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[rel541]

I posted here http://community.livejournal.com/datinandrelatin/1085444.html about how I was in limbo with my ex boyfriend. With all your help, I decided to cut him off. I asked my roommate to help me stay accountable. On Friday I told her I didn't want anything to do with him anymore

Comments

[johncoxon]

She moved in a week ago, and had a party, and didn't tell you? Hell, I'd say that if she pulled something like that again she was no longer welcome to live with you, since that's just not cricket, in my eyes. Having said that, if your ex came over as a seperate thing, then that's a bit more hazy...were they friends before you guys broke up, or do they not really know each other?

[rel541]

she never knew jeff before we started dating. she met jeff after we had been dating for a year. they were friends by association but they would never ever hang out without me.. and we didnt even hang out together the three of us that much.

[johncoxon]

She sounds like she's overstepping quite a few lines. I'd talk to her about it and see what her explanation of events is, but if she continues like that, you've got to ask yourself whether you want to continue to associate with her, especially when you've put yourself out like this to accomodate her and make her life easier and she's doing stuff that she must realize you won't like. That's just my two pence.

[ohhjuliet]

She's only lived there a week and she had a party? And furthermore when you're not home? I'd boot her butt to the curb, personally.

[sidekicknomore]

I'm assuming the lease is in your name right? Its your place, I would be pissed too. Have you two discussed living arrangements (other then bills)? If not you can't be super mad because... she didn't know.

When you get home try and calmly express how agravated you are about the party (unless she didn't clean place up afterward ... then I'd be super pissed)

Sit down and lay down some ground rules. Like having a party is okay but she has to let you know, simply because you own/lease the place and you would be liable if anything happens.

Was she friends with your ex before you broke up? If so then ask her nicely to NOT bring him into your place. You can't keep her from seening/hanging out with him but you can keep him out of your place.

[rel541]

yeah. the lease is completely in my name. i jokingly told her before she moved in no parties and no boys sleeping over. but i meant it. she knows ive never had a party at my apartment. shes not stupid. i think she should of known to at least ask.

i just got home. she cleaned.. but there were beer cans sitting outside the front door. i haven't talked to her other than asking if someone was in my room.. because i can tell there was.

she didnt know him before we started dating. she wasnt even friends with him when we were dating... we would hang out the 3 of us.. but he was always "ariel's boyfriend"

[sidekicknomore]

I'd sit down and talk to her about the party. Tell her that it upset you that she didn't even ask to throw the party. Explain that you don't throw parties at your house and thats just the way it is. Also make her aware of other rules for living in the house. If she kinda blows you off with them then write up a contract (no seriously).

You may have to define "party" for her and set down a limit on the guests you both can have over at one time.

Did she lie about someone being in your room? ... oh shit i just read a lower post. a friend and he boy were in your room? wtf?

Also I'd make if very clear that your ex isn't allow in the hose. Regardless of who invites him over or if you are there or not. I find it odd that she'd just invite him over if she wasn't friends with him... thats kinda... suspicious? bitchy? like.. maybe she had the hots for him and now that your both not dating shes going to try for him? maybe i dunno..

In the end I'd be REALLY pissed. you've known her for a while? How well? and how long is she staying with you?

[rel541]

i just went and talked to her. she said she didnt know it was gonna be a party. she just invited heather.. and then heather invited everyone else. but then later she said she called danny and he brought of 2 people. there were only like 10 people here.. but i have a tiny apartment. she keeps saying it wasnt a party. but there were beer cans outside.. and i dont get what else it would be. she started crying and that pretty much ended the convo. i told her i dont hate her and then there was just a lot of awkward silence. she didnt invite my ex over.. he shows up a few times a week for a booty call.. and thats why i dont want to see him anymore. i told her on friday to not let me let him inside when he comes over. so he must of stopped by for a booty call.. and she invited him in to the party. ugh

[tarx]

You have a right to be upset. Though you've known each other for a long time, it sounds like you need to tell her very clearly what the house rules are (if you didn't already). And if you're cutting it off with your ex, one thing to establish with her is that he is under NO circumstances welcome in your house. Not with you there, not with you NOT there. You need the space away from him, and the peace of mind to know he's not in it. If she wants to hang out with him, she will have to do it somewhere else.

[rel541]

the thing is.. it wasnt like we both knew him before i started dating him. i met him, when she was living in washington, she moved back.. i introduced them and they have only hung out with me. i suspected that she had a crush on him a while ago and i told another mutual friend of ours [elizabeth] and she told my roommate and then my roommate told me she didnt have a crush on him. regardless.. she had no reason to let him in and party with him. no reason.

[xx_lovesick_xx]

So the question I have is why didn't this mutual friend call you LAST night and tell you since well...she probably knows you never throw parties at your place.

[rel541]

because heather was at the party. she is being all defensive about it too. i just got home.. and stuff was moved off my bed.. and my tv is on standby.. when i turned it off. i asked my roommate who was in my room and she said it was probably heather and her ex boyfriend.

[jennyelfenmass]

And that would be the point where I'd get pissed. Party while I'm gone, not such a big deal, they pay rent, it's their space too (but let me know so I can decide to be there or not). Party while I'm gone and people in my room? Yeah, that would piss me off a lot. I know people who've had stuff stolen from their room that way. Hosting means being considerate and responsible for your guests.

Re-reading now and realizing she's couch crashing. That's just plain inconsiderate and I'd tell her that such actions were not welcome and the next time it happens, she's no longer welcome.