(Twilight) Dear Edward Cullen
Name of Series:Twilight
Name of Character:Edward Cullen
Warnings: spoilers, character bashing, swearing
Dear Edward,
I wasn't all that interested in your stories. I really wasn't. But then my roommate brought home the first book, and I figured, what the hell, maybe now I could get in on all the fan wank and book discussions, and indulge my secret perverse girly dream of being part of a book club type setting.
But no.
While everyone is bitching about the last book, about Bella and her stupidly named offspring, and the creepy May/December thing your baby is having with some guy, I am stuck wondering WHAT THE FUCK Edward! How could anyone like you? You are a creepy stalker. You read the minds of ever person around her to keep tabs on her, you sit outside her window EVERY SINGLE NIGHT and watch her sleep, you stalk her and it's freaking me out. If my friend had a guy like you around I would tell her to get a restraining order.
Then there's your mood swings. Can vampires be bi-polar? you make an excellent case for YES. I understand that some explaination was given for your wildly ranging moods and barely supressed violence, but come on? as a romantic lead you fail. You are the opposite of what young girls should be looking for.
Now, I'm trying to be objective here. I know everyone I've talked to has said that your story is a guilty pleasure and not to be taken too seriously(and certainly not as an academic excercise-sheesh), but come on! There's pulpy crap and then theres crap. Your story is part of the latter.
It seems unlikely that your story s going to get any better - oh wait, I just heard you're barely in the next one! maybe I will read it, after all.
Sincerely, Muffinlips
Name of Character:Edward Cullen
Warnings: spoilers, character bashing, swearing
Dear Edward,
I wasn't all that interested in your stories. I really wasn't. But then my roommate brought home the first book, and I figured, what the hell, maybe now I could get in on all the fan wank and book discussions, and indulge my secret perverse girly dream of being part of a book club type setting.
But no.
While everyone is bitching about the last book, about Bella and her stupidly named offspring, and the creepy May/December thing your baby is having with some guy, I am stuck wondering WHAT THE FUCK Edward! How could anyone like you? You are a creepy stalker. You read the minds of ever person around her to keep tabs on her, you sit outside her window EVERY SINGLE NIGHT and watch her sleep, you stalk her and it's freaking me out. If my friend had a guy like you around I would tell her to get a restraining order.
Then there's your mood swings. Can vampires be bi-polar? you make an excellent case for YES. I understand that some explaination was given for your wildly ranging moods and barely supressed violence, but come on? as a romantic lead you fail. You are the opposite of what young girls should be looking for.
Now, I'm trying to be objective here. I know everyone I've talked to has said that your story is a guilty pleasure and not to be taken too seriously(and certainly not as an academic excercise-sheesh), but come on! There's pulpy crap and then theres crap. Your story is part of the latter.
It seems unlikely that your story s going to get any better - oh wait, I just heard you're barely in the next one! maybe I will read it, after all.
Sincerely, Muffinlips