Fic: I've Got A Lovely Bunch Of... Bananas?

[dark_aegis]

Title: I've Got A Lovely Bunch Of... Bananas?
Authors: Gillian Taylor & Her Minions of Doom (aka wendymr & sc_angel72)
Rating: M
Characters: Rose/Ten
Summary: Torture? This isn't torture. It's foreplay
Spoilers: Sequel to "Is That a Banana in Your Pocket?"
Disclaimer: Don't own them. We just like playing with them...a lot.
Archive: Sure, just let us know.

A/N: It started as crack!fic. Honest. And then it ran away with us and turned into semicrackfic. Maybe half-way crackish? And went back to crack. Well, judge for yourselves :)



I’ve Got A Lovely Bunch Of... Bananas?
by Gillian Taylor and her Minions (aka WMR and SC_Angel)

(a sequel to Is That a Banana in Your Pocket?)

Rose's lips hovered over the tip of the not-banana. And then she hesitated, looking up at him, taking in the look of near-desperation in his face.

"You know, Doctor, some bananas just weren't meant to be eaten. I mean, it'd be such a waste, wouldn’t it?"

"Rose!" She'd never heard him speak in such a high pitch.

She grinned, tongue between her teeth. "I just meant there are other uses for it, aren't there? Wouldn't want it all to go at once."

He actually whimpered.

"If I wasn't stuck here, Rose Tyler, I'd show you what other uses there are for a... banana." His hands fisted at his sides as he glared at her.

"Besides," he added after a moment, "you don't know that it would... all go at once. I might have amazing powers of regeneration you don't know about. Time Lord, you know..."

"Ooh, promises, Doctor." She stroked his banana with her fingertips. "If I'm good and eat all my banana now, will you promise to show me these powers of yours later?"

"You're trying to kill me, aren't you? It's because I wouldn't show you my moves, isn't it? This is payback," the Doctor groaned, not really pushing his hips up. It was just a figment of both their imaginations.

"Now why would I want to do that?" she asked, blowing gently over the tip.

“Rose!” It was even more of a squeak than before.

“You know,” she said, putting a very concerned expression on her face, “I think we’re both forgetting the most important thing here.”

“What’s that?” By the look on his face, she knew exactly what he thought the most important thing was.

“You’re trapped,” she said sweetly. “Shouldn’t I be freeing you?”

“You - are - killing - me,” he enunciated, very clearly and obviously with a great deal of effort.

Time to take pity on him, she decided. And anyway, she couldn't wait any longer. She lowered her lips to the tip of his... not-banana.

"Rose! Watch out for that-" His face fell as he looked at her sleeve. "Leaf," he completed forlornly.

She jerked her head up, letting his penis fall from her lips. Oops. Now she was stuck to the plant, too.

“Oh, Rose.” He sounded upset. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to - ”

“ ‘S all right.” Having assessed the situation, she could see that she wasn’t in any way as bad a situation as he was. It was just her blouse. Easily sorted. Okay, it was now part of the plant - or the plant was part of her blouse - but no problem.

With a quick twist and a shimmy, she was out of it, letting it fall to the floor. "See, wasn't that easy?" she asked with a grin. "Now, where were we?"

His lips moved, but no sound came out.

She looked down again. Ah. Right. She was behind on laundry, and this morning had had to resort to a bra she rarely wore. It wasn’t her most comfortable. It was, however, her most revealing.

"See something you like?" she asked with a wicked grin.

“Forget eating the banana. Get me out of here,” he said through clenched teeth.

“Oh? That’s not what you said two minutes ago.”

“Two minutes ago I was going to explode if I didn’t get my hands on you. And I can’t touch you right now, or you’ll be as stuck as I am.”

He actually growled the words. Growled! If the situation wasn't so equally arousing as it was amusing, she would've giggled.

Rose smirked and stretched, arching her back. “Sounds like a problem to me, Doctor. How’d you like me to… handle it?”

