The Year's Best Metaphors

[dawn_felagund]

Bobby sent these to me last week. I was alone in the office that day ... good thing because I screamed with laughter at some of these! If you think that you write bad metaphors *raises hand* then these will boost your confidence. I don't believe that any or all were by high-school students, but they're still hilarious.

juno_magic, I think that you may have

Comments

[tarion_anarore]

I love these! My roommate got them in an email. My favorite is "Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."

Someone obviously had been subjected to one too many word problems. ;)

[sinneahtes]

Bwahahaha--I love those! The line about those being from last year must be old, though--my 9th grade English teacher read most (if not all) of those aloud to my class nine years ago. (I nearly made a fool of myself laughing hysterically at the bowling ball in the pond one.) :D

To respond with a funny link, have I ever shown you this disgruntled student's physics lab report?

[frenchpony]

Those are awesome. They're so terrible, and yet some of them are just so. . . apt.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

Those are my favorites.

[ann_arien]

*skerkgigglelaugh*

Great stuff! I was particularly amused by the likes of:

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

My favorite one is this one, though:

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

*howls with laughter* Good one!

Also, It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. reminds me of Feanaro, in a strange kind of way. 0.0 He, he, he!

[heartofoshun]

Beautiful. These are metaphors for my life! Especially:
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
And, this one got high points here because we have one former ballerina in the house.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.I love mixed metaphors myself--just a few I remember