[FIC] I Wouldn't Have it Any Other Way for wolfrider89

[dizzzylu]

Gift type: Fanfic
Title: Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
Author: timey_wimey_kid
Recipient: wolfrider89
Rating: R
Word Count: ~10,500
Warnings: none
Spoilers: none: AU with rare season 4 canon parallels
Summary: Castiel’s first charge proves to be a more challenging task than he initially expected. The young angel needs to make a choice between successfully graduating from the Academy and risking everything: breaking the rules to help Dean Winchester find the right path.
Author notes: Dear wolfrider89! I felt really honoured and a little nervous when I got your name, because you’re one of my favourite authors :3 Since you love high-school AUs and I do too, I sort of adapted your prompt (“Castiel is an awkward guardian angel who really doesn't know what to do with his new charge. Dean is self-destructive and lonely, taking greater and greater risks with his life just to get a thrill”). I guess it came out a lot less dark than the prompt requested, but I hope you enjoy anyway :) Happy Holidays! Beta by dream_0f_flight

Title from Lifehouse - Disarray.



Part one.

It’s Castiel’s first day on Earth.

He stands on top of a hill in a small town called Lawrence, looking around excitedly, overwhelmed with the colours and sounds and smells that somehow all seem more intense than in Heaven. Of course, he’s watched Earth from above along with the other young angels, learnt the ways of human life; but seeing it like this, hearing cars pass by on the road below and children laugh as they climb a nearby tree, is a million times more fascinating.

Castiel suddenly remembers that he’s here on business, and turns around to face his teacher, Gabriel, who waits beside him patiently, smiling at the younger one’s excitement.

“Come on, kiddo”, he lays a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “I’ll show you your charge.”

Gabriel spreads his wings and flies down the hill, towards a relatively large building in the centre of the town that Castiel identifies as a human school. He follows, trying not to get distracted on the way.

It’s the last few years of the Academy for Castiel, and there only remains one exam for him to take. Guarding a real, living, breathing human.
The first one for Castiel.

***

Over their lifetime, a guardian angel takes charge of hundreds of human souls simultaneously. So strictly speaking, they don’t exactly “perch” on their charge’s shoulder. Only initially do they have to spend time with the human, watching them, learning their unique personality as much as possible, developing a special bond between the human soul and their own grace. After that, they sense when their charge is in trouble, however far they are.

Of course, they don’t always make it in time. And if they do, it’s not guaranteed they have the power to help. There’s a very fine line between accident and choice. Humans are allowed to act upon their free will, and if they choose to die, angels aren’t supposed to directly interfere. The guardian angel can be there just in time to lower the amount of heroin in a syringe, so to speak, to prevent an overdose. But they can’t drag the human away from the edge of a building.

That’s what the Academy taught them. That’s what Castiel must learn to do in practice now.

***

They are standing inside a classroom now, the teacher explaining what Castiel realizes must be human history. He manages to pinpoint a few inaccuracies in the woman’s tale before Gabriel taps his shoulder and points towards a young boy at the corner desk, slouching in his seat, doodling random shapes on a sheet of paper and paying no attention to the lesson.

“Why...” Castiel hesitates to ask the question, fearing it sounds too much like doubt, but Gabriel nods. Gabriel always welcomes his questions, more so than all of Castiel's other teachers. “Why is he so... Grown up?”

Usually angels are assigned a newborn charge; or sometimes even younger, when they are still in their mother’s womb.

Gabriel chuckles at the question.

“By human standards, he’s no older than you, Castiel. He’s 17. A teenager. Ramiel, his previous guardian, cannot give him full attention; he says the human makes a difficult charge, time-wise. Our Dean here likes to play with fire, if you know what I mean. So he’s been assigned to you, full-time.” Gabriel ruffles his hair. “You’re very capable, Castiel. I am fairly certain you will take care of him just fine.”

Castiel feels something inside him swell with pride. He quickly tries to dismiss the feeling; pride, after all, is a sin. But it’s quite flattering, knowing that he’s being trusted with a more difficult assignment than his classmates.

After a long pause, Castiel asks, a smile tugging on his lips.

“So... I’m a... teenager? That’s what it’s called?”

Gabriel laughs.

“Not for much longer, kiddo. Not for much longer. You’re growing up fast.”

The longer he watches the human, the more Castiel realizes just how difficult it might turn out to be. He knows nothing about his charge; he doesn’t have the privilege most angels have, to get to know their human as a newborn baby, to learn things about them over the course of their life. Castiel needs to start from scratch.

Just before Gabriel turns to leave, he remembers he hasn’t asked a very important question yet.

“Gabriel!” He calls out, and the archangel turns his head. “My charge. What is his name?”

Gabriel smiles before unfolding his wings.

“Dean. Dean Winchester.”

***

Pamela’s parties are always the best. Her parents often leave town on the weekend, and they probably have the largest pool in town. Not to mention tons of her super hot girl friends attending, and even more hot guys chasing after them.

It doesn’t need saying that Dean Winchester is there every time, charming his way through free drinks, long makeout sessions in the backyard and an occasional handjob.

Not tonight, though. Tonight he’s not really in the mood. His Dad got drunk again, third time this week, and his parents ended up having a long “serious conversation” which turned into quite a loud fight. Dean calmed his crying brother down, put him to bed, then made his way out of the house as quickly as he could.

First thing he did when he arrived at the party was to find Ash, hug him happily because he had a full bottled of vodka with him, and drag him up to the roof to talk.

“Why don’t your folks just split up if they fight all the damn time?!” Ash asks after they’ve finished half the bottle and Dean has finished telling his friend about his crappy day.

Dean shakes his head, taking another swig of vodka.

“Mom says she still loves him. I think what she really means is that without him and his garage we’d starve on her nurse’s salary.” He doesn’t even believe the words coming out of his own mouth. He knows his Mother still loves Dad, no matter what, but he’s got a hard time understanding why. Either way, it’s probably none of his business. If Dad left, Dean honestly doesn’t know what he’d be doing after high school. He’s completely set on working at the garage after graduation; it’s not like his grades would get him into a proper college. Even if they did, he’s sure he'd just die of boredom there.

Ash says no more, just lets Dean have the rest of his drink.

Sometimes Dean really loves his best friend.

He takes another few sips and stands up, tossing the empty bottle away and looking at the pool down below.

“I’m gonna take a swim”, he announces, grinning and taking his shirt off.

Ash’s eyes widen.

“Dean, are you insane? From here?! You’re fucking hammered man!”

Dean just rolls his eyes.

“Calm down, you drama queen! I’ve done this before.”