"Rassilon! Rose, please get me out of here!"

She leaned lower, allowing the lace-covered tip of her nipple to brush against his lower lip. "You sure about that, Doctor?"

"Yes!" The words emerged as a squeak. "Rose, please."

“Well, since you asked so nicely.” Rose grinned, sitting back and digging in his trouser pocket. “Guess you don’t mind me using this now, do you?” she asked, holding up the sonic screwdriver with a flourish. “Any setting you prefer? Maybe… 3333?”

"I don't-" His voice trailed off as his eyes widened. "Rose! Try 4769. Should cut cloth." He looked mortified.

"Not going to cut anything else, is it? I'd hate to slip and end the party before it gets started."

He blinked. Stared at her in complete shock. Moistened his lips. Swallowed. Shook his head. "Only cloth," he replied. A second later, he added. "Should do, at least. Though, last time I used that setting, was, oh, a while ago. Snag in a velvet frock coat, y'see, very annoying. Anyway..."

She shifted, getting into a more comfortable position. His eyes followed her as she moved - or, to be more accurate, followed her breasts. “Ah-ah. Naughty, Doctor! Maybe I should just leave you here.”

His hand moved, as if he were about to touch her. Then he gave a groan of frustration. “Rose! Bloody hell! I’m a Time Lord, and I’m at the mercy of a twenty-year-old human! The Council would never believe it...” He rolled his eyes and muttered something she couldn’t understand. “Are you trying to drive me to my next regeneration?”

“Depends.” She curled her tongue around her teeth. “Will you be better-looking then?”

"Oi!" he protested. "I'm right here! Thought you liked this regeneration. I know you like the hair. Haven't seen the mole yet, but that could be arranged. If, and only if, you get me out of this!"

“Ooh, promises, Doctor!” She flicked the switch, and the screwdriver started whirring. She was going to enjoy this. And she was going to do it s_l_o_w_l_y.

The Doctor didn't respond in words, only with a low growl that was both a promise and a threat.

Slowly, slowly, she drew the screwdriver up the leg of his trousers, watching the fabric part, a wide grin on her face. Oh, she was definitely enjoying this.

“Oi!” he exclaimed. “That tickles!”

“Does it?" she asked innocently, repeating the action on the other leg. "Are you sure?"

“Have I mentioned that I’ve met sociopathic despots who don’t have the torturing skills you seem to have been born with?” the Doctor said through gritted teeth.

This was perfect. Fantastic, even, if she were to use his previous incarnation's favourite phrase. "This isn't torture, Doctor," she corrected, trailing one of her hands down the newly revealed skin of his leg.

"What is it, then?" he asked.

"Foreplay."

He narrowed his eyes. "You do realise that at some point there will be payback, don't you?"

Rose winked as a flick of her wrist cut another swathe through the fabric. "I'm countin' on it. Course, that does depend on you not being melded with a plant, doesn’t it?”

"Oh, but plant melding is a dying art. You never know when it might be useful. Like, oh, when a certain someone hasn't paid attention?" He smiled brilliantly at her as he pulled his legs free of the confines of his trousers. A suggestive look on his part directed her attention to her own jeans which had, somehow, become one with both the Doctor's trousers and the plant.

Okay, well, it looked like a strip-tease was in order. A quick flick opened the buttons at her fly, and then she very carefully shimmied out of the jeans, taking care not to touch either the plant or the Doctor’s ruined trousers.

And the Doctor’s jaw went slack. She took a quick glance downwards to make sure nothing else had.

It hadn’t. If anything, the not-banana was even bigger. She eyed his swollen underpants with interest.

“You know, Doctor, we might’ve freed you from your trousers, but that plant’s still looking a bit dangerous. Better to be safe than sorry, isn’t it?”

"Rose?" Her name was both a question and a plea.

