Doubts & Intimacy: Part Two
Title: Doubts & Intimacy
Author: Serene
Rating: M
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Pairing: Dan/Blair
Summary: Part two of my sequel to An Unlikely Two, part one is below if you're in the fan fiction tag. Dan and Blair deal with their evolving relationship and everything it entails. Please read and REVIEW! Hope you guys enjoy.
Spoilers: Through 4X17. 3,985 words.
Six and Seven:
Dan was utterly consumed. He thought to himself what a great and wonderful invention a light switch for the thoughts in your head would be. How simply easing and gratifying it must be to have the option to turn the switch down when you had too much of the swirling of countless thoughts and scenarios and memories. Wouldn’t it be glorious to cease the tension in your head, the quickening of your heart and the sickness in your stomach by the unstoppable slide show behind your eyes?
He sat in an oversized chair, spread out, hands hanging loosely on either side of the seat. He had sunken so far down he was barely even upright, his legs sprawled out carelessly in front of him. The loft was completely dark, he wondered briefly if she was even coming. His eyes were closed as his brain continued to work on autopilot. He wondered for how much longer he could keep this up. He wondered how much more of this his ego, his heart, his emotions could take. It was as if she took him out to sea, pushed him in the water and asked him to swim for her amusement. While the water was refreshing and invigorating, it was also dangerous and occasionally volatile.
It almost alarmed him how completely immersed he was in Blair Waldorf. They spent so much time together that it seemed unnatural and unhealthy for her to be the focus of his thoughts when she wasn’t in his presence. He was starting to feel tremendously for her and it absolutely petrified him because she was so irregular with her emotions and actions that sometimes it made his head spin and his heart palpitate. Then sometimes she would have these breathtaking moments of clarity and gentleness that would caress and then suppress his worry and other times she would exemplify repeatedly all the reasons why what was taking place between them should not be taking place and why it was of the utmost importance for it to stop at once. The deeper in he got the more frightened he was that one day she was going to convince herself unequivocally that this whole thing had to end and no matter what he said he wouldn’t be able to sway her in the other direction. He didn’t want this to be such a struggle because when she allowed it to, it perpetuating itself with such ease. The imbalance of it all stung and bruised him in such a way that it was hard for him to procure his usually footing.
He heard the door handle rattle as it drew him back to reality from the clutch of his overactive imagination. He knew it was her, though he hadn’t been certain she would even come, it was so late already. The door finally swung open and he saw the outline of her form in the dark room entering almost hesitantly.
“Humphrey,” Blair called delicately, her eyes trying to adjust to the darkness.
“I’m right here,” Dan muttered from where he sat.
“Why are you sitting in the dark?” Blair wondered aloud as she closed the door behind her. Something in her voice was unrecognizable. He caught it almost immediately as she spoke. He wasn’t sure what it was but it was definitely present.
“No reason.” Dan replied clearly. He studied her outline in the dark, her presence seemed curious and intentional. “The lights behind you.”
Blair reached for the switch suddenly and quickly flicked it on. Dan’s eyes adjusted to the light rapidly as the image of her bathed him unexpectedly. His breathing facility was instantly rendered defective. Blair stood barefoot, black Christian Louboutin sling backs held by the hook of her finger, a black lace dress hugged her every curve, though the neck of the dress wasn’t low cut, it was much shorter than anything he’d seen her in previously. She was usually all elegance and class, this dress was a whole different animal. It’s material clung to her every inch in a marvelously debilitating sort of way. Her hair was a mass of loose, flowing curls, her cheeks were tawny, her lips pale, her eyes smoky. She had obviously come from a prior engagement. The fact that she looked like that and had been anywhere for any member of the male population to see her made his heart clench abnormally. He digested the image of her before him as she tilted her head and smirked. Dropping her shoes swiftly as she descended towards him. She stopped in front of him, their knees barely touching. There was something different about the look in her eyes he assessed, something foreign. It was intriguing.
He turned his hand upward, beckoning for hers silently. She slid her hand into his slowly, as she looked down at him, her hair tumbling into her face. He felt a strange inherent need to pull her on top of him; he resisted it emphatically.
“Look at you, brooding all silently in the dark,” Blair observed teasingly. “Materializing artistic stereotypes, I see.”
He instantly recognized what he had earlier distinctly heard in her voice. She had been drinking. His heart secretly ached as he thought about her intoxicated, out in the city, in that dress no less. He swallowed silently, trying to obliterate his indescribable fixation.
She climbed into his lap, seemingly reading his earlier thought somewhere in the middle of his mind. Her legs folded neatly over both of his, crossing at the ankles, her bare toes sunk into the corners of the cushion. She leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek. Her scent drifted deliberately into his nose. She even smelled different. Almost weakening. His head spun slowly, he briefly had an internal struggle of where to put his hands. One fell loosely at the small of her back and the other draped over the arm of the oversized chair.
