Fields of Gold Part Four Continued

[deansdarkdream]

Dedication: To my Angels. I love you with every beat of my heart.
Title: Fields of Gold
Authors: DDD, L, and A
Rating: NC17
Pairings: Dean/Sam, Dean/Tay, Sam/Cas/Dean
Warnings: Based on a RL love story. Ecstasy, angst, tragedy and triumph.
Disclaimer: We don't own Dean, Sam or Cas.
Summary: Dean Winchester is the manager of the Castlewood Equine Estate. He has many men willing to warm his bed but he longs for the one who will warm his heart. Sam Stivaletti works at his family's Italian restaurant and dreams of the man who will will give him the love he has always craved. Dean and Sam have already discovered a great mutual passion between them. Could it become true love?
A/N: Dean competes with Cas in his first Gran Prix for Chloe. Sam is attacked in their home and must deal with the aftermath. This chapter was very difficult for me. I hope I did the seriousness of this event justice.


 Fields of Gold
Part Four Continued


We walked silently to the far end of the big barn and into my quiet office, where I closed the door behind us and watched him work up to it. He wandered around a bit, finally coming to a halt near the table that held the best of the trophies from my competitive days. As he ran a finger over the engraving on a big crystal bowl, he muttered, "I need a blow job."

I simply blinked at him, sure that my ears were going bad. I couldn't possibly have heard him correctly. "Excuse me?"

He turned to look at me now. "I'm thinkin’ ‘bout getting’ married, and I gotta have one good blow job afore I do."

"And you think I'm the person to ask about that?"

"Well, I know you're gay. You never made no effort to hide it, so I figured . . . "

"You figured what. That just because I'm queer, I'd jump at the chance to suck your cock. You ignorant asshole, I oughta.."

"No, no, I didn't mean it that way. Sorry. Fuck. Becky doesn't give head worth a damn, and I thought if I could just once in my life get my dick sucked by somebody who knows what the hell they're doing, I could maybe give her some pointers.” He shook his head and started for the door. "Sorry, just forget I was here."

I grabbed his arm as he walked past me, swinging him around to look him in the face. "What makes you think I'd be interested?"

He studied my expression for a moment, gauging my mood. "Well, I noticed you looking at my dick a fair bit whenever I was out here doing your horses."

He had me there. And I thought I’d been so discreet. I tried to calm down and think about what he was asking. "Stay here a minute."

I walked outside, pulled out my cell, and dialed Sam. "You're not going to believe the offer I just got.” He was chuckling after a couple sentences and by the time I was finished, he was laughing hard.

"Oh, God, that's great!" he gasped. "Don't be pissed at him. Poor guy. He sounds totally fucked to me. Go do him, quick. He deserves one really good one, don't you think. And you're just the man to give it to him. I only wish I was there to see his face, but you keep your dick in your pants. I’ll take care of you tonight.”

He hung up still chuckling to himself and I walked back in to Tay who turned to me. "Look, Dean, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean..."

"It's okay," I cut him off. "I know what you meant. You're gonna get your blow job, but on my conditions.” He stared at me for a long moment; then nodded.

"Come here. Lean your ass against the desk and spread your feet.” When he was set, I stepped between his boots, put my hands on his shoulders, and looked into his face from about eight inches away. He flinched a little, but didn't move, staring back at me, with both apprehension and expectation on his face. I'd had this particular fantasy about Tay for years, so I was going to make the most of it.

I slid my hands down his chest, the firm blocks of his pecs filling my palms. He sucked in a breath and let it out with a shudder when my thumbs slid over his nipples. As my hands traveled down the ridges of his stomach, his eyes darkened and his lips parted slightly, but I figured kissing was more than he'd bargained for, so I left his mouth alone. When I put a hand on his crotch, he jumped again and his dick lurched against the confines of his jeans. I pulled his t-shirt out and flipped open the buttons of his 501s. He wasn't wearing any shorts, and the tip of his cock was visible - dark red, wet and shiny - as I parted his fly and pushed his jeans down.

"My God, Tay!” I looked up at him. He had one of those beer can dicks, average length, but really thick, and his nuts were huge, tugging down the soft skin of his scrotum with a weighty sway.

"What?!?” He sounded panicky.

"Your cock is amazing. And your balls are huge."

"Yeah, so?" he said defensively, looking down at the items in question, now resting in my hands.

"Relax. That's a compliment. They're great. Really hot."

"Becky thinks it's all gross."

