[Fic] Five times Jin forgot he had a date with Kame and one time he didn't
Title: Five times Jin forgot he had a date with Kame and one time he didn't
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Five dates Jin didn't mean to forget, and the one time Kame wouldn't let him.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kame, Jin, or KAT-TUN. They all belong to Johnny JE and no infringement is intended.
Author's Note: Written for the Akame fic meme redux, and finally completed... after many months weeks. But, you know, I finally finished something at least. XD This is for everyone who ever nudged me for fic. ♥ I guess all the SUBTLE SO VERY SUBTLE hints to write did work, huh. That is not to say I will have another fic finished any time soon...
The first time Jin forgot he had a date with Kame, he didn't know it was a date. He thought Kame just wanted to go to the movies on their day off, and didn't really think much about how unusual Kame had acted with his awkward posture and the way he didn't quite meet Jin's eyes.
“Do you want to go?” Kame had mumbled, all spiky hair and thick eyebrows and a hopeful look Jin didn't quite understand.
“Sure,” Jin had shrugged, before he got distracted by the smell of warm cookies in the kitchen. Munching on them hungrily, he thought it was weird how Kame couldn't stop looking at him and then quickly looking away when Jin caught him.
On the night before their date, Jin ended up playing video games with Reio for hours and then, when he went to bed, he forgot to turn on his alarm. In the end, he was two hours late, and when he got there, Kame was standing awkwardly near the front entrance.
“Sorry, sorry,” Jin panted, tired and sweaty from the run to the movie theatre. He would have taken the bus, but he didn't have the schedule.
“It's okay,” Kame said, shifting uncomfortably. He was clutching his bag and dressed in clothes Jin thought was pretty new. Jin had never seen them before and Jin was certain he'd seen all of Kame's outfits. He knew everything about Kame.
“Do you want to catch another one?” Jin asked, looking around for the listing. His heart was calming down, and now that he wasn't concerned about breathing, he was beginning to look forward to a couple of hours of being entertained.
“No,” Kame said softly. “I. I have to go home.”
“Oh.” Jin turned towards him. “Okay. Next time?” Jin asked, and when Kame smiled back at him and said yes, Jin didn't understand why this time felt so different from last time.
The second time Jin forgot he had a date with Kame, it was because they were both in the middle of a stupid fight. Jin thought Kame was being stupid and stubborn, and Kame thought Jin was being ignorant and stubborn, and what happened was six months of silence because Kame just couldn't admit he was wrong. Of course he was wrong, Jin had thought indignantly.
It wasn't until Jin had nothing to do on his day off that he realised they were originally going to go shopping and then have dinner together. Jin looked at his phone for a long moment, finger just a small distance away from Kame's speed dial, and then angrily turned off his phone. He threw it into his couch and crossed his arms.
One hour later, Jin broke. His father was working and his mother was grocery shopping and Reio was at school; the silence was beginning to grate, and he kind of missed Kame. Just a little bit, not that he would ever tell Kame because that would just mean Kame had won.
This, he thought angrily as he dug around his couch, didn't mean Kame had won.
When he finally found his phone, he turned it on and pressed Kame's speed dial. As he waited for Kame to pick up, his fingers tapped against his thigh impatiently, and he leaned back onto the couch, pouting and scowling.
“Hello?” Kame picked up after the seventh ring.
“What took you so long?” Jin asked angrily. “I could have died before you answered.”
“Jin,” Kame said flatly, but Jin could hear a thread of concern in his voice. “I told you not to eat anything that's been in your room.”
“I didn't,” Jin said, scowling. “I'm not stupid.” Then, he demanded, “Kame, come see a movie with me.”
“What? Now?” Kame asked, disbelief clear in his voice.
“Yeah,” Jin said stubbornly and waited. His fingers had stopped tapping and for some stupid reason, his heart was going haywire. He wondered idly whether he should have drank that can of soda he found under his bed.
“Fine,” Kame finally said with a long-suffering sigh, and Jin grinned in triumph.
When they met up in front of the movie theatre, Kame took one look at Jin and said, “I told you to stop stashing food in your room!”
“What?” Jin said defensively. “I didn't drink anything.”
Kame stared at him. “Did you check the expiry date?” he finally asked, and when Jin said no, started lecturing and scolding him even as they made their way inside to buy tickets.
It wasn't until they were waiting for the movie to start that Jin realised they'd stopped fighting.
The third time Jin forgot they had a date, it was because Jin had been too distracted worrying about Kame and Yamapi and Nobuta wo Produce to remember that they were supposed to eat out on one of Kame's rare days off. Jin had taken to hanging around Jimmy Mackey's house, coming in at random intervals and knocking loudly until Jimmy finally let him in. It was just a coincidence that Jin carried binoculars in his bag. It wasn't as if Jin bought them for any specific purpose, or that he was even looking in the direction of the Nobuta wo Produce filming set.
Still, Jin thought it was unfair when Jimmy had placed a chair outside and said, “It's easier to stalk Kamenashi from here.”
“I'm not stalking anyone,” Jin said defensively, even as he awkwardly wandered over to the chair and sat down, quickly taking the binoculars out of his bag.
“You could just phone him,” Jimmy said, exasperated, when Jin spent twenty minutes trying to figure out where Kame was by the shape of his head.
“I can't,” Jin mumbled. “Kame said I can't distract them,” he scowled.
