Jigoku Gakuen 29
Title Jigoku Gakuen
Author: deadoralive0013
Pairing: Ryden, a bit of Joncer, a bit of Gabilliam (yes… it’s official now)
Rating: PG13
POV: 3rd
Summary: (High school AU) Ryan just wanted to finish high school and make it to college so he worked (sometimes even odd jobs) to save up. When he transferred to Vegas for his final year, he found out that sometimes, money is the least of one’s worries. Like in his case, it was his face.
Excerpt for this chapter:
Brendon stared at him. “But? What Spencer?”
“As you’ve said, it’s been months,” Spencer said. “We love Ryan so much and he is my closest friend but like the rest of us at home, you have to be prepared if-”
“You are not finishing that statement,” Brendon cut him off. “How dare you even think that!”
Warnings: Beware. Overused plot. Beware. Straight guy turning gay. Beware! UNBETA-ED!
Beta: roboticeyes
Disclaimer: I own the plot but nothing else...
Notes: At the end of each chapter
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29
He was midway between numbness and sensory overload wherein the latter was pulling him farther and farther away from the former. Brendon regained his consciousness, feeling very sore and too weak to even open his eyes. Every inch of his body screamed with pain, disorienting him and making him wish he hadn’t woken up in the first place. Slowly, he began to sense the cold, hard floor beneath him. His awareness woke up along with the growing feeling of intense gravity that weighed him down and made it impossible to move a single muscle. He silently wished consciousness would slip away again.
Ryan. Brendon’s eyelids snapped open and his body protested with the sudden surge of worse pain than before as he jerked to sit up but failed. His breathing was hoarse and labored. His body could not feel anything but pain and discomfort while his mind could not think of anything but Ryan. Suddenly, the pain wasn’t important anymore. He coughed violently as he strained his arms to lift his upper body up, pausing halfway to catch his breath before pushing himself on until he was fully sitting on the floor.
Something warm and liquid ran from his temple down to the side of his face and he felt dizzy again. More than anywhere else, Brendon’s limbs felt like they’ve been trampled by a herd of mad horses. He kept his arms still though, his face contorting in pain and concentration as he braced himself for the next big step.
A loud groan followed by hisses of pain erupted from his lips as he moved his legs. He flexed his leg to try and position his feet against the floor. He took a moment to breathe again before using his arms to push himself off the floor, only to fail and fall. Many times he tried and failed but after a while, he succeeded and he was on his feet again. Walking should be a piece of cake.
It was dark but there was enough light coming through the slightly open door to allow him to see the blood stains on the carpet. His blood. Zack was nowhere in sight. Brendon struggled to maintain his balance but had managed to slowly make his way to the door without collapsing, steadying himself against the wall as he went.
The hall outside was deserted. Even with the bright sunlight illuminating the whole house, everything felt gloomy and against him. He couldn’t decide if the lack of people was something he should be happy about though he concluded that it was a good thing. He couldn’t trust anyone who was getting paid by that man. This house wasn’t a home to him anymore nor the faces in it of the people he once trusted. Zack was the only person he could trust and Brendon had no idea where he was.
There were sudden footsteps coming from the far end of the hall and Brendon’s fists clenched. He looked around for something to protect himself with, forcing his body to move quickly despite the pain and grabbed a small vase sitting on one of the side tables. He waited.
“Brendon?”
Almost instantly, Brendon’s body relaxed and he lowered the china. He knew that voice very well. The footsteps grew louder and soon, Jon was running towards him. Brendon’s knees were suddenly weak and he let them give.
“Brendon,” Jon called as he reached him, offering his arms to support him.
“He got him, Jon! He got Ryan... and Zack. And Spencer’s dad! Even Ryan’s friend,” Brendon muttered feeling his emotions catching up with him.
Jon’s face hardened. “Looks like he got you too.”
“Don’t worry about me,” he said, waving his hand vaguely in the air. His body hurt but the memories of what happened pained him more. “He hurt Zack when he tried to protect me.”
“Zack should be in the hospital by now. Gabe took him there about half an hour ago and called me to look for you. Zack looked bad but he’ll be fine,” Jon said.
“We have to find Ryan,” Brendon told him and made efforts to get up again. “The son of a bitch had done something to him.”
“We have to fix you first,” Jon said firmly. “We cannot go very far if you’re not fit to go anywhere.”
“I can take it,” Brendon insisted.
“No, we’re going to at least patch up those wounds. We’re going at my uncle’s house. He’s a doctor.”
Jon slowly helped him to his car, meeting no one along the way. All of Brendon’s stuff was still there but the maids and security guys were nowhere to be found. He took one look at his friend’s bleeding face and anger started to bubble up in him. “How can your own father do this to you?”
Brendon laughed mirthlessly and shook his head. “He’s not my father.”
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The room was oddly quiet with just the noise of William’s shoes against the floor as he paced restlessly in front of the TV.
“Sit down, Beckett. You’re making me anxious,” Gabe said irritated and adjusted his position on William’s living room sofa.
Patrick and Spencer didn’t say anything, just watching the other two in silent hope of them breaking into their usual bickering, anything to take their minds off Ryan. To their dismay, William didn’t retort and just nodded silently as he took a seat too, apparently too worried and lost to even give Gabe a glare. He clasped his hands together in front of him, his foot lightly tapping against the floor. After a few moments, William stood again.
“I’ll get some drinks or whatever,” he announced and disappeared into the hallway.
Spencer sighed deeply and the other two stared at him warily. They’d been sitting here for more than a couple of hours. Jon gave them a call earlier to inform them about Brendon’s condition. They were relieved to have finally found him but the other half of the problem remained unsolved.
“Why are we not driving around, looking for Ryan yet?” Patrick asked.
“We’ve checked all the places he could possibly have gone,” Gabe said and turned to Spencer. “Are you sure all his clothes are still at your house?”
Spencer nodded. “Yes, I rechecked again but all his stuff is still there. Mom kept asking where he is but I told her he’s here in William’s house for a sleep over. I can’t go home there else she’ll know Ryan’s missing. I don’t know how much longer I can keep them in the dark. Why can’t we tell the police?”
“We’ve talked about that,” Gabe said.
“I know but how sure are you that Brendon’s dad got people working in the police?” asked Patrick.
“Yeah, we have to tell someone!” Spencer added anxiously. “I can’t bear sitting here, waiting for something to happen while Ryan is out there... God only knows what’s happening to him!”
Gabe sighed understandingly and rose. He walked over to Spencer and patted his back. “Calm down, Spence. We’re going to find him.”
They were silent again, nothing else to do but brood on the matter and torture themselves more. Soon the bell rang and they were joined by Jon and Brendon, the latter patched with numerous bandages but looking robust and determined, angry more than anything. They all gathered in William’s living room and soon the host came out of the hall, cans of drinks in hand. He placed them on the table but nobody seemed thirsty, not even William himself.
“We have to tell someone,” Spencer muttered. Gabe looked like he was about to say something but chose to keep silent instead. Spencer ignored him and fixed his eyes on the new arrival.
Brendon avoided Spencer’s eyes as if he knew the other was glaring at him since he entered the room. He stared at the floor and sighed. “You can say it, Spence.”