I looked at him hard. "Maybe you need to rethink Becky. None of my business, but how can you be with someone who thinks this is gross?” I bent his prick down and let it slap back up against his tight, hairy belly while my other hand squeezed his balls, pulling a moan from him.

Before he could think about it, I dropped to my knees and closed my lips over the big mushroom head of his cock, sucking gently. His mouth dropped open in a groan that twisted his face with pleasure, and his hands closed around the sides of my head, pulling me closer. I let him bury himself in my throat, and nuzzled my nose into his black, untrimmed bush when I got there. He smelled great, and I inhaled deeply as he pushed into my face.

He started fucking my mouth almost immediately, and probably could have come in a New York minute, but I wasn't going to let him off the hook that easily. Since he seemed to think gay guys were the last word on cock sucking, I planned to make damn sure he went away certain of it.

I ran my hands up his belly under his shirt, through the thick cushion of crispy black hair that tickled my wrists. His nipples were hard now and I rolled them gently in my fingertips, all the while dragging my mouth up and down his thick cock in long, slow strokes, lingering at the top to run my tongue over his slit. Deep groans rumbled through his body as his hands trembled slightly on my head.

When he was once again thrusting into me, I dropped to his nuts, sucking first one, then the other into my mouth since they didn't both fit at once. I pulled them aside and licked as far back as I could reach, tickling just the edge of his opening. His groan changed to a higher pitched ‘ahhhhh’ and he squatted slightly to give me better access. I didn't think he could take much more so I got a finger real wet, dropped my mouth back onto his cock, and touched my slick finger to his pucker at the same time I started sucking him hard.

His head dropped back, his belly tightened up, and he began to pump faster. Just as I felt his nuts lift, I slid my finger a little ways into his ass and jiggled it as he started to shoot. The ‘ahhhhh’ became a steady wail, and I swallowed repeatedly as his jerking cock blasted into the back of my throat. I kept my mouth on him, but eased off the pressure as he slowed down. Tay was shaking all over, his knees banging into my arms as I knelt there massaging his softening dick with my tongue. I finally slid my mouth slowly off him and sat back on my heels. His eyes opened slowly, and I made sure he was watching me as I licked my lips and smiled at him.

"How was that?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at him. He couldn't talk yet, but the expression on his face said it all, just as Sam had predicted. His t-shirt was shoved partway up his chest, his jeans were around his ankles, and a blissful smile was widening his mouth. I watched him for a moment, thought 'fuck it', got to my feet, and kissed him. He wasn't expecting it, but he was still floating on that post-orgasmic high, and he kissed me back, his tongue tangling with mine for an instant. That surprised both of us, and I broke the kiss before it could get too serious. While I figured he could rationalize a blow job between buddies, he wouldn't be able to get his head around kissing another man, and I didn't want to lose him as a friend.

I turned away and straightened out my own throbbing cock that was struggling to get past the waistband of my riding tights. When I heard Tay move away from the desk, I turned back to him. "Well?"

He stared at the floor for a long minute, then swallowed and lifted his eyes to mine. "I didn't know it could be that good. I've never cum like that in my life." He looked away and I realized what a difficult admission that was for a good old redneck Texas boy. I threw an arm around his shoulders and aimed us toward the door.

"Good luck," I called as he walked a not quite steady path to his truck. He lifted a hand to me as he drove out of the yard, the ghost of a smile still on his mouth. I wondered how many years would go by till he didn't think of me every single time he got blown. If Becky was as unskilled as he claimed, he'd probably always think of me. I shook my head and walked around my office until my cock calmed down, then went back to work.

Sam was fascinated by the whole episode and made me recount it minute by minute that night over dinner. He’d never run across a cock like Tay’s, and had me describe it in detail, right down to how it felt in my mouth.

“Fat,” I said, waggling my empty Dr. Pepper can at him. “And muscular,” I added, crushing the can in my fist.

Sam winced, and then sighed wistfully. “Well, if he decides he needs another one, call me. I’d love a chance at that dick.”

“Don’t hold your breath,” I told him. “He’s thinking about getting married to a woman who thinks his equipment is disgusting.”

Sam looked properly horrified at that, and we pondered for a while the unfortunate situations that people get themselves into. When we went up to bed, Sam insisted on playing the part of Tay while I sucked his dick. He got to laughing so hard when I took only one nut at a time into my mouth that I started giggling, too. Then we abandoned play-acting for the real thing, which was much more satisfying.

