[for voldemochi] Melodies of Life
Recipient: voldemochi
Title: Melodies of Life
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Jaejoong/Yoochun
Summary: The first time is destiny, the second is regret, the third an accident, the fourth a tragedy, and the fifth, well- let’s just call it magic.
Warnings: CHARACTER DEATHS. I really cannot stress it enough, but I promise a happy ending.
Word Count: 12,958
Author Note: Oh dear, this fic. This is most definitely not the lifetimes au you were probably looking for, but it’s definitely something emotional and even a little fun, between the angst. Also, I guess this considered magical reality AU as well? Magic is a normal thing in this fic. That’s all I have to say, so I really, really hope you enjoy this fic!
하나
They first meet when they’re both twenty years old, in a small village surrounded by the land of the spirits.
Jaejoong’s a newly matured shaman, not even a day into his new position. But he’s already been given his first task.
He must deliver the village’s sacrifice to the God of the Mountain.
As the future shaman for the village, it’s his duty to escort the sacrifice through the dark forest and over the cursed mountains to the sacred shore. There, he would perform his first important ritual, solidifying his status to take over for the current elder shaman when he turns twenty-five.
The whole village surrounds Jaejoong with smiles and well wishes as he waits for the sacrifice.
He has a faint memory of the one from fifteen years ago, the last time they had to appease the God of the Mountain. He may have only been four years old, peering through the legs of his mother, but he remembers the pure white of the sacrifice’s robes- a great contrast to the striking colors that the new shaman, now the village’s elder shaman, wore.
Now, he stands tall in his own colorful robes, blood red with black and gold symbols scrolling down the back. They’re his power colors, providing strength and safety for the journey ahead. The colors continue on his face, gold and black painted across his eyes.
The extra gold charms hanging in his hair jingle as he fidgets, black tattoos on his hands stretching across skin as he clenches and unclenches his hands- waiting impatiently for his only companion for the next six months.
The journey to the sacred shore takes only three, but with the way the spirits had been acting and randomly attacking those who wander outside of the village, the elder decided that it would be best if they sent the sacrifice early- Just in case.
Of trouble are the words that Jaejoong easily fills in.
He recalls the elder’s warnings about the spirits and dangers, how easy it is to lose focus in the dark forest or to be led off a cliff in the mountains. He shakes his head, the light jingle of the charms clearing his mind.
When he opens his eyes, the crowd is parting to let the sacrifice through. He’s tall, his sandals making him a little taller than Jaejoong. But it’s the pure white color that he’s covered with, the gauzy material falling over his head and shoulders like an enchanted mist, that holds Jaejoong’s attention.
It’s just like his memory.
He catches the brown eyes staring at him through the fabric and reaches out his hand, ready to make their formal bow to villagers before they leave, but the elder cries out.
“Ah, Jaejoong- No!”
His hand stops, hovering right above the shaking gauze covered hand.
“I thought I told you...This sacrifice is not to be touched. That’s why you’re leaving early. You must be extra careful. Do you understand?”
Both their hands retreat.
“Oh- I...Yes, I understand, Elder.”
Jaejoong steps back, spinning to flare out the edges of his own robes as he goes down on one knee. And just as the gold and black symbols and markings stitched and dyed on his robes state, Jaejoong swears to protect the sacrifice and perform the needed ritual, no matter what. He promises to protect the village, even if it means giving his life to make sure the sacrifice reaches the sacred shore.
The villagers all sigh in relief when he stands back up and Jaejoong’s proud to know that they trust and depend on him enough for this task. His hand twitches, almost reaching out for the sacrifice’s hand again, but he stops, fingers curling into a fist instead.
He misses the way that the sacrifice’s hand does the same.
-
The elder leads them to the edge of the village and hands Jaejoong one last talisman.
It’s an earring, a golden wing. He stares at it for a second, something pulling at his memory. But without question, Jaejoong removes the onyx earrings from his right ear and carefully puts the wing on. He can feel the way it rests on the whole outer edge of his ear and is surprised at comfort it brings.
“I know you think that the onyx would guide you better, but I found this yesterday and knew that it wasn’t a coincidence. May it help you find the knowledge and power you seek through your journey and guide you to the end.”
Jaejoong bows low in response, the sacrifice, Jaejoong needed to ask his name, following suit.
As they watch the elder return to the village, Jaejoong can’t help but gently finger the molded gold feathers of the earring. The strings finally connect and he realizes what the wing reminds him of. It reminds him of the phoenix that blessed him as a child and Jaejoong thinks that the elder was right. Its appearance is not a coincidence at all.
“Well,” he says, adjusting the heavy bag on his back and turning to the quiet sacrifice. “Shall we go?”
The gauze shifts and ripples as the sacrifice nods wordlessly.
“Right then. Let’s go.”
-
Everyone has a tragic flaw, and for Jaejoong, it’s his extreme curiosity.
From the day that he’s been aware of the world around him, Jaejoong has always been curious about the world and life and spirits So it wasn’t really surprising to his mother when she finds him in the woods one day at age six, playing happily with a spirit. The fact that it was the rare phoenix spirit was the surprising thing.
Being a child, he hadn’t known much about spirits being good or bad and simply thought that the beautiful spirit’s feathers looked like the sunrise and sunset at the same time. After chasing the spirit and playing together through the woods, the surprise both he and his mother felt when the spirit not only gave Jaejoong one of her feathers- but a magic blessing him as well.
You’ll be a strong shaman with my blessing, little one. I’ll be here when you need me.
The spirit’s whisper still echoes in his ear every now and then, along with the warmth that flowed through his body.
Especially now, he can hear the spirit with that same feather tied into his ponytail and the colors and images of the phoenix tattooed and covering him as he goes on this journey.
Glanceing to the side, Jaejoong stares at his companion, stares at the village’s sacrifice. It’s only been a few hours, but already the silence is too much to bare. He licks his lips and takes the leap. The elder said that he couldn’t touch the sacrifice, but nothing about talking.
Six months of not saying a single word would be way too much.
“So...do you have a name?”
The sudden break in the silence makes the other man trip on his robes. Jaejoong’s hands immediately fly out to catch him, but luckily stop just in time. He winces at the sound of fabric tearing as the sacrifice falls to the ground, the white gauze now completely ruined.
“Sorry...I didn’t mean to- I would have caught you but-” Jaejoong sighs. “Sorry.”
