Fic: God Complex
Title: God Complex
Author: Gillian Taylor
Rating: PG
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Rose
Summary: He thought himself a god.
Spoilers: TCI, NE
Disclaimer: Don't own them. I just like playing with them...a lot.
Archive: Sure, just let me know.
A/N: This one's dark, as a warning. Very dark. It was inspired by a conversation about hubris and the Tenth Doctor as seen in NE. Thanks, as always, to my lovely betas nnwest & wendymr.
God Complex
by Gillian Taylor
Fury burned within her as she followed him into the TARDIS. He had changed. No matter what he said, he had changed. Before, circumstances had defined him. He was placed in a position of power because he had to be. He accepted the responsibility because he had to. He was empowered because of circumstance. Now that had changed.
Everything had changed.
He had empowered himself. He had assumed the mantle of a god. He played with lives, toyed with their emotions - her emotions - as he manipulated them according to his schemes.
The Doctor thought he was a god. She could see it in his walk, his actions, his words. He thought he was the highest possible authority.
She knew he was wrong. He was a man. The last Time Lord, true, but a man all the same. She knew him. Or thought she had.
Maybe she'd deluded herself. He had never before seemed so cold. He had callously allowed those people, those innocent people, to die.
She couldn't take it anymore. Fury forced her words, but she didn't care. She couldn't let this go on. Not like this. "Who died and made you God?"
He stopped his headlong rush to the console, his back a study in tension. The Doctor turned slowly, oh so slowly, toward her. Every movement spoke of his temper. Every second of that slow turn was a warning.
Now she knew how it felt. Having his steely anger directed at her, feeling the icy tendrils of fear inch along her spine as she realised what she had done. She knew what it was like. She knew how the Slitheen, how Cassandra, how the novice at the hospital, how Harriet Jones, or how any number of villains felt when they were faced with that stare. With that expression. She hated it.
"You did."
"What?" she whispered.
"You, all of you. Every single creature mucking about in the universe. 'Cause if I don't assume the responsibility, who does? You? Your mum? Mickey? Harriet Jones? The Cybermen? The Daleks? The Sontarans? Who?" The Doctor waved his arms theatrically as he paced before her. He reminded her of nothing more than a caged wolf.
"You're not a god! Doctor, you're you. A Time Lord, yes, but not a god. You shouldn't 'ave done that! They trusted you. I trusted you!" She felt tears prick at the edge of her eyes. This was not the Doctor. Not the one she knew. Not the one she loved. But she couldn't leave him. Even now, she couldn't.
"I did what had to be done."
"No," she corrected. "You played God. Toyed with their lives, their dreams, and their hopes. I asked you what you were turning into, Doctor, in Utah 2012. I know now. Who's the monster, Doctor? The Slitheen? The Gelth? The Jagrofess? The Daleks?" Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Or you?"
He laughed, a mocking cruel sound that she had never heard before. "You think me a monster, Rose Tyler? What if I didn't do anything? What if I let the universe sort itself out, not poking my head into other people's business, letting the tyrants rule, the megalomaniacs destroy, evil conquer all? Would that make it better for you? Would it?"
She shook her head. "No. But, Doctor, this isn't the way to go about it. You're not you anymore!"
"What if I'm more 'me' than I was before?" the Doctor asked, folding his arms before him. "What if this is who I am?"
"It's not. I know you." She couldn't believe that. Impossible. He was the Doctor. Her Doctor. He couldn't do that.
"You knew me," he corrected. "New man, Rose. New personality. New everything."
"But it's still you," she protested.
"Is it?"
"Yes! Damnit, yes! What happened to you, Doctor? Did someone hit you on the head? Did you have one too many drinks? What 'appened? This isn't like you!" The tears ran freely down her face, but he didn't seem to care. His icy anger was unfamiliar. His unrestrained acceptance of being labelled a 'god' did not fit. This was not the Doctor. Not her Doctor.
For the first time in months, she missed him. She missed her first Doctor. He could sort this. She couldn't. She hugged herself tightly against the reflexive shiver that ran through her at his expression.
She was frightened of him.
"Rose Tyler. Think you know me, do you? There's over nine hundred years worth of memories running about up here." He tapped his skull. "And you think you know me? This is me. Get used to it or go home. So what do you want? Stay or go? The choice is yours."
Without her what would he do? Without her he'd run amuck. He'd be dangerous, freely meddling in the course of history because he could. Because he was a 'god.' Because no one could hold him back.
No.
She couldn't allow that to happen. Even now, he needed her. Not like before. Before that was loneliness and love. Before it was the thrill of sharing adventure, sharing their lives, better with two.
Everything had changed.
Now he needed her because, without her, the universe wouldn't be safe. Who else could accept the responsibility? No one.
She had no choice. She couldn't leave him. Not now. Not after this realization. She had to remain because no one else would or could stop him.
Without her nothing could be safe again. She had to try. She had to do something, anything, to try and curb this new 'him.' Maybe he was right. Maybe this was who he was now.
This was her now, too.
She looked into his eyes as she reached her decision and she came to a realisation. Beyond the anger, beyond the frustration, beyond his hubris, she could see him. The old him. The Doctor. Her Doctor.
He was still there. Deep inside. Hidden, but there.
He had protected her. Still protected her. He had demanded her back, threatened others, but on her behalf.
Her behalf.
Beyond that hubris, he was there. Her Doctor.
She didn't have to stay because the universe needed protecting. She wanted to remain because he was still there. She just had to help him find that out for himself.
"I'll stay," she replied softly and the Doctor grinned in triumph.
He might have thought himself a god.
But the hidden Doctor, her Doctor didn't.
And neither did she.