My first GP was the Antioch Jumper Classic in Massachusetts; Sam and I arrived on Thursday afternoon. He was fascinated with the decked out show grounds and wandered around while I checked in at the barn and worked out a schedule with Chloe's head groom, Carlos. Friday morning, I rode both horses around the practice course. Minx was as I remembered her, quiet and competent, but lacking the fire I liked in a jumper. Kahn was huge. I hadn't seen him in a while and he was all muscled out now from months of competition, sleek and sassy, shifting restlessly as Carlos gave me a leg up. I warmed him up with plenty of leg work, getting a few dressage moves out of him, wanting him supple and listening to me. It was early and not too many people were around yet, so I tried out my theory.

Some horses get hot in the ring and begin to rush the fences. Others are easier to rate, cantering from jump to jump in an orderly fashion. Kahn was neither. He was always ready to go, but not necessarily in the direction of the next jump. I had pulled an old set of blinders out of my kit bag and fitted them onto his bridle before I mounted him. They restricted his line of sight to whatever I aimed him at, blocking his distracting peripheral vision. He shook his head a few times, but didn't seem to mind too much. As I cantered him in figure 8s, he settled into the job, steadying underneath me.

I worked him for an hour, getting used to him again, the way he moved, how quickly he could handle himself, then I turned him into a jump line consisting of a wide water jump, then five strides to a vertical. This is a tough combination because the horse needs speed to get cleanly over the water, but you have to maintain control to clear the vertical without bringing down a bar. I turned him loose to the water and he pounded across the turf, clearing the 15' width by two feet. When I asked him to come back to me for the vertical, he shook his head once quickly, then slowed two strides from the jump and lifted over it with a foot to spare, his legs tucked cleanly under him, ears forward, looking like a horse who loved his job. I left the ring after that, and winked at Carlos when he raised an eyebrow at me. I knew I was on to something.

I rode both of them a couple more times Friday and Saturday. Saturday afternoon was a charity event in which Chloe had entered both horses. I rode Minx to a respectable 2nd place, but let Kahn do his usual thing and ended up 9th with eight faults. He bucked on the way out of the arena, almost unseating me, and the crowd noise brought back a quick memory of the day I'd been hurt. On that day, the crowd had been on its feet, silent, as I was plucked from the wreckage of the jump and carted out of the arena on a stretcher. That was the last any of them had seen of me until now, and several people came by the barn to say ‘Hi’ at the end of the day. Sam smiled and watched from a chair by the tack room, getting up to shake hands now and then when I introduced him to someone who mattered enough to me to bother.

A few society women brought their daughters by to see if I was as eligible as I had looked in the ring. I made a point of introducing Sam as my partner to these women, with an arm around his shoulders. It was a struggle to keep a straight face as comprehension crossed their features, followed by resignation, or disgust, depending on their beliefs. I’d never made any effort to hide my homosexuality when I had been competing before, but now that Sam was in the picture, it was important to me that people were clear about who and what I was.

Cas came by and we made plans to hook up with him after dinner. We were all staying at the Sheraton, so that evening we had a drink in the bar, then went up to my room, talking about the various horses and riders entered in tomorrow's event. Sam gave me a long look when Cas was taking a leak and I smiled back at him. When Cas passed by me on the way back to his chair, I grabbed his arm, pulling him down onto the couch next to me. “Wanna stay?”

Sam grinned at him from where he lounged on the bed, and Cas slowly smiled at me. I kissed him while I tugged his shirt loose from his pants, unbuttoning it to run my hands over his chest. He was built a lot like me, almost same height, just a few pounds lighter, and touching him was eerily familiar sometimes. He pushed me back against the arm of the couch, making short work of my belt and zipper, kneeling between my legs to pull my cock free. I was just starting to get hard when he sucked me into his mouth, using his tongue to circle the head of my cock, lapping at my slit. Sam climbed off the bed and stripped, stroking himself as he watched Cas blow me. When Sam shoved Cas's pants down to his knees I felt Cas slow a little, then Cas’s moan vibrated around my cock as Sam nibbled down his back, ending up in his ass.

Normally Cas gives great head, but he was so distracted by Sams rim job that I finally slid out from under him, letting him collapse face first into the cushion with a long groan. I knelt on the floor next to them and took a dick in each hand, kissing the side of Sam's face where it pressed into Cas's ass. I could see his mouth widen in a smile when I stuck my tongue in his ear, and he squinted his eyes shut, but he never slowed down on Cas. After several minutes we were all hard and dripping, and Sam straightened up, flipped Cas over, and rubbed the tip of his cock up and down the slick valley of his ass. I reached for Sam's cock and guided him in, feeling the slight resistance, stroking Sam lightly as he sunk deeper.