He watches as the sacrifice shakes his head and gently rip the remains of the gauze. What emerges from under the fabric is nothing what Jaejoong expected.
The man- boy...man is a lot younger and so much more…beautiful than Jaejoong thought. His brown eyes are much prettier without the layer of gauze covering them and his soft smile makes Jaejoong want to smile in return.
“Yoochun. My name is Yoochun” The man says, bowing politely to Jaejoong as they officially meet each other face to face. Their introduction to each other should have happened back in the village in front of everyone, but according to the elder, with the extra precautions...
“Yoochun...I’m Jaejoong, your shaman as you already know.” Jaejoong replies, bowing back. “I know that I’m not allowed to touch you, but please don’t be shy and stay silent. We have a long trip ahead of us and we’ll both need the companionship.”
Yoochun nods in agreement as Jaejoong straights up and both of their smiles grow a little wider. He kicks the gauze to the side and adjusts the white cloak covering most of his body.
“Well, shall we keep moving?”
Jaejoong nods, deciding that he likes the sound of Yoochun’s voice.
So they continue down the path, leaving the tainted gauze behind.
-
They walk for a few more hours, trading small facts about themselves: age, family, favorite food- meaningless things to create a relaxing and calm atmosphere between them. With three months of travel ahead of them, it’s the least they can do to shake off their nerves.
“So, what kind of bird is that feather from?”
Yoochun asks as they set up camp for the night. Jaejoong finishes places a totem on a tree before turning back to answer, eyes a little wide.
“You’re joking right?” he says a little incredulously. “I thought that everyone in the village knew about me and the phoenix.”
But Yoochun shakes his head. “I know nothing about a phoenix...but is that what it is?”
It’s hard not to laugh, but Jaejoong’s so amazed that Yoochun had no idea. He’s spent his whole life bothered by people asking about the phoenix and how they could be blessed like him when, really, it happened by pure chance.
Jaejoong spends the rest of the night telling Yoochun about it, about his life and training to be a shaman. The other sits on the opposite side of the fire, listening carefully, eyes never straying from Jaejoong’s face.
The attention makes him a little flustered at first, something about Yoochun makes him more on edge than the villagers they left behind.
By the time he finishes, the fire’s dying and Jaejoong can see the heavy way that Yoochun’s blinking.
“We should get some rest. There’s plenty of time to talk tomorrow...and the days ahead.”
-
Despite his hesitance at first, Jaejoong finds that Yoochun is incredibly easy to get along with.
They find out that they’re very similar in opinion, despite having grown up in different situations. Conversation flows so naturally with Yoochun that Jaejoong often forgets that they are on an important journey and not just a trip with a good friend.
They’re talking about their childhoods one day, a little over a month into their journey. By now, they’d made it about halfway through the forest without much issue other than tripping over some trolly roots and vines.
Jaejoong has them stop by a nearby creek to rest for the day. Or at least that’s his excuse. The dirt stains on both of their clothes have been bugging him for the past few days and the chance to wash has been nagging at the back of his head since he fell in the mud a day ago.
He tells Yoochun to go ahead first, walking around a small area and placing his normal totems around the area. Despite the both of them doing different activities, the conversation still continues smoothly.
“But, you know, despite living in a different area of the village, I do remember seeing you once.” Yoochun says as Jaejoong finally slips off his own robes to join him in the creek a generous distance away. For respect of their own privacy, of course.
“Oh?” Jaejoong replies, glancing over at Yoochun stubbornly scrubbing out the caked-on mud from his white robes. “How come you’re just mentioning it just now? It’s not the first time we’ve talked about our childhoods, after all.”
“I’m...not sure.” Yoochun pauses in his scrubbing for a moment. “I had an odd dream about it last night. About when I saw you. It must have been after they found you blessed from the phoenix spirit. Your body was glowing this beautiful gold and, at the time, I thought you were a god…”
He shakes his head and looks over at Jaejoong with a wide smile.
“You’re not a god, but I guess I wasn’t too far off, huh?”
Jaejoong blames the growing heat on his face due to the strong sunlight above them.
-
Later, that night, Jaejoong has his own dream. Though it’s more like a premonition.
He’s standing next to Yoochun on a beach, the sea washing up and over their feet. It’s surprisingly warm, just like Yoochun’s hand in his own.
Jaejoong jumps awake, finding himself much closer to Yoochun than he was when he fell asleep. He scatters away from Yoochun, trying to himself calm down, waiting for his heart to stop racing.
His mind is swirling and he can’t help but look down at his hand- the one that had been holding Yoochun’s in his...dream? Vision? Jaejoong isn’t quite sure.
But what he is sure of is the phantom warmth laced between his fingers and over his palm. It feels so warm, so real, like he’s actually holding someone’s hand.
It’s just because of his curiosity, he tells himself. It’s just because they’re in the forest with so many spirits. It’s just the magic around them.
Worried, Jaejoong double checks all of his totems and charms. To be safe.
It’s just the forest, he tells himself. It’s just the spirits. It’s just nothing.
It’s nothing.
-
“Did...I do something wrong?”
Two weeks have gone by since Jaejoong’s “dream” and things have changed between the two of them.
Jaejoong is a little more quiet, a little more distant. He sees the frowns that his one word answers cause, the sighs he when moves a little further than necessary from Yoochun. But he’s just protecting himself, protecting the village. Protecting Yoochun.
“It’s only the two of us out here and...well, you know the way more than me, so I don’t know how much longer we have...But I would like to make this trip at least pleasant considering- C-considering-”
Yoochun stumbles over his words and it’s like Jaejoong had completely forgot about Yoochun’s role. That he’s a sacrifice and at the end of their journey-
Jaejoong turns around, words at the tip of his tongue, when he sees Yoochun stopped in the middle of the path. There’s obvious tension in his shoulders and his hair, now brushing past his shoulders, covers his face as he looks down. Immediately, Jaejoong feels guilty.
“I-” He starts, then closes his mouth. Yoochun’s body language reads insecurity and it breaks something in Jaejoong and the words flow out.
“Two weeks ago, I had a dream that we made it to the sacred shore. We were holding hands and it was so…warm.” His fingers curl into his palm at the memory. “Most of the time, my dreams aren’t just dreams, they’re visions. Visions of the past, of the present-” Of the future, he finishes in his mind.