He takes a step back, runs forward and pushes himself off the roof; but in the last moment, his foot slips, and he doesn’t get quite enough force from the jump. As he falls, waving his arms and legs desperately, as if trying to change his trajectory, Dean already knows he’s not gonna make it. He’s gonna crash into the solid ground, about three feet away from the pool’s edge.

Then, just a few feet above ground, Dean feels a strong push into his side. Petrified, he only manages to catch a glimpse of a huge black wing and a pair of scared blue eyes, before everything disappears, and he falls into the water with a loud splash.

***

It’s not that angels aren’t allowed to manifest their physical form in front of the humans. Moreover, they often do it on purpose. Even though humans reserve the right to free will, some guardian angels are known to influence the decisions of their charges, which works as well as the humans are willing to talk or listen to the advice of a complete stranger.
However, manifesting wings is always out of the question.

Humans can’t know about the existence of the angels. Of course, there are legends, tales from many years ago, but they are quite far from reality. Humans might believe, but can’t know angels are real. Castiel has never really wondered why; he has accepted it as an unquestionable truth.
And now he knows he messed up, big time.

Because Dean saw him. Their eyes met as he pushed the stupid-reckless-insane-suicidal boy towards the water, darting forwards in the last moment to save him, having spent too long a while contemplating if this accounts for an accident or free will. Everything happened so fast, Castiel didn’t even get to touch Dean’s forehead, to make him forget.

He really, really hopes his teachers weren’t watching at the moment. He doesn’t want to fail his last exam. Especially not like this, making a mess out of everything on his first day.

***

When Dean emerges from under the water, he’s met with loud cheering and whistling from the party crowd. He doesn’t feel like smiling at the people around him, though. He’s gasping for air, rushing towards the edge of the pool so he can hang on to some solid ground and just breathe, trying to ignore the claps on the back from a few guys swimming by.

Everyone appreciates his stunt, and nobody has seen him being inches away from death.

What just happened? What was that? A drunken hallucination? No, he wasn’t that drunk, he’s pretty sure of what he saw. A pair of the most intense blue eyes he’s ever encountered... And wings. Huge, black wings , like of an enormous raven, only semi-transparent and sort of... shining.

When he feels a pull at his hand, it’s Ash, looking at him wide-eyed.

“Jesus Christ man, I saw you slip there, I totally thought you were gonna crash into the ground!”

Dean lets himself be pulled out of the water and sits down at the edge of the pool, shivering a little at the contact of wet skin with cool night air. He’s silent for a long moment, waiting for Ash to join him, rolling his pants up and dipping his legs into the water before handing Dean his T-shirt.

“Ash, I... I think an angel saved me”, Dean says quietly, pulling the shirt back on.

His best friend stares at him for a long moment, then chuckles.

“Yeah. No more vodka for you, dude.”

“I’m serious!” Dean exclaims, frustration suddenly boiling inside him as he’s getting more and more sure. This was not hallucination; this is what he saw. “Not like those stupid Valentine’s cards angels; he looked human - I’m pretty sure it was a ‘he’ - and he had huge black wings and these piercing blue eyes... Ash, I saw him, he pushed me closer to the pool!”

Ash looks at him for a long moment, then takes a last swig from the bottle and shrugs.

“Whatever you say, Dean.”

Dean hates when he does that. He never knows if Ash actually took him seriously or simply wants the conversation to be over.

He lets out a frustrated grunt, stands up and heads out of the party.

***

A few feet away, a young angel, now fully invisible in the human plain of existence, shuts his eyes and sighs. He screwed up, so he needs to fix this now. Needs to make Dean forget.

With a quiet flutter of wings, Castiel follows Dean home.

***

The whole way back, Dean is tormented with only one question.

Why me?

If angels exist... why did one save him?

He’s never been particularly good at anything. Crappy marks, crappy attitude, drinking, cigarettes; Dean realizes all that, but doesn’t feel like doing anything about it. After all, dad taught him how to repair cars... Okay, maybe that is something, the only thing, he is good at. Anyway, why bother with school and all that science bullshit? He’s pretty much settled in life; can go to any state of the country: there’s never a shortage of good mechanics.

But he’s not that good a mechanic to be saved by an angel. Thousands of people die of various accidents every day, and he was spared? That seemed... Not only strange, but also unfair. When Bill Harvelle, Jo’s Dad, fell off a roof and broke his neck, nobody saved him. And he was a damn good man. Better than Dean’s Dad, or Dean himself for that matter.

And moreover... angels? Okay, when he was a child, his Mother did say that angels were watching over him, but it’s not like Dean grew up to be particularly religious. The stories of angels were forgotten, along with the tooth fairy, Santa and all that childish nonsense...

Dean doesn’t enter his house straight away; instead, he heads for the backyard, sits down on a pile of spare tyres and lights up a cigarette; inhales deeply, exhales, then closes his eyes, feeling a little weird.

He’s never prayed in his life. But then again, he’s never seen an angel, or even thought he saw one, in his life.

Maybe there’s always a first.

***

Castiel watches Dean the whole way back, reluctant to make his move yet. This is the moment that gives him a chance to get to know Dean better: his soul is shimmering with emotions, millions of thoughts running through his head, and although Castiel doesn’t have a close enough bond with his charge yet to know everything Dean’s thinking, he can pick up on certain things. One thing Castiel knows for sure very soon.

“You don’t think you deserve to be saved”, he whispers under his breath, frowning.

It makes Castiel’s grace clench with pain. Sure, the boy seems reckless and lazy, but he’s so young, how can he even think he doesn’t deserve to live?

The angel sits down a few feet away from Dean, watching him closely as he lights up a smoke... Castiel never understood the human tendency to get addicted to things that clearly kill them in the long term. Or at least make them ill. Maybe it just goes with Dean’s idea of his life’s worth...

“Hey, uh... angel.”

Castiel perks up at the words, then feels a pang of fear and checks immediately if he accidentally manifested himself. When he realizes Dean isn’t even looking in his direction, he exhales in relief, before realization hits him.

Is Dean... praying to him?

Castiel’s grace hums with excitement. No one has ever prayed to him before. He’s too young yet, humans haven’t even heard of his name...

“Look”, Dean chuckles. “I feel like the biggest idiot ever for doing this right now, and I don’t even know if you can hear me - shit, or even if you actually exist, - but... I just wanted to say thanks. For, you know, saving me. I...” His voice shakes a little, and he bites his lip. Castiel keeps listening attentively. “Don’t know why you decided to save me, but... Yeah, thanks, uhm... I wish I knew your name. You guys do have names, right? Anyway... Thanks, angel.”

Castiel closes his eyes. This bond... Does it always feel this way for the first time? So intense, like every emotion of his charge’s goes right through him with an electric shock? He wishes he could ask anyone, but he can’t, not without revealing what he has done... What he is about to do.