The others who were busy with their own thoughts turned to Spencer and then to Brendon. Spencer’s face hardened and Jon quickly found his way to his side. Despite the boiling hate that was building up in him, Spencer stayed silent, not because he was trying to contain his emotions but because he couldn’t find the words that will do them justice.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Brendon continued. “It’s exactly what I have in mind too.”
At that moment, Spencer got up and without warning, punched Brendon in the face. William, Jon, Gabe, and Patrick rose in surprise as Brendon was thrown to the floor with Spencer gripping his collar with one hand and beating the crap out of his face with the other.
“Stop it, Spencer!” Jon exclaimed as he rushed forward to get Spencer off of Brendon who was limply taking everything in.
“Get off!” Spencer spat and struggled to throw as many punch as he could. Gabe quickly came to help Jon but Spencer was stronger than usual.
Blood was sputtering from Brendon and onto the carpet but Spencer didn’t stop. Gabe and Jon were joined by William and only then were they able to stop their friend’s rage from destroying Brendon’s face. Patrick firmly held Spencer to prevent him from lunging again and Gabe dragged Brendon at the other side of the room, as far as possible from Spencer. Jon and William stood between the two, afraid that the encounter will resume.
“I’m sorry,” Brendon muttered and tears started to trickle down his face. He wiped the blood from the corner of his lips with the back of his hand. “I’m sorry.”
“You said you’re going to protect him!” Spencer said angrily. “You’re a fucking liar!”
“Spencer!” Jon said. “Brendon got himself almost beaten to death trying to protect Ryan!”
Spencer broke free from Patrick. “I don’t care! It wasn’t good enough! My cousin is missing and it’s because of his father,” he said and turned to Brendon with the most icy glare. “It’s your fault. If it wasn’t for you, Ryan would still be here! He’d still be safe!”
“Spencer,” Gabe began but Brendon cut him off.
“I tried,” he said.
“You should have tried harder!” Spencer said. “Were you aware of the possible consequences of your relationship with Ryan? Did you know that something like this could happen to him if you continue getting closer to my cousin?”
“Yes,” Brendon answered quietly, the word paining him as he did.
“You selfish, arrogant bastard!” Spencer said through gritted teeth and made for Brendon again. Jon immediately held him against the wall but Spencer struggled hard. “I made a wrong choice! I thought I was making the right decision to let Ryan be with you but I’m not. You led him to danger! I shouldn’t have let you!”
“Ryan knew what my father thought about our relationship,” Brendon said. “We both know we’re taking a risk but it’s better to act on our feelings than pretending we don’t have them! I love him more than anything and I would do anything if it means being with him!”
“Even if it means killing him!” Spencer said. “Ryan might have truly loved you but it’s not the same with you! If you love him like you say you do, you would have set him free. You wouldn’t let him face this danger!”
Brendon fell silent and collapsed on the floor again. Spencer’s words hit him in the face like ice-cold water that seeped right into his core. His shoulders were shaking and tears were streaming down his face as he buried it under his arm. Spencer was right. Whatever happened to Ryan, he did it to him. Brendon knew this yet he chose to ignore it. He was blinded by his feelings to be with Ryan, so eager to have finally found someone who cared for him that he overlooked what was good for Ryan. He failed to see what he could bring Ryan. It wasn’t his father’s fault. It had been Brendon’s all along.
“I’ll find him,” he said suddenly.
“Where? You don’t even know where to start,” Spencer snarled.
“Stop it, Spence,” William said and they were all taken aback. He was staring at Spencer seriously and it was the first time ever that they’ve seen him like this. “Do you really think Ryan would have stood aside and let Brendon’s dad do as he pleased? Even if Brendon broke up with him, Ryan would still have gone on. The only thing Brendon would have accomplished will be hurting your cousin!”
There was silence again. William sighed and just like that, some of the silliness in his eyes was back. He smiled at Spencer who was quietly sobbing and approached him, reaching out a comforting hand. “We’re all worried about him, Spence but pointing fingers would lead us to no good.”
And what should he do? All Spencer’s mind could think about was that Ryan was missing. It refused to listen to the little voice that was telling him that Brendon was his friend and he didn’t mean for this to happen, and that William was right about how Ryan would have reacted if Brendon did let him go. Flashbacks of the past, Ryan’s first day at Palo Verde, the request, Brendon’s moves on his cousin, the school trip... Ryan didn’t want any of it to happen.
“He just wanted a fresh start,” Spencer muttered sadly, his voice breaking as tears started to materialize. “It has been difficult for him since we were younger, always has.”
Brendon’s form trembled stronger, and he held his arms tighter to keep himself intact.
“He is a good person and a better friend,” Spencer added. “He doesn’t deserve this... he deserves to be happy.”
“I know,” William said softly.
Instead of a fresh start, Ryan found Brendon. He knew how special Brendon was to his cousin, knew how much he was willing to give for him but still, somehow, Spencer hated Brendon. Not seeing his cousin in the room and not knowing where he was driving Spencer crazy. Seeing Brendon curled up in a corner, crying and bleeding gave him a twisted sense of satisfaction though it was very clear in his mind that it was wrong. Spencer was very well aware that he was being at the wrong yet he couldn’t find it in himself to care.
“I-I’m sorry Brendon but I can’t face you right now,” Spencer muttered quickly and ran out of the room.
“Spencer!” Jon called and went after him, leaving Gabe, Patrick and William staring after him and Brendon silently cursing at himself.
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Three days passed.
They dreaded returning to school every morning and not finding Ryan anywhere. No news about him reached them and it dampened their spirits even more. Even though Ryan was a naturally quiet person by nature and he rarely joked or caused a commotion, but his absence was very well felt by everyone. Especially Brendon. The first time he saw the empty seat beside him at chemistry lab reminded him of his carelessness so much that he didn’t attend anymore classes after that. He had reverted to his old ways of missing most of school, only this time he was hoping to catch the attention of a certain someone.
Unfortunately, Brendon failed. His father had avoided making any contact with him, flying to different places around the world almost everyday that it was hard to even tell where he was at a specific time. Brendon had tried multiple times to set an appointment with him, call him, mail him, even blackmailing the assistants within Brendon’s reach but the old man had severed all possible communication lines between them except for money, which one of his father’s personal assistants arranged periodically to make sure Brendon was well-supported financially, as if nothing ever happened.
Zack was sacked from his job but he was taken in by Jon at once though he wanted to keep an eye out for Brendon still. He was recovering in the hospital and they visited him everyday after class. Zack recalled his memories to them about that day and he told them about hearing the other men receiving an order to get Ryan that morning. He immediately tried to inform Brendon but he was stopped and beaten up by the others. Brendon thanked him for trying and told him it wasn’t his fault but Zack insisted that it was and he should have tried harder.
Though he had stopped trying to hit Brendon, Spencer resorted to not speaking a word to him instead. Brendon didn’t try initiating conversation. He understood.