He takes a few steps toward Yoochun and the other man looks up. The look on his face ruins Jaejoong even more.
“I made a promise to protect you on this journey, as well as a promise to not to touch you in any way. It might be a surprise to you but it’s the second promise that’s the more difficult one. I like affection, Yoochun. I like touch- a brush of fingers, a hug, even a punch…”
Holding hands, lacing fingers, kissing a smile.
Yoochun faces changes at this new information. It’s something that Jaejoong hadn’t shared in their conversations ever, in hopes of pushing down his wants and needs so that the village could be protected.
“Then why? Why start avoiding me? Why distance yourself so suddenly when this entire time you’ve been next to me and open and pleasant?” Yoochun’s glare is almost as beautiful as his smile, Jaejoong thinks. It makes him laugh a little.
“Is this a joke to you? Do you think that hurting someone like this is funny? Maybe I’ve been reading you wrong this entire time-”
In that moment, there’s a rush of birds over their heads and the realization hits Jaejoong right in his head.
“That dream made me realize another thing that I like.” He quickly says, pulling the red fabric of his sleeve over his right hand. There’s enough of it to cover his hand and then some, almost like a loose glove.
He raises his covered hand, proud that he’s only shaking a little bit, to Yoochun’s face. Yoochun flinches at the contact.
“Jaejoong!?”
“I like you. Even though I shouldn’t. Even though it’s completely against what we’re here for- You’re beautiful. Funny. Kind. You have a wonderful smile. It was your glare that made me laugh earlier because I found that beautiful as well. I...I like you, Yoochun. Do you understand now?”
They both stand there, silent except for the shift of the trees around them, the movements of the spirits watching their exchange.
Eventually, Yoochun lets out a heavy breath, easing the tension from his shoulders, and smiles.
“And here I thought I was the only one.”
-
They spend the rest of their journey getting even closer.
It’s as amazing as it is heartbreaking.
Some nights, Jaejoong falls asleep on Yoochun’s covered lap, dreaming actual dreams of another life where they could live free of restrictions. He dreams of holding Yoochun’s smile between his bare hands, dreams about tickling his feet to see if he would giggle-
Dreams of kissing him under the ever changing stars they sleep under every night.
But with every dream Jaejoong has, he wakes up to reality- wakes up to being one day closer to their destination.
-
One day, as they’re crossing the mountains, Yoochun asks him a very random question.
“The phoenix...is something that is reborn from its own ashes, right? Something that never truly dies...right?”
Jaejoong looks over from the mini flower crown he had made on a whim and carefully drops it onto Yoochun’s head.
“Yeah, that’s right. It’s that reason that everyone was amazed that I was blessed. The phoenix is one of the oldest spirits around. Why the sudden questions?”
Yoochun looks away nervously, adjusting the flowers on his head. “No reason.” Then he sneezes. And keeps sneezing until he throws the flowers off his head.
Jaejoong laughs at the turn of events, the conversation leaving his head as soon as it entered.
-
Once they’re across the mountains, the sacred shore is only a few weeks away. They can see it from the peak of the mountains, the view beautiful and soul shattering.
Yoochun’s somehow become even more attractive over the journey, hair growing down his back, long enough for him to braid over his shoulder. The journey has filled out his body, making him so much stronger than the dressed up sacrifice that he was three months ago.
The sight makes Jaejoong want to do...something.
And, as much as he tries to deny it, his heart won’t allow him.
Jaejoong is completely in love with Yoochun.
He can’t speak for Yoochun himself, but the look in his eyes, the way his hands curl into the fabric of his clothes, as if they are also desperate to touch. As much as Jaejoong is.
He wants to say that Yoochun feels the same. He believes that Yoochun feels the same.
-
Jaejoong desperately tries to think of a solution. A way that they can both get out of this alive, a way that won’t curse their village for decades- or even centuries.
He spends most of their last week running through every possible idea, but nothing comes to mind.
The clock is ticking, even with them taking it extra slow. Technically, they could stop for a month and still be on time- but the spirits know that they are close, so the God of the Mountain knows as well.
-
They stop by another stream, the sacred shore now a couple days travel away.
Yoochun’s been quiet over the past few days, keeping his distance from Jaejoong as he once again cleans his robes. Perhaps for the very last time.
Jaejoong stares at his hands as he walks down the stream away from Yoochun, eyes tracing over his black marks like they could give him an answer. As the distance between them increases, the clouds move and sunlight breaks through, causing Jaejoong to be temporarily blinded by the glare of something.
Turning his head away from the light, he finds that it’s coming from the golden wing on his ear reflecting off the stream. He touches it carefully, feeling the grooves molded into the gold and the words of the Elder Shaman echo in his mind:
I found this yesterday and knew that it wasn’t a coincidence. May it help you find the knowledge and power you seek through your journey and guide you to the end.
How could an earring guide him? The memory makes him more frustrated, so he rips the earring out of his ear and chucks it into the stream.
It sinks to the bottom, out of sight, and Jaejoong’s legs give out. He lands hard on the ground.
What could he do? Could he do anything?
The clouds pass overhead once again, blocking the sunlight, and Jaejoong loses himself to his thoughts.
-
Jaejoong’s not sure when he falls asleep, but he wakes up to a comforting warmth around him. He opens his eyes and sees nothing but red and gold.
You’re finally awake, little one.
He hears the words in his head, instead of in his ears, and blinks his eyes to clear them.
That’s when he realizes there’s a spirit in front of him.
And that the spirit is, in fact, the phoenix spirit from his youth.
It’s a little smaller than he remembers, but even more majestic than his memory recalls. The sunset glitters off its translucent wings, casting the red and gold glow around Jaejoong.
“Why- How...how did you find me? How did you know I was here?” Jaejoong asks and the phoenix simply tilts its head, almost in a condescending way.
I always know where you are, little one. I did bless you, after all. It tucks its wings back, and settles on Jaejoong’s out-stretched legs.
Now, I think you have a question for me, yes? Otherwise you wouldn’t have cursed me by throwing a token of mine into the water.
Jaejoong knows at least to feel a little embarrassed at his small moment of weakness and ducks his head.
“Sorry I just...I…” He hesitates because where to even begin?