***

Dean opens his eyes and sits in the night for a long while, as if expecting an answer... But of course, there isn’t one. He snorts.

“What an idiot. Angels... Yeah, right.”

Just before Dean steps through the back door though, he notices a few words in the ground, looking like they were written with a finger or a stick.

Every soul is worth saving.
- CASTIEL

Part two.

Dean can’t quite fall asleep that night. He keeps taking out his phone and looking at the picture he took of the words written on the ground, just to make sure, once again, that it wasn’t some kind of dream or hallucination.
His head is spinning; he feels like his whole world has been turned upside down. Angels exist. For some reason, one of the angels saved him, and hung around long enough to listen to Dean’s lame attempt at a prayer. And his name is Castiel... If somebody told Dean yesterday this was gonna happen, he would have laughed out loud, or at least gave them the same amused disbelieving look he saw on Ash’s face earlier this night.
Eventually, alcohol and exhaustion take over, so Dean closes his eyes and slowly drifts off, the image of bright blue eyes haunting him in his sleep.

***

Castiel knows it’s his last chance now. Cover up the words on the ground, take Dean’s phone - human devices can’t be that difficult to figure out, right? - and delete that image, making Dean believe the events of last night were just a dream.

But something in the boy’s peaceful smile as he sleeps stops Castiel from even trying. He sighs, glancing at the bedside clock. Still five more hours until Dean has to wake up for school; the angel figures his human is pretty safe till then.

So he takes off, flying through the night around the small town, familiarizing himself with the place he will likely spend the next few human years at.

***

In the morning, the first thing Dean does is grabbing his phone and checking if the picture is still there. When he does, he can’t help but grin, heart beating a little faster.

Dean looks around the room, smiling.

“Morning, Castiel,” he calls out, looking at nowhere in particular. “I don’t know if you’re still around, but... Uhm, hope you slept well? If you guys even sleep, of course.” He chuckles.

“Who are you talking to, Dean?” His little brother Sam peeks into the room, and Dean throws a pillow at him instantly, because he knows he’s supposed to knock before entering.

“No one, Sammy”, he replies, crawling out of the bed and heading for the door, ruffling Sam’s hair on his way, which earns him a supposedly painful punch in the back from his brother’s little fist.

***

Dean’s footsteps die out in the corridor, and somewhere in the corner of the room, an angel lets out a breath he’s been holding. Castiel definitely knows he’s been hidden this time, but for some reason, when Dean spoke, the boy’s eyes were looking right at him.

He decides Dean should be fine without him in the bathroom. Something tells him watching his charge shower is taking the whole guardian angel thing a little too far, even for initial bonding.

Castiel watches Dean more attentively in class though, standing by the desk and curiously following every boy’s move. It’s a Chemistry class, one of the disciplines with fewer mistakes on the humans’ part, even though Castiel can still see a considerable amount of elements missing from their table.

The teacher gives back a bunch of test papers, and Dean barely glances at his, all covered in red and with a huge “D-” in the corner. He shrugs and turns his attention back to a book of Sudoku puzzles, another one almost solved.

Castiel sighs. He doesn’t understand why Dean, who is clearly intelligent enough to quickly figure out the acceptable location of numbers in the puzzle, cannot work out simple calculations with chemical elements in the test. He might be wrong, but he gets a feeling Dean misjudges his own self-worth, including his capability to learn. When Dean gets called out to answer a teacher’s question, he doesn’t even try to think of an answer, simply saying “I don’t know sir” with another shrug of shoulders, earning himself an “F” for today’s homework; and now Castiel is certain he was right in his suspicions.

At the end of the class, the teacher calls Dean to his table, explaining to him how he will certainly fail this class if he keeps up the attitude. Castiel takes this opportunity to take Dean’s pen and quickly scribble above his solved Sudoku puzzle.

You’re smarter than you think you are, Dean.
-Castiel

He knows he’s not supposed to, but... if it helps Dean realize something about himself, why should Castiel hide it? Shouldn’t the guardian angel’s job be to help their charge, however they can?

For the first time since he entered the Academy, Castiel hates the angel laws. For the first time, he feels doubt.

***

Dean stares at his puzzle for a few endless seconds before his gaze darts upwards, scanning the surroundings; but of course, there is no one in the classroom apart from him and the teacher. Those damn angels probably have some kind of invisibility mojo on them, enabling them to stalk humans without being noticed.

He glances down at the paper again, reading the words for the millionth time, even though they are already engraved into his brain and ringing in his ears. Then he slowly shakes his head, picks up the pen and writes underneath the angel’s neat handwriting.

You’re wrong.

“You okay, Dean? You’ve got a next class to get to. Better hurry.”

Dean looks up at the teacher’s question, and nods, quickly gathering his stuff.

“Yes, sorry sir. I’m going now.”

***

If Dean stood in that spot just a second longer, he would have felt a faint breeze at the back of his neck as Castiel sighed, pressing his lips together in thought.

The angel contemplates what to do next when Gabriel appears next to him, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around.

“What do you think you’re doing, Castiel?”

Startled initially, Castiel quickly composes himself and tries to come up with a reasonable answer, which is rather difficult, since he hasn’t even had the chance to answer that question to himself.

“I... I want to help him, Gabriel”, he lowers his gaze. “He’s a really nice boy, I think he just needs a push in the right direction, needs to believe in something good... If an angel can make a person be worth something in this world, more than he think he can be, why is it not allowed? I... I just don’t understand!”

Gabriel watches his student for a long moment before sighing.

“Kiddo... Off the record, I completely agree with you. But!” He raises his finger, preventing Castiel from speaking out of turn. “I do not make the rules. And I have to follow them, even if I might secretly dislike them. After all, they are our Father’s laws.”

“Our Father?” Castiel huffs. “God has no interest in our affairs, Gabriel. You know it! He shows up once a few decades, creates a number of new angels to match the growing human population, and leaves again! He hasn’t shown his face in millennia, you’ve told me that yourself! If we could just change-”

“Stop”, Gabriel cuts him off firmly. “You’re close to blasphemy, young one. I’m sorry Castiel, you know you’re one of my favourites, but if you keep this up... I can’t protect you! I’ll be forced to report you to Michael. It’s my duty not only as Councillor, but also your teacher.”

Castiel clenches his fists.

“So be it. I want to help Dean.”

Gabriel glares at him for another moment, then his gaze softens, and he sighs again.

“For the love of heaven, kiddo! You think you’re the first young angel with a superhero complex? Who wants to make everything better, change the world?”

Castiel falls silent at that.

“There have been dozens of you like that. And it always ends the same way. They get expelled, they fall, they are forced to live the human life, and only after they die of old age they can come back to heaven and begin their education from scratch.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” Castiel deadpans.