“I missed you,” Blair whispered softly as she put her face in his neck briefly.
“Where are you coming from?” Dan questioned lightly, clearing his throat. He purposely avoided her soft declaration. Blair pulled back, leaning against the arm of the chair.
“I was supposed to go to this monotonous soirée, but I just wasn’t in the mood so I skipped it.” Blair ranted emphatically, she blended syllables together abnormally.
“Where did you go instead?” Dan asked, trying not to seem as if he was grilling her, but more like he was interested in the night she had.
“No where fun,” Blair answered seriously as she looked deeply into his eyes. “It’s not important.”
“You’ve been drinking,” Dan offered casually.
“Yes,” Blair replied theatrically, her eyes widening dramatically. “And you have not been. Are we now, listing acute observations?”
“I’m just curious about your night,” Dan answered, trying to keep his inquisition subdued. “Can’t I be interested and curious about your night?”
“Of course you can. Can’t you also accept how I respond and not have to insist on details?” Blair questioned.
“Is there a particular reason why you’re drunk?” Dan ventured lightly. He knew it was a risky question but he gambled asking it anyways.
“Well, obviously, no is the answer to my question,” Blair replied, not as outlandishly offended as she might have been if she hadn’t been drinking. “And I will have you know that I am an expert when it comes to alcohol. I have the tolerance of a cowboy or a sailor or something of the sort.”
Blair had such a serious look on her face, he couldn’t help but smirk at her comparison. She was incredibly incapacitating in that moment; she was all dainty curls, dark eyes, sweet lips and faintly resonating aroma.
Her mouth was suddenly on his, interrupting his immurement in her. Her lips pried at his slowly at first, he allowed her to take the lead on the pace of the kiss. Her hands went to the back of his neck, her fingers grazing the hair there. She tasted of pinot noir and peppermint. The urgency with which she kissed him seemed to intensively rapidly. His hands squeezed her bare arms in recognition as her tongue went in search of his, desperately trying to quench her unnatural thirst for him. Dan made a peculiar sound in the back of his throat as she tortuously examined and explored his mouth with her own. Blair turned further into him with her body and suddenly without disconnecting their mouths managed to leverage herself on top of him and straddled his lap, her dress riding up just barely. Dan had no cognitive thought besides her mouth and her hands, which traveled down the front of his chest as they descended towards unfamiliar territory. Her hands paused briefly and then continued their descent. Dan instantly snapped back to reality and pulled away, his breathing and heart rate were both beyond irregular.
“Blair…” Dan whispered breathlessly. “Maybe we should slow down.”
“Maybe not.” Blair countered, slurring just slightly, as she softly adorned the side of his face and his neck with slow deliberate kisses.
“Bla… Blair, I’m se-” Blair’s mouth cut him off mid-word. Capturing his already thoroughly kissed mouth and continuing her prior onslaught of advances on it. His body responded boldly as he continued to battle with his greater more realistic sense and his ultimately exhausting and tumultuous desire for her. Her fingers slipped through the loops of his pants lightly as she still further intensified the kiss. His hands traveled swiftly down her sides and rested on her hips momentarily before they slowly stopped at her thighs, he then realized how dangerously high her dress had risen. She located the beginning of his belt and lightly teased the skin above where his jeans began with the tips of her fingers, catapulting him once again, back into reality. His hands gripped her legs involuntarily as he tore his mouth from hers.
“Blair,” Dan almost pleaded like he was being slowly tortured. It took every ounce of human restraint left in him to pull away from her and try to decimate this highly entangled situation. “Blair, stop.”
“What?” Blair asked wildly, meeting his eyes. “Why are you stopping me?”
“We can’t do this.” Dan sighed as he took a deep breath, silently detesting himself for uttering those words.
“Why not?” Blair questioned, her eyes searching his in confusion. She couldn’t figure out what she was doing wrong, she knew she was good at this. Of that she was firmly convinced. But he wasn’t even allowing her to get started and it baffled her endlessly.
“Because you’re drunk.” Dan whispered, his eyes full of apologetic intent.
“You’re precious, Humphrey. Like a little lamb.” Blair softly replied. In her state it came off more condescending than complimentary. Though she had went back and worth in her mind on whether or not she was ready to take this undeniable leap, she had decided she needed to. The almost entire bottle of wine she destroyed had helped her come to that conclusion. She had made it up in her mind she wasn’t listening to anything he had to say, any attempt at declining her would be swept swiftly and expertly under a rug. She leaned towards him to close the distance between their mouths once more, but was met with the side of his face, as his hands reluctantly left her legs and clasped both of her wrists, preventing her from continuing her mission of unfastening his pants.
“I’m serious, Blair.” Dan spoke sternly. Blair pulled back and looked at him, decidedly astonished. She couldn’t believe this. There must be some mistake.
“No,” Blair replied firmly. “No.”