“I- I fell in love with Yoochun, the sacrifice, and I don’t want to let him go. The elder shaman never warned me of something like this and now...I don’t know what to do but I know I can’t just run away with him. I have the village to protect...my duty as a shaman after you blessed me all those years ago.” It hurts to finally voice out his fears, his worries. And when he stops, he reaches a hand out to ghost along one of the phoenix’s wings.
“Love is love, but- I can’t let all my people suffer to save one life.”
Even if that means he will suffer?
The question crushes Jaejoong’s heart even more.
“He wouldn’t be the only one suffering.”
And if Yoochun didn’t suffer, then their whole village would suffer. Jaejoong even doubts that now, with the two of them so close to the sacred shore, that he could protect them enough to make it out alive.
But the spirit doesn’t reply. It ruffles its feathers, staring at Jaejoong until he feels more than a little uncomfortable. There has to be a reason why it appeared, right? Jaejoong’s mind reels, thinking of what to say next, but he comes up with nothing.
“Jaejoong?”
He hears Yoochun’s voice off in the distance and wonder how long he’s been separated from the other.
Wait- Yoochun…
Jaejoong looks at the phoenix and sees it preen, wings stretching wide once again.
Perhaps-
There’s no way that-
Jaejoong bites his lip before taking the plunge.
“Can...can you help us? Can you help Yoochun? In someway?”
I was wondering if you would ever catch on, little one. I don’t show myself for nothing.
Jaejoong moves in for a careful hug, relishing more in the warm that the spirit surrounds him with as tears prick as his eyes.
“Jae- Jaejoong?! Is...is that?”
He turns back around to see Yoochun in his freshly clean robes, mouth open at the sight of the phoenix spirit on his lap.
“Yes. Yes it is.”
-
The spirit has a solution for them...but it is in no way ideal.
-
Phoenix are special because they are reborn from the ashes...but unfortunately, that is something that only we can do. I cannot give that ability to either of you, no matter what blessing I bestow you.
Jaejoong nods. He knows that he is not immortal but that instead he would live a long life blessed with magical ability, thanks to the spirit. He did not expect a full proof cure-all to their situation, but some how his hope still drops.
Next to him, Yoochun moves to hold his hand through the layer of his robes.
I cannot do that, but I can do something that, perhaps, is just as good. I can connect your souls even closer together. The spirit says, surprising the both of them.
Maybe you can already feel it but you’ve already made a connection. It’s the reason that most of the spirits have left you alone on your journey. They know better than to meddle with magic of true soulmates.
“Soulmates?” Yoochun whispers. “Is that why...when I first saw Jaejoong…”
Yes, that is exactly why.
Jaejoong’s curiosity nags at him, but he doesn’t bother to ask. He can at least agree to feeling something the first time that he saw Yoochun and the frustration he felt...that he still feels that he cannot truly touch him.
If I do this, it means that not only in this lifetime, but in all of your following lifetimes, your lives will be connected. It is a huge and serious matter, so I would like you to think-
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
They both answer at the same time. The spirit ruffles its feathers, almost as if it were laughing.
Ah, to meet a true pair of soulmates again is certainly amazing. Alright, close your eyes, this might burn a little.
-
It burns more than a little.
The air around them grows warm and Jaejoong gasps out. There’s a searing pain right above heart, more painful than any tattoo or marking he’d gotten in his life.
He hears Yoochun next to him wheezing and tries to reach out for him, but fails.
The burning spreads all the way through his body, as if his heart is pumping fire instead of blood. It’s almost too much, the air in his lungs disappearing and causing to choke on nothing and-
Then it’s over.
It’s over and the air is cool and soothing as it refills his lungs.
Panting, Jaejoong rips open his robes and finds a new mark right above his heart: a phoenix feather colored with red, black, and gold. It’s the most beautiful thing on his body.
Looking next to him, he sees Yoochun staring at an identical mark, fingers brushing over it carefully.
Just as a new phoenix is born from the ashes, your souls will carry this mark and lead you to each other every lifetime. The circumstances may be good or bad, I cannot tell you that. You might become lovers or enemies, but you will be together. These marks will be on your bodies as a symbol of that. When you see each other’s mark, you’ll know. And, most important of all- Do not forget, you made this choice.
With that, the spirit spread both of its wings and took to the sky.
“Thank you.” Jaejoong barely whispers out as they both watch the spirit disappear into the light of the setting sun.
-
“We...we can trust the phoenix, right?”
Jaejoong’s new mark pulses with his heartbeat at the question, warmth spreading from it like a hug.
“Yes. Of all the spirits I’ve met and had connect with...It is the only one I would trust with my life.”
And now it’s the only spirit that Jaejoong, and Yoochun, owed his life to.
-
However.
In the happy glow of the phoenix’s visit, in the aftermath of their solution-
Despite their stronger connection, one more thing still remains.
The thing, the reason that they even came on this journey.
-
The sacred shore is just as Jaejoong’s dreamed it would be. The sand is clean and soft, water warmer than expected.
They stand next to each other and watch the sunrise, knowing that it would be their last together. The waves slide warm and smooth over their feet and Jaejoong does it.
He grabs Yoochun’s hand with no fabric barrier between them and laces their fingers together.
“Jaejoong!?”
Yoochun’s hand is warmer than his vision and his fingers fit so perfectly between his.
“I got you here safely. I got you here a whole month early. Just...the god will be nice enough to let me hold your hand. Please, Yoochun.”
Jaejoong ignores the way his voice breaks on Yoochun’s name, ignores the way Yoochun’s hand shakes in his hold, ignores the creeping fear and sadness climbing up his spine. But if this is what Jaejoong was feeling, Yoochun must have it twice as bad.
He is the sacrifice after all.
The thought makes Jaejoong grip Yoochun’s hand even harder.
They stand there, silent until the sun is high in the sky.
It’s then, that the waves part, creating a path for only one person to walk down.
“I love you.” Jaejoong says, staring at the waves.
He knows it’s not the end of them, that this is only the beginning. It has to be the beginning.
It will be the beginning.
Still, it hurts. It hurts so damn much. To finally be able to feel even a fleeting moment of love for the first time in his life...
Yoochun’s hand gently grabs his chin and turns Jaejoong’s face down for a soft kiss.
As they part, Jaejoong memorizes the crinkles of Yoochun’s eyes, the dimple in his cheek, the fondness in his beautiful smile.
Yoochun squeezes their hands once-
“See you soon.”