As he began to thrust slowly, I swung a leg over Cas's chest, ending up with his tongue in my ass and me facing Sam so we could kiss. I grabbed Cas's cock and stroked along with Sam's movements, fondling his balls with my other hand. Cas was more with the program this time, giving my ass a good workout, and Sam was putting some effort into kissing me. I couldn't decide which end of things felt best, so I quit thinking and just floated along enjoying the tongue duet.

As Sam got close, he was breathing too hard to kiss me, so I climbed off Cas and started sucking him, Sam's belly bumping the side of my face as he pumped. They got off about the same time and I stood up to shoot all over Cas's stomach as Sam ran his hand up my leg to hold my balls.

We couldn't all fit in the hotel shower so we sort of staged our way through it, two of us in there at any one time. The bed was huge so we all piled in, Sam in the center, since he wiggled the least in his sleep. I was starting to get edgy and ended up on the couch about 3am, staring out the window at the quiet city, a little hazy at this hour of the morning. I was so out of it that Sam's hand on my shoulder made me jump.

"Hey, Sexy. Got the jitters?"

I turned as he sat down behind me, curling up so my head was in his lap. He ran one hand through my hair while the other rubbed my butt. It was a soothing combination and I began to relax. He scooted down till we were mostly horizontal, and we dozed until morning.

Cas was gone when we woke up, but he'd left a note wishing me luck. We had breakfast, got dressed, and went out to the show grounds in plenty of time for me to get the horses warmed up and myself psyched to ride. Chloe was there, decked out in lots of diamonds and a huge hat. She gave me a big kiss, pinched my butt, and told me to ride my ass off.

Sam kissed me, too, then Carlos tossed me onto Minx, and I was off to the warm-up ring. Minx was the 3rd horse to go with Kahn 12th so I had plenty of time to change horses. I cantered Minx slowly around, took a couple jumps and waited for my turn, trying to keep my breakfast down and deciding if I needed to pee one more time. Then the horse before me blew through jump 6, a huge triple bar spread, and withdrew. Suddenly the announcer was saying my name, the gate was opening in front of me, and I was entering the arena for my first competitive event in seven years.

I nodded to the judges' stand, circled Minx once, and galloped through the starting cones.

This course consisted of 13 jumping efforts, all of them big and imposing, but nothing Minx couldn't handle on a good day. We cleared the first four obstacles cleanly, powered over the water with a couple inches to spare, then turned to the big spread that had taken out the horse in front of me. This was the exact same jump that had caused my accident, and I knew a sharp, quick spike of fear as I steadied Minx with my knees and kept her reined in until three strides before the fence. When I knew she was on stride, I loosened the reins slightly and urged her forward. She responded with a surge of power that I didn't know she had in her, and we were over that big fence with daylight under her belly. The crowd ooo'd appreciatively as we made it cleanly through the next three efforts, then came to 8A/B/C, an oxer/oxer/vertical triple combination designed to separate the men from the boys, so to speak.

I gathered her up to get the striding perfect, then let her go over the first oxer, pulled her back for the three strides to the 2nd oxer, then really throttled her back for a stride, let her go on the next one and lifted her over the vertical. The rest of the course was no problem; we were clean and under the time allowed. I trotted her back to Carlos, swapped the saddle, and hopped onto Kahn.

Sam gripped my knee and I leaned down to kiss him, feeling my oats now that I had a clean round under my belt.

It was about 45 minutes 'til they called us and by then Kahn and I were both wet with nervous sweat. I hoped my little tricks worked. In addition to the blinders, I had stuffed his ears with cotton to keep the noise of the crowd from distracting him.

He shifted sideways, dancing along as we entered the ring and I checked him sharply, trying to get his attention on me. As we went through the cones, I tuned out everything but the big animal moving beneath me and took him over the first fence. As we landed, he bolted ahead of my hands but I got him back quickly, and we made it through the first four jumps with no problem. We galloped the water, sailing over it at full speed. He fought me as I pulled him back for the huge spread jump coming up five strides away and I’d barely got him under control when I had to release him for the take-off. We were too close, but he made it over with only a light rub on the near rail.

By the time we came to the triple combination, he had settled down a little and was listening to my hands. We finished with no jumping or time faults, qualifying us for the jump-off. Three other horses had clean rounds, including Cas, and we all milled around the warm-up area while the ring crew prepared the arena. I was first and last since I had two horses. Minx and I entered the ring and I quickly looked over the course. There were only seven jumps this time and I saw two places where I could maybe shave some time off by cutting things close, but not on Minx. We went as quickly as I thought she could handle; she took down the top rail of the vertical, so we had four faults.