There was nothing wrong with trying to hang out with his best friend and his boyfriend, Jin thought. They got to hang out and have fun and shoot a drama together-but what about Jin? He was left alone, no video games and random food fights with Yamapi; no kisses and dinners and shopping with Kame, who would spend hours searching for the right jeans. Jin even missed Kame scolding him, half-exasperated, half-fondly when Jin did something stupid and random.
He frowned and suddenly blurted, “Do you think Kame's cheating on me?”
“What?” Jimmy said. “What? No, never mind.” Jin thought Jimmy looked a bit queasy, which would have been insulting if Jin wasn’t too distracted with searching for-not stalking, no matter what certain other people said-Kame.
“Don't explain. And don’t tell me these things,” Jimmy added hurriedly.
Jin scowled. “But he never has time for me and he’s always with Pi and he’s always telling me to stay away,” he whined. “And Pi is always touching him,” he emphasised with a groping gesture.
Jimmy just put his hands over his ears and said, “I didn’t hear or see that.”
Rolling his eyes, Jin turned back to the direction of the set and started ignoring Jimmy, who had gone inside, hands still covering his ears as if Jin was going to traumatise him again. What did he know, anyway? Jin thought churlishly.
He was distracted enough that when his phone rang, he almost didn’t hear it. Instead, he heard the soft, muffled sounds of his generic ringtone and ignored it in favour of his binoculars.
Forty minutes later, when he’d given up on ever finding Kame and Yamapi, he took a look at his phone and stood up quickly. One missed call and a text message. With a sinking feeling-the feeling he associated most with pissing off Kame and blurting out stupid things that management specifically told him not to say-Jin scrolled through Kame’s text message and then listened to the voice mail.
“Jin,” Kame said, and Jin could hear the exhaustion underneath the tension. Kame could never hide anything from Jin, not for long anyway no matter how good an actor he was.
“You’re late.” There was a pause. “You could have called if you didn’t want to come,” Kame said tiredly.
“But I did want to come,” Jin said without thinking, as the recorded message ended.
He quickly stood up and packed his things-binoculars and some cookies he stole off Jimmy’s plate-and ran, but by the time he reached the small café just a few blocks away, Kame was already gone.
The fourth time Jin hadn't forgotten their date, but Kame had. Jin just liked to pretend it was the opposite, because it made him feel better and because Jin wanted to be vindictive, even if it was only in his own mind.
These days, they didn’t have that many dates. They didn't talk as much either-just a few phone calls here and there, some were missed and some were answered. Sometimes Jin would look down at his phone and think about calling Kame, but he never did. He always ended up staring at Kame's name in his phonebook like some stupid, pining stalker, one thumb posed uncertainly on top, before he angrily closed his phone. If Kame wanted to talk, then Kame should be the one calling, he thought, pissed off and a little hurt.
This time wasn't any different, except-Kame never forgot anything; Jin knew Kame kept a schedule book and wrote down every single meeting and appointment and interview and-maybe he forgot to write down Jin. Maybe he wasn't as important these days, Jin sneered, but he knew he wasn't being fair. He just didn't want to think about how he became the exception, not if he could help it.
When Kame called, Jin didn't answer. He let his phone ring and ring, while he bounced around a toy basketball, chest tight and hands struggling against the urge to pick up. He couldn't. Not yet, not until Kame knew how he'd felt every time he got Kame's recorded voice, every time Kame said he was busy, that he had work and couldn't make it. Every time Kame said he was sorry, he was so fucking sorry, when Jin didn't want to hear it, when all Jin wanted was to hang around their ramen stand and eat and talk and pretend everything was the same-when Jin was Kame's most important thing.
Kame only called twice, and ten minutes after Kame's last call, Jin threw away the basketball and picked up his phone. His hands were sweaty and his clothes were rumpled, and Jin felt like a teenage moron but-
Kame left a message.
“I'm sorry,” Kame said, voice tiny and scratchy. He sounded exhausted. “I. I fell asleep. I'm sorry.” There was a pause, a rustle of paper and then, “Maybe next week?” but Jin knew there wouldn't be a next week.
Jin didn't need to hear anymore; he turned off his phone, and grabbed his wallet and keys, halfway out of his apartment before he realised he'd left his jacket behind. The sky was turning dark, and Jin's skin was already prickling with goosebumps. He swore, quickly rushing back in to put it on before he headed towards his car.
*
Once Jin unlocked Kame's door, the smugness at conning Kame for a spare key to his new apartment quickly faded, leaving him feeling worried and apprehensive. The apartment was dark. Kame, Jin saw, was an unmoving lump on the couch, next to the table of paper and drama scripts. Kame's cellphone was askew on top of his schedule book.
Jin went forward and knelt down; he gently tugged down the blanket until Kame's messy hair and thin eyebrows came into view. He poked Kame's cheek, and kept poking when Kame frowned and swatted at him sleepily.
He poked Kame's thin, crooked nose; then his forehead and chin, whispering, “Kame, Kame, Kameeee, Kame, Kameeee,” until Kame woke up, tousled and half-lidded and looking at Jin with confusion.
He rubbed his eyes and stared at Jin, blinking slowly. Jin used to call it Kame's zombie-stare, because Kame was a bad morning person and was pretty useless before coffee, but had to stop when Kame got annoyed and withheld food.
“You shouldn't sleep here,” Jin just said, and pulled him up and towards his bedroom, keeping the blanket wrapped around Kame. Jin couldn't help frowning at how bony Kame's wrists were; if he looked down, he knew his own hands were gigantic around Kame's slender fingers and wrist. Kame's shoulders were brittle and hard, sloping down stiffly, like Kame had weights anchoring from either side.