“You don’t know humans that well yet, young one. Either way. The decision is yours.” Gabriel looks at him with pain in his eyes, already knowing what his stubborn student’s choice will be, and takes off with a flutter of his expansive brown wings.

Only when he’s already gone, Castiel wonders who Gabriel’s reason for falling was.

***

Dean only opens his Sudoku book when he’s back home again. Of course, he realizes this isn’t some kind of magic portal to talk to angels, but it only makes sense to keep using it.

“Castiel?” He calls out, laying the book in front of him on the bed. “You around? I... I just... What did you mean when you...” He can’t quite form the words. “Shit, Castiel, I’ve got millions of questions man! Why are you following me everywhere? Are you like, my guardian angel or something? Have you always been here?..”

He waits, but of course there’s no answer, not really. Only when Dean glances down at the Sudoku book can he see the freshly written letters on the paper.

I’m sorry Dean. I cannot talk to you anymore. -Castiel

Dean frowns and grabs a pen, glancing at the other end of the bed, imagining the blue-eyed angel with huge black wings sitting there, cross-legged just like him... Then he scribbles in the book.

Why?

The answer comes quicker this time. It’s not like an invisible hand writing it with the pencil; the whole sentence just appears there in a second. It feels a bit bizarre.

It’s not allowed. I can get in serious trouble.
I shouldn’t have done it in the first place.

Dean writes even quicker, heart hammering in his chest.

Then why did you?

There is a minute’s pause, as if the angel hesitates before answering.

I wanted to help. I’m sorry.

Dean closes his eyes for a moment, inhaling. Shit. This is what always happens to the good things in life. Yesterday, he got talking to an angel. Today, the angel says it’s over. For some reason, it feels like a very weird breakup.

Dean knows Castiel is watching him, so he sighs and nods, glancing at the spot he thinks the angel is occupying. He’s really tempted to reach out with his hand, but something tells him he’ll only touch thin air, judging by the way his bed isn’t dipping at all on “Castiel’s” end.

Angel physics are weird. Dean shakes his head and grabs the pen again.

I’m sorry too, Castiel. You’ll still be around though, right?
I mean, you are my guardian angel?

The final response appears almost instantly. And it’s enough to warm Dean’s heart a little, bringing a smile to his lips.

Of course. I am.

***

Castiel watches Dean close the Sudoku book with a heavy heart. He knows this was the right thing to do, by law. Then why does it feel so wrong? Why did the last few minutes feel like the happiest since his creation; the illusion of Dean actually looking at him - at least in his direction, even though he couldn’t see Castiel? Why is his grace practically singing in his chest?

The angel sighs, his shoulders slumping. So many questions, and no one to answer them.

***

Dean can only describe the days after that final conversation as absolutely amazing.

He still has millions of questions. Like how Castiel knew something Dean doesn’t really want to admit, that he’s not failing school because he’s an idiot, but simply because he can’t be bothered. Whether angels can read humans’ minds. Whether all people have guardian angels, because... Dean can’t be that special, right? And if all of them have one, how come people die? Are those guardians just doing a crappy job? Where was Mr Harvelle’s guardian angel when he was very much needed?

Despite this constant state of wonder, knowing Castiel is always around fills Dean’s life with some kind of... certainty. Not the usual kind, where he knows he will hopefully graduate from high school, overtake Dad’s job at the garage and be settled in life. It’s a more positive, more optimistic kind of certainty, one that makes Dean believe everything will be all right. He’s got a guardian angel, after all.

In general, his life doesn’t change much. It’s not like he starts going to church and praying to God and all that crap. Jeez, he doesn’t even know if he believes in God. Dean believes in things he can see and hear; so yeah, he can believe in Castiel. But believing that there’s actually some kind of super powerful being watching over the whole world? That’s a bit out of his comfort zone.

So Dean still blows off school whenever he can; goes to parties, drinks, dances and fucks around. Only now he doesn’t even bother with a condom, especially with guys. He jumps off Pamela’s house into the pool more often than ever; rides Ash’s bike without a helmet; drives his car even when he’s completely hammered; climbs the roofs in his town that he’s never dared to attempt before; laughs out loud when Sammy points out all those fat burgers will kill him one day.

Nothing can ever kill him again. He’s got Castiel.

***

Castiel is patient.

He does his job perfectly, by the book, for about a month, keeping Dean out of trouble, ignoring the slight tremble in his hands every time he kills a strain of virus within Dean’s body (while trying not to pay attention to the way his grace hums at the sight of the boy’s sexual activities), every time he adjusts his car to go the right way, or holds him up just slightly as the boy attempts another crazy suicidal building climb.

But when a very drunk Dean nearly crashes the motorbike into a tree during Castiel’s momentary distraction, the angel’s patience runs out. He stops the bike with one hand, using another to catch the boy’s limp body inches away from the trunk, and manifests himself before the human, touching his forehead to sober him up.

When Dean’s confused eyes meet Castiel’s, the angel growls.

“We need to talk, Dean.”

Part three.

“You’re the most reckless, annoying, impossible human being on this entire planet!”

Castiel paces back and forth in front of Dean, who’s sitting with his back to the trunk of the tree he just nearly hit, staring at the angel with wide eyes, barely listening to whatever he’s shouting.

“Do you have any idea how difficult it is to keep you alive?! Having a guardian angel doesn’t mean you can risk your life every chance you get, you stupid child!”

“Hey! Who are you calling a child?” Dean finally replies, frowning. “You don’t look much older than me.”

“I do not behave like a child, Dean!”

“Oh yeah? Is that why you broke all the rules again and showed yourself to me?”

Castiel’s jaw clenches at that, and Dean feels a slight pinch of regret.
“Shit... You’re really gonna get in trouble for this, aren’t you? I didn’t mean... I mean, I didn’t think...”

The angel sighs.

“Yeah, you don’t think a lot, Dean. Either way... It was my choice. You didn’t force me.”

A silence falls between them, while Dean takes a moment to take in the angel’s small figure - he looks much thinner than Dean, about 16 years of age, by human standards... He’s wearing a suit with a very loose tie and a beige trench coat, which makes Dean wonder if angels choose their clothes themselves. His wings are hidden now, and he looks so human and upset Dean suddenly has to resist the urge to hug him.

His own angel. Wow. It still seems unbelievable.

“Is there... Any way to fix this?” He asks carefully. “I mean... Could you, like, make me drunk again, so tomorrow I think this was all just my imagination?”

“I could make you forget”, Castiel nods.

“Then do it.” Dean stands up, stepping forward bravely, even though his knees are shaking a little. “Make me forget. I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me. You should have just let me crash, dammit, maybe me lying in bed with a few broken legs would have given you some rest.”

