Keeping the closet door closed [Chapter 4] - COMPLETE
“It’s strange that boss got angry over a mere porn movie.” Jiyong agreed with him, knowing that this was, if fact a lie. He opened the door, but found something he didn’t expect standing on the other end of it. Seunghyun.
“That’s because he didn’t.” He said in his deep voice, his face held no expression. Jiyong could feel the adrenaline rushing through his body again. He looked down and saw a laptop resting in his hyung’s left hand.
And he suddenly realized with great fear, that he didn’t just send that email to his boss, but to Taeyang and Seunghyun as well.
“Hyung I- I can explain…” Jiyong stammered. He could hear his blood rushing through his veins now.
“Really, because it looks to me like you just lied to our maknae?” Seunghyun stated, his expressions
still neutral. Jiyong couldn’t tell if he was angry, disappointed or both. But he didn’t had time to dwell on that thought.
“Wait hyung… you didn’t send the boss a porn movie?” Seungri sounded confused, who could blame him.
“And why do you know all of this?”
“Oh no, he did.” Seunghyun responded to Seungri, before returning to stare at Jiyong again.
“He just didn’t tell the whole truth.” Still no expression.
“He always send his WIP to me as well… and to Youngbae… I’m guessing he didn’t read his mail yet…” He stated. Jiyong felt like breaking down again. If hyung told Seungri it would be all over. It might be over right now, for that matter. Seunghyun was like an Ice sculpture, cold and void of any emotions. His silence must have an effect on his hyung because he started talking again.
“Look… It’s not my place to tell, so I’m giving you a chance to tell Seungri yourself. Do it, because I’m going to check. Later, we’ll talk as well.” And with that he left, closing the door behind him.
Jiyong didn’t dare to turn around. This was it, he couldn’t not tell Seungri anymore. He was going to lose him forever. He couldn’t lose him, he loved him. ‘Love?’ Yeah, love! But now, it didn’t matter anymore.
“Hyung?” Oh no, he absolutely didn’t want to tell. This was the end of the group. The end of his and their careers. All because he liked boys. ‘Shit, shit, shit, this it so stupid!’
“Hyung!!” Seungri shouted. It made him look around at last. Seungri didn’t look angry, but worried. He could feel his blood draining from his face, hands started to shake. Running away seemed the solution. He’d be fired, but at least the group would be saved. But before he could, Seungri stood up and took Jiyong’s hands into his.
“Hyung… This is obviously very difficult for you. You look like you’d run away again. Please… what’s so bad that you wouldn’t tell me? You know you CAN tell me everything, right? I promise I won’t judge you.” This statement made Jiyong mad however. He immediately took his hands back.
“No, you can’t promise that!” He all but yelled.
“You can’t promise not to judge me, because I know you will. Everybody does! The boss did, Seunghyun-hyung did, everybody!” During his rant, Jiyong noticed that Seungri’s gentle expression didn’t change.
“Yes, I can… And sure, boss did judge you… But Seunghyun-hyung didn’t. He just came here because he was, perhaps surprised and slightly upset, but he didn’t look like he was judging you. He wasn’t sad or mad either. Nor was Youngbae-hyung, so I can’t see why you’d think I would be.” Jiyong expression fell.
“You really think that little of me?” Jiyong felt like crying again. Seungri sounded very sad. He knew Seungri was disappointed in him now and it felt like shit. ‘Better get used to that…’
“No, I don’t, I-“
“Really? Because to me, it looks like you do!” Seungri started sounding angry.
“It’s not like that.”
“No, it is.”
“Why are you so pushy?!” Now it was Jiyong’s turn to get angry, defenses going up.
“I’m not! I’m trying to help, can’t you see that?!” Seungri’s voice got louder as well.
“No, you’re just being nosy!”
“No, being nosy would mean I’d steal hyung’s laptop. I’m asking you because I want to help you!” Jiyong wasn’t buying it. He was getting frustrated and lost.
“Help me? Why?”
“Because I care! I care about you, hyung!”
“DON’T LIE TO ME! YOU WANT TO KNOW? FINE! I SENT THEM A GAY PORN MOVIE, OKAY!!!” ‘Shit, shit, SHIT!!’ The silence that followed the statement was to be expected. What Jiyong didn’t expect however was a comical expression on Seungri’s face, followed by Seungri laughing so hard he started crying.
“HAHAHA, oh my god, that’s it?!? All the fuss is because of this? This is hilarious!”
“What?” Jiyong hissed. Seungri tried to stop laughing and cleared his face from any tears.
