Not H1N1
Title: Not H1N1
Story Continuity: Returning Away
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 337
Summary: Tom is forced to play nursemaid to Emilie, and brings Fuma along with him to buy her medicine. And unfortunately for Emilie, they're fresh out of chili con carne Cough Nots.
"I hate Emilie so much right now," Tom said. "First she tells the entire school she's dying of swine flu-"
"They're calling it H1N1 these days," Fuma said, sauntering off slightly towards the opposite side of the aisle.
"Yeah, fine, whatever lets you sleep. Then she wants Cough Nots in a flavor that doesn't exist - like any respectable cough medicine would have a fried corn dog flavor, and guess what, screw her, I'm buying the bitch her last choice, grape-flavored codeine, which I am going to pretend looks awfully similar to Target-brand liquid cherry cough medicine, honest - and Fuma, she doesn't fucking have H1N1, okay? It's a head cold. I was a doctor for fifty years in the early nineteen hundreds, I think I can recognize a damn head cold. And I just lost the game, and I hate the game. It's childish. Like Emilie."
"Ah, yes, the game of life. Think about it and you lose. And thank you, by the way, now I've lost, as well. I had a ten-day winning streak, too, you asshole. As for the fifty years' practice thing, I imagine you haven't kept abreast in the past, what, five hundred years? And that sort of thing generally matters, being as how much diseases tend to change so often."
Tom glared at a black oak cane as if it were the source of all his trouble. "You know, if I were Dr. House, I wouldn't have to put up with this shit."
"Because...doctors are somehow exempt from seeing patients?" Fuma said, raising an eyebrow. He'd been getting good at that. Tom said, "Well, no, but I'd be House. Get it?"
"...No?"
Tom looked at Fuma. Remembered that his favorite American shows were the 90's Batman animation and Scrubs. Shrugged.
"Never mind," Tom said, because Fuma probably wouldn't be interested in being let in on the joke anyway, the Braff-loving moron. "Which one of these cough drops taste the most like raw sewage dipped in liver juice?"
Story Continuity: Returning Away
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 337
Summary: Tom is forced to play nursemaid to Emilie, and brings Fuma along with him to buy her medicine. And unfortunately for Emilie, they're fresh out of chili con carne Cough Nots.
"I hate Emilie so much right now," Tom said. "First she tells the entire school she's dying of swine flu-"
"They're calling it H1N1 these days," Fuma said, sauntering off slightly towards the opposite side of the aisle.
"Yeah, fine, whatever lets you sleep. Then she wants Cough Nots in a flavor that doesn't exist - like any respectable cough medicine would have a fried corn dog flavor, and guess what, screw her, I'm buying the bitch her last choice, grape-flavored codeine, which I am going to pretend looks awfully similar to Target-brand liquid cherry cough medicine, honest - and Fuma, she doesn't fucking have H1N1, okay? It's a head cold. I was a doctor for fifty years in the early nineteen hundreds, I think I can recognize a damn head cold. And I just lost the game, and I hate the game. It's childish. Like Emilie."
"Ah, yes, the game of life. Think about it and you lose. And thank you, by the way, now I've lost, as well. I had a ten-day winning streak, too, you asshole. As for the fifty years' practice thing, I imagine you haven't kept abreast in the past, what, five hundred years? And that sort of thing generally matters, being as how much diseases tend to change so often."
Tom glared at a black oak cane as if it were the source of all his trouble. "You know, if I were Dr. House, I wouldn't have to put up with this shit."
"Because...doctors are somehow exempt from seeing patients?" Fuma said, raising an eyebrow. He'd been getting good at that. Tom said, "Well, no, but I'd be House. Get it?"
"...No?"
Tom looked at Fuma. Remembered that his favorite American shows were the 90's Batman animation and Scrubs. Shrugged.
"Never mind," Tom said, because Fuma probably wouldn't be interested in being let in on the joke anyway, the Braff-loving moron. "Which one of these cough drops taste the most like raw sewage dipped in liver juice?"