Castiel actually glares at him then, stepping forward too, right up into Dean’s personal space.

“I’m not going to make you forget.” He shakes his head. “I want you to remember this. I want you to know I’m not some magical fairy, or whatever human children’s tales are about. I can’t save your life over and over again, Dean. Angels make mistakes, lapses in judgement, or just can’t make it to the right place in time.” He looks up then, tilting his head as if listening to something inaudible, then grips Dean’s shoulders tight. “I want you to promise me. Promise you’ll be more careful. I don’t know what will happen, if I am still going to be your guardian, or there will be another angel... They might not be as attentive and patient. Just... please promise me.”

Dean stares into the blue eyes, startled, and swallows heavily.

“I promise.” He means it.

Castiel just nods at that, as if he knows.

“I must go. Goodbye, Dean. Go home.”

And with something faintly sounding like a flutter of huge wings, Castiel disappears.

***

Castiel is made to sit in the waiting room as the Higher Council, comprising of twelve elected angels, reaches a decision. But he already knows what awaits him: Gabriel has described it in detail during their previous meeting.

As he waits, Castiel still keeps wondering what caused him to make this choice, and the more he thinks about it, the less can he justify his actions. Angels lose their charges all the time: some take it better, some worse, but they don’t sacrifice themselves to save the humans from their own stupidity; after all, the worst thing that can happen is if they get to be at peace in Heaven, unless of course they are irreparable sinners. And yet Castiel did just so. For Dean.

When the huge two-sided door opens and Gabriel walks out, an expression of sorrow on his face, Castiel just nods and stands up, awaiting his fate.

“For what it’s worth... I’m sorry, kiddo,” Gabriel sighs. “See you in about... 60 years?”

Castiel offers him a weak smile and nods, closing his eyes.

The first thing he feels is as if his wings are burning. He screams in agony, but refuses to open his eyes, to see the part of him he’s so used to disappear. Then the pain rises within his chest, as his grace transforms and shrinks, gets locked up within his now human body so he cannot use his angelic abilities until he gets back to Heaven.

Finally, there’s a sensation of falling: quite literally. Daring to open his eyes for a second, Castiel sees the familiar town of Lawrence approach him with a frightening speed... He doesn’t crash into the pavement though, not as hard as he should have; angels have taken care of that last step.

Castiel lays on the ground, panting, looking around in horror. He feels so much at once: a burning sensation in his throat that he realizes must be thirst; a few rocks on the ground uncomfortably digging into his back; his stomach grumbles, and of course it does, because Castiel hasn’t eaten anything in centuries. The former angel sits up, glancing at the street sign, glad that he took his time earlier to familiarize himself with the town, because at least he knows he is just a few streets away from Dean’s home.

Standing up on shaky legs, Castiel heads there. Worst thing that can happen, Dean wouldn’t accept him... It’s not like he has anywhere else to go.

The town clock shows 7:40 in the morning. That means Dean is still home, but his parents have already gone to work. Good.

***

Dean’s surprised when the doorbell rings so early in the morning. He’s still getting dressed, buttoning up his shirt, so he shouts for Sammy to open the door. He can faintly hear a conversation downstairs, and then his brother calls out, “Dean! It’s... It’s for you. He told me to say his name is Castiel.”

Dean nearly breaks his neck as he rushes down the stairs, hoping Castiel won’t scold him for breaking the “taking care of himself” rule. He stops at the bottom of the stairs, staring at the teenager on his doorstep, clothes all messy and hair ruffled, just like the last time he saw him. And yet... something feels different about the angel. Maybe that miserable, broken expression on his face...

Dean’s heart is hammering in his chest as he says quietly, “Sammy... Go to the kitchen, okay?”

He can see his brother is dying of curiosity, but in the end, he just nods and walks away. Dean turns his attention back to Castiel.

“Shit... What have they done to you?”

Castiel shuffles uncomfortably, then replies.

“I’m human.” He looks into Dean’s eyes. “May I come in?”

After a moment’s shock, Dean nods and takes the ang-... former angel upstairs into his room, sitting him down on the bed and demanding to know exactly what happened. Castiel starts speaking, but half-way through the sentence coughs loudly, gasping for air, and then asks for a glass of water.

Dean mentally punches himself and rushes downstairs to bring him one.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t even think...” He hands Castiel the glass and sits down beside him again, listening to the rest of the story.

“So... You’re really human now? For the rest of your life?” He finally asks.

Castiel nods.

“Damn those sons of bitches”, Dean doesn’t know what else to say, so he just wraps his arms around his former guardian angel, pulling him close and whispering, “I’m so sorry, Cas.”

***

As a human, Castiel’s senses became more blunt: he doesn’t see as far as he could before, cannot hear his brothers and sisters up in Heaven, feels nothing as he tries to reach out and read Dean’s emotions. However, the swirling warmth he’s felt within himself whenever he got to talk to Dean... It’s back now, magnified by a thousand, and a million when the boy suddenly hugs him - something Castiel has learnt Dean does very rarely, even among family.

Then Dean calls him “Cas”, and Castiel realizes... he likes it. Way more than Balthazar’s slightly mocking “Cassie”, the only other nickname he’s had before. So he sighs, closes his eyes and lets his arms slowly encircle Dean’s waist, relishing the warmth of the boy’s body so close to him.
Castiel never thought a simple hug could mean so much to a human, make them feel so much better. He’s got a lot to learn now, apparently.

“I...” He hesitates as he pulls back, avoiding Dean’s gaze. “What am I supposed to do now, Dean? I’m here on my own. I need to sleep, I need food, water... I don’t know how to...”

“Hey, hey”, Dean interrupts him, laying his hand on Castiel’s knee, and it feels extremely hot even through his slacks. “We’ll figure it all out, okay? It’s about time I paid you back for all the bullshit you’ve had to put up with. I mean me”, he clarifies with a small smile. “You’re staying here, okay? I’ll get my parents to allow this even if it kills me.”

Castiel stares at him, wide-eyed.

“Dean...”

“Don’t even say anything!” Dean interrupts. “I owe you. You’re staying. Besides...” He bites his lip. “It’s really selfish to say, but I can finally get to know you. You were such a friggin’ mystery as an angel.”

That actually draws a quiet laugh out of Castiel.

“Okay”, he nods.

“Let’s start with the basics. Do you want to sleep? Eat? More water? Hold on, I’ll get you clean clothes”, Dean stands up and opens his dresses, taking out a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Castiel nods, grateful; now as a human, he actually realizes his usual attire is not as comfortable as he thought.

