So I started teaching middle school last week; and this week, to see who will get to remain in my class, I have to test those young and fragile students I have just formed the faintest bonds with
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That sounds so harsh .... I don't think we are adaquately prepared for the process of testing. It gets viewed as something frightening, rather than simply a way to evaluate what is known. A test should be more like an evaluation, with the promise of help afterwards to cover the weak areas.
It mayn't be as harsh as you think. They fail inclusion into my class but they will be simply taught by a Chinese teacher instead.
It was cruel to me though - making me the personal face of judgment (+also there are some issues with transparency (some kids I didn't need to be tested, they were already given a pass (why?)).
One kid really liked me - a bit too much - so he considered himself my friend, I guess; what do you like to do "I like learning English". He probably wasn't worried about failing. But I failed him, or rather the numbers did.
And maybe it hurts him even worse because Chinese culture very much bends rules in favor of friendship. So the fact that I rejected him may very much seem a personal insult.
In a way there is a little relief, because I don't have to deal with the issues of overbearing fondness, but still it was cruel to me, cruel to him. And the same on many other occasions.
I'm still sad about this beautiful little nervous girl.
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A test should not be a do-or-die.
Ugh.
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It was cruel to me though - making me the personal face of judgment (+also there are some issues with transparency (some kids I didn't need to be tested, they were already given a pass (why?)).
One kid really liked me - a bit too much - so he considered himself my friend, I guess; what do you like to do "I like learning English". He probably wasn't worried about failing. But I failed him, or rather the numbers did.
And maybe it hurts him even worse because Chinese culture very much bends rules in favor of friendship. So the fact that I rejected him may very much seem a personal insult.
In a way there is a little relief, because I don't have to deal with the issues of overbearing fondness, but still it was cruel to me, cruel to him. And the same on many other occasions.
I'm still sad about this beautiful little nervous girl.
Reply
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