-and lets Jaejoong go.
ii/iii
Title: Melodies of Life
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Jaejoong/Yoochun
Summary: The first time is destiny, the second is regret, the third an accident, the fourth a tragedy, and the fifth, well- let’s just call it magic.
Warnings: CHARACTER DEATHS. I really cannot stress it enough, but I promise a happy ending.
Word Count: 12,958
Author Note: Oh dear, this fic. This is most definitely not the lifetimes au you were probably looking for, but it’s definitely something emotional and even a little fun, between the angst. Also, I guess this considered magical reality AU as well? Magic is a normal thing in this fic. That’s all I have to say, so I really, really hope you enjoy this fic!
하나
They first meet when they’re both twenty years old, in a small village surrounded by the land of the spirits.
Jaejoong’s a newly matured shaman, not even a day into his new position. But he’s already been given his first task.
He must deliver the village’s sacrifice to the God of the Mountain.
As the future shaman for the village, it’s his duty to escort the sacrifice through the dark forest and over the cursed mountains to the sacred shore. There, he would perform his first important ritual, solidifying his status to take over for the current elder shaman when he turns twenty-five.
The whole village surrounds Jaejoong with smiles and well wishes as he waits for the sacrifice.
He has a faint memory of the one from fifteen years ago, the last time they had to appease the God of the Mountain. He may have only been four years old, peering through the legs of his mother, but he remembers the pure white of the sacrifice’s robes- a great contrast to the striking colors that the new shaman, now the village’s elder shaman, wore.
Now, he stands tall in his own colorful robes, blood red with black and gold symbols scrolling down the back. They’re his power colors, providing strength and safety for the journey ahead. The colors continue on his face, gold and black painted across his eyes.
The extra gold charms hanging in his hair jingle as he fidgets, black tattoos on his hands stretching across skin as he clenches and unclenches his hands- waiting impatiently for his only companion for the next six months.
The journey to the sacred shore takes only three, but with the way the spirits had been acting and randomly attacking those who wander outside of the village, the elder decided that it would be best if they sent the sacrifice early- Just in case.
Of trouble are the words that Jaejoong easily fills in.
He recalls the elder’s warnings about the spirits and dangers, how easy it is to lose focus in the dark forest or to be led off a cliff in the mountains. He shakes his head, the light jingle of the charms clearing his mind.
When he opens his eyes, the crowd is parting to let the sacrifice through. He’s tall, his sandals making him a little taller than Jaejoong. But it’s the pure white color that he’s covered with, the gauzy material falling over his head and shoulders like an enchanted mist, that holds Jaejoong’s attention.
It’s just like his memory.
He catches the brown eyes staring at him through the fabric and reaches out his hand, ready to make their formal bow to villagers before they leave, but the elder cries out.
“Ah, Jaejoong- No!”
His hand stops, hovering right above the shaking gauze covered hand.
“I thought I told you...This sacrifice is not to be touched. That’s why you’re leaving early. You must be extra careful. Do you understand?”
Both their hands retreat.
“Oh- I...Yes, I understand, Elder.”
Jaejoong steps back, spinning to flare out the edges of his own robes as he goes down on one knee. And just as the gold and black symbols and markings stitched and dyed on his robes state, Jaejoong swears to protect the sacrifice and perform the needed ritual, no matter what. He promises to protect the village, even if it means giving his life to make sure the sacrifice reaches the sacred shore.
The villagers all sigh in relief when he stands back up and Jaejoong’s proud to know that they trust and depend on him enough for this task. His hand twitches, almost reaching out for the sacrifice’s hand again, but he stops, fingers curling into a fist instead.
He misses the way that the sacrifice’s hand does the same.
-
The elder leads them to the edge of the village and hands Jaejoong one last talisman.
It’s an earring, a golden wing. He stares at it for a second, something pulling at his memory. But without question, Jaejoong removes the onyx earrings from his right ear and carefully puts the wing on. He can feel the way it rests on the whole outer edge of his ear and is surprised at comfort it brings.
“I know you think that the onyx would guide you better, but I found this yesterday and knew that it wasn’t a coincidence. May it help you find the knowledge and power you seek through your journey and guide you to the end.”
Jaejoong bows low in response, the sacrifice, Jaejoong needed to ask his name, following suit.
As they watch the elder return to the village, Jaejoong can’t help but gently finger the molded gold feathers of the earring. The strings finally connect and he realizes what the wing reminds him of. It reminds him of the phoenix that blessed him as a child and Jaejoong thinks that the elder was right. Its appearance is not a coincidence at all.
“Well,” he says, adjusting the heavy bag on his back and turning to the quiet sacrifice. “Shall we go?”
The gauze shifts and ripples as the sacrifice nods wordlessly.
“Right then. Let’s go.”
-
Everyone has a tragic flaw, and for Jaejoong, it’s his extreme curiosity.
From the day that he’s been aware of the world around him, Jaejoong has always been curious about the world and life and spirits So it wasn’t really surprising to his mother when she finds him in the woods one day at age six, playing happily with a spirit. The fact that it was the rare phoenix spirit was the surprising thing.
Being a child, he hadn’t known much about spirits being good or bad and simply thought that the beautiful spirit’s feathers looked like the sunrise and sunset at the same time. After chasing the spirit and playing together through the woods, the surprise both he and his mother felt when the spirit not only gave Jaejoong one of her feathers- but a magic blessing him as well.
You’ll be a strong shaman with my blessing, little one. I’ll be here when you need me.
The spirit’s whisper still echoes in his ear every now and then, along with the warmth that flowed through his body.
Especially now, he can hear the spirit with that same feather tied into his ponytail and the colors and images of the phoenix tattooed and covering him as he goes on this journey.
Glanceing to the side, Jaejoong stares at his companion, stares at the village’s sacrifice. It’s only been a few hours, but already the silence is too much to bare. He licks his lips and takes the leap. The elder said that he couldn’t touch the sacrifice, but nothing about talking.
Six months of not saying a single word would be way too much.
“So...do you have a name?”
The sudden break in the silence makes the other man trip on his robes. Jaejoong’s hands immediately fly out to catch him, but luckily stop just in time. He winces at the sound of fabric tearing as the sacrifice falls to the ground, the white gauze now completely ruined.
“Sorry...I didn’t mean to- I would have caught you but-” Jaejoong sighs. “Sorry.”