“Jin,” Kame protested once, but half-heartedly-he yawned a second later, and Jin took that as agreement and pushed Kame on his bed, still wrapped securely in his blanket. He manoeuvred a sleepy Kame until he was comfortable, and then watched Kame doze off.
Someone-probably Ryo, that bastard-told Jin he was creepy about Kame, but Jin didn't think so. He just-liked looking at Kame, even when Kame was unconscious, which did seem kind of creepy, but it was his thing. His and Kame's thing, and Kame never complained. Probably because he wasn't awake at the time, Jin admitted, and then reached over to brush away a few strands of hair from Kame's face. He kind of believed he was creepy too but he'd never admit it, especially to Ryo, and it wasn't really a big deal anyway. Lots of people were creepy about Kame.
Kame shifted, eyes still closed, and murmured, “Jin?”
“Of course,” Jin said. Then, more suspiciously, “Who did you think it was?”
He watched Kame smile, then he watched it slowly fade. Kame turned his head away. “I am sorry, you know. About today.”
Jin shrugged before he realised Kame couldn't see him. “It's okay,” he said. “I'm not mad.”
Kame snorted, and Jin rolled his eyes and said, “Fine, not anymore.”
They were silent for a while after that, Jin watching Kame fall back into a light doze and then further into sleep before he slowly settled himself down on the bed, an arm slung across Kame's chest while Kame's elbow dug into his stomach. He had to bend his knee a little, because Kame liked to hunch over when he slept and Jin liked it best when he was as close to Kame as possible. Curling around Kame, slightly cold and uncomfortable, Jin settled in. He fell asleep quickly and dreamed about feeding sleepy turtles and sharks and Kame transforming into a turtle and making Jin turn the pages of his scripts.
The fifth time Jin hadn't meant to forget, but he'd been distracted by LA. Jin hadn't known there was so much to prepare for: passports and visas and injections. There were a million things he had to do, a million phone calls to make and so many things to organise-he was out of of his depth. He was too used to management doing everything for him while he just showed up in sunglasses and fashionable clothing, and now he was harried and stressed-and excited.
He hadn't meant to forget about the date, but he did, and he only really remembered when Kame came into his apartment without knocking, spare key pocketed somewhere in trendy, tight jeans and bottles of beer held in each hand. Jin took one silently and opened it. Kame didn't like beer; he preferred wine. This was Kame's only compromise. Jin took a sip and waited while Kame fiddled with his bottle, fingers lightly tracing the condensation.
“What time is your flight tomorrow?” Kame asked, looking away.
“Does it matter?” Jin took another sip, and then decided to hell with it and gulped down a quarter of the bottle.
“Not like you'll be there anyway.” The cold burned in a good way; made his throat less dry and scratchy, made this conversation easier. Or maybe that was just the alcohol. The heavy lump in his stomach was still there, still twisting like wired ropes being pulled in all directions, and Kame said nothing. Jin wanted to throw up.
“This was your choice,” Kame said tightly. The wrong choice, Kame left unsaid. It hung in the space between them, tense and angry and bitter, like the arguments they'd had when Jin first brought up the idea. Kame had disapproved, would always disapprove, because KAT-TUN came first and everything else was second; Jin leaving only half a year later after their debut was irresponsible, selfish, and a whole lot of words Jin had heard too many times. Jin didn't care. He needed this.
“I know,” Jin said a moment later, and Kame slumped down a little.
Jin could feel their anger fading, sliding back into an uncomfortable tension that Jin could never really figure out; half guilt and half resentment with some bitterness thrown in. It wasn't as if Kame-KAT-TUN-needed him much these days.
“You didn't choose us,” Kame said. You didn't choose me, Jin heard. It was so fucking unfair of Kame do this, to push this shit on Jin when Kame had stopped choosing Jin a long time ago-
Kame pushed his bottle away, and sat down on the floor in the front of the couch. He wrapped his arms around his knees, and for a second, Jin was seeing Kame at fourteen, skinny elbows, sharp shoulders, and cheeks rounded by baby fat. Before Kame had turned exotic and beautiful to everyone else, he had been Jin's.
Jin sat down next to Kame, shoulder to to shoulder. His left hand was cold and clammy from his beer, and his mouth still tasted faintly bitter.
“I just chose myself,” Jin said. “For a little while.” He shifted until his left side was pressed firmly against Kame; their shoulders bumped, and Kame stiffened. Jin waited.
“For six months and then I'll be back. And then you'll be yelling at me for being lazy and getting prissy because I'm stupid and late all the time and you'll kick me when I mess up our dancing-it'll be like I never left,” he finished quietly.
“It's not that simple, Jin.” Kame leaned back against the couch, staring at Jin's dusty ceiling like it had all the answers. He looked tired.
Jin kissed him, messy and sweet, cupping the back of Kame's head and pulling him closer and closer until they were tangled. Jin slid his hand under Kame's shirt while Kame watched him, eyes heavy-lidded and mouth wet and puffy. Bruised. He gently traced Kame's lips with his thumb.
“It can be,” Jin whispered later, tracing Kame's chin with soft kisses, and Kame sighed, pressing down into Jin's neck.
It wasn't approval, but it was close enough. Jin wrapped himself around Kame and tried to sleep.
The only time Jin remembered they had a date was that time in LA, just after they had finished talking about Jin coming back. Jin wasn't sure if it counted as a date, because Kame had just come in one morning-too early and awake for his own good-and dragged Jin out of bed. Jin had mumbled incoherently for a minute before he'd realise that Kame had pulled away his bed covers, and had been thwapping Jin with his own pillow for a while.