The next horse bombed out by taking apart the 2nd half of the double combination. The 3rd horse was Cas who was clean and beat Minx's time by a few ticks, so Minx was now in 2nd place. The 4th horse was a big mare ridden by a rookie whose nerves took over part way around. They ended with 12 faults, bombing through the last three fences like a bull in a china shop.

Then I was in the ring on Kahn. Unfortunately, he knew what a jump-off meant and was ready to rock and roll. I used up every second of the time allotted before you had to get through the start cones, then turned him loose and we rocketed over the first two jumps. As he landed on the far side of the oxer, I pulled him sharply to the right between two fences and asked him for a major effort over the vertical.

He pulled it off, landing a little awkwardly, but suddenly I felt him understand what I wanted. He sharpened up and when I cued him for a left lead in the air over jump six, he was right there with me and leaned over hard to make the turn, his feet gouging out swaths of turf. The last jump was the big spread again, my nemesis, and I gritted my teeth as we came to it with only two strides to get ready. I felt Kahn lengthen his last stride slightly, then he was in the air in what felt like a leap big enough to get us over the moon. The rails flashed beneath him and we were thundering through the finishing cones, his neck stretched out, ears pinned back, me leaned out over his neck yelling in his ear. What a rush. I swear to God, it's almost as good as sex.

I glanced at the clock and saw that we'd done it. Kahn had won his first GP. I stood in the stirrups and pumped my fist in the air, too jazzed to be dignified about it, and the crowd went nuts. As we left the arena, Chloe, Cas, Carlos, and Sam converged on us, grinning and whooping. I slid off into their arms; we all hugged each other and anyone else who got close enough. I managed to get my act together for the presentation ceremony, smiling and shaking hands with the promoters. I remembered to thank all my sponsors, and I dedicated the win to JD.

The barn was a mob scene with media people wanting interviews, more women with daughters, and lots of horse people. Chloe, bless her heart, had bought champagne that morning with high hopes. Amazingly, I had fulfilled them, and we drank to second chances, pouring plastic flutes for everyone who stopped by.

I was pretty buzzed when I felt Sam's eyes on me and turned to him. He wasn't smiling any longer and the expression on his face gripped my heart with a tight fist.

"Do you have any idea how proud I am of you?" he said softly. "I love you so much."

I smiled into those blue green gold eyes that knew me so well and replied, "I know you do."

We got home Monday afternoon and just stayed around the house, me still floating along on the high of winning, which was only slightly diminished by my wicked champagne hangover. Tuesday we went off to work as usual; I finally got away from the stable at six and loped most of the way home..The kitchen light was on so at least I could look forward to a hug in a few minutes, and hopefully a big glass of wine wasn’t far behind. I pushed into the kitchen with a smile starting, but the room was empty and there weren’t any signs of dinner. I glanced around and saw his chef's jacket on the back of a chair.

“Sam?” My voice echoed back to me and I began to get uneasy. I walked into the hall and saw something lying on the floor near the stairs. As I picked it up, I recognized the shirt I had given Sam for his birthday last year. It had been torn down the front and I stared stupidly at it for a moment until panic grabbed me and I sprinted up the stairs two at a time yelling his name. His pants were crumpled in the hall, loose change flung all over, as though they'd been ripped from his body in a struggle. I ran down the hall, freezing in shock at the door to our room.

Sam was tied face down on the bed by his wrists with thin yellow nylon rope. His arms were stretched wide, pulling his shoulder blades tight to the center of his back. He had tucked his legs up sideways, trying to curl into himself; a thin trickle of blood ran from his ass down to a dark stain on the pale yellow sheet, and several thick white ropes of cum were splashed across his butt. I heard a raw, animal howl come from my throat as I ran to him, trying desperately to untie him with hands that shook so badly I gave up and yanked my pocket knife out, hacking at the ropes just above his wrists. He had fought hard; the twisted nylon cut deeply into his skin and was red with his blood. When his arms were free, he tucked them to his chest and curled into a fetal position.

There were several small dark holes on one side of his lower back and it took my brain three endless, horrified seconds to identify them as burns from the lit end of a cigarette. Beneath the dark ash of burnt skin, they oozed clear fluid and blood. I gagged a few times, then began to cry in big heaving sobs. Sam's eyes were closed and his face was bruised and scraped, with blood welling from a split in his lip. I climbed onto the bed next to him, desperate to touch him but not sure how badly he was injured so I just pulled the sheet up over him and lay down with my arm over his shoulder. We were both shaking badly and my teeth chattered so hard that I couldn't stop them.

