look too good either, no matter what he says?
Stupid bastard…
“You done glaring at me, idiot? You’re annoying.”
Zoro opens his eyes to discover the object of his irritation squatting in front of him. The blonde takes a cigarette out and lights it and Zoro frowns. These things stink, but he would never say it out loud, because then the crappy cook would use it against him, for sure.
But Sanji blows the smoke over his shoulder and turns backs to him, his ridiculous eyebrow raised, as if expecting an answer.
“What?” Zoro growls.
“I should be asking that. You’ve been staring at me all afternoon and it’s getting on my nerves. So cut it out before I lose it and kick that empty green head of yours in the floor.”
“Heh… As if you could.”
“Wanna try?”
The cook stands up, ready to fight, but Zoro is not stupid. With how the boat is rocking, he doesn’t stand a chance. He didn’t grow up on a boat, after all… So he goes for a verbal fight, knowing that with that idiot, they can get satisfactory as well…
“I was just admiring how ridiculous and stupid you were, crappy cook.”
“Coming from the man who got lost on the boat last week, that’s rich.” Sanji snickers.
“I didn’t get lost, okay? I was just distracted!”
Of all the people to find him trying to determine the direction of the kitchen, it had to be the cook!
“Whatever you say…”
“Hn… It still doesn’t change the fact that you’re an idiot.”
“And why is that?”
Can’t he at least look insulted? That bastard, ruining all his efforts!
“You should see yourself when you fawn over the two witches… You’re completely pathetic. As if it’s gonna make them like you…”
Surprisingly enough, Sanji doesn’t kick him for insulting the girls. He lowers his head, takes a drag out of his cigarette and then turns to blow it away. When he turns back, he’s got that grin of his, the one that makes Zoro wonder how the hell can his cigarette not fall off the corner of his mouth…
“You don’t understand anything…” he says. “It’s just pure appreciation of beauty… under all its forms.”
“That’s the dumbest answer you’ve ever given me.” Zoro snorts.
“Maybe…”
With that Sanji stands up and brushes his pants to smooth any potential wrinkle. He then takes sunglasses out of his pocket and slips them on.
Stupid show-off… Zoro closes his eyes and vows not to open them again before long, not wanting to see more of this. He’s had his share of idiocy for the day… no, make that the week.
But then a whisper reaches his ears.
“You’re beautiful, too, when you’re angry…”
By the time Zoro remembers how to open his eyes, Sanji is back with the girls and Zoro is left to wonder if he heard right…
END.