Dad's new wife.

[insearchof_]

So my dad left my mom 3.5 years ago out of the blue and it was pretty devastating for my family at the time.  My dad and I have always had a strained relationship so this really caused tension between us for a while but our relationship has since improved.  Anyway, my dad started dating pretty much immediately and recently got out of a 2.5 year

Comments

Mod note

[scien]

Your LJ cut is broken - the end tag immediately follows the opening tag, so nothing is actually between them. Please can you fix?

Thanks!

Re: Mod note

[insearchof_]

Sorry, fixed!

[bedesiderata]

Maybe you could try something like "My graduation is an important celebration of my accomplishments, and I'm not comfortable with combining two major and important events. I'd prefer to meet her under less chaotic circumstances."

To be honest, simply saying that "My graduation isn't about you" doesn't seem like being a jerk to me, just very blunt. I understand that there might be some cultural differences that I'm not aware of though. Your graduation *is* about you, and you shouldn't be forced to throw unnecessary drama into the mix.

[kukla_red]

There is only one person acting like a jerk here and it sure isn't you. Your father must have brass ones to even suggest that this is an OK thing to do.

I would tell him that you will miss him and that it is a shame he is making this a "do or die" issue, but you are standing up for yourself and you do not want this kind of drama on a day that is - and should be - about YOU, not him and his newly minted wife. You should not feel under any obligation to explain this to him any further than you already have. He isn't getting it and he probably never will.

Enjoy the day with your mother, your boyfriend and your best friend and celebrate your accomplishments. And congratulations!

[voz]

Completely agreed. Your father is behaving selfishly, and it looks as though you've already made your point to him as directly and diplomatically as possible. You are not embarrassing him, he is embarrassing himself.

The only suggestion I have to offer is that perhaps, if it's not too soon for you, you might suggest to him to visit sometime in the days or weeks following your graduation rather than on your actual graduation day.

[ohmeguro]

"I'm sorry you won't be attending, but I'm not comfortable combining two large events -- meeting your wife, and my graduation. I'm not trying to hurt or exclude either of you, but this is my day and this is what will make me comfortable, and I'm not willing to compromise."

It's really not your problem what he already told his wife. Be firm and keep reasserting what you already feel, and if he pitches a fit, well that's his problem.

[kuniklos]

A good deal of the advice here seems to be something you have already done. You told him you weren't comfortable, and he basically is using his anger to let you know that he doesn't care and is going to do as he pleases anyhow

[insearchof_]

Thanks for your advice. We had a huge huge huge argument the day after I made this post and haven't spoken since then, but we are talking again tomorrow and I think what you recommended is a good approach.