Sam kept his eyes closed and didn't speak while I dialed 911, having to repeat the address three times before she could understand me. While we waited, I tried to calm down and talk to him, but he lay there silently trembling and that scared me almost as much as his physical injuries.

I was still holding him when the paramedics came into the room. I moved out of the way while they checked him carefully for broken bones and spinal damage, eventually loading him onto a stretcher with an IV to help with shock. Since his injuries weren't life threatening, one of the medics took a quick look at me. After he made me sit down and drink a glass of water, I quit shaking so badly, and he gave me the okay to drive.

I followed the ambulance to the hospital, calling Adam on the way. Cas was with him so they called Zane, Sky, and Sam's parents, and by the time I arrived, Zach, who had happened to be three minutes from the hospital, was waiting for me. Chris was out of town.

"What the hell happened. Adam said Sam was attacked!" Zane was wild eyed and grabbed me when I came in the door. When he got a good look at my face, he folded me into his arms and held on tight for a minute. He kept his arm around me as we headed for the desk to ask about Sam.

They told us he was being treated and the doctor would be out to talk to us when he was finished. As Zane led me to a chair, Adam and Cas burst through the door, spotted us and came running over. I told them what I had found when I got home, crying again through the worst parts. As I was blowing my nose, a doctor in bloody green scrubs came through the swinging doors and walked over to us.

"Any of you related to Sam Stivaletti?"

I spoke up. "He's my partner. How bad is he hurt?"

The doctor looked at me closely, then relaxed a little. "He's going to be fine. He's pretty banged up, and there was some anal tearing but nothing serious. It will take a couple weeks for him to heal but there won't be any permanent damage. The burns on his back will require cosmetic surgery to prevent scarring but after a year or so, you'll hardly be able to see them. His wrists will scar also, but not badly."

He took another look at our frightened, angry faces. "This was a brutal attack. We report these types of victims to the police, so someone will be here soon to get your statements." He paused again, and then put his hand on my arm, squeezing lightly.."We're going to keep him at least overnight. We've given him pain meds but you can see him if you like."

Sam was in a curtained area lying on his side facing away when I came in. A sheet was pulled up to his waist, the burns on his back were covered with white ointment. He was curled up again with his arms against his chest.

"Sam?"

When he didn't reply, I walked slowly around the bed.

"Sam?" His eyes were closed but he silently reached out a trembling hand. I started to cry again as I took it in both of mine and pressed it to my mouth, leaning close to him. "You're gonna be okay, sweetheart. God, I love you so much."

His fingers tightened on mine and his face slowly crumbled as he began to cry, deep wrenching sobs that shook his whole body. I wrapped my arm around him above the burns and held him until the worst of it passed. Once he finally broke down, I was able to pull myself together, to be strong for him. I blew my nose on the fistful of tissues I'd been clutching and wiped Sam's bruised face gently. He had relaxed a little and hugged my arm to his chest, burying his face in my hand. He drew several shuddering breaths and sighed deeply. He still had not looked at me. I knelt down so our faces were level.

"Sam." His eyes were swimming in tears when he opened them to mine, his black lashes wet and spiky, and the despair in them was horrible to see. I brushed his hair back from his face and kissed him softly. "I love you. I love you."

He nodded tiredly and whispered, "I know you do." His voice was hoarse and the dreadful thought came to me that it was probably from screaming when they burned him. He looked at me for a few more seconds, then his eyes glazed over and he drifted off into a drugged sleep. I kissed his forehead, then his palm, curling his fingers over the kiss, and left him there.

A police officer and Sam's parents were in the waiting room talking to the doctor. I hugged his folks and assured them that he was okay but sleeping; they went in to stay with him for a while. The officer took my statement and I gave him an access code to the house so that he could send a crime scene team to collect whatever evidence they could find.

The doctor took me aside after the cop left. "Sam isn't talking except to answer our questions. That's not unusual after an attack like this so I'm recommending him for psychiatric counseling, at least a couple sessions. It can be helpful for the partner of the victim to take part." I nodded my understanding, wondering just how much damage Sam had incurred. He told me Sam would sleep through the night so we all went to Zane's house; I couldn't face going home.