Rose toyed with the sonic screwdriver, poised to make quick work of the last bit of cloth. "For a man who usually won't shut up, even under threat of death, you don't have a lot to say, do you?" She winked at him and bent to her task.

"Oh, have plenty to say." He managed to bite out the words, though it was apparent that it cost him a lot of effort. "Just think that in some cases actions speak far louder than words."

With a tearing sound, he was freed of the last of his bindings, the tattered remains of his shirt falling open around him. And he stood, striking a pose.

"Think the Robinson Crusoe look suits me. What do you think?" he asked.

Rose made an odd little squeaking noise in response. And stared.

He preened. She was sure of it. He positively preened.

“Two can play at that game!” she announced, and undid the clasp of her bra. It fell, ignored, to the floor next to the ruins of his trousers and her blouse.

The Doctor did not squeak. There was only so much injury to his pride a Time Lord could take. Instead, he growled in a manly sort of way and reached for Rose's wrist, jerking her towards him.

“Makes a difference when I’m not tied to the floor by a marauding plant, doesn’t it? That’ll teach you to tease me, Rose Tyler!”

Rose closed her eyes and sighed. "Yeah, that'll teach me." She grinned. “Got you where I want you now, though, don’t I? Even though I never actually got to eat your banana.”

"Didn't you realise?" he asked, leaning toward her, his lips a hair's breadth away from hers. "I'm a Time Lord. We've got all the time in the world for banana eating or whatever else might strike your fancy." He corrected himself. "No, no. Wait. Not the world. The universe."

“Be careful, Doctor. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I fancy. Some of it might shock you,” Rose murmured, barely brushing her lips over his. “All sorts of uses for bananas. See, this bloke once told me he had the moves, but I haven't seen any, so he might have been all talk...”

"You want moves, Rose?" he asked, trailing a finger down her spine, delighting in her reflexive shiver. "I'll show you moves." And he dipped his head to kiss her.

He supposed that it might be a characteristic of this regeneration - after all, he'd already discovered that his taste buds were a thousand times more sensitive this time than ever before - but the feel and taste of her lips were enough to make him want to linger, to explore, to take his time. First one lip. Then the other. A lick. A suck. A sigh.

“Doctor!” she protested. “I’m not an ice-cream! Kiss me properly!"

"Hmmm, and here I thought you had a certain fascination for banana splits," he murmured. "Me? I'm rather fond of cherries." And he did kiss her. Properly.

Rose was more than a little breathless when they broke apart. "Does that mean you want me to play the shy virgin so you can chase me around the console?"

He twiddled an imaginary moustache. "Oh! Chases! Well, chasing. Could do, could do. Or, oh! I know. If you're playing the shy virgin, who's that make me? Bluebeard? Or, oh, I know! Casanova! Nah, I remember when I met Bluebeard... never could work out why they called him that..."

“Shut up, Doctor.” She advanced on him, laying her hands flat against his chest. “Anyone ever tell you you talk too much?”

"But prattle can be brilliant, Rose! Especially when I use words like, oh, luscious." He licked his lips and enunciated the words carefully. "Lu-sci-ous. That's what you are, y'know. Like ice-cream. Only better. 'Cause the best ice-creams are the ones with cherries. And bananas." He winked.

“If you don’t shut up right now, Doctor, the only cherry you’ll be gettin’ll be in those sticky buns you bought in Wales yesterday.”

He trailed a finger down her cheek, lingering over her lips. "Where's the fun in that?" he asked before he pulled her back towards him, crushing her against his body. "You see, talk can be fun. Especially-" He leaned towards her ear, breathing the words. "-when it's done like this."

Then, unable to resist, he licked her earlobe.

She shivered. God, he was good at this. The problem was that he was too good. And it was getting to the point where she didn’t know how much more she could stand.

“Doctor! If you’re not plannin’ on taking this to a bedroom right now, I’ll find a way of sendin’ you back into the clutches of that plant! And I promise you won't enjoy that nearly as much as you will me."