Dan couldn’t look anywhere but her face because anywhere else would have been a dangerous sight for his eyes. He felt completely dissatisfied but knew he had done the proper thing. “Blair, it’s just…”
“No,” Blair repeated cutting him off swiftly. He gently lifted her off his lap and placed her on the floor in front of him, adjusting her dress by pulling it down. “You can’t be serious.”
“I’m sorry Blair.” Dan offered sincerely, he for a moment felt he had been remiss in denying her because she clearly was hurt.
“But I don’t understand,” Blair said, her voice strange as her eyes blazed with confusion. She stumbled back away from him. She had no literal comprehension of why they weren’t currently tearing each other’s clothes off. “Why?”
“You’ve been drinking an-” Dan started apologetically.
“Wait,” Blair cut him off abruptly. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah,” Dan lamented loosely.
“Are you kidding me?” Blair’s voice raised exponentially. “I’m Blair Waldorf. I am Blair Waldorf and I just got turned down by you, Daniel Humphrey, of all god forsaken people because I was drinking?”
“I just didn’t want you to wake up tomorrow and hate me or regret it or…” Dan trailed off, loosing the words he wanted to use that would adequately convey how he really felt and why he had done what he had done. Blair’s rage was substantially rising.
“What in the world is happening?” Blair asked furiously. “Did I miss something? Did someone come along and deem you the fucking moral compass of the great state of New York?”
“Blair, calm down.” Dan tried to reason with her lightly. In that moment all he wanted to do was hold her but she was far too worked up.
“Oh, calm down?” Blair asked sarcastically, her face mocking his intention. “My apologies Saint Daniel, if I’m offending your delicate sensibilities.”
“Blair, stop.” Dan repeated, he was starting to feel his temper rise and that wasn’t good, he always kept his emotions somewhat in check when hers were a whirlwind being displayed in their entirety. She had this way of arming than disarming him in a matter of mere seconds. Before he could rationalize his thoughts or feelings, he was susceptible to change his mind in a heartbeat.
“You are unbelievable.” Blair went on. “Mr. Perfect. Mr. full of all the judgment and distain you can muster. The thought that I would even be interested in that.”
“You aren’t exceedingly perfect yourself, so let’s not throw stones.” Dan quipped back briskly. “You’re quite out of your mind, really.”
“I’m out of my mind?!” Blair all but screeched, she gestured to herself as her arms started flailing to aid her impending response. “You’re the brilliant one declining vacuous, mind-blowing sex!”
“It wouldn’t be vacuous if we slept together.” Dan lamented evenly, all the anger that had slowly worked it’s way up inside of him suddenly changed to something else, something almost unrecognizable. The thought that she would try to make their first time about a meaningless fling, deeply stabbed him. “It would be anything but.”
“Stop ma-” Blair retorted but was quickly cut off.
“I know you’ve become so accustomed to using people for your own personal gain without considering how you would in the process make them feel but I’m not going to be used as some pawn in whatever test you’re implementing or whatever game you regularly take part in. I won’t be just a warm body for you to rub against.”
Blair’s face drained of all its color. Dan instantly wanted to take everything he just uttered back when he saw the look of pure hurt and contempt cloud the features of her face. He hadn’t meant to be so cruel and abrasive. He felt instantly ill as he replayed the words he had just so meanly regurgitated towards her.
“So not only am I a drunk but now I’m a slut as well?” Blair asked coolly, the previous flippant nature of her earlier cadence had melted away. This altercation had sobered her up beyond belief.
“No, Blair. That’s not what I meant…” Dan tried to backtrack but he knew it was too late.
“I’m a lot of things, Humphrey. But I am not a slut.” Blair replied disdainfully. Her jaw was tight with resentment and her eyes cold and still.
“I know, I never me-” Dan was promptly interrupted once again.
“I may be a bitch… I may be insensitive… I may be complicated beyond measure but one thing I am not is a slut.” Blair uttered her words with such force and precision.
Dan reached for her quickly, desperately hoping that his touch would alleviate this mess that they had both hand-crafted. Her eyes registered his action as his fingers slowly ran down her arm, when they reached her elbow she briskly snatched her arm away.
“Don’t touch me,” Blair muttered defiantly.
“Blair, I didn’t mean that.” Dan said, full of apologetic empathy. “It took every molecule of self-restraint I had in me to deny you just then, but it can’t happen like that. And it wouldn’t be vacuous, at least not for me. It would be the antithesis of it.”
“You think I’m so obviously deplorable, why even put up with me?” Blair insisted, as she turned to head for the door.
“Where are you going?” Dan asked quickly, he suddenly was flooded with panic at the thought of her leaving in the midst of how much he had unintentionally upset her.
“I’m leaving!” Blair shouted, turning towards him briefly to throw him a look of frustration. She continued towards the door with him just a couple steps behind her.
“No, Blair. Wait,” Dan pleaded urgently. “Just stay here.”