“I think I am hungry”, Castiel replies, pushing the coat off his shoulders and undoing the buttons on his shirt. He feels bizarre heat pool in his stomach as he catches Dean’s eyes trail down his naked torso. The boy blushes then and turns away.

“I’ll go get you some food”, he says and steps out of the room.

***

“So... Who’s our morning guest?” Sam asks curiously, packing his lunch box for school.

“My former guardian angel”, Dean replies calmly, because Sam wouldn’t believe him anyway.

Just as he expected, Sam frowns.

“There’s no such thing as angels! I’m not five anymore, Dean.”

Dean just sighs, grabbing some bread and making a few sandwiches for himself and Castiel.

“I wish you were right, Sammy. Things would be so much easier then.”
Something in Dean’s voice causes his brother to hesitate. He glances up at the ceiling, chewing on his lip.

“He looked really sad.”

“It’s my fault he’s sad”, Dean explains. “So I need to make it right.”

Sam looks at him again, and then squeezes Dean’s shoulder.

“You will. You always make everything right for me.”

Dean clenches his jaw, putting some cheese and bacon slices between the bread.

“Once again, Sammy. Wish you were right. Have a good day at school.” He manages a faint smile before putting the sandwiches on a plate and heading back upstairs.

***

The day doesn’t go as badly as Castiel expected. The sandwiches Dean made taste pretty good, and the smile on Dean’s face as he watches Castiel eat the fruits of his labour makes the meal ever so enjoyable. Dean then offers to show him around the house, and laughs when Castiel tells him he already knows every corner of it.

“Okay then”, he says, standing up. “I’m gonna get a spare mattress from the attic.”

“Dean... I could just sleep up there”, Castiel tries to protest, but Dean shakes his head.

“No way. You’re sleeping in my room.”

Castiel smiles to himself. He’s not sure if Dean is doing all of this out of simple guilt or genuine concern for him, but he’s never felt so cared for, so... loved, almost, although he knows it’s not the feeling Dean harbours towards him.

Of course, Dean doesn’t go to school that day, so they spend the morning and most of the afternoon simply talking, Castiel telling Dean everything he wanted to know about Heaven and angels, and Dean talking about his family, his childhood, everything Castiel didn’t have a chance to observe.

***

Dean tries to keep his mood light, but in the back of his mind, he’s making millions of plans to convince his parents that Castiel should stay with them. He knows too damn well how difficult it is going to be.

Either way, the more he talks to the former angel, the more he realizes he really wants Cas here. In his house, his room, his life. Not just because Cas saved his life countless times; but simply... because he’s kind of amazing.

Okay, Dean totally doesn’t have a crush on his angel. No way.

Well, maybe just a little bit...

***

“Mom, Dad. This is Castiel. He’s a really good friend of mine, and he’s got nowhere to go. Could he stay with us for a while?”

Castiel shifts his gaze away from Dean, who is holding his shoulder throughout his whole speech, to take in his parents’ faces, both frowning and looking sort of shocked, father even more than mother. Finally, Mrs. Winchester glances at him and asks softly, “Castiel, could you give us a minute?”

Nodding, Castiel steps out of the room, but cannot stop himself from eavesdropping on the quite loud conversation.

“Dean, this is out of the question!” Mr. Winchester exclaims the moment Castiel leaves. “Who is this boy? Where is he from? Does he go to your school, why have we never heard of him before?”

Dean starts explaining something, but his Father cuts him off.

“Dean, this is insane. We’re not running a homeless shelter here.”

“Dad!” Dean shouts out in a shaky voice. “Dad, you don’t understand, he got kicked out of home, he really has nowhere to go!”

“John...” His Mother speaks up softly. “Let him explain. It seems like this boy is really important to him.”

A short silence falls, and then Dean’s voice can be heard again.

“He’s my boyfriend, okay? And when he told his parents, they kicked him out, and told him they never want to see him again. Please, Mom, Dad. It’s all my fault, I pushed him to come out.”

The next silence is much longer, and a quiet conversation follows between Dean and Mrs. Winchester. Castiel can’t make out the words, and the more time passes, the more worried he gets, thoughts running in his head like crazy. He knew Dean had some kind of a plan to convince his parents, but... introducing him as Dean’s pretend-lover? He tries to figure out if the idea bothers him... He’s never had a lover before. And as for Dean... yeah, Castiel thinks, remembering the warmth he felt from the boy’s hug. He definitely wasn’t bothered.

“Okay”, Mr. Winchester’s voice finally sounds through the door. “He can stay here, but he has to provide for himself. We don’t have enough money for three children, Dean.”

“He’s not an invalid, Dad!” Dean replies, voice slightly annoyed, but grateful. “We’ll find a job for him, don’t worry.”

Castiel can hear footsteps approach the other side of the door, but before it opens, Dean’s Mother speaks up.

“You really love him, don’t you?”

Dean doesn’t answer that out right.

“I owe him a lot, Mom.”

Judging by the silence, Mrs. Winchester simply nods, satisfied with the answer. Castiel can hear Dean’s sharp exhale as he exits the room, and then green eyes meet blue.

“You just heard everything, didn’t you”, Dean speaks in a statement rather than a question, but Castiel nods anyway. “I’m sorry I had to...”

“It’s okay. You found a reasonable excuse. I don’t mind. And I’m really grateful I can stay here... I will try to find a job for myself as soon as possible.”

Dean smiles then, nodding.

“Yeah... I’m a genius alright. Good thing I came out to my parents a year ago.”

Grinning, he grabs Castiel’s shoulder and leads him back upstairs.

Part four.

“You know what... I thought it would be much more difficult. Being human.”

Castiel and Dean are sitting on the steps of the library Castiel works at, enjoying the warmth of the April sun. It’s been a month since the former angel fell, and he’s been adjusting much quicker than he’d expected. The angels had provided him with a human ID, saying his name is Castiel Jones and he is 18 years of age, so it was easy to find a job as the librarian’s assistant. Mrs. Woods was really satisfied by his work, the way he knew so many books, categorized them quickly and efficiently, and was always there to help a customer pick the book they needed.

Today, Castiel has earned his first paycheck, so now he’s sitting in the sun, counting the green papers in his hands over and over. Finally he doesn’t have to live off the Winchester family’s pockets, and it feels good; even though recently Dean’s mother and father grew fonder of him, as he’s always been eager to clean the dishes or help fixing a car. They even asked him to call them John and Mary last week, and Castiel smiled fondly and thanked them for their kindness and hospitality.

“Honestly? I think you’re doing great”, Dean’s words distract Castiel from his thoughts.

“Mostly thanks to you, Dean. I don’t know what I would have...”

“Excuse me!” Dean nudges his shoulder. “Who said something about not giving oneself enough credit a while ago?”