“I’m sorry hyung, but all this is just because you got caught watching gay porn?” Jiyong couldn’t believe his ears. Seungri’s still smiling.
“No, you idiot, it’s because everybody now knows I’m gay!” He yelled, but soon put a hand over his mouth when he realized what he had said.
“So? That’s nothing new. I already knew.” Seungri explained with a smile. ‘He knew?’
“You mean, you knew and you didn’t tell me?” Jiyong asked while smiling, although there was nothing to smile about. Seungri knew and… that was that? All the worrying, tears and yelling was for nothing? Jiyong felt betrayed, tears forming in his eyes again. Seungri must have noticed, because Jiyong was pulled into a hug.
“Hyung, I’m sorry. I… I thought you’d tell me when you figured it out yourself or when you were ready. I didn’t think this was about that at all. I wouldn’t have pushed you like I did if I’d knew. I’m sorry that I laughed…” Jiyong was still confused about it all.
“Why don’t you hate me?” He asked with a brittle voice. Seungri released him and looked at him in shock.
“Hate you? Because you’re gay? Hyung, that’s nuts, okay? I’ve known for years now! That’s why you were so worried?” Jiyong just nodded, feeling relieved.
“I thought I’d lose you…” Jiyong could feel tears leaving his eyes. He rubbed his face again and looked away.
“Sorry…” He apologized for crying again while smiling a little. He could hear Seungri sigh before feeling hands on each side of his head and lips touching his.
To say Jiyong was surprised would be an understatement. It took him approximately five seconds to figure out what was going on. The moment he did figure it out, his brain went to overdrive. All of the previous feelings of that day went out of the window and made place for longing, love and an unhealthy dose of adrenaline. He didn’t know he longed for this to happen until it did. His eyes were wide open because of the shock however. He hadn’t moved, too scared and too confused to do anything. Seungri might stop. And yeah, he was the hyung, but Seungri did all of the work. He could feel the younger one’s lips moving against his own.
It wasn’t until he felt the tip of a tongue that he moved slightly, just to open his mouth. When the kiss deepened, he finally closed his eyes as well. Jiyong felt so loved, and although he was moving his lips as well, Seungri was still dominating the kiss. Not that he minded, at this moment. Hell, he was sure Seungri could get away with anything from now on.
The kiss finally ended when the need for oxygen became too big. When Jiyong opened his eyes again, he saw that Seungri had a nice pink shade on his cheeks. Not that Jiyong wasn’t blushing himself. No, he was sure he had a tomato red face. They were both breathing rather fast, but Jiyong managed to speak.
“So… what does this mean?” He whispered. Seungri just looked at him with a smile and shrugged.
“Whatever you want it to mean.” Seungri sounded quite confident and Jiyong was going to respond to that, but then he heard the front door of the apartment open and close. He almost forgot about Seunghyun and the others. Seungri heard as well.
“You’re going to tell them” He asked, which earned him a nod from Jiyong.
“Yeah, I guess” He replied. He took a deep breath and walked out of the room with new found confidence, knowing Seungri and Youngbae support him. Seungri followed him.
**
Seunghyun was sitting at the kitchen counter drinking coffee. Sure it was already late, but he had the feeling he was going to need it. Seungri and Jiyong were still in the room after 20 minutes. He heard yelling at some point and he was going to check it out, but the yelling stopped and nobody ran out of the room, so he figured it was okay.
He knew the ‘you better tell him yourself, or I will’ thing was a low blow, but he had enough of it already. After watching what was in Jiyong’s mail, he knew. I wasn’t really that difficult. The boss figured it out as well, obviously. And he could get why Jiyong was behaving the way he was, but enough is enough.
At some point, he heard Youngbae and Daesung enter the apartment. They came straight to him. Daesung looked worried and tired, Youngbae wasn’t looking any better.
“Hey.” He greeted.
“Hi hyung, so how is it going?” Youngbae asked. Seunghyun shrugged in response.
“No idea, they’ve been in there for quite a while. There was some yelling, but it stopped soon after it started… Haven’t you checked your mail yet?” He demanded.
“Nope, but I figured out what this was about anyway… Wait, you know? How?” But before Seunghyun could answer, the door to Seungri’s and Jiyong’s bedroom opened. Jiyong came out first, followed by a rather content looking Seungri.
Jiyong himself looked nervous however. Not as nervous and scared as before, but still not at ease either. Seunghyun figured Seungri took it rather well. Now everyone knew except Daesung. He guessed knowing is one thing, but telling is something else. This wasn’t easy for Jiyong, but it had to be said.
