[AI] While My Guitar Gently Weeps (2/2)
Title: While My Guitar Gently Weeps
Wordcount: ~4000
Pairing: Kris/Adam (Kris/Katy, sort of)
Note: Um, this part is even longer somehow. Also! I decided that Katy is kickass, because Kris wouldn't have married her, otherwise, and also because she's friends with Adam, and by all accounts is, well, kickass. So don't expect her to be a bitch in this.
Blame forbiddenromanc and blue_icy_rose. Also, this is kind of a thank-you to them for being such good fandom-guides. ♥
Kris wakes up. His first thought is oh god my mouth tastes like crap why does my neck hurt did I fall asleep on the couch why didn't Adam wake me up -
His second thought is, oh, right, Idol's over.
His third thought is, shit, Katy.
He peels himself off the couch, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, and pads through his house to the stairs. He pauses when he sees the pile of photos on the hall table, glossy and beautiful. He thumbs through them despite himself. He pauses on a picture of himself grinning up at Adam, one hand on the earpiece in his ear. Adam's looking at him, grinning, and Kris' whole body is sort of curled in towards him. He remembers this day, on the tour. Behind it, there's another photo, the same day, Adam leaned down to whisper something into Kris' ear, his lips inches from Kris' cheek, and Kris can remember the warmth of his breath across his skin. He closes his eyes and drops the photos.
He gives a quick sigh, shakes himself, and goes to find his wife.
She's asleep on their bed, sheet thrown casually over her curves. Her hair was fanned out over the pillow, golden and tangled, and she has a pillow clutched to her chest. Kris is tempted to shed his shoes and jeans, just slip himself where the pillow is, let her wake up naturally, let everything be normal. But it won't be, not quite, and...
And Adam's voice rings in his head, distant but still so concerned over the phone. Talk to your wife, sober up.
He's done the first. The second is harder.
He takes Katy's hand, so small, and traces small, senseless patterns across the back of it. He slides his fingers across her wedding band, so like his, with the tiny, star-like diamond set into it shining like hope. He smiles a bittersweet sort of smile, and Katy shifts. She opens her eyes, startled to see him there, perched on the edge of the chair. She sits up, blue eyes guarded, but doesn't pull her hand away. There's none of last night's anger in her gaze, none of the sorrow or fear that meant both I don't want to lose you and I think I already have.
Kris takes a deep breath. "I met you when I was small, when...when the world was small. When my biggest dreams were to record an album that - that anyone would listen to. When all I knew was how you got me, how you looked when I sang to you. When all I needed was music and you."
She closes her eyes, and he swallows because if she starts crying than there's no way he can get through this, and he'll bundle her up and tell her soothing lies and when this happens again, on his birthday or Adam's birthday or whenever the hell, he might not have a chance to say this at all before she's gone. "And then, well..." He smiles. "God booted me in the ass and yelled in my ear, and I thought, maybe...maybe I can do more. Maybe I can be more." He sighs, a ragged sound, and she takes his other hand, silent encouragement, and maybe he'll start crying, because it just makes him feel worse.
"And then I....I fucking won, Katy. And I started thinking about why. And yeah, I'm not...I don't think I suck, or anything, I know I'm damn good. But i also...I didn't do it alone. You helped - " She opens her mouth, but if she interrupts he won't be able to finish and so he rolls right over her. "You did," he insists. "But you also...you couldn't be there when I needed someone most, you couldn't be backstage after the judges tore my heart out, you couldn't be there to hold me and tell me fuck the judges, that I was worth more." She smiles, a little watery, at that, and he breathes a bit easier. "Adam...he was. And he's...he's amazing, Katy. He just, he gives and gives and I don't understand how anyone in the world can be so unselfish. And after he came out, there was...all this nonsense, even among the contestants, that he was being nice to me because he wanted to get into my pants, because he wanted me to be grateful to him, that he, like, got off on it. And I knew it wasn't true, even after he admitted to being attracted to me, because he's Adam."
He remembers Adam's face when he heard those rumors, when fucking Sarver had mentioned it, not out of malicious intent (not even Sarver would dare) but as a joke thing. It had been clear that Adam hadn't heard, had had no idea anyone had even thought of that. His face had gone blank, completely shocked, and then his eyes had hardened in anger. He'd cast a look at Kris, a flash of worry in his eyes, and Kris had found his hand under the table, smoothing his thumb across his knuckles as he'd laughed at Sarvar, determined that this wouldn't be a thing, determined that Adam would know he'd never believe something like that. And Adam'd relaxed immediately, turning his hand over in Kris', long, warm fingers tracing across Kris' wrist. And Kris had suppressed a shiver at his touch, and...