“I am not staying here.” Blair retorted as she knelt down swiftly to retrieve her shoes. Dan watched as she struggled to balance and put them on her feet at the same time. Dan racked his mind incessantly trying to access something to say that would convince her to stay. She finally gave up on putting her shoes on and gathered them in her hands with an irritated gasp and continued towards the door.
“Blair, really. I don’t think you should leave like this.”
“Humphrey, I can take care of myself.” Blair insisted angrily.
“Please, just calm down a little bit before you go.”
“So, now I don’t have the right to be angry after you thoroughly insulted me?” Blair bemused as she flung the doors to the loft open, walking quickly out of them as he followed.
“I’m trying to apologize for that, I was wrong. It came out differently than I had meant it.”
“Strange how it’s not hard to misinterpret ‘I won’t be a warm body to placate you with, sorry.’” Blair responded as she descended down the stairs, increasing her pace.
“Blair, stop. I didn’t mean that, were you even listening to what I said after that?”
“It doesn’t matter Humphrey. You‘re judgmental and pretentious and I‘m humiliated and dejected. Is that what you intended? Because you succeeded.”
“Of course not.” Dan muttered weakly. He wished she wasn’t charging down those steps at such an alarming rate. He didn’t want her to leave. Everything inside him was screaming for her to not leave this way, he was terrified she would never come back. “I’m sorry.”
They were outside before Blair realized she had told the driver to leave because she hadn’t been expecting to go home. No taxi’s were in either of their immediate views. Blair was still boiling with disbelief, confusion and shame. This was not at all how she thought they would be spending the night.
“Will you please come back inside?” Dan ventured softly.
“No,” Blair countered quickly, her face was set with distinct indifference mixed with overt annoyance. “I’ll just wait for a cab.”
“I don’t want you leave, especially not like this.”
“Well, I suppose you can’t always get what you want, Humphrey. Goodness knows I didn’t want this. My word, you have me in Brooklyn, barefoot and waiting for a taxi. What have I become?”
“Blair, please let’s just go back up and we can talk about it. Straighten this out.”
“You shouldn’t have followed me out here.” Blair assessed easily, her emotions wearing a bit thin. “Someone could see us.”
“Then let’s go back inside.” Dan ventured hopefully.
“No,” Blair maintained, her eyes were alert though pensive as she looked at him. She was still resoundingly hurt in the pit of her stomach from the things he had said to her. Though to be fair, she hadn’t reacted in the most thoughtful or sane manner when he had refused her. But even still that was some of the most hurtful things he’d ever said to her in a very long time. She had become strangely vulnerable to it. He had been such a pristine, caring person to her lately that she almost took it for granted that he too was afforded negative emotions and certain defenses.
“I was being reactive Blair,” Dan reasoned lightly, staring into her eyes. He felt terrible about the way he had handled the situation and her throwing her usual, delicately snippy insults in his direction. Usually he didn’t respond in such an overtly negative way. He was so raw as if she was hitting an undisclosed nerve repeatedly. “I am so sorry.”
Silence pasted over them as she didn’t respond. Dan suddenly crouched down on one knee and plucked her shoes from her hand. Carefully intertwining his fingers in hers, using himself as an anchor to steady her as he lifted her right foot with his other hand and easily slid her shoe on. Blair was completely taken aback by the act and momentarily couldn’t find her voice to speak, neither in protest or approval. The image of him on one knee made her insides tremble inadvertently, she instantly shook it off when she thought of the implication. Dan placed her other shoe on slowly, his hand touching the delicate part of her ankle a little longer than necessary. That part of her foot tingled lightly as his touch left and he slowly rose. He was standing closer to her than she would have preferred but somehow she couldn’t find the will to step back.
“There isn’t any need for grand gestures, Humphrey.” Blair proclaimed lightly, somehow her tough, cold exterior was dissolving rapidly.
“I’d hardly characterize helping you with your shoes as grand.” Dan offered easily, he could see that she was slowly letting the hurt and anger leave her body but he wasn’t overwhelming reassured or convinced. Her eyes had a palpable restraint in them that he desperately wanted to distinguish. “Let’s just go inside and talk.”
“Stop repeating yourself,” Blair demanded, though she did it in a whisper. “I don’t have the mechanisms or the reasoning right now. I’m exhausted.”
Dan stood staring at her. His usual abundance of diction and charm was escaping him. A cab approached as Blair broke their eye contact and raised her hand, hailing it. It stopped once it reached them. Dan reached around her for the door and opened it. Blair slid in the cab without even glancing at him again.
“Goodnight, Blair.” Dan said. She responded with silence and nothingness as she continued looking straight ahead.
As the cab drove away, Dan stood and watched it until he could no longer see it off in the distance, desperately hoping he hadn’t just made one of the biggest mistakes of his life.
In the cab, Blair silently resented the fact that he had almost successfully extracted her from her valid anger and contrition, similar to what he had managed to do to her denial.
