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[xnaivetex]

Hey all;

I'm new to the community. I'm engaged to one of the sweetest men in the world, but if things were fantastic, I wouldn't be here.

Comments

[i_love_freddie]

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to reassure him. You are doing everything you can - but it is never going to be enough unless he realises that he has some serious issues and he is prepared to work on himself. He needs therapy and he needs to understand that this behaviour is not okay.

I hate to be the bad guy, but unless he'll get help and you are willing to put your foot down, this is only going to get worse.

[winter_ruins]

Agreeing. He should consider getting therapy, but there's nothing else you can do to reasure him that you're not already doing.

[stalkingsilence]

I'll echo what everyone else has said here, that your partner seems to need to figure out where this stems from for himself, probably though therapy. Therapy by himself, and maybe even couples therapy for both of you to work out this issue together.

[67words]

As someone who is really awesome and just learned that for myself, I have to agree there is nothing you can do or try that you haven't already. I didn't really have much self esteem so it was hard for me to think someone else could see me in a way that I couldn't. It took time and effort for me to realize how great a person I am and a partner I can be. One thing that really helped me was having non-partner activities and hobbies where I was being validated by others. It might sound ridiculous, but you can't be his only validation. Maybe he can find other activities and groups where he can be like, "hey I AM awesome!" Eventually you reach a point where you don't need validation, but it does take time. And the burden is not on you.

[oh_honestly_]

I am seeing red flags all over the place here. He sounds really, really possessive, and I feel like that's only going to escalate. I would seriously reconsider whether you should marry someone like that. :(

I also feel like based off a lot of stories I have heard, people who are paranoid about being cheated on are usually cheaters themselves. Obviously this may not be the case, but it's definitely in the back of my mind on this post because something doesn't seem right.

[xnaivetex]

He's really not possessive, he's never tried to control me or limit me or get me to change anything about myself. Like next month, my ex and I are taking our kids to Disneyworld, because we promised them two years ago. Even though we split up, we decided to keep the trip, because we had both gotten into a vacation package payment plan and paid $1600 into it for a week at an absolutely amazing place, but if we don't go we give up the money paid into it. He hasn't said anything or tried to stop me from going, despite the fact that I know me going to another country with an ex and spending a week there is probably eating him up inside.

He doesn't try to change me, he would never tell me what I can or cannot do, I just wish he didn't get so sad on himself sometimes.

[nosmokegirl]

The problem is NOT that you aren't doing enough. The problem is that HE HAS ISSUES

[xnaivetex]

I said something along those lines, that I'm not going to plan the wedding until he's had some time in individual counselling, and then we can both do premarital