Castiel glances at his friend and smiles, Dean grinning back at him. Dean’s been doing much better in the past month: actually attending classes, doing his homework, trying to get extra credit. His teachers were impressed and actually expected he’d be able to graduate with mostly “B”’s. And for that, Castiel feels kind of proud. He made Dean realize how much he could really do.

***

“You want to get some ice cream?” Castiel asks after a long companionable silence, picking a $20 bill out of his freshly earned salary. “My treat.”

Dean’s grin widens. “You know what? Next time Ash gets jealous over you stealing his best friend, make sure to tell him exactly why he should be jealous.”

Castiel tilts his head, confused. “Are you saying I’m a better friend because of my money?”

Dean chuckles at that, standing up. “Considering you’ve been poor as a rat for the past month, yeah, totally.”

Honestly, now that they aren’t drinking together much anymore, Dean sometimes wonders why he even called Ash his best friend. Maybe because Ash gets him, unlike most people. But he could never get him as well as Cas.

When he looks at Castiel, he is still staring at him with the same confused expression that always states, “I don’t like your riddles and sarcasm, please explain properly”. Dean sighs, laying a hand on Cas’ shoulder.
“You’re a better friend ‘cos you make me better. Come on, let’s get that ice cream.”

***

Castiel isn’t dense, nor is he stupid. He’s new to being human, but feelings aren’t unfamiliar to angels; they are usually just less intense. And Castiel has very quickly realized that what he felt for Dean wasn’t simple fondness towards a friend.

He was helplessly, incredibly attracted to the boy. He longed for Dean’s touches: every single arm draped around his shoulders, every warm hand on his knee, every time Dean hugged him happily, which somehow became a routine for them meeting after school and work in the afternoon.

And Dean did not make it easier on him. At first, he was backing up their boyfriend story in front of his parents, occasionally wrapping an arm around Castiel’s waist or placing a quick kiss on his cheek in front of them. But then, Dean started getting closer to him in public, and that is when Castiel’s heart began hammering in his chest at the boy’s closeness. Dean would sit down next to him so their thighs were almost touching. He’d let their shoulders brush as they walked back home together. Sometimes he’d reach out and brush an eyelash or a bit of dirt off Castiel’s cheek, making him turn away so that Dean wouldn't notice the flush that flooded them afterwards.

Castiel suspected Dean could share his feelings, but he decided to let his friend take the first step. After all... He couldn’t screw this up. Dean was practically his only friend, apart from a few acquaintances; he had supported Castiel when there was nobody else; they lived in the same room; and Dean always laughed at his jokes so loudly and openly it made Castiel’s new human heart melt.

No need to say, Dean was everything to him.

***

A long drunken Saturday night is when Castiel kisses Dean, and passes out promptly afterwards.

Dean’s been dying to make Castiel try alcohol at least once, and finally, his friend agrees only if he drinks “just a little”.

Of course, “just a little” turns into a whole bottle of rum finished between the two of them, and a very drunk ex-angel spawned across Dean’s lap, murmuring something about Dean’s incredibly long eyelashes and beautiful eyes and perfect freckles. Dean’s cheeks are so tired of blushing he finally picks Cas up by the shoulders and tries to get him to bed; instead, Castiel leans in and presses their lips together clumsily, unpractised, but with clear intent. Dean can’t help but moan into the kiss, pulling Cas even closer, feeling that flame inside him he’s been ignoring for over a month suddenly flare up.

The next thing he knows, Cas goes limp against him, snoring and drooling onto Dean’s neck. Dean chuckles and shakes his head, then runs his hand fondly through Castiel’s hair, and puts his friend to sleep on his bed.
After a moment’s hesitation, Dean abandons the idea of sleeping on the mattress and crawls into the bed behind Castiel, sighing and falling asleep with a smile on his face.

The next morning, when Dean tries to wake him, Castiel crawls under the blanket and refuses to respond to any of Dean’s pleas, most likely ashamed of his last night’s behaviour. Finally, Dean sighs and wraps his arms and legs around the blanket-covered cocoon, face buried in Castiel’s soft hair that is starting to beg for a haircut.

“Hey. Any chance you wanna be my boyfriend for real?”

Castiel spins around so quickly he almost tosses them both out of bed, then stares Dean down with his intense blue eyes, searching for something in Dean’s face, probably a smirk, an indication that it’s all a joke... Dean takes that chance to lean in and gently, chastely touch Castiel’s lips with his own, not even caring that they both have morning breath after that rum.

“I like you, Cas”, Dean whispers, flushing. “A lot.”

Castiel’s face then splits into a huge grin, one that Dean’s never seen on him before.

“I like you too, Dean. I would love to be your real boyfriend.”

At some point after that, they crawl out of bed to brush their teeth, but then end up spending the rest of the morning in bed, kissing until their lips are bright red and sore, and Castiel finally figures out why French kisses are as awesome as Dean professed they are.

***

Castiel loves his human life more and more these days. He enjoys his job, his life at the Winchesters’ house, his new and amazing relationship with Dean. Castiel’s head is swimming every time Dean touches him now, every time they kiss, and he falls asleep with a happy smile on his face, because Dean’s arms are around him and he’s never felt safer in his existence. Bizarre, since he is supposed to be the guardian angel in the relationship; or at least a former one.

The next payday, Castiel figures out he’s got enough money to rent his own place. Dean looks a little hurt that Castiel wants to move out, but nods, accepting his decision.

However, when he tells Dean’s parents, something unexpected happens.

“You’re family now, Cas”, John says. “I can see you’re really important to Dean. So as long as Dean’s okay with it, you can stay as long as you want.”

Mary nods at that, and Sam, who’s been listening to the conversation, smiles brightly.

“I like Dean’s boyfriend, too.” He smiles brightly at Castiel. “He’s really smart.”

Castiel barely has time to react, to express his shock and gratitude, when Dean drags him upstairs, pushing him against the door and kissing him breathless as they both laugh happily.

“You’re not going anywhere, Cas”, Dean murmurs with such fondness in his eyes Castiel doesn’t know what to do with himself. So he just shakes his head.

“I’m staying right here with you. As long as you want me.”

“I will always want you, Cas”, Dean barely whispers, kissing him again, and Castiel clenches his fist at the back of Dean’s T-shirt, so tight his knuckles turn white.

***

Dean’s trying really hard to be patient with Castiel. He limits their contact to long make-out sessions, some casual touches and embraces as they fall asleep in each other’s arms at night. But it’s getting harder every time, no pun intended.

Especially since he knows Cas wants it, too. He’s felt the boy’s hardness against his thigh more than once, when their kisses turned just a little too heated; but Cas never makes the first move forward, so Dean waits.