"Bedroom?" His lips nuzzled her neck. "Who says we need a bedroom? So unimaginative, you humans."

"Not a bedroom?" she asked, eyes widening as she imagined being taken against the wall. Though she suspected that the roundels would be rather uncomfortable for that sort of activity.

“Well, there are so many interesting places on this ship, aren’t there? The console room and the sitting room, for starters, though they’re a bit boring, really. Course, there’s the wardrobe, in among all those period costumes - fancy doing it in black leather? Or on top of velvet and feathers?” He grinned. “Or, if we really want to be adventurous, there’s the Zero Room. Ever shagged on the ceiling?”

He finished with a wink and a click of his tongue. She could only stare at him. On the ceiling?

“Or...” he continued, dragging out the word, “there’s the Cloisters. Nice and shady, bit of greenery here and there, eh? Or, if you like water, the swimming pools...” He bent his head, dragging his tongue along the side of her neck again, and laughed softly as she moaned and clung to him.

Now that he wasn’t trapped any more, he was far too sure of himself. Far too much in control.

And that was a situation that wasn’t going to be allowed to continue. Time for her to take over.

She slipped out of his grip and dropped to her knees. Good. That... banana... was still nicely firm. She bent her head and, holding him steady with one hand, let her tongue swirl around the tip. Two could play at that game.

His sharp intake of breath, and the way his entire body shuddered, told her that she was definitely in control now.

"Rose, I…" He didn't finish the sentence, though she could fill it in for him.

She smiled as she let her free hand cup him gently as she continued to torture him. He liked taste, liked touch, and absolutely loved licking things. That was blatantly obvious. Well, she happened to like licking too. And… bananas… were made for licking.

Slowly and gently was the key. A kiss. A lick. A caress. And she could feel him trembling beneath her touch, fighting against instinct to buck against her.

His hands fisted at his sides and she smiled, pulling away just enough to let him fall from her lips with a soft popping noise. Before she could say anything to him, his hands were gently lifting her to her feet. She raised her gaze to meet his and she felt her knees buckle beneath her.

She'd never seen that look before. Smouldering, dark and extremely aroused. Those words and several thousand others whirled through her mind as the best description for his expression. Then she realised that there weren't any words. She didn't need them. Especially not when his lips descended to press against hers in a possessive kiss.

Coherent thought fled as his hands roamed over her body, fondling, caressing, touching. Removing her last scrap of clothing - and it wasn’t until it landed on the floor at her feet that she realised what he’d done.

His tongue, she decided, must be infamous the universe over if this was the merest hint of what he was capable of. He was, she realised, memorising her. With lips, tongue, and hands. With his eyes as he let his gaze burn into hers. With each of his senses, much as she tried to do the same with him.

This was what she wanted. What she needed. She wanted him. Now.

The Doctor knew exactly what he was doing to her, it seemed. Pulling her hips hard against his, he scraped his teeth over her earlobe before he whispered to her. “So impatient,” he murmured huskily, moving against her in a way that was going to drive her insane in very short order. “I could do this all night.”

Rose felt her control slipping away again. “Show-off,” she gasped, running her nails not so gently down his back. He groaned in response, hips bucking more forcefully against hers.

“You have no idea,” he growled. “But you will. I promise you that.”

“Yeah?” Rose asked breathlessly, leaning forward to run her tongue over the ridge of his collarbone. “Prove it.” Feeling a bit dangerous and reckless, she sucked hard on the spot, fully intending to leave a mark.

The Doctor hissed something the TARDIS didn’t translate, but she didn’t need to hear the literal meaning to get the feel behind the words. He was just as much on the edge as she was.

It took a moment. The barest, briefest of seconds, for him to turn the tables on her. He was on the edge, yes, but she was closer. He trailed caresses, licks, and nibbles down the column of her throat, lingering when he reached the hollow where her shoulder met her collarbone.

