Eh, I don't really know what this is or is supposed to be.

[dayremer]

There are two chickens in the middle of a dirt road. Both are lazily pecking at the dirt as if they were doing the road a favor. They’re too good for the road. I swing my rifle around from its position on my back and quickly take aim at the two lackadaisical birds. I can see in the distance a dust trail from a red pick-up truck about 40 seconds

Comments

Confusing...

[safiersephiroth]

At first I thought the story was about a kid playing with some chickens, but now I don't know what to think.

[dayremer]

His name is John Manley, his profession? Chicken bounty hunter.

in lieu of actually discussing this

[mute_nation]

continuing on what arvind said
i kind of like the play between what is he doing really? (w/ the descriptions of a level violence that is more mature) and is this childs play? (make believe laser hand guns). what is it? who knows but im the type to enjoy this discrepancy
the description is nice but i think.. long in the third paragraph. but i like the short and sweet way it is wrapped up

maybe flip She screams, “Run chickens! Fly away!” to run.., fly.., she screams for pace, but meh, its a detail and its your writing

so.. you wanna say something bout it or you gonna leave it open

Re: in lieu of actually discussing this

[mute_nation]

yeah, the third paragraph is kinda out of place. thanks for the helpful comments.

[jesuisyacki]

lol