He watches as the sacrifice shakes his head and gently rip the remains of the gauze. What emerges from under the fabric is nothing what Jaejoong expected.
The man- boy...man is a lot younger and so much more…beautiful than Jaejoong thought. His brown eyes are much prettier without the layer of gauze covering them and his soft smile makes Jaejoong want to smile in return.
“Yoochun. My name is Yoochun” The man says, bowing politely to Jaejoong as they officially meet each other face to face. Their introduction to each other should have happened back in the village in front of everyone, but according to the elder, with the extra precautions...
“Yoochun...I’m Jaejoong, your shaman as you already know.” Jaejoong replies, bowing back. “I know that I’m not allowed to touch you, but please don’t be shy and stay silent. We have a long trip ahead of us and we’ll both need the companionship.”
Yoochun nods in agreement as Jaejoong straights up and both of their smiles grow a little wider. He kicks the gauze to the side and adjusts the white cloak covering most of his body.
“Well, shall we keep moving?”
Jaejoong nods, deciding that he likes the sound of Yoochun’s voice.
So they continue down the path, leaving the tainted gauze behind.
-
They walk for a few more hours, trading small facts about themselves: age, family, favorite food- meaningless things to create a relaxing and calm atmosphere between them. With three months of travel ahead of them, it’s the least they can do to shake off their nerves.
“So, what kind of bird is that feather from?”
Yoochun asks as they set up camp for the night. Jaejoong finishes places a totem on a tree before turning back to answer, eyes a little wide.
“You’re joking right?” he says a little incredulously. “I thought that everyone in the village knew about me and the phoenix.”
But Yoochun shakes his head. “I know nothing about a phoenix...but is that what it is?”
It’s hard not to laugh, but Jaejoong’s so amazed that Yoochun had no idea. He’s spent his whole life bothered by people asking about the phoenix and how they could be blessed like him when, really, it happened by pure chance.
Jaejoong spends the rest of the night telling Yoochun about it, about his life and training to be a shaman. The other sits on the opposite side of the fire, listening carefully, eyes never straying from Jaejoong’s face.
The attention makes him a little flustered at first, something about Yoochun makes him more on edge than the villagers they left behind.
By the time he finishes, the fire’s dying and Jaejoong can see the heavy way that Yoochun’s blinking.
“We should get some rest. There’s plenty of time to talk tomorrow...and the days ahead.”
-
Despite his hesitance at first, Jaejoong finds that Yoochun is incredibly easy to get along with.
They find out that they’re very similar in opinion, despite having grown up in different situations. Conversation flows so naturally with Yoochun that Jaejoong often forgets that they are on an important journey and not just a trip with a good friend.
They’re talking about their childhoods one day, a little over a month into their journey. By now, they’d made it about halfway through the forest without much issue other than tripping over some trolly roots and vines.
Jaejoong has them stop by a nearby creek to rest for the day. Or at least that’s his excuse. The dirt stains on both of their clothes have been bugging him for the past few days and the chance to wash has been nagging at the back of his head since he fell in the mud a day ago.
He tells Yoochun to go ahead first, walking around a small area and placing his normal totems around the area. Despite the both of them doing different activities, the conversation still continues smoothly.
“But, you know, despite living in a different area of the village, I do remember seeing you once.” Yoochun says as Jaejoong finally slips off his own robes to join him in the creek a generous distance away. For respect of their own privacy, of course.
“Oh?” Jaejoong replies, glancing over at Yoochun stubbornly scrubbing out the caked-on mud from his white robes. “How come you’re just mentioning it just now? It’s not the first time we’ve talked about our childhoods, after all.”
“I’m...not sure.” Yoochun pauses in his scrubbing for a moment. “I had an odd dream about it last night. About when I saw you. It must have been after they found you blessed from the phoenix spirit. Your body was glowing this beautiful gold and, at the time, I thought you were a god…”
He shakes his head and looks over at Jaejoong with a wide smile.
“You’re not a god, but I guess I wasn’t too far off, huh?”
Jaejoong blames the growing heat on his face due to the strong sunlight above them.
-
Later, that night, Jaejoong has his own dream. Though it’s more like a premonition.
He’s standing next to Yoochun on a beach, the sea washing up and over their feet. It’s surprisingly warm, just like Yoochun’s hand in his own.
Jaejoong jumps awake, finding himself much closer to Yoochun than he was when he fell asleep. He scatters away from Yoochun, trying to himself calm down, waiting for his heart to stop racing.
His mind is swirling and he can’t help but look down at his hand- the one that had been holding Yoochun’s in his...dream? Vision? Jaejoong isn’t quite sure.
But what he is sure of is the phantom warmth laced between his fingers and over his palm. It feels so warm, so real, like he’s actually holding someone’s hand.
It’s just because of his curiosity, he tells himself. It’s just because they’re in the forest with so many spirits. It’s just the magic around them.
Worried, Jaejoong double checks all of his totems and charms. To be safe.
It’s just the forest, he tells himself. It’s just the spirits. It’s just nothing.
It’s nothing.
-
“Did...I do something wrong?”
Two weeks have gone by since Jaejoong’s “dream” and things have changed between the two of them.
Jaejoong is a little more quiet, a little more distant. He sees the frowns that his one word answers cause, the sighs he when moves a little further than necessary from Yoochun. But he’s just protecting himself, protecting the village. Protecting Yoochun.
“It’s only the two of us out here and...well, you know the way more than me, so I don’t know how much longer we have...But I would like to make this trip at least pleasant considering- C-considering-”
Yoochun stumbles over his words and it’s like Jaejoong had completely forgot about Yoochun’s role. That he’s a sacrifice and at the end of their journey-
Jaejoong turns around, words at the tip of his tongue, when he sees Yoochun stopped in the middle of the path. There’s obvious tension in his shoulders and his hair, now brushing past his shoulders, covers his face as he looks down. Immediately, Jaejoong feels guilty.
“I-” He starts, then closes his mouth. Yoochun’s body language reads insecurity and it breaks something in Jaejoong and the words flow out.
“Two weeks ago, I had a dream that we made it to the sacred shore. We were holding hands and it was so…warm.” His fingers curl into his palm at the memory. “Most of the time, my dreams aren’t just dreams, they’re visions. Visions of the past, of the present-” Of the future, he finishes in his mind.