Benny and Lisa were starting to ask questions. They haven’t seen their nephew for days and they kept on badgering their son about it whenever they could. Spencer’s story about a school project slowly transformed into a fifty-page full report that he and his cousin needed to do with William. He didn’t want to lie to them but Spencer was at a loss for what he should do. At the fourth day, he decided to tell them the truth about everything and the couple was completely enraged and shocked at what their nephew had to go through. Benny immediately resigned from his job despite the school’s insistence that he stayed and the promise to lift off the probation soon. Benny declined and handed his resignation letter first thing the next morning since he ‘couldn’t bear to keep on receiving money from such an evil man’. He and Lisa joined the search for Ryan but like the rest of them, they too failed. None of them could stop the couple from informing the police. They wanted to sue Brendon’s father too but they had no proof that he was involved in the disappearance of Ryan.
Jon and Gabe had hired a private investigator but they haven’t learned a thing. They told the investigator to keep on looking and they all held their breaths waiting for any news.
Two weeks passed.
Pete showed up at the Smiths’ house and Spencer brought him to meet the others at William’s. Like them, Pete had no idea where Ryan was.
“I got a new job near the university I attend and I wanted to tell him I’m doing fine. I’ve been trying to reach him for days and I thought it was weird that he wasn’t returning any of my calls so I came,” Pete told them. “I knew something was up but I had no idea how serious it actually was.”
“We’re still looking though,” Spencer said.
“And we got private investigators looking for him too,” Gabe added.
Pete nodded but worry was apparent in his face too. From then on, he visited them every week.
Weeks turned to months.
Once or twice the investigators told them about sightings of Ryan at the strip but they found out some days after that it wasn’t really him. The investigators covered most of Las Vegas already and they all decided to take the search out of the area.
Spencer desperately prayed that one day they’ll find Ryan but hope slipping away fast. Everyday that he had to go through the day knowing that he’ll come home to no news was slowly killing him.
The lack of progress and the last words that Spencer had told him began haunting Brendon where ever he was. His dreams were soon turned into nightmares where he saw Ryan walking away from him, farther and farther until he can no longer see him while ignoring his calls.
The fear and longing were eating him up and Brendon was quickly pushed to desperation. His father was the only person who knew where Ryan was but he wasn’t talking to Brendon no matter what he did. He decided to do the only thing he knew would surely catch the old man’s attention.
It was Monday morning, almost four months since Ryan went missing and Brendon made sure that he woke up several minutes earlier before his maid came in to wake him up. He made his way to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet, immediately finding what he needed. He took the bottle of sleeping pills before quickly going to his bedroom door and locking it.
He went back to the bathroom and turned the taps on. The thought of what he was about to do gave him no fear whatsoever. He was numb. Mechanically, he opened the bottle and popped numerous pills into his mouth. There was a knock at his bedroom door but he ignored it. His senses were slowly shutting off and the sound of knocking and the running water became distant. The sound of pounding was the last thing he knew before there was complete darkness and he knew no more. Brendon didn’t know how long he was out but when he did wake up, he was in the hospital and his head was pounding with pain that he was forced to close his eyes.
“Welcome back.”
Brendon’s eyes snapped open. It took a few moments to regain control of his body and remember what had happened but everything went rushing back. There in front of him was his father, staring blankly at him.
“You,” Brendon muttered in a hoarse voice.
“What were you thinking, Brendon?” the other asked, walking towards his adopted son’s bedside.
“Fuck you.”
“I know what you’re trying to do,” he said.
“Well, it worked didn’t it?” Brendon croaked. “I wanted an audience with you but you won’t see me. I had to do it.”
“I can’t believe you’re stupid enough to put your own life on the line just to find him but I must admit you got perseverance. Stupid but strong-willed nonetheless. That’s why I didn’t let you die.”
“Where is he?” Brendon croaked, ignoring the pain that started to radiate from somewhere in his head.
His father snorted. “You are not still about that boy.”
“Where is he?”
“I’m not telling you.”
Rage took over the whole of Brendon’s being that he suddenly rose from his bed to get his hands on the old man, only to fall back with the sudden pain that blinded him.
“You almost killed yourself with the amount of pills you took. I wouldn’t stand up just yet if I were you,” he told Brendon calmly.
Brendon clutched the sides of his head, tightly closing his eyes. “Tell me!”
He smirked, watching Brendon thrash on the bed in pain. He straightened his suit and sat on the chair beside the hospital bed. “Did it even cross your mind that I can disown you because of this and you’ll be left with nothing? You could be begging for coins on the streets right now.”
Brendon forced his eyes open and glared at him. “Second to finding Ryan, that’s exactly what I want. Rid myself of you and be free.”
His faced hardened. “You care about him that much?”
“I will never forgive you if you’ve done anything to him,” Brendon said seriously. “Now tell me where he is!”
“You won’t see him again,” he told Brendon.
“What?” Brendon asked, his voice suddenly losing heat.
“He is dead.”
For a moment that felt like years, everything stopped. What little strength that remained in Brendon’s body completely escaped.
“That’s not true.”
“I made him choose. I asked him if he’d die in your place and he agreed. He didn’t even put up a fight.”
“You are lying!”
“I’m not.”
Brendon refused to believe it but somehow, his insides were turning cold and tears were rolling down his face. It was a lie. There was no way Ryan could be dead. It just can’t be. He vaguely felt it when his father pushed him back on the bed and fixed the sheets on him. He couldn’t feel a thing.
“This, my son, is what happens to those who disobey me,” he whispered to Brendon’s ear before going back to his chair. “Take this lesson to heart so you won’t forget.”
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No one knew about what Brendon did. As the months went on, Brendon’s presence became less and less felt. He made a brave visit at the Smiths’ house months ago to apologize to Spencer’s parents which the couple accepted but after that, he rarely returned. Even his visits to William’s house where they usually get together to formulate their next move to find Ryan became less frequent until he barely saw them at all.
Brendon still attended classes but he had completely changed. If they didn’t know Brendon before, they would have thought that he was a weird, antisocial loner who only cared about his grades. Even with Jon and Gabe, he spoke a lot less than before but that didn’t dampen the others’ spirits to find Ryan. Even without Brendon, they continued.
“Johnson said he has searched the neighboring towns near the northern borders but he didn’t find anything,” William said as he walked in the gaming-room-turned-search-headquarters for another one of their conferences.
Jon nodded. “My investigator said the same thing,” he said and crossed out the said area with a giant red ‘X’ mark from the big map that they’ve set up on the wall.
“And the police aren’t doing much,” Gabe added.
“No surprises there,” Patrick said. “We’ve been nagging them for weeks.”
“What if we visit some of these places here,” Spencer said while pointing to the map, “and ask around?”
“Could be time-consuming but it’s worth the try,” Gabe said nodding. He paused, thinking if he should say the next thing he had in his mind. “Umm... anyone heard from Brendon lately?”
There was a murmur of sighs and ‘no’s’. Spencer glared at the map and said, “Who cares about him. He doesn’t even join us in the search anymore.”
“I’m worried about him,” Jon said. “He’s shutting himself in. As soon as the class is over, he disappears and nobody knows where he goes.”
“I’m worried too,” Patrick agreed. “I think he’s beating himself up for what happened.”
Spencer kept silent while the others stole glances at him. He hadn’t spoken to Brendon since he said those words to him, not even when Brendon went to the Smiths’ house to apologize to Benny and Lisa.