“Huh?” Jin blinked at Kame, who had gone still in mid-hit, pillow flopping carelessly from Kame's hands.
“Finally,” Kame said, exasperated, and then pulled Jin out of bed. “Shower, get dressed, and then coffee,” Kame ordered, bossy and efficient and annoying. It was kind of hot.
“Not now,” Kame sighed, when all Jin did was stare at him, “we have a lot of things to do.”
Jin was pushed into the bathroom, while Kame went off to do Kame-things. Shrugging, Jin got in and tried to wake up properly. His mind was sluggish and tired, and his body just wanted to curl into bed again, letting go of his fears and worries about the future.
He was back in KAT-TUN; he was going back to Japan in less than two months. Thinking about it was confusing-he wanted to go back, he didn't want to go back; he missed Kame, he missed KAT-TUN; he loved the anonymity and freedom of LA. He loved the singing and the dancing and the attention, the high of a concert and way the fans would shout out his name, adoration and love on the tips of their tongue. Closing his eyes, Jin let out a breath.
KAT-TUN didn't need Jin, but they wanted him.
Kame didn't need Jin these days like he used to, but he still needed Jin, and Kame had always wanted him; Jin had no doubts about that.
It felt like an answer to a question Jin didn't know he was asking.
When Jin got out, towel hanging low around his hips and a smaller towel slung across his shoulders, Kame had finished making breakfast-some kind of scrambled eggs with bacon and pieces of cut toast and coffee. Kame had stared at Jin wordlessly for a while, eyes trailing down his body, before he snapped them back up.
“Why aren't you dressed?” Kame narrowed his eyes.
“Because I'm hot and you haven't seen me naked for months?” Jin said, and started shovelling eggs into his mouth. He hadn't had a home cooked meal in months, and Jin always liked Kame's cooking, even when Kame tried to be creative.
“Come on, it's like an early birthday present,” Jin said when all Kame did was cross his arms.
“Don't act like you're not enjoying it.” Jin started leering at Kame, who kept flickering his gaze down below neck.
He watched smugly as Kame flushed, but became uncertain when Kame glared at him and walked off to Jin's bedroom. Confused, Jin finished off his plate and stared at the half-opened bedroom door, wondering whether he should check in case Kame decided to seek his revenge by wrathfully throwing away Jin's favourite sweater or something even worse.
Before Jin could make a decision, Kame came out with a small pile of Jin's clothes and threw it on the couch.
“Get dressed,” Kame said, pointing a finger at the pile before he started cleaning up the kitchen.
Jin decided not to piss Kame off today and do what he was told, though he did pick the ugliest shirt out of the pile just to be spiteful.
*
They went shopping. Kame said he made a schedule and they were just following it, but Jin was pretty sure Kame got sucked in by the flashy designer clothing on display and the lure of fashionable accessories in a foreign country. Still, Jin didn’t complain when Kame dragged him in one store after another and made him translate in halting English to the shop assistants.
They used up a couple of hours wandering through stores, trying on clothes, and getting chatted up by strange girls (and boys). Kame made him carry their bags afterwards, and then pulled him along to a little quiet café for lunch.
“I can’t believe you haven’t died from malnutrition yet,” Kame said after Jin told him about his one burger a day philosophy.
“There’s nothing wrong with burgers,” Jin said defensively.
“Except for the unhealthy and slowly killing you part-I have nothing against burgers.” Kame looked at Jin coolly, and Jin had no choice but to stick out his tongue.
“You’re so childish,” Kame told him, exasperated.
“Awawaaa,” Jin said loudly.
“Those aren’t even words.” Kame looked cross, like he wanted to strangle Jin and slide down in embarrassment at the same time but couldn’t, because he thought Jin was kind of cute.
“Awawaaa,” Jin replied, and Kame threw his napkin at him.
*
Somehow, they ended up at the park. Jin wasn’t sure how they got there or if it was part of Kame’s schedule, but after lunch, they went back to the hotel where Kame packed away his new clothes while Jin sat and watched him, hands tucked under his chin.
Then, they decided to wander around until Kame had to go for his-and KAT-TUN’s-photoshoot. Jin’s was set tomorrow, and he wasn’t included in the group photos yet, so he pretty much had the day free.
Jin buried his hands in his pockets. “Remember the last time we were here?” he couldn't resist asking.
It had been pretty exciting, their first time in New York. Kame had been bouncing in anticipation because of a baseball game, and Jin had been wide-eyed and thrilled with the freedom.
“Yeah,” Kame said, pulling his jacket closer. The wind was picking up, growing cold when it was barely cool just a second ago.
“When do you guys go back?” Jin asked abruptly, glancing at Kame from the corner of his eyes.
Kame hesitated. “Tomorrow,” he said, not looking at Jin.
“Guess this is goodbye.” Jin shifted his feet and wriggled his toes, pushing at the leathery soles. They were brand new, just four hours old, and won’t be comfortable until Jin stretched it out, made it mould to the shape of his feet. Kame had liked the shoes.
“Until April,” Kame corrected, and then he tugged Jin’s hand from his pocket and threaded his fingers with Jin’s.
Jin’s heart started thumping rapidly, so loud and heavy he wondered why Kame couldn’t hear it. He squeezed Kame’s hand, and then he pulled Kame along through the park, hands swaying in the wind and footsteps light and quick, laughing and happy, like a snapshot of their past.
Later, Jin told Kame earnestly, “I missed you,” and Kame was startled into a shy smile. Then, Kame hit him and said, “I know what you were doing with that shirt.”