Until he cannot wait any longer. He hasn’t been with anyone for two months now; and he’s spent too many mornings slipping out of Cas’ embrace to get to the shower as quickly as possible, jerking off to the memory of gentle caresses and long deep kisses and blue eyes looking into his very soul.

One Saturday afternoon, when his parents and Sam go to visit his grandparents, the Campbells, Dean decides it’s the perfect chance to make his move. He and Castiel are lazing out in bed, kissing, hands running up and down each other’s bodies, and at some point Dean lets out a quiet moan, nipping at Castiel’s lower lip as he crawls on top of his boyfriend, pressing their bulges together with clear intent.

Castiel gasps, opening his bright eyes, almost dark now as his pupils dilate from arousal.

“Cas”, Dean whispers against his lips, rolling his hips forward slightly, and Castiel just moans in response, closing his eyes again and throwing his head back.

“Yes...”

***

It’s not like anything Castiel has ever experienced. Dean’s lips and hands are like fire, but Castiel is shivering, as if he’s been left out in the cold; he’s up high in Heaven and here, on Earth, with Dean at the same time.
The first time, he can barely do anything but moan and run his fingers through Dean’s hair, bucking his hips helplessly as Dean slowly undresses him and proceeds to caress every inch of his body. Castiel finds himself begging, even if he doesn’t initially know what he’s begging for, despite having technical knowledge of human copulation; when Dean’s fingers slide inside his boxers and squeeze, Castiel’s world turns upside down.

He comes almost instantly, chanting Dean’s name over and over in between pleasured moans, really glad that his boyfriend picked a time when they were in the house alone. Then he watches Dean stroke himself to his own release, and groans at the sight, pulling the other boy closer for a long, languid kiss.

The second time, when Dean’s fingers wrap around his length, Castiel reciprocates, touching Dean tentatively at first, but with more and more certainty as Dean’s moans guide him, telling him he’s doing everything just right. When he makes Dean come before him, panting and gasping against his shoulder, he’s quite certain of it. Castiel grins, pride swelling inside him, quickly replaced by another wave of overwhelming pleasure when Dean suddenly slides down his body and takes Castiel’s aching hardness in his mouth, sucking him right through his second orgasm.

They spend another eternity kissing, before Dean’s stomach grumbles loudly, and he laughs, awkwardly reaching for a phone to order some pizza. Castiel lets him, only because pizza is probably the next best thing to kissing Dean.

***

They lie in bed half-naked, munching up a huge pepperoni and washing it down with a big cup of coke they’re passing back and forth. A long comfortable silence is slowly turning awkward, so Dean decides to speak.

“So... This was awesome.” He laughs. “To be honest, I feared you guys were... you know... all Ken-doll down there.”

He immediately turns bright red and regrets ever opening his mouth, because Castiel is staring at him with one of his special head tilts, this one’s meaning closer to “Dean, you are a very strange human being”.

“Sorry. Sometimes I say the most stupid shit after sex.”

To Dean’s relief, Castiel chuckles after that.

“Angel anatomy isn’t much different from humans, Dean. God created us all in his image. Even though the sex drive isn’t as strong among us as among humans, we still feel the need for intimacy when we are close to someone. And sex is one of the ways to be intimate with another person.”

Dean raises an eyebrow.

“There’s more than one?”

Castiel falls silent for a moment.

“Among angels, yes... I wish I could show you. How angel graces connect. I have never.... But I’ve heard it’s absolutely amazing.”

Dean doesn’t like when Castiel gets nostalgic about his angelic past. It makes his insides fill with cold, bitter guilt.

“Hey”, he attempts to lighten the mood. “They’re just saying it ‘cos they haven’t tried human sex, Cas”, Dean grins, and Castiel laughs in response.

“You’re probably right.”

They spend another minute chewing on the last pizza slices.

“Huh. You said you’ve never...” Castiel freezes beside him. “So... I took your virginity in every sense of the word.”

“Shut up”, Castiel murmurs, blushing and throwing a half-eaten slice of pizza at Dean. But his smile betrays his real feelings.

Dean grins victoriously and rolls over, wrapping his arms around Cas.

***

This is the day Castiel stops waiting. For angels to change their mind, to let him back in the Academy, to give him back his grace. Sure, sometimes he misses flying; misses his wings. He misses his brothers and sisters, too, especially the ones he used to be close to. Gabriel, Balthazar, Rachel, Anael.

Castiel doesn’t mourn them. He’ll see them again. One day, when he is back in Heaven; and he knows at some point Dean will be there, too. A soul like his belongs there.

But right now, this Dean, human, warm, breathing, here in his embrace, is everything Castiel needs. Sighing happily and curling himself around the other boy, Castiel knows: he wouldn’t trade him for the world.

***

Epilogue.

“You ever regret choosing me?”

It’s a warm summer evening; Dean’s just got off his shift at the garage, and he and Castiel are enjoying a bottle of ice cold beer together in the backyard. The same spot Castiel had written his first words to Dean at. Feels like ages ago now, and it’s only been... what? Four months?

“No.”

To be honest, sometimes Dean’s guilt and self-doubt gets really tiring.

“I think I’d make a good guardian angel, Dean. But as long as our laws are in place... I just cannot agree with them. I think humans should know their guardians. Know their names, the whole truth about them. Be able to pray to them when they are needed.”

Castiel wonders who Dean's guardian angel is now... Or Castiel's, for that matter. Maybe Remiel's watching over both of them, or somebody else. The more he thinks about it, the more sure he is of his beliefs. No human should be left in that state of wonder.

Dean nods, and they fall silent for a moment.

“But you’ll be back there one day. Back to being a guardian angel.”

“Not necessarily”, Castiel shakes his head. “If I transfer to another Academy... I could pursue a political career, like Gabriel. Push forward a new agenda; make my way to the Higher Council. Gabriel told me there were other angels who did not agree with the old ways, so... Maybe I could change things.”

He’s had this plan for a while now. He doesn’t know if it will work out, but... time will show.

“You’re amazing at changing things, Cas. You changed me.”

Castiel turns his head to look at Dean, whose face is as serious as it could ever get. He smiles softly.

“Thank you, Dean.”

Dean nods and reaches out to take Castiel’s hand, squeezing it gently.

“I love you.”

Dean’s never said it before, but somehow, Castiel knew already. Every night they’ve spent together, the bright green eyes told him everything. Doesn’t make his heart beat any slower right now.

“I love you too, Dean”, he replies, entwining their fingers together.

He knows human life won’t be easy. There’s sickness, money troubles, loss of loved ones, worry, stress, the list can go on and on.

But with Dean by his side... Castiel feels stronger than any angel.

It’s going to be an amazing path.