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Brendon was already by the auditorium, standing by the doorway but he didn’t enter.
Inside, dozens of neat rows of chairs were arranged and the stage was especially decorated for the occasion. He clutched his graduation cap tightly as he peeked into the crowded room where a sea of black was slowly and noisily occupying the seats. The whole school were all dressed up and hyped about the ceremony, the memory of the quiet, timid scholar seeming to have already been forgotten. No one noticed that a certain boy who used to be working harder than anyone else in the school to finish high school wasn’t there to enjoy the moment.
Just standing there and seeing the realization of one of Ryan’s goals brought a heavy feeling in Brendon’s chest. They were supposed to meet this day together.
“Are you just going to stand there?”
Brendon turned quickly to see Spencer standing behind him wearing the same ridiculous black graduation attire. He stared at Brendon with an unreadable face. “Everyone’s waiting inside.”
“I don’t feel like celebrating,” he answered.
Spencer nodded understandingly. “I don’t think anyone of us does.”
They walked down the hall slowly, turning their backs at the noisy auditorium. No one said anything and they just kept on going, like regaining the used to be comfortable silence before hurtful words were said. They stopped by the railing of the stairs.
“What happened to you?” Spencer asked.
Brendon stared at him, feeling awkward but grateful for the effort. They both know Spencer was only talking to him because Jon said so.
“I don’t know what’s happening anymore,” he answered. “Everyday I wake up feeling... less alive, day after day, like everything is closing in and I’m losing control. It’s driving me insane.”
Spencer said nothing. He knew exactly how that felt.
“It’s been six months, two weeks, and three days since I last saw him,” Brendon began again and Spencer stayed quiet. “All this time, all I can think about is him, Spence. The things we would do together, go to college and stuff. We got a whole life ahead of us.”
“Brendon,” Spencer began softly. He didn’t know exactly how to say it because he knew the pain Brendon was feeling. He was feeling the same thing for the longest time that the dread of the worst happening was building up. That’s when his parents decided to talk to him about something. “My family and I... we will never stop looking. We’ll look for Ryan even if it takes years but...”
Brendon stared at him. “But? What Spencer?”
“As you’ve said, it’s been months,” Spencer said. “We love Ryan so much and he is my closest friend but like the rest of us at home, you have to be prepared if-”
“You are not finishing that statement,” Brendon cut him off. “How dare you even think that!”
Spencer sighed. “Last night, my parents talked to me about it. Like you, I was so depressed and lonely, I feel like I’m going crazy!”
Brendon looked away.
“But we have to be ready. The way things are going, it’s not looking good. But this isn’t what Ryan would have wanted for us,” he continued. “More than himself, He cared about us. He wouldn’t want us to throw our lives away, especially you!”
“Ryan isn’t here because of me!” Brendon answered.
“So you’re just going to make yourself miserable?”
“What would you have me do, Spence?” he challenged. “Ryan is the only one who ever cared for me like that and I don’t know where he is. I cannot be happy! In fact you shouldn’t be either!
“You think this isn’t hard for me?” Spencer asked disbelievingly, glaring at Brendon. “Ryan is my cousin. I grew up with him and even though he was in Chicago, we treated each other like brothers. You don’t know how much we went through together so don’t you dare say that this isn’t hard for me because it fucking is!”
“And I’ve only known him for months!” Brendon said. “Unlike you, I haven’t got the chance to spend that much time with him! I haven’t seen movie with him, or go the beach with him, or spend a Christmas with him like you have!”
Spencer’s face softened as he watched Brendon’s eyes start to cloud. He offered his shoulder to him and Brendon took it, sobbing quietly. Spencer gently patted his back.
“So don’t say he’s not coming back,” Brendon muttered. “One day he’ll return so don’t ever say that.”
“Okay. I’m glad to hear that you still haven’t lost hope,” Spencer said. “So stop acting like my cousin is dead. Help us find him.”
“He’s dead.”
The words rang clear and cold in his mind. He stared at Spencer’s face and he found out that he couldn’t look straight at the blue orbs anymore.
“I...” he began but Brendon found that he couldn’t find the courage to tell Spencer about it either.
“What?” Spencer asked anxiously. “Have you talked to your father about Ryan?”
“No,” he said quickly. “I... I have to go.”
Spencer watched, rooted at the spot as Brendon quickly walked away and disappeared at the end of the hallway when he turned. Spencer threw his graduation cap forcefully at the wall. It took some minutes before he was able to wear a straight face again which he made sure before going back inside the auditorium. Jon stared at him questioningly as he took his place among the graduates.
The batch valedictorian was already delivering her speech and once again, they were reminded of Ryan.
“What happened?” Jon asked, tearing his gaze off of the happy girl on stage. Ryan’s disappearance was a blessing to some people.
“He ran away,” Spencer said. “I don’t think he can handle it anymore.”
The ceremony ended after a couple of hours. They took pictures and congratulated one another, trying to sound happy but none of them saw Brendon throughout the rest of the day.
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The expensive crystal vase shattered into a million tiny shards as it hit the wall with great force. Brendon didn’t feel the anger and loneliness dampen even at the slightest so he grabbed another innocent object lying on his living room shelf to throw.
“Aaaahhh!!!” he screamed angrily after the telephone landed on the floor with a loud clatter.
His father wasn’t at the ceremony despite him hoping the slightest bit that he would be there. Well that’s what he got whenever he put even the smallest faith in the man. He should have known better. It wasn’t like he was hoping to see the guy for some kind of congratulations or a pat on the back. Brendon wanted to beat the crap out of him until he took back what he said. He couldn’t find him anywhere so the stupid graduation ceremony was his only hope.
The end of high school for him didn’t feel as important as it should be considering that his father had told him that he won’t be attending a regular college. If the plan still stood, Brendon would be meeting his personal mentors soon and work with them to begin his training in business-running.
He sat by the window, glaring at the vast piece of desert that he could see. Ryan had saved him before, giving his life a new meaning and a new direction. But now that he’s gone, Brendon’s life will have a new purpose. He will find Ryan again. He will do anything, even if it meant destroying everything along the way. Even if it meant dying or killing.
A sudden knock on his door was heard. He opened it and sharply gave the man on the other side his most piercing gaze. “What do you want?”
“I’m sorry to disturb you sir but,” the man began a little nervously, “your father called. He wants you to go to New York tonight.”
Brendon nodded and shut the door at the man’s face. He walked to his closet and started packing, a small smile creeping on his lips.
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NOTES:
Everyone’s so emotional... Anyway, there’s a perfectly good reason why this has been updated just today aside from me being busy with univ. I’ve made a rough “chapter-plan” (which I don’t do because... well, my chapters are always spontaneous) for the rest of this story. Now, I am very certain that this story really will end soon, not lasting any longer than 5 more chapters (roughly) so I hope you guys stick around till the end.
I don’t know how you guys will react to this chapter, and the ending that I have planned generally but I do hope that... err... you’ll enjoy the rest of this. I have a gazillion other plot ideas in my head which are all crazy and kinda like ‘Fated’... some are yet another high school AU’s... Anyway, I’ll be at a wake tonight and be coming back late. Hope you tell me what you think...
What else... AGAIN, this is un-reread, un-edited, un-everything. Fixlatermaybe.