He takes a few steps toward Yoochun and the other man looks up. The look on his face ruins Jaejoong even more.
“I made a promise to protect you on this journey, as well as a promise to not to touch you in any way. It might be a surprise to you but it’s the second promise that’s the more difficult one. I like affection, Yoochun. I like touch- a brush of fingers, a hug, even a punch…”
Holding hands, lacing fingers, kissing a smile.
Yoochun faces changes at this new information. It’s something that Jaejoong hadn’t shared in their conversations ever, in hopes of pushing down his wants and needs so that the village could be protected.
“Then why? Why start avoiding me? Why distance yourself so suddenly when this entire time you’ve been next to me and open and pleasant?” Yoochun’s glare is almost as beautiful as his smile, Jaejoong thinks. It makes him laugh a little.
“Is this a joke to you? Do you think that hurting someone like this is funny? Maybe I’ve been reading you wrong this entire time-”
In that moment, there’s a rush of birds over their heads and the realization hits Jaejoong right in his head.
“That dream made me realize another thing that I like.” He quickly says, pulling the red fabric of his sleeve over his right hand. There’s enough of it to cover his hand and then some, almost like a loose glove.
He raises his covered hand, proud that he’s only shaking a little bit, to Yoochun’s face. Yoochun flinches at the contact.
“Jaejoong!?”
“I like you. Even though I shouldn’t. Even though it’s completely against what we’re here for- You’re beautiful. Funny. Kind. You have a wonderful smile. It was your glare that made me laugh earlier because I found that beautiful as well. I...I like you, Yoochun. Do you understand now?”
They both stand there, silent except for the shift of the trees around them, the movements of the spirits watching their exchange.
Eventually, Yoochun lets out a heavy breath, easing the tension from his shoulders, and smiles.
“And here I thought I was the only one.”
-
They spend the rest of their journey getting even closer.
It’s as amazing as it is heartbreaking.
Some nights, Jaejoong falls asleep on Yoochun’s covered lap, dreaming actual dreams of another life where they could live free of restrictions. He dreams of holding Yoochun’s smile between his bare hands, dreams about tickling his feet to see if he would giggle-
Dreams of kissing him under the ever changing stars they sleep under every night.
But with every dream Jaejoong has, he wakes up to reality- wakes up to being one day closer to their destination.
-
One day, as they’re crossing the mountains, Yoochun asks him a very random question.
“The phoenix...is something that is reborn from its own ashes, right? Something that never truly dies...right?”
Jaejoong looks over from the mini flower crown he had made on a whim and carefully drops it onto Yoochun’s head.
“Yeah, that’s right. It’s that reason that everyone was amazed that I was blessed. The phoenix is one of the oldest spirits around. Why the sudden questions?”
Yoochun looks away nervously, adjusting the flowers on his head. “No reason.” Then he sneezes. And keeps sneezing until he throws the flowers off his head.
Jaejoong laughs at the turn of events, the conversation leaving his head as soon as it entered.
-
Once they’re across the mountains, the sacred shore is only a few weeks away. They can see it from the peak of the mountains, the view beautiful and soul shattering.
Yoochun’s somehow become even more attractive over the journey, hair growing down his back, long enough for him to braid over his shoulder. The journey has filled out his body, making him so much stronger than the dressed up sacrifice that he was three months ago.
The sight makes Jaejoong want to do...something.
And, as much as he tries to deny it, his heart won’t allow him.
Jaejoong is completely in love with Yoochun.
He can’t speak for Yoochun himself, but the look in his eyes, the way his hands curl into the fabric of his clothes, as if they are also desperate to touch. As much as Jaejoong is.
He wants to say that Yoochun feels the same. He believes that Yoochun feels the same.
-
Jaejoong desperately tries to think of a solution. A way that they can both get out of this alive, a way that won’t curse their village for decades- or even centuries.
He spends most of their last week running through every possible idea, but nothing comes to mind.
The clock is ticking, even with them taking it extra slow. Technically, they could stop for a month and still be on time- but the spirits know that they are close, so the God of the Mountain knows as well.
-
They stop by another stream, the sacred shore now a couple days travel away.
Yoochun’s been quiet over the past few days, keeping his distance from Jaejoong as he once again cleans his robes. Perhaps for the very last time.
Jaejoong stares at his hands as he walks down the stream away from Yoochun, eyes tracing over his black marks like they could give him an answer. As the distance between them increases, the clouds move and sunlight breaks through, causing Jaejoong to be temporarily blinded by the glare of something.
Turning his head away from the light, he finds that it’s coming from the golden wing on his ear reflecting off the stream. He touches it carefully, feeling the grooves molded into the gold and the words of the Elder Shaman echo in his mind:
I found this yesterday and knew that it wasn’t a coincidence. May it help you find the knowledge and power you seek through your journey and guide you to the end.
How could an earring guide him? The memory makes him more frustrated, so he rips the earring out of his ear and chucks it into the stream.
It sinks to the bottom, out of sight, and Jaejoong’s legs give out. He lands hard on the ground.
What could he do? Could he do anything?
The clouds pass overhead once again, blocking the sunlight, and Jaejoong loses himself to his thoughts.
-
Jaejoong’s not sure when he falls asleep, but he wakes up to a comforting warmth around him. He opens his eyes and sees nothing but red and gold.
You’re finally awake, little one.
He hears the words in his head, instead of in his ears, and blinks his eyes to clear them.
That’s when he realizes there’s a spirit in front of him.
And that the spirit is, in fact, the phoenix spirit from his youth.
It’s a little smaller than he remembers, but even more majestic than his memory recalls. The sunset glitters off its translucent wings, casting the red and gold glow around Jaejoong.
“Why- How...how did you find me? How did you know I was here?” Jaejoong asks and the phoenix simply tilts its head, almost in a condescending way.
I always know where you are, little one. I did bless you, after all. It tucks its wings back, and settles on Jaejoong’s out-stretched legs.
Now, I think you have a question for me, yes? Otherwise you wouldn’t have cursed me by throwing a token of mine into the water.
Jaejoong knows at least to feel a little embarrassed at his small moment of weakness and ducks his head.
“Sorry I just...I…” He hesitates because where to even begin?