Author: Serene
Rating: M
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Pairing: Dan/Blair
Summary: Part two of my sequel to An Unlikely Two, part one is below if you're in the fan fiction tag. Dan and Blair deal with their evolving relationship and everything it entails. Please read and REVIEW! Hope you guys enjoy.
Spoilers: Through 4X17. 3,985 words.
Six and Seven:
Dan was utterly consumed. He thought to himself what a great and wonderful invention a light switch for the thoughts in your head would be. How simply easing and gratifying it must be to have the option to turn the switch down when you had too much of the swirling of countless thoughts and scenarios and memories. Wouldn’t it be glorious to cease the tension in your head, the quickening of your heart and the sickness in your stomach by the unstoppable slide show behind your eyes?
He sat in an oversized chair, spread out, hands hanging loosely on either side of the seat. He had sunken so far down he was barely even upright, his legs sprawled out carelessly in front of him. The loft was completely dark, he wondered briefly if she was even coming. His eyes were closed as his brain continued to work on autopilot. He wondered for how much longer he could keep this up. He wondered how much more of this his ego, his heart, his emotions could take. It was as if she took him out to sea, pushed him in the water and asked him to swim for her amusement. While the water was refreshing and invigorating, it was also dangerous and occasionally volatile.
It almost alarmed him how completely immersed he was in Blair Waldorf. They spent so much time together that it seemed unnatural and unhealthy for her to be the focus of his thoughts when she wasn’t in his presence. He was starting to feel tremendously for her and it absolutely petrified him because she was so irregular with her emotions and actions that sometimes it made his head spin and his heart palpitate. Then sometimes she would have these breathtaking moments of clarity and gentleness that would caress and then suppress his worry and other times she would exemplify repeatedly all the reasons why what was taking place between them should not be taking place and why it was of the utmost importance for it to stop at once. The deeper in he got the more frightened he was that one day she was going to convince herself unequivocally that this whole thing had to end and no matter what he said he wouldn’t be able to sway her in the other direction. He didn’t want this to be such a struggle because when she allowed it to, it perpetuating itself with such ease. The imbalance of it all stung and bruised him in such a way that it was hard for him to procure his usually footing.
He heard the door handle rattle as it drew him back to reality from the clutch of his overactive imagination. He knew it was her, though he hadn’t been certain she would even come, it was so late already. The door finally swung open and he saw the outline of her form in the dark room entering almost hesitantly.
“Humphrey,” Blair called delicately, her eyes trying to adjust to the darkness.
“I’m right here,” Dan muttered from where he sat.
“Why are you sitting in the dark?” Blair wondered aloud as she closed the door behind her. Something in her voice was unrecognizable. He caught it almost immediately as she spoke. He wasn’t sure what it was but it was definitely present.
“No reason.” Dan replied clearly. He studied her outline in the dark, her presence seemed curious and intentional. “The lights behind you.”
Blair reached for the switch suddenly and quickly flicked it on. Dan’s eyes adjusted to the light rapidly as the image of her bathed him unexpectedly. His breathing facility was instantly rendered defective. Blair stood barefoot, black Christian Louboutin sling backs held by the hook of her finger, a black lace dress hugged her every curve, though the neck of the dress wasn’t low cut, it was much shorter than anything he’d seen her in previously. She was usually all elegance and class, this dress was a whole different animal. It’s material clung to her every inch in a marvelously debilitating sort of way. Her hair was a mass of loose, flowing curls, her cheeks were tawny, her lips pale, her eyes smoky. She had obviously come from a prior engagement. The fact that she looked like that and had been anywhere for any member of the male population to see her made his heart clench abnormally. He digested the image of her before him as she tilted her head and smirked. Dropping her shoes swiftly as she descended towards him. She stopped in front of him, their knees barely touching. There was something different about the look in her eyes he assessed, something foreign. It was intriguing.
He turned his hand upward, beckoning for hers silently. She slid her hand into his slowly, as she looked down at him, her hair tumbling into her face. He felt a strange inherent need to pull her on top of him; he resisted it emphatically.
“Look at you, brooding all silently in the dark,” Blair observed teasingly. “Materializing artistic stereotypes, I see.”
He instantly recognized what he had earlier distinctly heard in her voice. She had been drinking. His heart secretly ached as he thought about her intoxicated, out in the city, in that dress no less. He swallowed silently, trying to obliterate his indescribable fixation.
She climbed into his lap, seemingly reading his earlier thought somewhere in the middle of his mind. Her legs folded neatly over both of his, crossing at the ankles, her bare toes sunk into the corners of the cushion. She leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek. Her scent drifted deliberately into his nose. She even smelled different. Almost weakening. His head spun slowly, he briefly had an internal struggle of where to put his hands. One fell loosely at the small of her back and the other draped over the arm of the oversized chair.