...And this is the part that is hardest to say. "But I...he was attracted to me, and he truly cared about me, and...shit, Katy, you've seen Adam. When he's fully focused on you, it's..." He shakes his head, not having the words. "I wanted him. I wanted to..." He ducks his head. "I wanted to have sex with him, but more I wanted....I wanted to give him what he wanted. I wanted to be what he wanted, I wanted him to see how much I needed him, to need me in the same way, and I...I flirted with him and I pressed him and he must have been going insane but he's..."
Katy's eyes are lowered, staring at their joined hands. "He's the best person you've ever met." She says, softly, sadly, and raises his eyes to look at him, "I heard."
He swallows. "You were...listening? Last night?"
Her mouth twists slightly. "Gee, I dunno, Kris. We have a fight about photos of you and your gay best friend, and as soon as I storm away you break out the alcohol and call him? Yeah, I was listening. Honestly?" She looks at him a bit sideways. "I was worried you were going to yell at him."
And that's so her that he has to chuckle. "You were worried."
She shrugs, pulling her hands out of his. "Sure." She looks at him, sharp. "It's not his fault you're in love with him."
Kris licks his lips, heart in his throat. "No. It's not."
It's as much a confession as he's ever made, and she drops her gaze for a moment before looking back up at him and saying, eyes wet, "Well, I got you for a year." She sniffs, smiling pathetically, "It'd be selfish of me to...to expect..."
Her face kind of breaks his heart, and he pulls her into a hug. She shakes against him, finally crying, and he's crying, too, utter relief and sorrow and guilt just pouring out of him. He holds her and she curls into him and they're sitting there for what could have been hours, his hands in her hair, and finally she pulls back a little and he looks down at her and says, voice rough, "What do we do now?"
She pulls all the way away, and smooths her hands across her face, composing herself. "Now," She says, "I call Adam."
He freezes. "What?"
She cocks an eyebrow at him. "What, you thought I was just gonna hand you over? Oh, no, honey, he's gotta promise me he'll take care of you, and he's gotta mean it. Plus, we're going for manicures, when we fly out there."
Kris blinked, bemused, as she plucked his phone from his pocket. "I'm - we're flying out there?" She rolls her eyes and dials, still naked, and he protests, "Aren't you even going to get dressed - "
She fixes him with a look. "First of all, it's a phone. He can't see me. Second of all, he's flamingly gay, and he wouldn't care if he could. Third of all - " Her voice softens, and a trace of sorrow passes over her face. "If I don't do this right now, I might never do it, so can you shut the hell up?"
Kris shuts the hell up.
"Adam?" Katy says into the phone, and suddenly Kris' palms are sweating like mad and he can't sit still. "Hey, it's Katy Allen." She grins. "Nah, settle down, I'm fine, and so's he, though he looks like he's about to swallow his tongue."
Kris glares at her.
She studiously ignores him. "So, listen, I'm calling because my husband just told me he wants to have sex with you, and I was wondering - "
"KATY!" Kris launches himself forward, trying to grab the phone from her. She holds it away from him, and they end up rolling off the bed, wrestling for the phone. Kris finally manages to get it, slapping it to his ear and babbling, "Adam? Adam, I - "
There's silence on the other end of the line. Kris looks at the phone to see Adam's number displayed, the call button unpressed. Katy's laughing and laughing and laughing at him, a hysterical edge to it, and he looks down at where she's pinned under him and shakes his head, grinning. "You bitch!"
She grins right back and untangles herself from him, pressing a kiss into his hair. "Good luck, honey." She murmurs, before disappearing into the bathroom.
Kris swallows and closes his eyes. He breaths in a long breath. He feels like he did before the finale performance, like he hasn't practiced enough, like he has no idea what he's doing here, like he wants this more than anything in the world. Except then, Adam's arm was warm around him, Adam's lips were in his hair, Adam's words were in his ear, pure confidence, pure love.
God, Kris misses that.
He opens his eyes and hits call, ready to get it back.
******
They do end up flying out there, Katy and him both, because apparently Katy's serious about this manicure plan. The past week has been a whirlwind of legal nonsense as they start drawing up the papers for divorce, and he agrees that she needs to relax. He suspects she's also serious about making sure Adam won't hurt him, but she's met Adam, so the manicure is more important.
The plane ride is the most nerve-wracking thing that's happened since he auditioned for Idol and Katy seems to agree, her hand clutching his in a death grip. She falls asleep on his shoulder, eventually, and he looks down at her hair and thinks, how am I giving this up?