Author: deadoralive0013
Pairing: Ryden, a bit of Joncer, a bit of Gabilliam (yes… it’s official now)
Rating: PG13
POV: 3rd
Summary: (High school AU) Ryan just wanted to finish high school and make it to college so he worked (sometimes even odd jobs) to save up. When he transferred to Vegas for his final year, he found out that sometimes, money is the least of one’s worries. Like in his case, it was his face.
Excerpt for this chapter:
Brendon stared at him. “But? What Spencer?”
“As you’ve said, it’s been months,” Spencer said. “We love Ryan so much and he is my closest friend but like the rest of us at home, you have to be prepared if-”
“You are not finishing that statement,” Brendon cut him off. “How dare you even think that!”
Warnings: Beware. Overused plot. Beware. Straight guy turning gay. Beware! UNBETA-ED!
Beta: roboticeyes
Disclaimer: I own the plot but nothing else...
Notes: At the end of each chapter
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29
He was midway between numbness and sensory overload wherein the latter was pulling him farther and farther away from the former. Brendon regained his consciousness, feeling very sore and too weak to even open his eyes. Every inch of his body screamed with pain, disorienting him and making him wish he hadn’t woken up in the first place. Slowly, he began to sense the cold, hard floor beneath him. His awareness woke up along with the growing feeling of intense gravity that weighed him down and made it impossible to move a single muscle. He silently wished consciousness would slip away again.
Ryan. Brendon’s eyelids snapped open and his body protested with the sudden surge of worse pain than before as he jerked to sit up but failed. His breathing was hoarse and labored. His body could not feel anything but pain and discomfort while his mind could not think of anything but Ryan. Suddenly, the pain wasn’t important anymore. He coughed violently as he strained his arms to lift his upper body up, pausing halfway to catch his breath before pushing himself on until he was fully sitting on the floor.
Something warm and liquid ran from his temple down to the side of his face and he felt dizzy again. More than anywhere else, Brendon’s limbs felt like they’ve been trampled by a herd of mad horses. He kept his arms still though, his face contorting in pain and concentration as he braced himself for the next big step.
A loud groan followed by hisses of pain erupted from his lips as he moved his legs. He flexed his leg to try and position his feet against the floor. He took a moment to breathe again before using his arms to push himself off the floor, only to fail and fall. Many times he tried and failed but after a while, he succeeded and he was on his feet again. Walking should be a piece of cake.
It was dark but there was enough light coming through the slightly open door to allow him to see the blood stains on the carpet. His blood. Zack was nowhere in sight. Brendon struggled to maintain his balance but had managed to slowly make his way to the door without collapsing, steadying himself against the wall as he went.
The hall outside was deserted. Even with the bright sunlight illuminating the whole house, everything felt gloomy and against him. He couldn’t decide if the lack of people was something he should be happy about though he concluded that it was a good thing. He couldn’t trust anyone who was getting paid by that man. This house wasn’t a home to him anymore nor the faces in it of the people he once trusted. Zack was the only person he could trust and Brendon had no idea where he was.
There were sudden footsteps coming from the far end of the hall and Brendon’s fists clenched. He looked around for something to protect himself with, forcing his body to move quickly despite the pain and grabbed a small vase sitting on one of the side tables. He waited.
“Brendon?”
Almost instantly, Brendon’s body relaxed and he lowered the china. He knew that voice very well. The footsteps grew louder and soon, Jon was running towards him. Brendon’s knees were suddenly weak and he let them give.
“Brendon,” Jon called as he reached him, offering his arms to support him.
“He got him, Jon! He got Ryan... and Zack. And Spencer’s dad! Even Ryan’s friend,” Brendon muttered feeling his emotions catching up with him.
Jon’s face hardened. “Looks like he got you too.”
“Don’t worry about me,” he said, waving his hand vaguely in the air. His body hurt but the memories of what happened pained him more. “He hurt Zack when he tried to protect me.”
“Zack should be in the hospital by now. Gabe took him there about half an hour ago and called me to look for you. Zack looked bad but he’ll be fine,” Jon said.
“We have to find Ryan,” Brendon told him and made efforts to get up again. “The son of a bitch had done something to him.”
“We have to fix you first,” Jon said firmly. “We cannot go very far if you’re not fit to go anywhere.”
“I can take it,” Brendon insisted.
“No, we’re going to at least patch up those wounds. We’re going at my uncle’s house. He’s a doctor.”
Jon slowly helped him to his car, meeting no one along the way. All of Brendon’s stuff was still there but the maids and security guys were nowhere to be found. He took one look at his friend’s bleeding face and anger started to bubble up in him. “How can your own father do this to you?”
Brendon laughed mirthlessly and shook his head. “He’s not my father.”
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The room was oddly quiet with just the noise of William’s shoes against the floor as he paced restlessly in front of the TV.
“Sit down, Beckett. You’re making me anxious,” Gabe said irritated and adjusted his position on William’s living room sofa.
Patrick and Spencer didn’t say anything, just watching the other two in silent hope of them breaking into their usual bickering, anything to take their minds off Ryan. To their dismay, William didn’t retort and just nodded silently as he took a seat too, apparently too worried and lost to even give Gabe a glare. He clasped his hands together in front of him, his foot lightly tapping against the floor. After a few moments, William stood again.
“I’ll get some drinks or whatever,” he announced and disappeared into the hallway.
Spencer sighed deeply and the other two stared at him warily. They’d been sitting here for more than a couple of hours. Jon gave them a call earlier to inform them about Brendon’s condition. They were relieved to have finally found him but the other half of the problem remained unsolved.
“Why are we not driving around, looking for Ryan yet?” Patrick asked.
“We’ve checked all the places he could possibly have gone,” Gabe said and turned to Spencer. “Are you sure all his clothes are still at your house?”
Spencer nodded. “Yes, I rechecked again but all his stuff is still there. Mom kept asking where he is but I told her he’s here in William’s house for a sleep over. I can’t go home there else she’ll know Ryan’s missing. I don’t know how much longer I can keep them in the dark. Why can’t we tell the police?”
“We’ve talked about that,” Gabe said.
“I know but how sure are you that Brendon’s dad got people working in the police?” asked Patrick.
“Yeah, we have to tell someone!” Spencer added anxiously. “I can’t bear sitting here, waiting for something to happen while Ryan is out there... God only knows what’s happening to him!”
Gabe sighed understandingly and rose. He walked over to Spencer and patted his back. “Calm down, Spence. We’re going to find him.”
They were silent again, nothing else to do but brood on the matter and torture themselves more. Soon the bell rang and they were joined by Jon and Brendon, the latter patched with numerous bandages but looking robust and determined, angry more than anything. They all gathered in William’s living room and soon the host came out of the hall, cans of drinks in hand. He placed them on the table but nobody seemed thirsty, not even William himself.
“We have to tell someone,” Spencer muttered. Gabe looked like he was about to say something but chose to keep silent instead. Spencer ignored him and fixed his eyes on the new arrival.
Brendon avoided Spencer’s eyes as if he knew the other was glaring at him since he entered the room. He stared at the floor and sighed. “You can say it, Spence.”
