In Frame (response to drabble challenge 11: deadlines)

[twhitesakura]

Title: In Frame
Author:

Comments

[xiahtic]

very, very beautiful. i loved the middle paragraph; the yoosu and jaejoong parts were wonderfully written. ♥

[twhitesakura]

Thank you! ♥

[wmelon_kaiye]

I like the way you've described Jae but I just don't think the sentence flows well enough?
Perhaps if you added some extra punctuation?

She is the sound of Jaejoong, dangling legs every which way, over the Seine (perhaps...?)

Also, the last sentence.
Should there be a comma between "of" and "hurrying"?
Otherwise, the sentence just runs and it doesn't read quite right?

Anyhow, the imagery is very nice. :)

[twhitesakura]

Thank you for the read and quick edit. I've put in your suggestions. =)

[kallistei]

Beautiful imagery, and I love the last sentence in particular. (Though I actually thought the second sentence in the second paragraph worked just fine without the extra comma... I would have instead separated the Jaejoong, Changmin and Yoosu sections by semicolons.)

Also, I've created your author tag for any future responses. :)

[twhitesakura]

Thanks! And I'm happy to be part of the community. =D

[chloe1910]

very beautiful imaginery...

[twhitesakura]

Thank you for saying so. ^_^

[kratynoi]

That was so gorgeous~

The first line was just lovely. It all flowed so well and felt very surreal like. I really enjoyed it.

aris is what Yunho dreams of, hurrying from one promotion to the next, squeezed between the inked bars of deadlines.

♥

[twhitesakura]

I'm glad you liked it! Thank you for reading.