“I missed you,” Blair whispered softly as she put her face in his neck briefly.
“Where are you coming from?” Dan questioned lightly, clearing his throat. He purposely avoided her soft declaration. Blair pulled back, leaning against the arm of the chair.
“I was supposed to go to this monotonous soirée, but I just wasn’t in the mood so I skipped it.” Blair ranted emphatically, she blended syllables together abnormally.
“Where did you go instead?” Dan asked, trying not to seem as if he was grilling her, but more like he was interested in the night she had.
“No where fun,” Blair answered seriously as she looked deeply into his eyes. “It’s not important.”
“You’ve been drinking,” Dan offered casually.
“Yes,” Blair replied theatrically, her eyes widening dramatically. “And you have not been. Are we now, listing acute observations?”
“I’m just curious about your night,” Dan answered, trying to keep his inquisition subdued. “Can’t I be interested and curious about your night?”
“Of course you can. Can’t you also accept how I respond and not have to insist on details?” Blair questioned.
“Is there a particular reason why you’re drunk?” Dan ventured lightly. He knew it was a risky question but he gambled asking it anyways.
“Well, obviously, no is the answer to my question,” Blair replied, not as outlandishly offended as she might have been if she hadn’t been drinking. “And I will have you know that I am an expert when it comes to alcohol. I have the tolerance of a cowboy or a sailor or something of the sort.”
Blair had such a serious look on her face, he couldn’t help but smirk at her comparison. She was incredibly incapacitating in that moment; she was all dainty curls, dark eyes, sweet lips and faintly resonating aroma.
Her mouth was suddenly on his, interrupting his immurement in her. Her lips pried at his slowly at first, he allowed her to take the lead on the pace of the kiss. Her hands went to the back of his neck, her fingers grazing the hair there. She tasted of pinot noir and peppermint. The urgency with which she kissed him seemed to intensively rapidly. His hands squeezed her bare arms in recognition as her tongue went in search of his, desperately trying to quench her unnatural thirst for him. Dan made a peculiar sound in the back of his throat as she tortuously examined and explored his mouth with her own. Blair turned further into him with her body and suddenly without disconnecting their mouths managed to leverage herself on top of him and straddled his lap, her dress riding up just barely. Dan had no cognitive thought besides her mouth and her hands, which traveled down the front of his chest as they descended towards unfamiliar territory. Her hands paused briefly and then continued their descent. Dan instantly snapped back to reality and pulled away, his breathing and heart rate were both beyond irregular.
“Blair…” Dan whispered breathlessly. “Maybe we should slow down.”
“Maybe not.” Blair countered, slurring just slightly, as she softly adorned the side of his face and his neck with slow deliberate kisses.
“Bla… Blair, I’m se-” Blair’s mouth cut him off mid-word. Capturing his already thoroughly kissed mouth and continuing her prior onslaught of advances on it. His body responded boldly as he continued to battle with his greater more realistic sense and his ultimately exhausting and tumultuous desire for her. Her fingers slipped through the loops of his pants lightly as she still further intensified the kiss. His hands traveled swiftly down her sides and rested on her hips momentarily before they slowly stopped at her thighs, he then realized how dangerously high her dress had risen. She located the beginning of his belt and lightly teased the skin above where his jeans began with the tips of her fingers, catapulting him once again, back into reality. His hands gripped her legs involuntarily as he tore his mouth from hers.
“Blair,” Dan almost pleaded like he was being slowly tortured. It took every ounce of human restraint left in him to pull away from her and try to decimate this highly entangled situation. “Blair, stop.”
“What?” Blair asked wildly, meeting his eyes. “Why are you stopping me?”
“We can’t do this.” Dan sighed as he took a deep breath, silently detesting himself for uttering those words.
“Why not?” Blair questioned, her eyes searching his in confusion. She couldn’t figure out what she was doing wrong, she knew she was good at this. Of that she was firmly convinced. But he wasn’t even allowing her to get started and it baffled her endlessly.
“Because you’re drunk.” Dan whispered, his eyes full of apologetic intent.
“You’re precious, Humphrey. Like a little lamb.” Blair softly replied. In her state it came off more condescending than complimentary. Though she had went back and worth in her mind on whether or not she was ready to take this undeniable leap, she had decided she needed to. The almost entire bottle of wine she destroyed had helped her come to that conclusion. She had made it up in her mind she wasn’t listening to anything he had to say, any attempt at declining her would be swept swiftly and expertly under a rug. She leaned towards him to close the distance between their mouths once more, but was met with the side of his face, as his hands reluctantly left her legs and clasped both of her wrists, preventing her from continuing her mission of unfastening his pants.
“I’m serious, Blair.” Dan spoke sternly. Blair pulled back and looked at him, decidedly astonished. She couldn’t believe this. There must be some mistake.
“No,” Blair replied firmly. “No.”