Jin thought it was probably the best date they'd ever had.
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Five dates Jin didn't mean to forget, and the one time Kame wouldn't let him.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kame, Jin, or KAT-TUN. They all belong to Johnny JE and no infringement is intended.
Author's Note: Written for the Akame fic meme redux, and finally completed... after many months weeks. But, you know, I finally finished something at least. XD This is for everyone who ever nudged me for fic. ♥ I guess all the SUBTLE SO VERY SUBTLE hints to write did work, huh. That is not to say I will have another fic finished any time soon...
The first time Jin forgot he had a date with Kame, he didn't know it was a date. He thought Kame just wanted to go to the movies on their day off, and didn't really think much about how unusual Kame had acted with his awkward posture and the way he didn't quite meet Jin's eyes.
“Do you want to go?” Kame had mumbled, all spiky hair and thick eyebrows and a hopeful look Jin didn't quite understand.
“Sure,” Jin had shrugged, before he got distracted by the smell of warm cookies in the kitchen. Munching on them hungrily, he thought it was weird how Kame couldn't stop looking at him and then quickly looking away when Jin caught him.
On the night before their date, Jin ended up playing video games with Reio for hours and then, when he went to bed, he forgot to turn on his alarm. In the end, he was two hours late, and when he got there, Kame was standing awkwardly near the front entrance.
“Sorry, sorry,” Jin panted, tired and sweaty from the run to the movie theatre. He would have taken the bus, but he didn't have the schedule.
“It's okay,” Kame said, shifting uncomfortably. He was clutching his bag and dressed in clothes Jin thought was pretty new. Jin had never seen them before and Jin was certain he'd seen all of Kame's outfits. He knew everything about Kame.
“Do you want to catch another one?” Jin asked, looking around for the listing. His heart was calming down, and now that he wasn't concerned about breathing, he was beginning to look forward to a couple of hours of being entertained.
“No,” Kame said softly. “I. I have to go home.”
“Oh.” Jin turned towards him. “Okay. Next time?” Jin asked, and when Kame smiled back at him and said yes, Jin didn't understand why this time felt so different from last time.
The second time Jin forgot he had a date with Kame, it was because they were both in the middle of a stupid fight. Jin thought Kame was being stupid and stubborn, and Kame thought Jin was being ignorant and stubborn, and what happened was six months of silence because Kame just couldn't admit he was wrong. Of course he was wrong, Jin had thought indignantly.
It wasn't until Jin had nothing to do on his day off that he realised they were originally going to go shopping and then have dinner together. Jin looked at his phone for a long moment, finger just a small distance away from Kame's speed dial, and then angrily turned off his phone. He threw it into his couch and crossed his arms.
One hour later, Jin broke. His father was working and his mother was grocery shopping and Reio was at school; the silence was beginning to grate, and he kind of missed Kame. Just a little bit, not that he would ever tell Kame because that would just mean Kame had won.
This, he thought angrily as he dug around his couch, didn't mean Kame had won.
When he finally found his phone, he turned it on and pressed Kame's speed dial. As he waited for Kame to pick up, his fingers tapped against his thigh impatiently, and he leaned back onto the couch, pouting and scowling.
“Hello?” Kame picked up after the seventh ring.
“What took you so long?” Jin asked angrily. “I could have died before you answered.”
“Jin,” Kame said flatly, but Jin could hear a thread of concern in his voice. “I told you not to eat anything that's been in your room.”
“I didn't,” Jin said, scowling. “I'm not stupid.” Then, he demanded, “Kame, come see a movie with me.”
“What? Now?” Kame asked, disbelief clear in his voice.
“Yeah,” Jin said stubbornly and waited. His fingers had stopped tapping and for some stupid reason, his heart was going haywire. He wondered idly whether he should have drank that can of soda he found under his bed.
“Fine,” Kame finally said with a long-suffering sigh, and Jin grinned in triumph.
When they met up in front of the movie theatre, Kame took one look at Jin and said, “I told you to stop stashing food in your room!”
“What?” Jin said defensively. “I didn't drink anything.”
Kame stared at him. “Did you check the expiry date?” he finally asked, and when Jin said no, started lecturing and scolding him even as they made their way inside to buy tickets.
It wasn't until they were waiting for the movie to start that Jin realised they'd stopped fighting.
The third time Jin forgot they had a date, it was because Jin had been too distracted worrying about Kame and Yamapi and Nobuta wo Produce to remember that they were supposed to eat out on one of Kame's rare days off. Jin had taken to hanging around Jimmy Mackey's house, coming in at random intervals and knocking loudly until Jimmy finally let him in. It was just a coincidence that Jin carried binoculars in his bag. It wasn't as if Jin bought them for any specific purpose, or that he was even looking in the direction of the Nobuta wo Produce filming set.
Still, Jin thought it was unfair when Jimmy had placed a chair outside and said, “It's easier to stalk Kamenashi from here.”
“I'm not stalking anyone,” Jin said defensively, even as he awkwardly wandered over to the chair and sat down, quickly taking the binoculars out of his bag.
“You could just phone him,” Jimmy said, exasperated, when Jin spent twenty minutes trying to figure out where Kame was by the shape of his head.
“I can't,” Jin mumbled. “Kame said I can't distract them,” he scowled.
There was nothing wrong with trying to hang out with his best friend and his boyfriend, Jin thought. They got to hang out and have fun and shoot a drama together-but what about Jin? He was left alone, no video games and random food fights with Yamapi; no kisses and dinners and shopping with Kame, who would spend hours searching for the right jeans. Jin even missed Kame scolding him, half-exasperated, half-fondly when Jin did something stupid and random.