“I… I’ve got to tell you something… but first, I need to apologies.” Jiyong stammered. He looked back at Seungri, who nodded and put a hand on his shoulder.
“I’ve been un-leader-like this past 48 hours. I’ve acted horribly and treated you all like dirt, lashing out and yelling at you, while you guys did nothing wrong. You’ve been supportive and nice to me, even though I didn’t deserve that. I realize I almost messed up our concert, but it just became all too much.”
Jiyong paused and sighed. He was staring at the ground while talking, not daring to make eye-contact.
“What I’m trying to say and what all of you, except Dae, already know is that… I’m gay. I’ve known for a few years now and I wasn’t going to tell a soul. That was until yesterday when I sent the wrong file to our boss. He figured it out and was furious. So I thought you’d all be like that. I know that Seungri and Youngbae have accepted me and Dae, I hope you will to. Hyung, I know you’re angry at me, but I hope we can still wo-“ But Seunghyun wasn’t having any of it.
“I’m going to stop you right there. You’re right, I’m angry.” He said with a tight voice, making Jiyong flinch. He decided Jiyong has been upset enough so he’d be more easy on him.
“But I’m not angry because you’re gay, I’m angry that you’d think I would judge you for that. Ji, come on, we’ve known each other for years. When I got the email, everything made sense. Hell, I don’t care if you like girls, boys or even unicorn…” Dae interrupted him.
“Hyung, unicorns don’t exist.” Daesung muttered.
“Whatever, you get the picture! What I’m trying to say is that I’m upset that you didn’t have more faith in me… Ji, would you look at me, please?” Jiyong didn’t move the entire time he spoke and was still looking at the ground. Seunghyun found it hard to read him like this. Jiyong did look up with tears in his eyes, clearly trying not to cry.
“I’m sorry.” Jiyong said in a brittle voice.
“It’s fine, I know you are… It’s all in the past now… And I’m sure Dae feels the same way.” Seunghyun looked at Daesung, searching for confirmation. Daesung nodded in return.
“See? Okay, now… Let’s do something fun together, we need some happiness in this place.” They all laughed at that statement, even Jiyong smiled. They all moved towards the living room. They got a huge TV and any movie on demand. Nothing beats a good movie with the band. Daesung went back to the kitchen, preparing some popcorn when Youngbae started talking.
“Ji, I’m sorry to ask, but what happened between you and the boss in that dressing room?” Jiyong’s face fell again. It was clear he didn’t want to talk about it, so Seungri did instead.
“He got aggressive and told him to… well, ‘not be gay’ if he wanted to keep his job.” Seungri, who was sitting next to Jiyong, rolled up the latter’s sleeve to show the rest of the members his damaged arms. Seunghyun felt nauseous instantly.
“Shit, Ji! That looks painful…” Jiyong just shrugged.
“It doesn’t hurt anymore, Seungri took care of it.” Daesung, who returned from the kitchen to take a look, wasn’t convinced.
“Still, this is not right. Hyung, can’t we do anything about all of this?” Daesung inquired. But Seunghyun had to disappoint.
“No, not if we want to keep our jobs. We’ll just… have to be careful…” He looked at Ji, waiting for a reaction. But when nothing came, he continued.
“Look, Ji. We won’t tell him anything, you know that. Just keep a low profile, that’s all you can do for now.” Jiyong nodded in agreement.
“But now I get why you were so reluctant to tell us anything… Jeez… which reminds me… You and Seungri were yelling at some point.” Jiyong looked up at him.
“You heard that?” He said, clearly surprised. Seunghyun laughed.
“It was impossible not to… but, it suddenly ended, kinda weird really… what happened?”
“I kissed him.” Was Seungri’s fast answer. You could tell by the look on his face that he didn’t meant to say that. The rest of the band just stared wildly at the two now-lovers-apparently. Only Youngbae looked utterly calm and said:
“Finally…”
THE END
A/N: Whoop, done! My initial plan was to split this chapter in two, but it didn’t feel right so I had to continue writing. That’s why it took so long…
A great, big thank you to all of you for reading and commenting! I still can’t believe why you’d read something I’ve written. It’s full of mistakes. I’m very grateful!
If you are full of ideas, but aren’t writing them down. Start doing so! You might end up writing fanfiction (like me). Don’t worry if it’s not that good in your eyes, you’ll get better every time. There will never be enough fics in the world. Go and multiply! (wait… that’s not correct…)
Now I have to search for something new to write… Perhaps something a little more… happy (that was the plan with this fic, something went wrong, obviously…)… Maybe I’ll try some of them prompts? I don’t know… Oof… I’m hungry, gotta eat something first!
Jaa ne!