The others who were busy with their own thoughts turned to Spencer and then to Brendon. Spencer’s face hardened and Jon quickly found his way to his side. Despite the boiling hate that was building up in him, Spencer stayed silent, not because he was trying to contain his emotions but because he couldn’t find the words that will do them justice.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Brendon continued. “It’s exactly what I have in mind too.”
At that moment, Spencer got up and without warning, punched Brendon in the face. William, Jon, Gabe, and Patrick rose in surprise as Brendon was thrown to the floor with Spencer gripping his collar with one hand and beating the crap out of his face with the other.
“Stop it, Spencer!” Jon exclaimed as he rushed forward to get Spencer off of Brendon who was limply taking everything in.
“Get off!” Spencer spat and struggled to throw as many punch as he could. Gabe quickly came to help Jon but Spencer was stronger than usual.
Blood was sputtering from Brendon and onto the carpet but Spencer didn’t stop. Gabe and Jon were joined by William and only then were they able to stop their friend’s rage from destroying Brendon’s face. Patrick firmly held Spencer to prevent him from lunging again and Gabe dragged Brendon at the other side of the room, as far as possible from Spencer. Jon and William stood between the two, afraid that the encounter will resume.
“I’m sorry,” Brendon muttered and tears started to trickle down his face. He wiped the blood from the corner of his lips with the back of his hand. “I’m sorry.”
“You said you’re going to protect him!” Spencer said angrily. “You’re a fucking liar!”
“Spencer!” Jon said. “Brendon got himself almost beaten to death trying to protect Ryan!”
Spencer broke free from Patrick. “I don’t care! It wasn’t good enough! My cousin is missing and it’s because of his father,” he said and turned to Brendon with the most icy glare. “It’s your fault. If it wasn’t for you, Ryan would still be here! He’d still be safe!”
“Spencer,” Gabe began but Brendon cut him off.
“I tried,” he said.
“You should have tried harder!” Spencer said. “Were you aware of the possible consequences of your relationship with Ryan? Did you know that something like this could happen to him if you continue getting closer to my cousin?”
“Yes,” Brendon answered quietly, the word paining him as he did.
“You selfish, arrogant bastard!” Spencer said through gritted teeth and made for Brendon again. Jon immediately held him against the wall but Spencer struggled hard. “I made a wrong choice! I thought I was making the right decision to let Ryan be with you but I’m not. You led him to danger! I shouldn’t have let you!”
“Ryan knew what my father thought about our relationship,” Brendon said. “We both know we’re taking a risk but it’s better to act on our feelings than pretending we don’t have them! I love him more than anything and I would do anything if it means being with him!”
“Even if it means killing him!” Spencer said. “Ryan might have truly loved you but it’s not the same with you! If you love him like you say you do, you would have set him free. You wouldn’t let him face this danger!”
Brendon fell silent and collapsed on the floor again. Spencer’s words hit him in the face like ice-cold water that seeped right into his core. His shoulders were shaking and tears were streaming down his face as he buried it under his arm. Spencer was right. Whatever happened to Ryan, he did it to him. Brendon knew this yet he chose to ignore it. He was blinded by his feelings to be with Ryan, so eager to have finally found someone who cared for him that he overlooked what was good for Ryan. He failed to see what he could bring Ryan. It wasn’t his father’s fault. It had been Brendon’s all along.
“I’ll find him,” he said suddenly.
“Where? You don’t even know where to start,” Spencer snarled.
“Stop it, Spence,” William said and they were all taken aback. He was staring at Spencer seriously and it was the first time ever that they’ve seen him like this. “Do you really think Ryan would have stood aside and let Brendon’s dad do as he pleased? Even if Brendon broke up with him, Ryan would still have gone on. The only thing Brendon would have accomplished will be hurting your cousin!”
There was silence again. William sighed and just like that, some of the silliness in his eyes was back. He smiled at Spencer who was quietly sobbing and approached him, reaching out a comforting hand. “We’re all worried about him, Spence but pointing fingers would lead us to no good.”
And what should he do? All Spencer’s mind could think about was that Ryan was missing. It refused to listen to the little voice that was telling him that Brendon was his friend and he didn’t mean for this to happen, and that William was right about how Ryan would have reacted if Brendon did let him go. Flashbacks of the past, Ryan’s first day at Palo Verde, the request, Brendon’s moves on his cousin, the school trip... Ryan didn’t want any of it to happen.
“He just wanted a fresh start,” Spencer muttered sadly, his voice breaking as tears started to materialize. “It has been difficult for him since we were younger, always has.”
Brendon’s form trembled stronger, and he held his arms tighter to keep himself intact.
“He is a good person and a better friend,” Spencer added. “He doesn’t deserve this... he deserves to be happy.”
“I know,” William said softly.
Instead of a fresh start, Ryan found Brendon. He knew how special Brendon was to his cousin, knew how much he was willing to give for him but still, somehow, Spencer hated Brendon. Not seeing his cousin in the room and not knowing where he was driving Spencer crazy. Seeing Brendon curled up in a corner, crying and bleeding gave him a twisted sense of satisfaction though it was very clear in his mind that it was wrong. Spencer was very well aware that he was being at the wrong yet he couldn’t find it in himself to care.
“I-I’m sorry Brendon but I can’t face you right now,” Spencer muttered quickly and ran out of the room.
“Spencer!” Jon called and went after him, leaving Gabe, Patrick and William staring after him and Brendon silently cursing at himself.
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Three days passed.
They dreaded returning to school every morning and not finding Ryan anywhere. No news about him reached them and it dampened their spirits even more. Even though Ryan was a naturally quiet person by nature and he rarely joked or caused a commotion, but his absence was very well felt by everyone. Especially Brendon. The first time he saw the empty seat beside him at chemistry lab reminded him of his carelessness so much that he didn’t attend anymore classes after that. He had reverted to his old ways of missing most of school, only this time he was hoping to catch the attention of a certain someone.
Unfortunately, Brendon failed. His father had avoided making any contact with him, flying to different places around the world almost everyday that it was hard to even tell where he was at a specific time. Brendon had tried multiple times to set an appointment with him, call him, mail him, even blackmailing the assistants within Brendon’s reach but the old man had severed all possible communication lines between them except for money, which one of his father’s personal assistants arranged periodically to make sure Brendon was well-supported financially, as if nothing ever happened.
Zack was sacked from his job but he was taken in by Jon at once though he wanted to keep an eye out for Brendon still. He was recovering in the hospital and they visited him everyday after class. Zack recalled his memories to them about that day and he told them about hearing the other men receiving an order to get Ryan that morning. He immediately tried to inform Brendon but he was stopped and beaten up by the others. Brendon thanked him for trying and told him it wasn’t his fault but Zack insisted that it was and he should have tried harder.
Though he had stopped trying to hit Brendon, Spencer resorted to not speaking a word to him instead. Brendon didn’t try initiating conversation. He understood.