Dan couldn’t look anywhere but her face because anywhere else would have been a dangerous sight for his eyes. He felt completely dissatisfied but knew he had done the proper thing. “Blair, it’s just…”
“No,” Blair repeated cutting him off swiftly. He gently lifted her off his lap and placed her on the floor in front of him, adjusting her dress by pulling it down. “You can’t be serious.”
“I’m sorry Blair.” Dan offered sincerely, he for a moment felt he had been remiss in denying her because she clearly was hurt.
“But I don’t understand,” Blair said, her voice strange as her eyes blazed with confusion. She stumbled back away from him. She had no literal comprehension of why they weren’t currently tearing each other’s clothes off. “Why?”
“You’ve been drinking an-” Dan started apologetically.
“Wait,” Blair cut him off abruptly. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah,” Dan lamented loosely.
“Are you kidding me?” Blair’s voice raised exponentially. “I’m Blair Waldorf. I am Blair Waldorf and I just got turned down by you, Daniel Humphrey, of all god forsaken people because I was drinking?”
“I just didn’t want you to wake up tomorrow and hate me or regret it or…” Dan trailed off, loosing the words he wanted to use that would adequately convey how he really felt and why he had done what he had done. Blair’s rage was substantially rising.
“What in the world is happening?” Blair asked furiously. “Did I miss something? Did someone come along and deem you the fucking moral compass of the great state of New York?”
“Blair, calm down.” Dan tried to reason with her lightly. In that moment all he wanted to do was hold her but she was far too worked up.
“Oh, calm down?” Blair asked sarcastically, her face mocking his intention. “My apologies Saint Daniel, if I’m offending your delicate sensibilities.”
“Blair, stop.” Dan repeated, he was starting to feel his temper rise and that wasn’t good, he always kept his emotions somewhat in check when hers were a whirlwind being displayed in their entirety. She had this way of arming than disarming him in a matter of mere seconds. Before he could rationalize his thoughts or feelings, he was susceptible to change his mind in a heartbeat.
“You are unbelievable.” Blair went on. “Mr. Perfect. Mr. full of all the judgment and distain you can muster. The thought that I would even be interested in that.”
“You aren’t exceedingly perfect yourself, so let’s not throw stones.” Dan quipped back briskly. “You’re quite out of your mind, really.”
“I’m out of my mind?!” Blair all but screeched, she gestured to herself as her arms started flailing to aid her impending response. “You’re the brilliant one declining vacuous, mind-blowing sex!”
“It wouldn’t be vacuous if we slept together.” Dan lamented evenly, all the anger that had slowly worked it’s way up inside of him suddenly changed to something else, something almost unrecognizable. The thought that she would try to make their first time about a meaningless fling, deeply stabbed him. “It would be anything but.”
“Stop ma-” Blair retorted but was quickly cut off.
“I know you’ve become so accustomed to using people for your own personal gain without considering how you would in the process make them feel but I’m not going to be used as some pawn in whatever test you’re implementing or whatever game you regularly take part in. I won’t be just a warm body for you to rub against.”
Blair’s face drained of all its color. Dan instantly wanted to take everything he just uttered back when he saw the look of pure hurt and contempt cloud the features of her face. He hadn’t meant to be so cruel and abrasive. He felt instantly ill as he replayed the words he had just so meanly regurgitated towards her.
“So not only am I a drunk but now I’m a slut as well?” Blair asked coolly, the previous flippant nature of her earlier cadence had melted away. This altercation had sobered her up beyond belief.
“No, Blair. That’s not what I meant…” Dan tried to backtrack but he knew it was too late.
“I’m a lot of things, Humphrey. But I am not a slut.” Blair replied disdainfully. Her jaw was tight with resentment and her eyes cold and still.
“I know, I never me-” Dan was promptly interrupted once again.
“I may be a bitch… I may be insensitive… I may be complicated beyond measure but one thing I am not is a slut.” Blair uttered her words with such force and precision.
Dan reached for her quickly, desperately hoping that his touch would alleviate this mess that they had both hand-crafted. Her eyes registered his action as his fingers slowly ran down her arm, when they reached her elbow she briskly snatched her arm away.
“Don’t touch me,” Blair muttered defiantly.
“Blair, I didn’t mean that.” Dan said, full of apologetic empathy. “It took every molecule of self-restraint I had in me to deny you just then, but it can’t happen like that. And it wouldn’t be vacuous, at least not for me. It would be the antithesis of it.”
“You think I’m so obviously deplorable, why even put up with me?” Blair insisted, as she turned to head for the door.
“Where are you going?” Dan asked quickly, he suddenly was flooded with panic at the thought of her leaving in the midst of how much he had unintentionally upset her.
“I’m leaving!” Blair shouted, turning towards him briefly to throw him a look of frustration. She continued towards the door with him just a couple steps behind her.
“No, Blair. Wait,” Dan pleaded urgently. “Just stay here.”