She never knew that it was an erogenous zone. Or, perhaps, it was merely Doctor-specific. Anything he did. Be it a touch, be it a taste, a caress or a movement, it only made her want to end the teasing now. She needed him. "Doctor," she said, barely recognising the huskiness of her voice.

“Bedroom.” The word was dragged out of him.

“What? You’re the one who complained I had no imagination when I suggested that ten minutes ago!”

“I can change my mind, can’t I?” And then he gave her no choice. In one sudden movement, she was thrown over his shoulder, caveman-style. Or maybe Time Lord-style.

Admittedly, she couldn't complain about the view.

Bedroom. Bedroom, bedroom, bedroom...

Why did all the bedrooms have to be so far away? The TARDIS might’ve decided to co-operate and rearrange them for him, he considered as he stalked along the hallway, Rose bouncing against his body.

He fumbled for the nearest doorhandle, praying that it wouldn't lead to one of the rooms that would be better left unexplored. The lower gardens came to mind - he didn't think Murphy-the-man-eating-plant would care too much for the company. Well, he'd care for it. Love it, actually. But nothing killed the mood faster than a ravenous plant.

The door swung open and he was pleased to see that he'd reached his goal. No. Not really that goal, but one of them. A stepping point? Really, he'd have to do something about these rambling thoughts. There were far more interesting things to think about - like the feel of Rose's skin against his - than plants.

That was, of course, when his stride turned into something a little more comical. It was no longer a walk, it was a less-than-dignified fall thanks to the hard object that rolled out of the way.

“Ow! Careful!”

Oops. Not good. He hoped it was just Rose’s dignity that was bruised by the unexpected encounter of her posterior with the chest of drawers.

"Much more of that an' this is gonna be a party of one," Rose muttered.

He grimaced. Brilliant. And, of course, he spotted the cause of his fall. It was a baseball bat. Which meant he knew exactly where he was.

Ace's room.

He really hoped she hadn't left any canisters of nitro-nine in the chest of drawers. That'd certainly end this particular party rather quick. "Rose, are you okay?" he asked after he'd mentally counted to five. No explosion meant no nitro-nine. Good.

“Just about. Think you might need to kiss it better, though.” She rubbed her bum, wincing.

Now, that he could do. And gladly. Kicking the offending baseball bat out of the way, he stood and approached her. Kneeling once he reached her side, he pulled her toward him and pressed a gentle kiss against her temple, then her cheek, then her lips.

“ ‘S not where it hurts, Doctor.” She gave him a cheeky grin as he straightened.

He returned her grin with one of his own, leaning down to kiss the skin just above her breast. "Here?" he asked, breathing the word against her skin. He moved downwards. "Or here?"

"Definitely gettin' warmer," Rose said, eyes closing as her smile faded into something more intense.

"Mmmm," he replied, unable to answer with words as he pressed an open-mouthed kiss against her heated skin. He lingered there for a moment before continuing on his earlier path, kissing and caressing as he descended her body.

Poised just above her belly, he looked up at her, grinning as he noted her flushed expression. "Or were you thinking a bit lower still?"

All Rose managed at first was a breathy sort of squeak. “This is payback, isn’t it? For teasin’ you when you were stuck to the plant. You’re tryin’ to kill me now.”

"Oh, no. Not kill. Where's the fun in that? I was thinking more of shouting. Or maybe screaming. But not killing. Though I've heard climax called a little death..." He let his voice trail off as he caught her disgruntled expression. "Right. Less talk, more action." He extended a hand to her, tugging her to her feet as he stood also.

Action, he got. Two hands were suddenly planted squarely in his chest, and they pushed. Taken by surprise, he toppled backwards and landed on the bed.

Just as well it was there, really.

In an instant, she was there beside him, staring down at him.

