Comments | darstellen: trek fic: unpack my heart with words

darstellen

trek fic: unpack my heart with words

Feb 05, 2010 19:05

Title: Unpack My Heart With Words
Rating: PG (swearing)
Wordcount: 421
Notes: The title is a citation from Hamlet. The text was written for anon_j_anon 's prompt: "Jim and Hamlet. Jim in pentameter, Hamlet in free verse. Tarsis IV." Suggestions for improvement are welcome. Don't hold back your criticism -- I have tough skin.

edited with the help of anon_j_anon 's ( Read more... )

hamlet, st xi: fiction, fic: unpack my heart with words, star trek

Comments 18

shadowclub February 6 2010, 20:28:55 UTC

Ooh, a very gorgeous take on Hamlet and Jim. I really like how you approached this and the language is quite vivid... those poor kids:(

darstellen February 7 2010, 10:36:00 UTC

Thank you for the kind words. I'm so glad that the harrowing aspect of Tarsus came through despite the iambs. :)

blcwriter February 7 2010, 19:29:47 UTC

Yes.

Kirk and Hamlet just WORK.

darstellen February 8 2010, 06:36:42 UTC

Even taken together as opposite poles, they cannot help but approach each other asymptotically.

Thank you.

danahid February 10 2010, 11:47:22 UTC

I read this when you first posted it but wanted to come back to it to comment. Life and work intervened, so it took me a while. Apologies again for my late responding.

I think this is extraordinary work. Others have commented that Jim Kirk and Hamlet just make sense. And they do. I found it particularly interesting how the last line of the piece -- "Am I coward?" -- reflects on both men, neither of whom is a coward, both of whom need to do and face things that no human should have do or face.

The beauty of your language, in both the blank verse and the free verse, defies my ability to render coherent feedback. These are a poor offering, some of the images that stood out for me most...

In Jim's section: The bread I've got won't feed a chicken, and A week of starving's mostly wiped the slate / except for really useful stuff like how / to build a fire without a match, and Hamlet.

In Hamlet's section: upsetting / the well-guarded borders of that state called ( ... )

darstellen February 10 2010, 12:16:48 UTC

There is absolutely no need to apologise! I am simply grateful for your incredibly kind words and insights -- for the time you have taken to share your thoughts on an admittedly problematic piece. . . I am in your debt, more than you can know.

You've picked up on so many things I feared would never come across -- the last line as a convergence, just as the first line of Hamlet's monologue refers to the title of the TOS episode.

Most of all I admired how the notion of plays and fictions bridged both sections. A brilliant, brilliant idea!I'm so pleased that this worked and must tell you that your own work has been an inspiration in this regard. Jim knows that he is in pentameter, that he is counting; he's not aware that he is in a larger text or a fiction, but he does know that he needs certain fictions to keep going. Hamlet -- may or may not be a creation of Jim's -- knows that he is in a play, knows that he is a fiction, and thinks parallel thoughts ( ... )

danahid February 12 2010, 19:49:51 UTC

I am honoured that my work has offered some small inspiration!

Also, this:

Jim knows that he is in pentameter, that he is counting; he's not aware that he is in a larger text or a fiction, but he does know that he needs certain fictions to keep going. Hamlet -- may or may not be a creation of Jim's -- knows that he is in a play, knows that he is a fiction, and thinks parallel thoughts ...

remains absolutely fascinating.

It remains wonderful work, dear friend.