He frowned and suddenly blurted, “Do you think Kame's cheating on me?”
“What?” Jimmy said. “What? No, never mind.” Jin thought Jimmy looked a bit queasy, which would have been insulting if Jin wasn’t too distracted with searching for-not stalking, no matter what certain other people said-Kame.
“Don't explain. And don’t tell me these things,” Jimmy added hurriedly.
Jin scowled. “But he never has time for me and he’s always with Pi and he’s always telling me to stay away,” he whined. “And Pi is always touching him,” he emphasised with a groping gesture.
Jimmy just put his hands over his ears and said, “I didn’t hear or see that.”
Rolling his eyes, Jin turned back to the direction of the set and started ignoring Jimmy, who had gone inside, hands still covering his ears as if Jin was going to traumatise him again. What did he know, anyway? Jin thought churlishly.
He was distracted enough that when his phone rang, he almost didn’t hear it. Instead, he heard the soft, muffled sounds of his generic ringtone and ignored it in favour of his binoculars.
Forty minutes later, when he’d given up on ever finding Kame and Yamapi, he took a look at his phone and stood up quickly. One missed call and a text message. With a sinking feeling-the feeling he associated most with pissing off Kame and blurting out stupid things that management specifically told him not to say-Jin scrolled through Kame’s text message and then listened to the voice mail.
“Jin,” Kame said, and Jin could hear the exhaustion underneath the tension. Kame could never hide anything from Jin, not for long anyway no matter how good an actor he was.
“You’re late.” There was a pause. “You could have called if you didn’t want to come,” Kame said tiredly.
“But I did want to come,” Jin said without thinking, as the recorded message ended.
He quickly stood up and packed his things-binoculars and some cookies he stole off Jimmy’s plate-and ran, but by the time he reached the small café just a few blocks away, Kame was already gone.
The fourth time Jin hadn't forgotten their date, but Kame had. Jin just liked to pretend it was the opposite, because it made him feel better and because Jin wanted to be vindictive, even if it was only in his own mind.
These days, they didn’t have that many dates. They didn't talk as much either-just a few phone calls here and there, some were missed and some were answered. Sometimes Jin would look down at his phone and think about calling Kame, but he never did. He always ended up staring at Kame's name in his phonebook like some stupid, pining stalker, one thumb posed uncertainly on top, before he angrily closed his phone. If Kame wanted to talk, then Kame should be the one calling, he thought, pissed off and a little hurt.
This time wasn't any different, except-Kame never forgot anything; Jin knew Kame kept a schedule book and wrote down every single meeting and appointment and interview and-maybe he forgot to write down Jin. Maybe he wasn't as important these days, Jin sneered, but he knew he wasn't being fair. He just didn't want to think about how he became the exception, not if he could help it.
When Kame called, Jin didn't answer. He let his phone ring and ring, while he bounced around a toy basketball, chest tight and hands struggling against the urge to pick up. He couldn't. Not yet, not until Kame knew how he'd felt every time he got Kame's recorded voice, every time Kame said he was busy, that he had work and couldn't make it. Every time Kame said he was sorry, he was so fucking sorry, when Jin didn't want to hear it, when all Jin wanted was to hang around their ramen stand and eat and talk and pretend everything was the same-when Jin was Kame's most important thing.
Kame only called twice, and ten minutes after Kame's last call, Jin threw away the basketball and picked up his phone. His hands were sweaty and his clothes were rumpled, and Jin felt like a teenage moron but-
Kame left a message.
“I'm sorry,” Kame said, voice tiny and scratchy. He sounded exhausted. “I. I fell asleep. I'm sorry.” There was a pause, a rustle of paper and then, “Maybe next week?” but Jin knew there wouldn't be a next week.
Jin didn't need to hear anymore; he turned off his phone, and grabbed his wallet and keys, halfway out of his apartment before he realised he'd left his jacket behind. The sky was turning dark, and Jin's skin was already prickling with goosebumps. He swore, quickly rushing back in to put it on before he headed towards his car.
*
Once Jin unlocked Kame's door, the smugness at conning Kame for a spare key to his new apartment quickly faded, leaving him feeling worried and apprehensive. The apartment was dark. Kame, Jin saw, was an unmoving lump on the couch, next to the table of paper and drama scripts. Kame's cellphone was askew on top of his schedule book.
Jin went forward and knelt down; he gently tugged down the blanket until Kame's messy hair and thin eyebrows came into view. He poked Kame's cheek, and kept poking when Kame frowned and swatted at him sleepily.
He poked Kame's thin, crooked nose; then his forehead and chin, whispering, “Kame, Kame, Kameeee, Kame, Kameeee,” until Kame woke up, tousled and half-lidded and looking at Jin with confusion.
He rubbed his eyes and stared at Jin, blinking slowly. Jin used to call it Kame's zombie-stare, because Kame was a bad morning person and was pretty useless before coffee, but had to stop when Kame got annoyed and withheld food.
“You shouldn't sleep here,” Jin just said, and pulled him up and towards his bedroom, keeping the blanket wrapped around Kame. Jin couldn't help frowning at how bony Kame's wrists were; if he looked down, he knew his own hands were gigantic around Kame's slender fingers and wrist. Kame's shoulders were brittle and hard, sloping down stiffly, like Kame had weights anchoring from either side.