I told them about the marks I'd seen on Sam's wrists years ago. That was the only thing I could think of that made any sense. I didn't even know the guy's name but he must have found out that Sam was living with me and ambushed him in the house. I didn't know how big this guy was, but doubted he could have overpowered Sam by himself, so he must have brought help. Knowing that our home had been the scene of such sick violence suddenly made me ill and I ran to the bathroom, heaving my guts dry while Adam kept a hand on my neck.

When I sat back on my heels, shaky, pale, and sweating, Cas turned on the shower while Adam stripped me. Cas got naked and pulled me into the tub, washing me as if I was a kid and hugging me when I started to cry. I just felt like I would never stop. To see Sam beaten and brutalized like that was more than I could cope with. When they got me out of the shower and dried off, Cas and Adam climbed into bed with me, one on either side, rubbing my back, talking softly to me. All that body contact was comforting and I fell into an exhausted sleep. I woke around 3am to a quiet house.

I still felt horrible, with a big knot in my stomach, and red, scratchy eyes from crying so much but I was calmer. I slid out of bed, pulled on my shorts, and walked out into the living room. Sky was lying on the couch in just his jeans, with one arm behind his head, studying the ceiling. He glanced over when I came into the room.

"Hey. Sorry I didn't get here 'til late. You doing okay?"

"Yeah. Just can't sleep anymore."

"Come here." He sat up a little and leaned back against the arm of the couch, holding out a hand to me. I settled in between his legs, snuggling up against his warm, bare chest, and sighed heavily when he began to rub big slow circles on my back. "I'm so sorry this happened to you guys."

"Me, too. I still can't believe it. They burned him. What kind of sick fuck holds a lit cigarette to someone?"

He hugged me tighter for a moment, shaking his head. "I don't know." We lay there dozing until it began to get light.

Cas wandered in, kissed me, and sat at the other end of the couch with Sky's feet in his lap. Zane came in next, smiled at the three of us on the couch, and went to make coffee, ruffling my hair on his way by. Adam finally woke up when he smelled the coffee, stumbling out of his room rumple headed, scratching his crotch and yawning.

"Jesus, you're a scary sight in the morning," Sky said with a chuckle.

Adam gave him the finger and collapsed into a chair. "I love you, too."

Zane came in with coffee and the room fell silent as we all blew and sipped. He looked at me.

"What do you want to do, Dean. We need to get your car from the hospital, and you probably want clean clothes. Cas and I'll help you with that.” He stopped for a moment. "Where do you want to take Sam when he's released?"

I shook my head. "I don’t know. I'm not sure he'll want to go back to the house."

"You know you can stay here. Chris doesn't get back 'til Sunday so it'll be quiet. The big guest room has its own bath so you can have some privacy."

"Thanks. Let me talk to Vincent today and see if he's even getting out. It might be tomorrow." We showered and ate, an. then Adam and Zane drove me to the house. A police van was in the driveway so I went up to speak to them; the guy in charge told me they'd be done in an hour or so. I spoke with Maria and made a few phone calls.

When we got to the hospital, Sam was in a regular room but I went up alone, not sure if he'd want to see anyone else yet. He was lying on his side, eating purple Jello. The bruises on his face had darkened to purple and his lip was puffy and raw, but he smiled when he saw me and I felt a hundred times better. I took his face carefully in my hands and kissed his good cheek. He nuzzled into me and laid a hand over one of mine. We stayed like that for a few minutes, just soaking up the feel of each other. We hadn't spent a night apart since he'd moved in and I missed him desperately.

Although he was doing fine, the doctor decided to keep him another day, so I left after assuring him I'd be back in the afternoon. I spent the day shopping for all sam's favorite foods - smoked oysters, sharp cheddar cheese, Lucky Charms and I fixed up one of the guest rooms in case we couldn't face our room yet.

When I went back at four, he was sleeping, so I sat and watched him, studying the marks on his face and wishing a slow, painful death on whoever did this to him. He came awake gradually, blinking a few times before he focused on me. We smiled a slow smile at each other as I leaned in and kissed him. He kissed me back this time and it was all I could do not to climb into bed with him. He sat up and swung his legs out of the bed.

"Let's walk or something. I need to get the fuck out of here." We put another hospital gown on him backwards so his butt was covered and walked slowly out into the hall. He moved a little stiffly, but loosened up as we went along.

A nurse told us there was a solarium on the top floor, so we took the elevator up. It was a big sunlit room and we settled down on one of the couches with Sam facing me so we could hug each other. I was afraid of hurting his back but he said, "I don't care. I need you to hold me." So I did.

We just sat there for a while, cuddling, and kissing a little, although his lip was pretty sore. A few people came and went, but no one bothered us.

"When will they let you go home?"

