Continuation

[davemartin86]

Week 5 ey?

My commonplace book seems to be filling up with more and more "ramblings" less structured writing and very little of substance, partly inspired by Saturday nights but that's a hazy story.

So whats on offer this week?

Another poem - Judging from last weeks inundation of critiques i'm just going to assume they are well received. (thanks to

Comments

[lilib3t]

Who would have thought. You really can write a poem about anything. I mean im in McDonalds almost everyday, yet theres so much we've come to accept and dismiss around us, And you've seemed to capture that really well. Im sure we have all been to Maccas sometime in our lives, me i cant get enough of it. Youve shown the real depths of the decisions we make everyday, down to what we eat. What consequence they have that we are completely closed off to. There is so much around us influencing us, but sometimes we think that's all there is. We only think of ourselves and what we want. Your poem is very humbling. Not that Im turning vegertarian or anything, but like now i have a new respect for cows, I mean they do have families and stuff. Who says were better then them anyway. So next time i go to maconalds i will only get the burger with one piece of meat instead of three.

[squarebluefish]

Okay, I think my brain just exploded from carnivorous guilt. But at the same time, appreciation! What a great poem. I think it could use a kick here and there (mostly to do with commas because I am a COMMA ADDICT but that's a poet's prerogative, punctuation)

That last stanza made me ick. Mainly because of how accurate it is in portraying attitudes towards meat eating and the lives of other creatures in general. I don't think people should condemn cannibals for their practice (the murdering part, sure) when we behave how we do to every vaguely edible living creature on earth.

[littlenedved]

nice poem.. although i like maccas hahaha is till like the way it is written... Flows really well, yeah my commonplace book is starting to fill up aswell, im trying to formulate some kind of semblance from it and maybe write a story or poem, but i got no poetry skillz :(

[rosiephillips]

This poem has an incredible way about it... As you well know, I eat meat but this actually has me think about why I do and if I should continue. Maybe that is your whole affect on me? Haha. But seriously, this poem is really effective in the way it influences one to think about their carnivorous ways. Some animal protection organisation should put this on the tv or somewhere that it will be read and see the reactions.

I found the first couple of lines the most difficult to read;

One big mac was the request
the cows obliged without much protest

Their spirits crushed

It almost made my gut twist with guilt.
Thanks Dave for enlightening me! I can't promise anything though!

Good Work.

Rosie.

not that you need any more encouragement on this one, but it's good to get it all the same!

[lizkaras]

Stunned, transformed, completely vegetarian for my fifteen minutes of guilt, you had me close to tears for the love of a cow!

Brilliant use of your poetic licence as usual Dave. Keep that brain of yours well oiled and chugging!

Liz