They Are Only Arbitrary Distinctions [Paraietta]
Title: They Are Only Arbitrary Distinctions
Author: Dauthi
Fandom: Simoun
Characters: Paraietta
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 639
Summary: Paraietta reflects on love and on choice.
Author's Notes: Overly melancholic and slightly abstract. This is more a train-of-thought on how Simulacrum is probably homophobic, using Paraietta as an outlet, more than a real fic with a plot. Heh.
x-posted to shoujoai100, fanfic100, (Prompt 050. Precious and prompt 086. Choices, respectively) and simoun_sibyllae.
They Are Only Arbitrary Distinctions
Paraietta gave up on marriage and the ordinary Simulacrum life long ago. She is a woman who loves other woman, and that is an unfortunate oxymoron. Those kinds of people simply don't exist when one can become a man instead; that is the obvious path. But the members of the final incarnation of Chor Tempest were not known for conformity, and Paraietta is no exception.
Other people like her exist in Argentum. People in Argentum do not get to choose their sex. They do not get to choose their path, they do not get to choose their role, they do not get to choose their life. They do not get to choose anything, and so homosexuality - what a distasteful word, it rolls off her tongue like a sin - is possible there.
Simulacrum does not really exist. It is a figment of her past, like Neviril and her dreams of eternity. Once, Paraietta was determined to become a man. She was going to protect Neviril, who in fact needed no protection, and through that protect her own self. The necessity and surety isn't a feeling Paraietta can remember. She cannot recall, either, why she changed her mind. Her life is surely not what her teenaged self envisioned: a solitary spinster with a bevy of abandoned children isolated among the Plumbum mountains, in search of safety and salvation.
Legally Paraietta is now an Argentum citizen. If she wishes, she could enter one of those homosexual bars, find a female companion, and perhaps finally experience love without ostracization. But she does not envy the Argentiums, and respects them even less, for their demolition of free choice. It is a little bit of petty nationalism too, an unwillingness to acknowledge Argentum's military superiority over the former Simulacrum.
Paraietta has always been more of a spiritual person than a war person. Neviril managed to be both. Both Aaeru and Amuria were warriors. The bitterness has not faded from the realization that Paraietta's obsessive love was doomed from the beginning.
It is her kinship to religion that lead Paraietta to shirk away from Argentum borders and burrow into Plumbum lands. The Plumbish are no kinder than the Argentiums, but all distinctions are arbitrary. Paraietta simply does what she feels is best.
The orphans look up to her adoringly and desperately. Paraietta could not leave them now even if she wanted to. She often does; life is brutal, and her only lasting friend has been Rodoreamon, whose visits have become more and more infrequent as she prepares for her marriage and for the war.
She slept with Rodoreamon once. In those days, Rodoreamon still thought of Mamina. Paraietta thought of Neviril, how beautiful Rodoreamon's pale white breasts were, and the sad truth that no man would ever be able to comfort her. She had never been fully certain in her aspirations, but at that moment they all ceased to matter.
She feels so similar to her children sometimes. They are outcasts, forgotten casualties, directionless. Yet they are also perennially happy, and always brimming over with hope.
An Argentum fighter plane flies ominously overhead. Paraietta's orphans run for cover. Some of them cling onto her as she watches the plane sail by.
"I'm scared," a little girl, Lili, whispers as Paraietta picks her up.
"I am, too," Paraietta admits.
Lili wraps her small arms around Paraietta's neck and pats her back soothingly.
"We'll be okay though," Lili says bravely.
Five more planes fly above the orphange in a V formation. Behind them, something shimmers into focus, then blips out again. It is beautiful in its blue-green sparkle, and all too brief. Paraietta is reminded of her Chor's legacy, of all the sacrifices each of them have made, and of all the individual joys they have experienced.
These precious children are Paraietta's love. She has chosen.
I hope that made at least some sense to some people.
Here is a link to my fanfic100 table, if you want to take a look. Haven't decided where all the old stuff will go yet, but that will come eventually. Also, shoujoai100 and philosophy20 table.