“I am not staying here.” Blair retorted as she knelt down swiftly to retrieve her shoes. Dan watched as she struggled to balance and put them on her feet at the same time. Dan racked his mind incessantly trying to access something to say that would convince her to stay. She finally gave up on putting her shoes on and gathered them in her hands with an irritated gasp and continued towards the door.
“Blair, really. I don’t think you should leave like this.”
“Humphrey, I can take care of myself.” Blair insisted angrily.
“Please, just calm down a little bit before you go.”
“So, now I don’t have the right to be angry after you thoroughly insulted me?” Blair bemused as she flung the doors to the loft open, walking quickly out of them as he followed.
“I’m trying to apologize for that, I was wrong. It came out differently than I had meant it.”
“Strange how it’s not hard to misinterpret ‘I won’t be a warm body to placate you with, sorry.’” Blair responded as she descended down the stairs, increasing her pace.
“Blair, stop. I didn’t mean that, were you even listening to what I said after that?”
“It doesn’t matter Humphrey. You‘re judgmental and pretentious and I‘m humiliated and dejected. Is that what you intended? Because you succeeded.”
“Of course not.” Dan muttered weakly. He wished she wasn’t charging down those steps at such an alarming rate. He didn’t want her to leave. Everything inside him was screaming for her to not leave this way, he was terrified she would never come back. “I’m sorry.”
They were outside before Blair realized she had told the driver to leave because she hadn’t been expecting to go home. No taxi’s were in either of their immediate views. Blair was still boiling with disbelief, confusion and shame. This was not at all how she thought they would be spending the night.
“Will you please come back inside?” Dan ventured softly.
“No,” Blair countered quickly, her face was set with distinct indifference mixed with overt annoyance. “I’ll just wait for a cab.”
“I don’t want you leave, especially not like this.”
“Well, I suppose you can’t always get what you want, Humphrey. Goodness knows I didn’t want this. My word, you have me in Brooklyn, barefoot and waiting for a taxi. What have I become?”
“Blair, please let’s just go back up and we can talk about it. Straighten this out.”
“You shouldn’t have followed me out here.” Blair assessed easily, her emotions wearing a bit thin. “Someone could see us.”
“Then let’s go back inside.” Dan ventured hopefully.
“No,” Blair maintained, her eyes were alert though pensive as she looked at him. She was still resoundingly hurt in the pit of her stomach from the things he had said to her. Though to be fair, she hadn’t reacted in the most thoughtful or sane manner when he had refused her. But even still that was some of the most hurtful things he’d ever said to her in a very long time. She had become strangely vulnerable to it. He had been such a pristine, caring person to her lately that she almost took it for granted that he too was afforded negative emotions and certain defenses.
“I was being reactive Blair,” Dan reasoned lightly, staring into her eyes. He felt terrible about the way he had handled the situation and her throwing her usual, delicately snippy insults in his direction. Usually he didn’t respond in such an overtly negative way. He was so raw as if she was hitting an undisclosed nerve repeatedly. “I am so sorry.”
Silence pasted over them as she didn’t respond. Dan suddenly crouched down on one knee and plucked her shoes from her hand. Carefully intertwining his fingers in hers, using himself as an anchor to steady her as he lifted her right foot with his other hand and easily slid her shoe on. Blair was completely taken aback by the act and momentarily couldn’t find her voice to speak, neither in protest or approval. The image of him on one knee made her insides tremble inadvertently, she instantly shook it off when she thought of the implication. Dan placed her other shoe on slowly, his hand touching the delicate part of her ankle a little longer than necessary. That part of her foot tingled lightly as his touch left and he slowly rose. He was standing closer to her than she would have preferred but somehow she couldn’t find the will to step back.
“There isn’t any need for grand gestures, Humphrey.” Blair proclaimed lightly, somehow her tough, cold exterior was dissolving rapidly.
“I’d hardly characterize helping you with your shoes as grand.” Dan offered easily, he could see that she was slowly letting the hurt and anger leave her body but he wasn’t overwhelming reassured or convinced. Her eyes had a palpable restraint in them that he desperately wanted to distinguish. “Let’s just go inside and talk.”
“Stop repeating yourself,” Blair demanded, though she did it in a whisper. “I don’t have the mechanisms or the reasoning right now. I’m exhausted.”
Dan stood staring at her. His usual abundance of diction and charm was escaping him. A cab approached as Blair broke their eye contact and raised her hand, hailing it. It stopped once it reached them. Dan reached around her for the door and opened it. Blair slid in the cab without even glancing at him again.
“Goodnight, Blair.” Dan said. She responded with silence and nothingness as she continued looking straight ahead.
As the cab drove away, Dan stood and watched it until he could no longer see it off in the distance, desperately hoping he hadn’t just made one of the biggest mistakes of his life.
In the cab, Blair silently resented the fact that he had almost successfully extracted her from her valid anger and contrition, similar to what he had managed to do to her denial.