"They're waiting for me to take a crap," he said with a snort. "If I can do that with no problem, they'll turn me loose." I raised an eyebrow at him and he blew out a breath, shaking his head. "I'm working on it, okay. It's not exactly something I'm looking forward to right now."

That was the first reference he'd made to the attack and I wondered if he'd ever tell me exactly what happened, or if he even remembered. Eventually, we got hungry and went back to his room. A detective was waiting to talk with him and Sam looked at me with an odd expression. I took the hint and left after promising to be back at ten the next morning.

On the way home, I called Jesse, the guy who owned the security company. "Jesse, this is Dean. You came to Chris's birthday party at my place. You said if I ever needed anything . . . "

"Hey, Dean, how's it going?"

"Not so hot." I told him what had happened and he was silent for a long moment.

Son of a bitch. I fuckin' hate it when the scumbags score one. I'm so sorry. I'll get a couple guys over there today. Call me back when you know he's coming home."

Sam managed to perform later that night, so he was dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed when I arrived the next morning. I called Jesse while the nurse was getting a wheelchair.

We got through the paperwork, the wheelchair ride to the door, into the car in under an hour, and were driving out of the parking lot when I asked him what he wanted to do.

"Are you okay with going back to the house. Or Zane said we can stay at their place for a few days."

He looked squarely at me. "No, I want to go home." I nodded and that's what we did.

Jesse's guys were there; we spotted one of them at the far corner of the house, the other was out back somewhere. The house bore no traces of what had taken place and Sam seemed glad to be back. Maria was there and had lunch ready for us in the sunroom after she fussed over Sam for a few minutes.

After lunch, Sam lay down in the den for a nap and I ran over to the stable to make sure everything was copacetic. Everyone wanted to hear what happened and how Sam was doing. I gave them the Cliff Notes version and assured them that Sam was going to be fine but I kept the details to myself.

I peeked into the den when I got back. Sam was curled into the back of the couch, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed quietly. I watched him for a moment and just as I began to step into the room, a hard hand gripped my shoulder and pulled me back. I turned to look up into Jesse's somber face. He shook his head at me, hugged me briefly, then walked to Sam, sitting down next to him and engulfing him in those big solid arms. Sam just collapsed into him and began to cry hard, his face buried into Jesse's broad chest. I turned away and slid my back down the wall to sit on the floor in the hall, crying a little myself, aching for him.

Finally, I wandered away and let him find me a while later in the kitchen where I was putting the finishing touches on our dinner of scrambled eggs. We ate slowly, making small talk and I wondered how long it would take us to feel comfortable with each other again. I knew he needed time, but it was so hard to see him like this, so different from his usual friendly, loving self. Jesse was nowhere to be seen, which I came to learn was a specialty of his.

We watched TV for a while, then slowly climbed the stairs to our room, hand in hand. He hesitated at the doorway with a guarded expression on his face but I'd had the room painted sage, and Maria and I had re-arranged all the furniture except the bed, which now had a new mattress and new linens in a dark stripe, very different from our usual pale yellow. He glanced around, then gave me a small smile, acknowledging my efforts.

I changed the dressings on his burns, planting a soft kiss along side each one, and we climbed into bed. He lay on his good side and we looked at each other for a long time. His eyes were sad, but he smiled at me when I cupped his cheek in my hand. We kissed a little, then he pushed me onto my back and put an arm and leg across me, his face against my shoulder. He fell asleep quickly and I lay there listening to him breathe, feeling the rise and fall of his chest against my arm, so thankful that he was home with me again.

Friday morning I surprised him with a childhood favorite that his mother had told me about. The expression on his face when I set a plate of French toast with cream cheese and orange marmalade in front of him, made it worth the effort. He gave me a real grin and got up to hug me, rocking me a little and running his hand down my back to give my butt a squeeze. He spent the day around the house, doing some paperwork and napping when he got tired. I worked most of the day, but came home early so we could have a long evening together. We took a walk around the property, hand in hand, stopping to pay some attention to Xia and Flex who were feeling neglected; I hadn't ridden all week.

After dinner, we wandered into the den, curling up on the couch with Sam between my legs leaning back against me. I put a hand under his shirt and savored the smooth warmth of his skin as I traced the muscles of his stomach. As I reached for the TV remote, Sam pulled my hand back and brought it to his lips, kissing my palm, then folding my fingers over his and kissing each knuckle before laying it on his chest.

He took a deep breath. "His name is Rand and I met him when I was 17. He raped me."

Fields of Gold Part Five