He's not, really. The days between his confession and now have made that clear. He's not abandoning her, he just...won't be married to her. They're still friends, good friends, and they'll still see each other, and everything will be the same except they won't have their too-big house in the country and they won't talk about having kids and they won't have sex, and really, he's alright with that.
It's just a little difficult to see the future, right now, when the only future he's ever seriously thought about is sighing contentedly in her sleep, next to him.
And then he sees Adam at the airport.
He's standing there like...like a tower, in the mass of hurried, harassed people. Some of them cast glances at him, but his eyes are hidden behind sunglasses and his clothes aren't covered in rhinestones so no one's screaming at him. He looks casual and cool and relaxed, only the way his fingers are clutched tight around his phone giving away the tension he must be feeling.
And god, he's beautiful.
Kris lets go of Katy's hand as he pushes his way through the crowds, heart hammering. He feels himself smile like a fool, feels himself break into an almost run and throw his arms wide. Adam turns at the last moment, wide mouth caught in the very beginnings of a grin as Kris crushes him in a hug, and then Adam's arms are around him and Adam's smell is in his nose and Kris feels like he's going to cry because he's missed him so much.
Adam's murmuring his name over and over again, a steady stream of disbelief and joy, and Kris grins into his chest. He never wants to move, ever, enveloped in Adam's warmth, but eventually Adam coughs, embarrassed, and loosens his arms a bit. Kris slides himself sideways so that he's pressed against Adam's side instead and turns and looks where Adam's looking.
Katy's standing at the edge of the crowd, an unreadable expression on her face. Adam holds up a hand and twiddles his fingers awkwardly at her. She seems to shake herself out of it and skips up to him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Adam grins down at her. "Hey, Katy.'
"Adam." She says, face serious, but her eyes are dancing. Adam gestures in front of him, and she nods graciously and leads the way to the exits, letting Kris hang back with Adam. Kris turns from shaking his head at her to see Adam looking down at him, his face nearly split in half with a silly grin. Kris blushes and wants nothing to much as to push up and kiss that smile, but - even without the rhinestones, even without the screaming fangirls. they would be recognized, and Kris isn't quite ready for that particular shitfest, at least, not until the divorce goes through.
So he bides his time, settling for curling his fingers around Adam's (Adam's hands are so big) and following Katy to the waiting limo.
She squeals when she sees it, turning and looking at Adam with a disbelieving expression. He grins at her. "What can I say, baby? I'm a rockstar."
Katy's glad of the limo because she's still, adorably, excited by the trappings of fame.
Kris' glad of the limo because if Adam had been driving Kris wouldn't have been able to drape himself over his lap and kiss him breathless.
Adam makes a surprised noise against his mouth before his warm hands come up and cradle Kris' face. He leans into it, kisses him like this is all he dares ask for, and Kris deepens it, sliding his tongue along the seam of Adam's lips until Adam opens to him with a little strangled moan that Kris finds hotter than anything in the world. Adam's tongue sweeps against his and he tastes fruity and dark and not like Katy at all and Kris loves him.
He says, so, into Adam's mouth, but it comes out more as a throaty sort of moan and Adam shifts, his fingers moving up into Kris' hair and Kris' hands tremble somewhere around Adam's lapels, his thumbs making small circles on Adam's chest. He pulls back a moment to breath and Adam's staring at him like he's never seen anything like him and Kris wants to say something but his eyes are caught by Adam's fucking lips, and before he knows what he's doing he's leaning in again, catching Adam's lower lip in his teeth, and Adam fucking growls.
"Excuse me, boys," Katy interrupts dryly. "Not that I'm not enjoying the show, but we've arrived."
Kris looks past Adam out the window. "This isn't the hotel...?" he says, and it doesn't look like Adam's apartment, either.
Katy shakes her head. "Nope. I redirected the driver while you two were dead to the world, because Adam and I are going shopping. You can pick up where you left off later."
Adam looks like a kicked puppy. "But - "
Kris looks at Katy. She gives him a significant look. He huffs a laugh, and turns back to Adam. "She wants to interrogate you about your intentions." He steals one more kiss, because he knows it'll make Adam smile, and because he can't help it. "Don't worry." He breathes against Adam's lips. "I'll be at your place...waiting."
Adam gives him the key, his eyes are wide-blown and so dark as Katy drags him away. Kris grins, waving at them cheerily, and then directs the driver to Adam's address.
Adam's apartment is big and glamorous, like anyone who knows him at all would expect. But as Kris lets himself in, he thinks, yeah, I could live here. There are little touches that are pure Adam - silly notes to himself, scraps of fabric every where, feathers stuffed in odd corners. Kris finds a tattered piece of paper taped to the wall by Adam's bed, that symbol and number that had once been all-important. He has one, too, folded up in his wallet, his Idol identity.