Author: Dauthi
Fandom: Simoun
Characters: Paraietta
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 639
Summary: Paraietta reflects on love and on choice.
Author's Notes: Overly melancholic and slightly abstract. This is more a train-of-thought on how Simulacrum is probably homophobic, using Paraietta as an outlet, more than a real fic with a plot. Heh.
x-posted to shoujoai100, fanfic100, (Prompt 050. Precious and prompt 086. Choices, respectively) and simoun_sibyllae.
They Are Only Arbitrary Distinctions
Paraietta gave up on marriage and the ordinary Simulacrum life long ago. She is a woman who loves other woman, and that is an unfortunate oxymoron. Those kinds of people simply don't exist when one can become a man instead; that is the obvious path. But the members of the final incarnation of Chor Tempest were not known for conformity, and Paraietta is no exception.
Other people like her exist in Argentum. People in Argentum do not get to choose their sex. They do not get to choose their path, they do not get to choose their role, they do not get to choose their life. They do not get to choose anything, and so homosexuality - what a distasteful word, it rolls off her tongue like a sin - is possible there.
Simulacrum does not really exist. It is a figment of her past, like Neviril and her dreams of eternity. Once, Paraietta was determined to become a man. She was going to protect Neviril, who in fact needed no protection, and through that protect her own self. The necessity and surety isn't a feeling Paraietta can remember. She cannot recall, either, why she changed her mind. Her life is surely not what her teenaged self envisioned: a solitary spinster with a bevy of abandoned children isolated among the Plumbum mountains, in search of safety and salvation.
Legally Paraietta is now an Argentum citizen. If she wishes, she could enter one of those homosexual bars, find a female companion, and perhaps finally experience love without ostracization. But she does not envy the Argentiums, and respects them even less, for their demolition of free choice. It is a little bit of petty nationalism too, an unwillingness to acknowledge Argentum's military superiority over the former Simulacrum.
Paraietta has always been more of a spiritual person than a war person. Neviril managed to be both. Both Aaeru and Amuria were warriors. The bitterness has not faded from the realization that Paraietta's obsessive love was doomed from the beginning.
It is her kinship to religion that lead Paraietta to shirk away from Argentum borders and burrow into Plumbum lands. The Plumbish are no kinder than the Argentiums, but all distinctions are arbitrary. Paraietta simply does what she feels is best.
The orphans look up to her adoringly and desperately. Paraietta could not leave them now even if she wanted to. She often does; life is brutal, and her only lasting friend has been Rodoreamon, whose visits have become more and more infrequent as she prepares for her marriage and for the war.
She slept with Rodoreamon once. In those days, Rodoreamon still thought of Mamina. Paraietta thought of Neviril, how beautiful Rodoreamon's pale white breasts were, and the sad truth that no man would ever be able to comfort her. She had never been fully certain in her aspirations, but at that moment they all ceased to matter.
She feels so similar to her children sometimes. They are outcasts, forgotten casualties, directionless. Yet they are also perennially happy, and always brimming over with hope.
An Argentum fighter plane flies ominously overhead. Paraietta's orphans run for cover. Some of them cling onto her as she watches the plane sail by.
"I'm scared," a little girl, Lili, whispers as Paraietta picks her up.
"I am, too," Paraietta admits.
Lili wraps her small arms around Paraietta's neck and pats her back soothingly.
"We'll be okay though," Lili says bravely.
Five more planes fly above the orphange in a V formation. Behind them, something shimmers into focus, then blips out again. It is beautiful in its blue-green sparkle, and all too brief. Paraietta is reminded of her Chor's legacy, of all the sacrifices each of them have made, and of all the individual joys they have experienced.
These precious children are Paraietta's love. She has chosen.
I hope that made at least some sense to some people.
Here is a link to my fanfic100 table, if you want to take a look. Haven't decided where all the old stuff will go yet, but that will come eventually. Also, shoujoai100 and philosophy20 table.