Beautiful Until the End
Title: Beautiful Until the End
Character: Yumichika (from Ikkaku's POV)
Prompt: Table 2, #2, Grave (50scenes )
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 831
Warning: Character death
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, or any of its characters.
This scene was inspired by Linkin Park's 'Valentine's Day'. I'll post the lyrics first... because I really think they set the mood for this. The lyrics (in italics) are property of Linkin Park.
My insides all turned to ash, so slow
And blew away as I collapsed, so cold
A black wind took them away, from sight
And held the darkness over day, that night
And the clouds above move closer
Looking so dissatisfied
But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing
I used to be my own protection, but not now
Cause my path had lost direction, somehow
A black wind took you away, from sight
And held the darkness over day, that night
And the clouds above move closer
Looking so dissatisfied
And the ground below grew colder
As they put you down inside
But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing
So now you're gone, and I was wrong
I never knew what it was like, to be alone
On a Valentine's Day
Beautiful Until the End
He was beautiful until the very end. His face remained a flawless image of beauty, even with blood staining its pale perfection. Those violet eyes had stayed warm and gleaming, until the very second that the life within them died.
My Yumichika. Gorgeous… even into death.
His face still haunts me. That perfect face… and his voice. The only voice that could calm me, soothe me, excite me, or arouse me… all with one word. He knew me inside and out, and loved me anyways. No words could describe the complete and utter devotion he gave to me. And I had given him all I could… but it wasn’t enough.
I never told him I loved him.
He knew. I’m sure he knew. Yumichika was extremely capable of reading other people’s emotions. He wasn’t the type to stick around if he wasn’t getting what he wanted. But… now that he’s gone, I wish I would have done more. We had our fun, but now it seems as if the short time we had together was wasted with my ignorance and stupidity.
It was a short time. Although many people would consider the years we were together a long stretch, it now feels like only a few quick days. Forever would not have been long enough. Eternity in his arms would not appease me, now.
Everyone thought that I was the stronger one. They all saw me fight and assumed that my brawn and blood-lust automatically made me the resilient one. I now know otherwise. Somehow I know that if our positions were to be reversed, he would be the one to prevail.
It isn’t fair. I lived my life by the edge of my zanpakutou. He lived his life by my side. All of those years wasted with meaningless fights and my struggle to be the strongest. And he had stood there, watching on and not saying a word. Not once did I wonder what that must have been doing to him.
But now I know.
Now I know the pure horror that comes from watching the one you love struggle, bleed… and fall. I know the gut-wrenching emotions that grip you while fighting against every muscle in your body to just… stay… put… while your life and love is dying. He never complained. Not even while I was on the brink of death. Never. Not a word.
I regret that I never learned of that sick feeling of terror until it was too late.
He was trying to protect me. Me. I’m the one who should have been protecting him. But he stepped into the fight before I even had a chance to react. He knew… he knew that the enemy was too strong for either of us to defeat. But he had fought, nonetheless, to save me from myself. He knew that if I would have fought, I would have died.
So he fought. And he died.
He had been smiling. Laughing, actually. I had forgotten how much he enjoyed fighting… bleeding… killing. The sheer pleasure in his eyes stole my breath away. Even as the sword pierced his chest, he was still laughing that same graceful chuckle.
The victory had been his. The enemy, although very strong, had been no match for his zanpakutou. His zanpakutou… I had never seen it until that day. Even as he lay bleeding in my arms, he had asked me not to hate him for the nature of his weapon.
Yumichika… always worrying about me and my opinion.
He looked up at me with those sparkling violet eyes and asked me to fight for him… to live for him. With his last words he asked me to love life with the same fierceness with which he had loved me.
He had loved me.
I had loved him.
But I never told him.
Even as he lay dying, I couldn’t bring myself to say those words.
It seems ridiculous to me now, as I repeat them over and over into the earth above his grave.
His body… so beautiful… lying below me under six feet of dirt.
It kills me inside. The pain is unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced. A sword cut smarts, but it heals with time. This wound gets deeper and more infected as the days go on. It’s more than I can bear.
Everything has changed. I’m not sure why I exist. Things had seemed so simple… I had fought and drank and fucked and lived, not even thinking about why or how. Every second was wasted looking forward to another battle.
But now…
Who am I to fight for? Who am I to live for? It all seems so meaningless without him beside me… without his reassuring smile to cheer me… without his steady hands to comfort me… without his soft lips to wake me in the middle of the night.
Without him to love me.
I never told him I loved him.
I was such a fool.