~*FIN*~
xposted everywhere: dark_aegis, time_and_chips, dwfiction
Author: Gillian Taylor
Rating: PG
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Rose
Summary: He thought himself a god.
Spoilers: TCI, NE
Disclaimer: Don't own them. I just like playing with them...a lot.
Archive: Sure, just let me know.
A/N: This one's dark, as a warning. Very dark. It was inspired by a conversation about hubris and the Tenth Doctor as seen in NE. Thanks, as always, to my lovely betas nnwest & wendymr.
God Complex
by Gillian Taylor
Fury burned within her as she followed him into the TARDIS. He had changed. No matter what he said, he had changed. Before, circumstances had defined him. He was placed in a position of power because he had to be. He accepted the responsibility because he had to. He was empowered because of circumstance. Now that had changed.
Everything had changed.
He had empowered himself. He had assumed the mantle of a god. He played with lives, toyed with their emotions - her emotions - as he manipulated them according to his schemes.
The Doctor thought he was a god. She could see it in his walk, his actions, his words. He thought he was the highest possible authority.
She knew he was wrong. He was a man. The last Time Lord, true, but a man all the same. She knew him. Or thought she had.
Maybe she'd deluded herself. He had never before seemed so cold. He had callously allowed those people, those innocent people, to die.
She couldn't take it anymore. Fury forced her words, but she didn't care. She couldn't let this go on. Not like this. "Who died and made you God?"
He stopped his headlong rush to the console, his back a study in tension. The Doctor turned slowly, oh so slowly, toward her. Every movement spoke of his temper. Every second of that slow turn was a warning.
Now she knew how it felt. Having his steely anger directed at her, feeling the icy tendrils of fear inch along her spine as she realised what she had done. She knew what it was like. She knew how the Slitheen, how Cassandra, how the novice at the hospital, how Harriet Jones, or how any number of villains felt when they were faced with that stare. With that expression. She hated it.
"You did."
"What?" she whispered.
"You, all of you. Every single creature mucking about in the universe. 'Cause if I don't assume the responsibility, who does? You? Your mum? Mickey? Harriet Jones? The Cybermen? The Daleks? The Sontarans? Who?" The Doctor waved his arms theatrically as he paced before her. He reminded her of nothing more than a caged wolf.
"You're not a god! Doctor, you're you. A Time Lord, yes, but not a god. You shouldn't 'ave done that! They trusted you. I trusted you!" She felt tears prick at the edge of her eyes. This was not the Doctor. Not the one she knew. Not the one she loved. But she couldn't leave him. Even now, she couldn't.
"I did what had to be done."
"No," she corrected. "You played God. Toyed with their lives, their dreams, and their hopes. I asked you what you were turning into, Doctor, in Utah 2012. I know now. Who's the monster, Doctor? The Slitheen? The Gelth? The Jagrofess? The Daleks?" Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Or you?"
He laughed, a mocking cruel sound that she had never heard before. "You think me a monster, Rose Tyler? What if I didn't do anything? What if I let the universe sort itself out, not poking my head into other people's business, letting the tyrants rule, the megalomaniacs destroy, evil conquer all? Would that make it better for you? Would it?"
She shook her head. "No. But, Doctor, this isn't the way to go about it. You're not you anymore!"
"What if I'm more 'me' than I was before?" the Doctor asked, folding his arms before him. "What if this is who I am?"
"It's not. I know you." She couldn't believe that. Impossible. He was the Doctor. Her Doctor. He couldn't do that.
"You knew me," he corrected. "New man, Rose. New personality. New everything."
"But it's still you," she protested.
"Is it?"
"Yes! Damnit, yes! What happened to you, Doctor? Did someone hit you on the head? Did you have one too many drinks? What 'appened? This isn't like you!" The tears ran freely down her face, but he didn't seem to care. His icy anger was unfamiliar. His unrestrained acceptance of being labelled a 'god' did not fit. This was not the Doctor. Not her Doctor.
For the first time in months, she missed him. She missed her first Doctor. He could sort this. She couldn't. She hugged herself tightly against the reflexive shiver that ran through her at his expression.
She was frightened of him.
"Rose Tyler. Think you know me, do you? There's over nine hundred years worth of memories running about up here." He tapped his skull. "And you think you know me? This is me. Get used to it or go home. So what do you want? Stay or go? The choice is yours."
Without her what would he do? Without her he'd run amuck. He'd be dangerous, freely meddling in the course of history because he could. Because he was a 'god.' Because no one could hold him back.
No.
She couldn't allow that to happen. Even now, he needed her. Not like before. Before that was loneliness and love. Before it was the thrill of sharing adventure, sharing their lives, better with two.
Everything had changed.
Now he needed her because, without her, the universe wouldn't be safe. Who else could accept the responsibility? No one.
She had no choice. She couldn't leave him. Not now. Not after this realization. She had to remain because no one else would or could stop him.
Without her nothing could be safe again. She had to try. She had to do something, anything, to try and curb this new 'him.' Maybe he was right. Maybe this was who he was now.
This was her now, too.
She looked into his eyes as she reached her decision and she came to a realisation. Beyond the anger, beyond the frustration, beyond his hubris, she could see him. The old him. The Doctor. Her Doctor.
He was still there. Deep inside. Hidden, but there.
He had protected her. Still protected her. He had demanded her back, threatened others, but on her behalf.
Her behalf.
Beyond that hubris, he was there. Her Doctor.
She didn't have to stay because the universe needed protecting. She wanted to remain because he was still there. She just had to help him find that out for himself.
"I'll stay," she replied softly and the Doctor grinned in triumph.
He might have thought himself a god.
But the hidden Doctor, her Doctor didn't.
And neither did she.
~*FIN*~
xposted everywhere: dark_aegis, time_and_chips, dwfiction