“I- I fell in love with Yoochun, the sacrifice, and I don’t want to let him go. The elder shaman never warned me of something like this and now...I don’t know what to do but I know I can’t just run away with him. I have the village to protect...my duty as a shaman after you blessed me all those years ago.” It hurts to finally voice out his fears, his worries. And when he stops, he reaches a hand out to ghost along one of the phoenix’s wings.
“Love is love, but- I can’t let all my people suffer to save one life.”
Even if that means he will suffer?
The question crushes Jaejoong’s heart even more.
“He wouldn’t be the only one suffering.”
And if Yoochun didn’t suffer, then their whole village would suffer. Jaejoong even doubts that now, with the two of them so close to the sacred shore, that he could protect them enough to make it out alive.
But the spirit doesn’t reply. It ruffles its feathers, staring at Jaejoong until he feels more than a little uncomfortable. There has to be a reason why it appeared, right? Jaejoong’s mind reels, thinking of what to say next, but he comes up with nothing.
“Jaejoong?”
He hears Yoochun’s voice off in the distance and wonder how long he’s been separated from the other.
Wait- Yoochun…
Jaejoong looks at the phoenix and sees it preen, wings stretching wide once again.
Perhaps-
There’s no way that-
Jaejoong bites his lip before taking the plunge.
“Can...can you help us? Can you help Yoochun? In someway?”
I was wondering if you would ever catch on, little one. I don’t show myself for nothing.
Jaejoong moves in for a careful hug, relishing more in the warm that the spirit surrounds him with as tears prick as his eyes.
“Jae- Jaejoong?! Is...is that?”
He turns back around to see Yoochun in his freshly clean robes, mouth open at the sight of the phoenix spirit on his lap.
“Yes. Yes it is.”
-
The spirit has a solution for them...but it is in no way ideal.
-
Phoenix are special because they are reborn from the ashes...but unfortunately, that is something that only we can do. I cannot give that ability to either of you, no matter what blessing I bestow you.
Jaejoong nods. He knows that he is not immortal but that instead he would live a long life blessed with magical ability, thanks to the spirit. He did not expect a full proof cure-all to their situation, but some how his hope still drops.
Next to him, Yoochun moves to hold his hand through the layer of his robes.
I cannot do that, but I can do something that, perhaps, is just as good. I can connect your souls even closer together. The spirit says, surprising the both of them.
Maybe you can already feel it but you’ve already made a connection. It’s the reason that most of the spirits have left you alone on your journey. They know better than to meddle with magic of true soulmates.
“Soulmates?” Yoochun whispers. “Is that why...when I first saw Jaejoong…”
Yes, that is exactly why.
Jaejoong’s curiosity nags at him, but he doesn’t bother to ask. He can at least agree to feeling something the first time that he saw Yoochun and the frustration he felt...that he still feels that he cannot truly touch him.
If I do this, it means that not only in this lifetime, but in all of your following lifetimes, your lives will be connected. It is a huge and serious matter, so I would like you to think-
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
They both answer at the same time. The spirit ruffles its feathers, almost as if it were laughing.
Ah, to meet a true pair of soulmates again is certainly amazing. Alright, close your eyes, this might burn a little.
-
It burns more than a little.
The air around them grows warm and Jaejoong gasps out. There’s a searing pain right above heart, more painful than any tattoo or marking he’d gotten in his life.
He hears Yoochun next to him wheezing and tries to reach out for him, but fails.
The burning spreads all the way through his body, as if his heart is pumping fire instead of blood. It’s almost too much, the air in his lungs disappearing and causing to choke on nothing and-
Then it’s over.
It’s over and the air is cool and soothing as it refills his lungs.
Panting, Jaejoong rips open his robes and finds a new mark right above his heart: a phoenix feather colored with red, black, and gold. It’s the most beautiful thing on his body.
Looking next to him, he sees Yoochun staring at an identical mark, fingers brushing over it carefully.
Just as a new phoenix is born from the ashes, your souls will carry this mark and lead you to each other every lifetime. The circumstances may be good or bad, I cannot tell you that. You might become lovers or enemies, but you will be together. These marks will be on your bodies as a symbol of that. When you see each other’s mark, you’ll know. And, most important of all- Do not forget, you made this choice.
With that, the spirit spread both of its wings and took to the sky.
“Thank you.” Jaejoong barely whispers out as they both watch the spirit disappear into the light of the setting sun.
-
“We...we can trust the phoenix, right?”
Jaejoong’s new mark pulses with his heartbeat at the question, warmth spreading from it like a hug.
“Yes. Of all the spirits I’ve met and had connect with...It is the only one I would trust with my life.”
And now it’s the only spirit that Jaejoong, and Yoochun, owed his life to.
-
However.
In the happy glow of the phoenix’s visit, in the aftermath of their solution-
Despite their stronger connection, one more thing still remains.
The thing, the reason that they even came on this journey.
-
The sacred shore is just as Jaejoong’s dreamed it would be. The sand is clean and soft, water warmer than expected.
They stand next to each other and watch the sunrise, knowing that it would be their last together. The waves slide warm and smooth over their feet and Jaejoong does it.
He grabs Yoochun’s hand with no fabric barrier between them and laces their fingers together.
“Jaejoong!?”
Yoochun’s hand is warmer than his vision and his fingers fit so perfectly between his.
“I got you here safely. I got you here a whole month early. Just...the god will be nice enough to let me hold your hand. Please, Yoochun.”
Jaejoong ignores the way his voice breaks on Yoochun’s name, ignores the way Yoochun’s hand shakes in his hold, ignores the creeping fear and sadness climbing up his spine. But if this is what Jaejoong was feeling, Yoochun must have it twice as bad.
He is the sacrifice after all.
The thought makes Jaejoong grip Yoochun’s hand even harder.
They stand there, silent until the sun is high in the sky.
It’s then, that the waves part, creating a path for only one person to walk down.
“I love you.” Jaejoong says, staring at the waves.
He knows it’s not the end of them, that this is only the beginning. It has to be the beginning.
It will be the beginning.
Still, it hurts. It hurts so damn much. To finally be able to feel even a fleeting moment of love for the first time in his life...
Yoochun’s hand gently grabs his chin and turns Jaejoong’s face down for a soft kiss.
As they part, Jaejoong memorizes the crinkles of Yoochun’s eyes, the dimple in his cheek, the fondness in his beautiful smile.
Yoochun squeezes their hands once-
“See you soon.”
-and lets Jaejoong go.
ii/iii