Benny and Lisa were starting to ask questions. They haven’t seen their nephew for days and they kept on badgering their son about it whenever they could. Spencer’s story about a school project slowly transformed into a fifty-page full report that he and his cousin needed to do with William. He didn’t want to lie to them but Spencer was at a loss for what he should do. At the fourth day, he decided to tell them the truth about everything and the couple was completely enraged and shocked at what their nephew had to go through. Benny immediately resigned from his job despite the school’s insistence that he stayed and the promise to lift off the probation soon. Benny declined and handed his resignation letter first thing the next morning since he ‘couldn’t bear to keep on receiving money from such an evil man’. He and Lisa joined the search for Ryan but like the rest of them, they too failed. None of them could stop the couple from informing the police. They wanted to sue Brendon’s father too but they had no proof that he was involved in the disappearance of Ryan.
Jon and Gabe had hired a private investigator but they haven’t learned a thing. They told the investigator to keep on looking and they all held their breaths waiting for any news.
Two weeks passed.
Pete showed up at the Smiths’ house and Spencer brought him to meet the others at William’s. Like them, Pete had no idea where Ryan was.
“I got a new job near the university I attend and I wanted to tell him I’m doing fine. I’ve been trying to reach him for days and I thought it was weird that he wasn’t returning any of my calls so I came,” Pete told them. “I knew something was up but I had no idea how serious it actually was.”
“We’re still looking though,” Spencer said.
“And we got private investigators looking for him too,” Gabe added.
Pete nodded but worry was apparent in his face too. From then on, he visited them every week.
Weeks turned to months.
Once or twice the investigators told them about sightings of Ryan at the strip but they found out some days after that it wasn’t really him. The investigators covered most of Las Vegas already and they all decided to take the search out of the area.
Spencer desperately prayed that one day they’ll find Ryan but hope slipping away fast. Everyday that he had to go through the day knowing that he’ll come home to no news was slowly killing him.
The lack of progress and the last words that Spencer had told him began haunting Brendon where ever he was. His dreams were soon turned into nightmares where he saw Ryan walking away from him, farther and farther until he can no longer see him while ignoring his calls.
The fear and longing were eating him up and Brendon was quickly pushed to desperation. His father was the only person who knew where Ryan was but he wasn’t talking to Brendon no matter what he did. He decided to do the only thing he knew would surely catch the old man’s attention.
It was Monday morning, almost four months since Ryan went missing and Brendon made sure that he woke up several minutes earlier before his maid came in to wake him up. He made his way to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet, immediately finding what he needed. He took the bottle of sleeping pills before quickly going to his bedroom door and locking it.
He went back to the bathroom and turned the taps on. The thought of what he was about to do gave him no fear whatsoever. He was numb. Mechanically, he opened the bottle and popped numerous pills into his mouth. There was a knock at his bedroom door but he ignored it. His senses were slowly shutting off and the sound of knocking and the running water became distant. The sound of pounding was the last thing he knew before there was complete darkness and he knew no more. Brendon didn’t know how long he was out but when he did wake up, he was in the hospital and his head was pounding with pain that he was forced to close his eyes.
“Welcome back.”
Brendon’s eyes snapped open. It took a few moments to regain control of his body and remember what had happened but everything went rushing back. There in front of him was his father, staring blankly at him.
“You,” Brendon muttered in a hoarse voice.
“What were you thinking, Brendon?” the other asked, walking towards his adopted son’s bedside.
“Fuck you.”
“I know what you’re trying to do,” he said.
“Well, it worked didn’t it?” Brendon croaked. “I wanted an audience with you but you won’t see me. I had to do it.”
“I can’t believe you’re stupid enough to put your own life on the line just to find him but I must admit you got perseverance. Stupid but strong-willed nonetheless. That’s why I didn’t let you die.”
“Where is he?” Brendon croaked, ignoring the pain that started to radiate from somewhere in his head.
His father snorted. “You are not still about that boy.”
“Where is he?”
“I’m not telling you.”
Rage took over the whole of Brendon’s being that he suddenly rose from his bed to get his hands on the old man, only to fall back with the sudden pain that blinded him.
“You almost killed yourself with the amount of pills you took. I wouldn’t stand up just yet if I were you,” he told Brendon calmly.
Brendon clutched the sides of his head, tightly closing his eyes. “Tell me!”
He smirked, watching Brendon thrash on the bed in pain. He straightened his suit and sat on the chair beside the hospital bed. “Did it even cross your mind that I can disown you because of this and you’ll be left with nothing? You could be begging for coins on the streets right now.”
Brendon forced his eyes open and glared at him. “Second to finding Ryan, that’s exactly what I want. Rid myself of you and be free.”
His faced hardened. “You care about him that much?”
“I will never forgive you if you’ve done anything to him,” Brendon said seriously. “Now tell me where he is!”
“You won’t see him again,” he told Brendon.
“What?” Brendon asked, his voice suddenly losing heat.
“He is dead.”
For a moment that felt like years, everything stopped. What little strength that remained in Brendon’s body completely escaped.
“That’s not true.”
“I made him choose. I asked him if he’d die in your place and he agreed. He didn’t even put up a fight.”
“You are lying!”
“I’m not.”
Brendon refused to believe it but somehow, his insides were turning cold and tears were rolling down his face. It was a lie. There was no way Ryan could be dead. It just can’t be. He vaguely felt it when his father pushed him back on the bed and fixed the sheets on him. He couldn’t feel a thing.
“This, my son, is what happens to those who disobey me,” he whispered to Brendon’s ear before going back to his chair. “Take this lesson to heart so you won’t forget.”
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No one knew about what Brendon did. As the months went on, Brendon’s presence became less and less felt. He made a brave visit at the Smiths’ house months ago to apologize to Spencer’s parents which the couple accepted but after that, he rarely returned. Even his visits to William’s house where they usually get together to formulate their next move to find Ryan became less frequent until he barely saw them at all.
Brendon still attended classes but he had completely changed. If they didn’t know Brendon before, they would have thought that he was a weird, antisocial loner who only cared about his grades. Even with Jon and Gabe, he spoke a lot less than before but that didn’t dampen the others’ spirits to find Ryan. Even without Brendon, they continued.
“Johnson said he has searched the neighboring towns near the northern borders but he didn’t find anything,” William said as he walked in the gaming-room-turned-search-headquarters for another one of their conferences.
Jon nodded. “My investigator said the same thing,” he said and crossed out the said area with a giant red ‘X’ mark from the big map that they’ve set up on the wall.
“And the police aren’t doing much,” Gabe added.
“No surprises there,” Patrick said. “We’ve been nagging them for weeks.”
“What if we visit some of these places here,” Spencer said while pointing to the map, “and ask around?”
“Could be time-consuming but it’s worth the try,” Gabe said nodding. He paused, thinking if he should say the next thing he had in his mind. “Umm... anyone heard from Brendon lately?”
There was a murmur of sighs and ‘no’s’. Spencer glared at the map and said, “Who cares about him. He doesn’t even join us in the search anymore.”
“I’m worried about him,” Jon said. “He’s shutting himself in. As soon as the class is over, he disappears and nobody knows where he goes.”
“I’m worried too,” Patrick agreed. “I think he’s beating himself up for what happened.”
Spencer kept silent while the others stole glances at him. He hadn’t spoken to Brendon since he said those words to him, not even when Brendon went to the Smiths’ house to apologize to Benny and Lisa.
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Brendon was already by the auditorium, standing by the doorway but he didn’t enter.