Now that, he considered, was not a look that he normally associated with Rose. Her skin was flushed from arousal and her hair ruffled from their earlier play. It wasn't her appearance, though, that arrested him. It was her eyes. Desire. Even love. And all directed at him.

"Rassilon," he murmured as she rose over him, straddling his hips as she brushed back a strand of hair with one of her hands.

“You should know, Doctor, I don’t appreciate you mentionin’ someone else’s name when you’re just about to have sex with me.” She flicked at one of his nipples with a fingertip.

He arched under her touch, growling under his breath as he reached for her. "Enough waiting," he told her, deftly flipping her onto her back. He poised himself over her, staring at her through half-hooded eyes dazed with desire.

It'd be simple, easy to complete the motion. To slip into her and let instinct take over. However, he had to pause. Had to know.

"Are you sure?" he asked, knowing that this would change everything. Despite the teasing, the plants and their earlier words, he had to be certain that this was exactly what she wanted.

“You really need to ask?” All the laughter, the teasing was gone from her face now. This was it. This was serious. She knew it as well as he did, and understood the consequences just as he did. And she was giving him her answer.

"I did," he replied, reaching up to tangle his fingers in her hair. This was acceptance. This was their moment of truth. This was everything that he'd denied himself and yet wanted and needed now. This was Rose. This was him.

It was time.

With one smooth motion, he slipped inside her, pausing the instant that they were joined. He had to kiss her, had to touch her, had to let her know in actions if not words just what this meant to him. What she meant to him.

And he began to move. Slowly. Gently. Taking his time, though all he wanted to do was move quickly. This was a moment to savour, he decided. An instant to memorise just as thoroughly as he'd memorised her earlier.

“Doctor.” His name came from her on a long sigh, her hand reaching to cover his where it rested on the bed. Her fingers tangled with his, and her gaze never left his. Joined in body and, if she were fully capable of what his people were, in mind as well.

"Rose," he said, pouring every emotion into her name that he felt in that instant.

She changed position slightly, causing him to touch deeper than he had before and he felt his control begin to slip. He couldn't hold on much longer. But, when he saw the echoing look in her eyes, he didn't have to.

His pace quickened in time with hers. Faster, faster, faster. Flesh against flesh. Touch to touch. Lips to lips. Hearts to heart. Though he was a Lord of Time, he couldn't stop it forever. He was poised at the edge of a cliff and he knew that she was with him.

And then he fell.

In the aftermath, she listened to the beat of his hearts as they slowly returned to normal. He stroked her hair and her skin gently, hesitantly, almost as if he dared not believe this to be real. But it was.

This was real. This was now. She’d never felt closer to anyone in her life. Never felt more loved. This man - not even her own species - understood her and loved her more than any human she’d ever known.

And she loved him. More than she ever thought she could love any man.

Oh, it wouldn’t last for ever. She knew that. All that meant was that she wasn’t going to waste one second of it while she had it.

His fingers were combing through her hair, and she grinned up at him. “That plant of yours has a lot to answer for.”

He smiled back at her. "Oh, wouldn't say it has a lot to answer for. More like it needs to be rewarded. Place of honour, really. Though I can't say I fancy putting it in the bedroom. Or the console room. Oh! I know. Murphy's been looking a little droopy recently, might like a new friend. Never introduced you to Murphy, did I? Better not. He happens to fancy humans. Or...what?" he asked her, looking confused as she burst into laughter.

That look of confusion was so adorable that she had to kiss him. He didn’t seem to object. In fact, not objecting occupied quite some time.

“You know what, though?” she said after a while.

“What?”

“I’m hungry.”

"Oh. Hunger. Right. This mean we have to get up? It does, doesn't it?" He looked flatteringly disappointed. "All right, then. Food it is. Want anything in particular? Think we might have some Nefraxian apples. Well known for their aphrodisiac... er, right. You weren't supposed to know about those."

She allowed a wicked grin to curve very slowly across her face. “Got any bananas?”

THE END

xposted to: time_and_chips