“Jin,” Kame protested once, but half-heartedly-he yawned a second later, and Jin took that as agreement and pushed Kame on his bed, still wrapped securely in his blanket. He manoeuvred a sleepy Kame until he was comfortable, and then watched Kame doze off.
Someone-probably Ryo, that bastard-told Jin he was creepy about Kame, but Jin didn't think so. He just-liked looking at Kame, even when Kame was unconscious, which did seem kind of creepy, but it was his thing. His and Kame's thing, and Kame never complained. Probably because he wasn't awake at the time, Jin admitted, and then reached over to brush away a few strands of hair from Kame's face. He kind of believed he was creepy too but he'd never admit it, especially to Ryo, and it wasn't really a big deal anyway. Lots of people were creepy about Kame.
Kame shifted, eyes still closed, and murmured, “Jin?”
“Of course,” Jin said. Then, more suspiciously, “Who did you think it was?”
He watched Kame smile, then he watched it slowly fade. Kame turned his head away. “I am sorry, you know. About today.”
Jin shrugged before he realised Kame couldn't see him. “It's okay,” he said. “I'm not mad.”
Kame snorted, and Jin rolled his eyes and said, “Fine, not anymore.”
They were silent for a while after that, Jin watching Kame fall back into a light doze and then further into sleep before he slowly settled himself down on the bed, an arm slung across Kame's chest while Kame's elbow dug into his stomach. He had to bend his knee a little, because Kame liked to hunch over when he slept and Jin liked it best when he was as close to Kame as possible. Curling around Kame, slightly cold and uncomfortable, Jin settled in. He fell asleep quickly and dreamed about feeding sleepy turtles and sharks and Kame transforming into a turtle and making Jin turn the pages of his scripts.
The fifth time Jin hadn't meant to forget, but he'd been distracted by LA. Jin hadn't known there was so much to prepare for: passports and visas and injections. There were a million things he had to do, a million phone calls to make and so many things to organise-he was out of of his depth. He was too used to management doing everything for him while he just showed up in sunglasses and fashionable clothing, and now he was harried and stressed-and excited.
He hadn't meant to forget about the date, but he did, and he only really remembered when Kame came into his apartment without knocking, spare key pocketed somewhere in trendy, tight jeans and bottles of beer held in each hand. Jin took one silently and opened it. Kame didn't like beer; he preferred wine. This was Kame's only compromise. Jin took a sip and waited while Kame fiddled with his bottle, fingers lightly tracing the condensation.
“What time is your flight tomorrow?” Kame asked, looking away.
“Does it matter?” Jin took another sip, and then decided to hell with it and gulped down a quarter of the bottle.
“Not like you'll be there anyway.” The cold burned in a good way; made his throat less dry and scratchy, made this conversation easier. Or maybe that was just the alcohol. The heavy lump in his stomach was still there, still twisting like wired ropes being pulled in all directions, and Kame said nothing. Jin wanted to throw up.
“This was your choice,” Kame said tightly. The wrong choice, Kame left unsaid. It hung in the space between them, tense and angry and bitter, like the arguments they'd had when Jin first brought up the idea. Kame had disapproved, would always disapprove, because KAT-TUN came first and everything else was second; Jin leaving only half a year later after their debut was irresponsible, selfish, and a whole lot of words Jin had heard too many times. Jin didn't care. He needed this.
“I know,” Jin said a moment later, and Kame slumped down a little.
Jin could feel their anger fading, sliding back into an uncomfortable tension that Jin could never really figure out; half guilt and half resentment with some bitterness thrown in. It wasn't as if Kame-KAT-TUN-needed him much these days.
“You didn't choose us,” Kame said. You didn't choose me, Jin heard. It was so fucking unfair of Kame do this, to push this shit on Jin when Kame had stopped choosing Jin a long time ago-
Kame pushed his bottle away, and sat down on the floor in the front of the couch. He wrapped his arms around his knees, and for a second, Jin was seeing Kame at fourteen, skinny elbows, sharp shoulders, and cheeks rounded by baby fat. Before Kame had turned exotic and beautiful to everyone else, he had been Jin's.
Jin sat down next to Kame, shoulder to to shoulder. His left hand was cold and clammy from his beer, and his mouth still tasted faintly bitter.
“I just chose myself,” Jin said. “For a little while.” He shifted until his left side was pressed firmly against Kame; their shoulders bumped, and Kame stiffened. Jin waited.
“For six months and then I'll be back. And then you'll be yelling at me for being lazy and getting prissy because I'm stupid and late all the time and you'll kick me when I mess up our dancing-it'll be like I never left,” he finished quietly.
“It's not that simple, Jin.” Kame leaned back against the couch, staring at Jin's dusty ceiling like it had all the answers. He looked tired.
Jin kissed him, messy and sweet, cupping the back of Kame's head and pulling him closer and closer until they were tangled. Jin slid his hand under Kame's shirt while Kame watched him, eyes heavy-lidded and mouth wet and puffy. Bruised. He gently traced Kame's lips with his thumb.
“It can be,” Jin whispered later, tracing Kame's chin with soft kisses, and Kame sighed, pressing down into Jin's neck.
It wasn't approval, but it was close enough. Jin wrapped himself around Kame and tried to sleep.
The only time Jin remembered they had a date was that time in LA, just after they had finished talking about Jin coming back. Jin wasn't sure if it counted as a date, because Kame had just come in one morning-too early and awake for his own good-and dragged Jin out of bed. Jin had mumbled incoherently for a minute before he'd realise that Kame had pulled away his bed covers, and had been thwapping Jin with his own pillow for a while.