Inside, dozens of neat rows of chairs were arranged and the stage was especially decorated for the occasion. He clutched his graduation cap tightly as he peeked into the crowded room where a sea of black was slowly and noisily occupying the seats. The whole school were all dressed up and hyped about the ceremony, the memory of the quiet, timid scholar seeming to have already been forgotten. No one noticed that a certain boy who used to be working harder than anyone else in the school to finish high school wasn’t there to enjoy the moment.
Just standing there and seeing the realization of one of Ryan’s goals brought a heavy feeling in Brendon’s chest. They were supposed to meet this day together.
“Are you just going to stand there?”
Brendon turned quickly to see Spencer standing behind him wearing the same ridiculous black graduation attire. He stared at Brendon with an unreadable face. “Everyone’s waiting inside.”
“I don’t feel like celebrating,” he answered.
Spencer nodded understandingly. “I don’t think anyone of us does.”
They walked down the hall slowly, turning their backs at the noisy auditorium. No one said anything and they just kept on going, like regaining the used to be comfortable silence before hurtful words were said. They stopped by the railing of the stairs.
“What happened to you?” Spencer asked.
Brendon stared at him, feeling awkward but grateful for the effort. They both know Spencer was only talking to him because Jon said so.
“I don’t know what’s happening anymore,” he answered. “Everyday I wake up feeling... less alive, day after day, like everything is closing in and I’m losing control. It’s driving me insane.”
Spencer said nothing. He knew exactly how that felt.
“It’s been six months, two weeks, and three days since I last saw him,” Brendon began again and Spencer stayed quiet. “All this time, all I can think about is him, Spence. The things we would do together, go to college and stuff. We got a whole life ahead of us.”
“Brendon,” Spencer began softly. He didn’t know exactly how to say it because he knew the pain Brendon was feeling. He was feeling the same thing for the longest time that the dread of the worst happening was building up. That’s when his parents decided to talk to him about something. “My family and I... we will never stop looking. We’ll look for Ryan even if it takes years but...”
Brendon stared at him. “But? What Spencer?”
“As you’ve said, it’s been months,” Spencer said. “We love Ryan so much and he is my closest friend but like the rest of us at home, you have to be prepared if-”
“You are not finishing that statement,” Brendon cut him off. “How dare you even think that!”
Spencer sighed. “Last night, my parents talked to me about it. Like you, I was so depressed and lonely, I feel like I’m going crazy!”
Brendon looked away.
“But we have to be ready. The way things are going, it’s not looking good. But this isn’t what Ryan would have wanted for us,” he continued. “More than himself, He cared about us. He wouldn’t want us to throw our lives away, especially you!”
“Ryan isn’t here because of me!” Brendon answered.
“So you’re just going to make yourself miserable?”
“What would you have me do, Spence?” he challenged. “Ryan is the only one who ever cared for me like that and I don’t know where he is. I cannot be happy! In fact you shouldn’t be either!
“You think this isn’t hard for me?” Spencer asked disbelievingly, glaring at Brendon. “Ryan is my cousin. I grew up with him and even though he was in Chicago, we treated each other like brothers. You don’t know how much we went through together so don’t you dare say that this isn’t hard for me because it fucking is!”
“And I’ve only known him for months!” Brendon said. “Unlike you, I haven’t got the chance to spend that much time with him! I haven’t seen movie with him, or go the beach with him, or spend a Christmas with him like you have!”
Spencer’s face softened as he watched Brendon’s eyes start to cloud. He offered his shoulder to him and Brendon took it, sobbing quietly. Spencer gently patted his back.
“So don’t say he’s not coming back,” Brendon muttered. “One day he’ll return so don’t ever say that.”
“Okay. I’m glad to hear that you still haven’t lost hope,” Spencer said. “So stop acting like my cousin is dead. Help us find him.”
“He’s dead.”
The words rang clear and cold in his mind. He stared at Spencer’s face and he found out that he couldn’t look straight at the blue orbs anymore.
“I...” he began but Brendon found that he couldn’t find the courage to tell Spencer about it either.
“What?” Spencer asked anxiously. “Have you talked to your father about Ryan?”
“No,” he said quickly. “I... I have to go.”
Spencer watched, rooted at the spot as Brendon quickly walked away and disappeared at the end of the hallway when he turned. Spencer threw his graduation cap forcefully at the wall. It took some minutes before he was able to wear a straight face again which he made sure before going back inside the auditorium. Jon stared at him questioningly as he took his place among the graduates.
The batch valedictorian was already delivering her speech and once again, they were reminded of Ryan.
“What happened?” Jon asked, tearing his gaze off of the happy girl on stage. Ryan’s disappearance was a blessing to some people.
“He ran away,” Spencer said. “I don’t think he can handle it anymore.”
The ceremony ended after a couple of hours. They took pictures and congratulated one another, trying to sound happy but none of them saw Brendon throughout the rest of the day.
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The expensive crystal vase shattered into a million tiny shards as it hit the wall with great force. Brendon didn’t feel the anger and loneliness dampen even at the slightest so he grabbed another innocent object lying on his living room shelf to throw.
“Aaaahhh!!!” he screamed angrily after the telephone landed on the floor with a loud clatter.
His father wasn’t at the ceremony despite him hoping the slightest bit that he would be there. Well that’s what he got whenever he put even the smallest faith in the man. He should have known better. It wasn’t like he was hoping to see the guy for some kind of congratulations or a pat on the back. Brendon wanted to beat the crap out of him until he took back what he said. He couldn’t find him anywhere so the stupid graduation ceremony was his only hope.
The end of high school for him didn’t feel as important as it should be considering that his father had told him that he won’t be attending a regular college. If the plan still stood, Brendon would be meeting his personal mentors soon and work with them to begin his training in business-running.
He sat by the window, glaring at the vast piece of desert that he could see. Ryan had saved him before, giving his life a new meaning and a new direction. But now that he’s gone, Brendon’s life will have a new purpose. He will find Ryan again. He will do anything, even if it meant destroying everything along the way. Even if it meant dying or killing.
A sudden knock on his door was heard. He opened it and sharply gave the man on the other side his most piercing gaze. “What do you want?”
“I’m sorry to disturb you sir but,” the man began a little nervously, “your father called. He wants you to go to New York tonight.”
Brendon nodded and shut the door at the man’s face. He walked to his closet and started packing, a small smile creeping on his lips.
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NOTES:
Everyone’s so emotional... Anyway, there’s a perfectly good reason why this has been updated just today aside from me being busy with univ. I’ve made a rough “chapter-plan” (which I don’t do because... well, my chapters are always spontaneous) for the rest of this story. Now, I am very certain that this story really will end soon, not lasting any longer than 5 more chapters (roughly) so I hope you guys stick around till the end.
I don’t know how you guys will react to this chapter, and the ending that I have planned generally but I do hope that... err... you’ll enjoy the rest of this. I have a gazillion other plot ideas in my head which are all crazy and kinda like ‘Fated’... some are yet another high school AU’s... Anyway, I’ll be at a wake tonight and be coming back late. Hope you tell me what you think...
What else... AGAIN, this is un-reread, un-edited, un-everything. Fixlatermaybe.