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I can't really offer any advice because I'm 2 weeks into the breakup of a nine year relationship so I wanted to just say that I understand how you're feeling. I'm in the process of trying to get it together to move out of our house, say goodbye to friends and pets and the whole thing. Starting over feels horrible but we can both do it and even though it seems impossible, happiness will come again. Getting to that point is terrifying and not at all what I want to do.
If you want to talk, send me a PM. Try to stay strong.
I'm so, so sorry to hear about your break-up. It's the most awful feeling. Nine years is a very long time and I can't even imagine having to actually pick up and move right now. I can't even bring myself to throw out his toiletries or hide the reminders because doing that feels so...final.
I'm 30, in the middle of getting a divorce from someone I obviously thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. I broke up with him, but it was the hardest thing I've ever done. We'd been together seven years, had a kid, and went through so much.
In the end I started feeling better once I had some space and time to mourn the end of the relationship. I'm still struggling a year and a half later, but I am feeling better. There's no magic time limit on when things start to feel better - but it's only been a few days for you, allow the time properly mourn this relationship. But you are not a failure. There's no shame in living with your parents.
I know everyone says relationships are supposed to be hard work, but it's not supposed to be back-breaking work. A couple shouldn't have to scream and cry every time they try to have a conversation. They shouldn't go months without relations because they are finding it hard to trust one another. That is a dysfunctional relationship. It totally sucks to have to start over, to lose a good friend, to look back at the time you spent as "wasted." But all you can do now is give it time. Go out with friends, pick up a hobby, exercise, stay in some nights and just cry. Things will improve. As to why he's not calling you--it seems like it's hurtful to him to interact with you. He can't handle being your partner and is taking your cue (g/f or nothing). His comfort and well-being count too and if he doesn't want to talk/see you, that's how things have to be.
I agree that there was a lot of dysfunction. I sometimes have these moments of clarity throughout the day where I calm down because I realize that this is happening for a reason and we did have serious issues. We had stagnated in our relationship because we wanted different things, and there were aspects of each other's personalities that we genuinely did not like. I just think of all the good things - the traditions, the closeness, the trust - that are gone and that sets me back.
I agree I need to take care of myself right now and I'm going to do my best to keep active and busy.
Yeah, there were definitely a lot of problems. I sometimes feel better when I stop and think about the logical reasons why this is happening (because it's not coming out of nowhere), but thinking of the good times makes it so much harder. We truly were incredibly close during our time together, but sometimes the bad could outweigh the good. I think I've known that all along, but I was never ready to accept it.
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If you want to talk, send me a PM. Try to stay strong.
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I'll definitely PM you soon.
Thanks for the kind words and support.
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In the end I started feeling better once I had some space and time to mourn the end of the relationship. I'm still struggling a year and a half later, but I am feeling better. There's no magic time limit on when things start to feel better - but it's only been a few days for you, allow the time properly mourn this relationship. But you are not a failure. There's no shame in living with your parents.
*hugs*
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I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce. I can only imagine how difficult it is to end a relationship when there's a child involved.
Everyone has told me that it'll just take time and I know they're right, but It's. Just. So. Hard.
I'm glad to hear you're feeling better.
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Take care of yourself! It is really hard, but it will get better, it's just hard to see that right now.
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I agree that there was a lot of dysfunction. I sometimes have these moments of clarity throughout the day where I calm down because I realize that this is happening for a reason and we did have serious issues. We had stagnated in our relationship because we wanted different things, and there were aspects of each other's personalities that we genuinely did not like. I just think of all the good things - the traditions, the closeness, the trust - that are gone and that sets me back.
I agree I need to take care of myself right now and I'm going to do my best to keep active and busy.
Thanks again for your kind words.
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Thank you for your thoughts.
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