“Huh?” Jin blinked at Kame, who had gone still in mid-hit, pillow flopping carelessly from Kame's hands.
“Finally,” Kame said, exasperated, and then pulled Jin out of bed. “Shower, get dressed, and then coffee,” Kame ordered, bossy and efficient and annoying. It was kind of hot.
“Not now,” Kame sighed, when all Jin did was stare at him, “we have a lot of things to do.”
Jin was pushed into the bathroom, while Kame went off to do Kame-things. Shrugging, Jin got in and tried to wake up properly. His mind was sluggish and tired, and his body just wanted to curl into bed again, letting go of his fears and worries about the future.
He was back in KAT-TUN; he was going back to Japan in less than two months. Thinking about it was confusing-he wanted to go back, he didn't want to go back; he missed Kame, he missed KAT-TUN; he loved the anonymity and freedom of LA. He loved the singing and the dancing and the attention, the high of a concert and way the fans would shout out his name, adoration and love on the tips of their tongue. Closing his eyes, Jin let out a breath.
KAT-TUN didn't need Jin, but they wanted him.
Kame didn't need Jin these days like he used to, but he still needed Jin, and Kame had always wanted him; Jin had no doubts about that.
It felt like an answer to a question Jin didn't know he was asking.
When Jin got out, towel hanging low around his hips and a smaller towel slung across his shoulders, Kame had finished making breakfast-some kind of scrambled eggs with bacon and pieces of cut toast and coffee. Kame had stared at Jin wordlessly for a while, eyes trailing down his body, before he snapped them back up.
“Why aren't you dressed?” Kame narrowed his eyes.
“Because I'm hot and you haven't seen me naked for months?” Jin said, and started shovelling eggs into his mouth. He hadn't had a home cooked meal in months, and Jin always liked Kame's cooking, even when Kame tried to be creative.
“Come on, it's like an early birthday present,” Jin said when all Kame did was cross his arms.
“Don't act like you're not enjoying it.” Jin started leering at Kame, who kept flickering his gaze down below neck.
He watched smugly as Kame flushed, but became uncertain when Kame glared at him and walked off to Jin's bedroom. Confused, Jin finished off his plate and stared at the half-opened bedroom door, wondering whether he should check in case Kame decided to seek his revenge by wrathfully throwing away Jin's favourite sweater or something even worse.
Before Jin could make a decision, Kame came out with a small pile of Jin's clothes and threw it on the couch.
“Get dressed,” Kame said, pointing a finger at the pile before he started cleaning up the kitchen.
Jin decided not to piss Kame off today and do what he was told, though he did pick the ugliest shirt out of the pile just to be spiteful.
*
They went shopping. Kame said he made a schedule and they were just following it, but Jin was pretty sure Kame got sucked in by the flashy designer clothing on display and the lure of fashionable accessories in a foreign country. Still, Jin didn’t complain when Kame dragged him in one store after another and made him translate in halting English to the shop assistants.
They used up a couple of hours wandering through stores, trying on clothes, and getting chatted up by strange girls (and boys). Kame made him carry their bags afterwards, and then pulled him along to a little quiet café for lunch.
“I can’t believe you haven’t died from malnutrition yet,” Kame said after Jin told him about his one burger a day philosophy.
“There’s nothing wrong with burgers,” Jin said defensively.
“Except for the unhealthy and slowly killing you part-I have nothing against burgers.” Kame looked at Jin coolly, and Jin had no choice but to stick out his tongue.
“You’re so childish,” Kame told him, exasperated.
“Awawaaa,” Jin said loudly.
“Those aren’t even words.” Kame looked cross, like he wanted to strangle Jin and slide down in embarrassment at the same time but couldn’t, because he thought Jin was kind of cute.
“Awawaaa,” Jin replied, and Kame threw his napkin at him.
*
Somehow, they ended up at the park. Jin wasn’t sure how they got there or if it was part of Kame’s schedule, but after lunch, they went back to the hotel where Kame packed away his new clothes while Jin sat and watched him, hands tucked under his chin.
Then, they decided to wander around until Kame had to go for his-and KAT-TUN’s-photoshoot. Jin’s was set tomorrow, and he wasn’t included in the group photos yet, so he pretty much had the day free.
Jin buried his hands in his pockets. “Remember the last time we were here?” he couldn't resist asking.
It had been pretty exciting, their first time in New York. Kame had been bouncing in anticipation because of a baseball game, and Jin had been wide-eyed and thrilled with the freedom.
“Yeah,” Kame said, pulling his jacket closer. The wind was picking up, growing cold when it was barely cool just a second ago.
“When do you guys go back?” Jin asked abruptly, glancing at Kame from the corner of his eyes.
Kame hesitated. “Tomorrow,” he said, not looking at Jin.
“Guess this is goodbye.” Jin shifted his feet and wriggled his toes, pushing at the leathery soles. They were brand new, just four hours old, and won’t be comfortable until Jin stretched it out, made it mould to the shape of his feet. Kame had liked the shoes.
“Until April,” Kame corrected, and then he tugged Jin’s hand from his pocket and threaded his fingers with Jin’s.
Jin’s heart started thumping rapidly, so loud and heavy he wondered why Kame couldn’t hear it. He squeezed Kame’s hand, and then he pulled Kame along through the park, hands swaying in the wind and footsteps light and quick, laughing and happy, like a snapshot of their past.
Later, Jin told Kame earnestly, “I missed you,” and Kame was startled into a shy smile. Then, Kame hit him and said, “I know what you were doing with that shirt.”
Jin thought it was probably the best date they'd ever had.