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[deaka]

I've been going through my old stories, and found a couple that I never got around to posting anywhere for one reason or another. Some are truly not worth reading (honestly, trust me on that), but a couple are kinda-sorta passable, as in I only cringe a little when reading them. So - I bring fic. Probably won't be posting it anywhere else for the

Comments

[archaeologist_d]

I really liked the language in this one. You may think it is overwritten angst - I wouldn't agree - but it is beautiful.

I have to wonder if Jade had helped him remain in the Light, even after what he'd done at the beginning of the story, if their love wouldn't have burned more brightly and the galaxy been better for it.

Great job.

[deaka]

Thanks. :) It's funny, but I hadn't realised how much my writing style has changed until I re-read this.

I have to wonder if Jade had helped him remain in the Light, even after what he'd done at the beginning of the story, if their love wouldn't have burned more brightly and the galaxy been better for it.

Good point. Evil!Mara does have so much potential, though. ;)

Thanks for the feedback!

[gabri_jade]

I have seen this one before. :D You know, Zahn's always said that Mara was written specifically as a foil and a match for Luke; I think it's a testimony to how well he did that so many of us write their love as inevitable in some way, even if they're dark, even if they're irrevocably parted by circumstance.

I wouldn't say the angst is overwritten, either. I think it's a little more florid than you write now, is all, so it seems overwritten to you. Besides, you string words together so beautifully that even if you deliberately wrote something overdone, I think it'd still be a joy to read. ;)

Where she dipped he wove: where he parried she thrust. She was storm and he was fire, whirling and blazing until there was no separation.

I love that line. It applies to them in almost any setting and timeframe, too. :D

He holds her hand, and she can’t understand. Stroking his fingers that have killed so many with her own so stained and pale, she sees the life wind from his skin in trails.That's my favorite line. It has such a vividness to

[deaka]

Thank you. *hugs* There are some good lines in there, but it feels a bit pretentious somehow. Stupid story. :p

The muse needs lots of poking at the moment. ;) Thanks for the feedback (both times). :D

[lotusflower85]

Your way with words constantly amazes me - this was just beautifully written and structured. It's nice to see some dark Luke/Mara again.

[deaka]

The world needs some more dark Luke/Mara. *g* Thanks so much for reading!