He briefly considers undressing and waiting for Adam on the bed but he's not...he's not entirely sure he's ready for what would come of that, and also he has no idea how long Katy and Adam will be gone and whether or not Katy will come back with Adam and while obviously Katy's seen him naked it feels - different, now.
So he goes back into the living room and slips off his shoes, flopping down on Adam's couch. He casts around for the remote, and then his eyes alight on a familiar leather case in the corner. He pads over to it, flicking open the catches with fingers suddenly nervous, and takes out his old guitar.
He slides his hand along its fretboard, strumming an experimental chord, and breaks out in a grin. Adam's kept it in tune.
He returns to the couch, cradling his baby to his chest, and plays slowly at first, listening to how the notes hang in the air. They fill the air with a simple sweetness, and suddenly Kris knows why Adam chose this apartment, of all the apartments in LA: The acoustics are fantastic.
It's been a long time since he's had time to just play for himself, with no aim in mind but making music, and he takes his time over it, not rushing, not fumbling for a tune but rambling through a thousand, a chorus here, a verse there, humming along when he feels like it, leaving the guitar bare and lonely when he doesn't. He curls into the corner of the couch and closes his eyes, losing himself to the music.
Adam finds him there hours later as he stumbles through the door, laughing, Katy close behind him. Both their arms are full of shopping bags. When Adam sees Kris he immediately stops, his amused grin becoming something more tender, and shushes Katy. Kris finishes the arpeggio, trailing the notes off into silence, and stands, padding over to them on stocking feet. He leans up and curls his fingers against Adam's cheek, just wanting to touch, and Adam clutches his wrist, his thumb running patterns over Kris' pulse point.
Katy clears her throat. "I'll, um." She says. "See you guys tomorrow."
Adam doesn't look away, but Kris turns after her, catching her by the elbow. "Katy." He says, and she meets his eyes. "Thank you."
She smiles at him, bittersweet, and nods. "Go."
She closes the door behind her.
Kris turns to see Adam watching him, dark eyes unreadable. He smiles at him. "She wasn't too hard on you?" He asks, walking over and sliding his hands up Adam's chest just because he can.
Adam catches his hands, shaking his head. "She's amazing."
Kris smiles. "Yeah, she is."
Adam's tongue flicks out, and he drops his eyes. "Kris, are..." He looks back up, and his eyes are guarded, like he's arming himself against Kris' answer. "Are you sure about this?"
Kris rolls his eyes. "No, Adam, I've just spent the last week filing for divorce because I'm not sure. Yes, I'm sure." Adam looks away, and Kris frowns. "Hey. Hey, Adam, look at me."
Adam does, reluctantly, and Kris holds his eyes. "I love you." He says, and Adam swallows. "I do. I have for...months, at least, maybe longer. I...I was ready to act on it even when I wasn't sure, when I hadn't worked things out with Katy, and you stopped that because you're a better person than I am. But now? Now we're free of at least some of the public's attention, we have the blessing of my soon-to-be-ex-wife, and we finally have each other, together. Now do you want to spend our time talking about feelings, or - "
Adam leans down and captures his lips, sliding his tongue across the roof of Kris mouth. Kris' hands are at the back of Adam's neck, playing with the short hairs there, and Adam clutches Kris' hips in his huge hands. Adam breaks the kiss, breathless, and starts walking Kris backwards, towards the couch. Forehead to forehead, Adam murmurs, "I love you, god, Kris, I've loved you for so long, been waiting for this, hoping, never thought I'd ever..."
Kris kisses him again, pushing himself back onto the couch, laying down. Adam climbs on top of him, all warm weight, and presses light kisses to his cheekbones, the corners of his mouth, his temples. Kris slides his hands under Adam's shirt, tracing up and down his sides, and Adam shudders against him. He can feel Adam's erection against his hip, strange and hot. Adam licks and kisses down his neck, his hands busy at Kris' waist and then he's sliding Kris' shirt up and off him and his hands are hot against Kris' chest. Kris' hands clutch at Adam's hips, helpless, as Adam kisses down his chest, sucking a nipple into his mouth. Kris arches up with a cry, his own erection grinding into Adam's and they moan in unison, and it's Adam's voice, always his voice because Kris twitches with want and his fingers find Adam's nipples, hoping to provoke more lovely noises. Adam bats him away, nipping his tender skin and Kris remembers suddenly the interview where Adam laughingly declared I like the top, the sideways glance he'd given Kris. He realizes how thoroughly he's pinned, here, kept deliciously helpless by Adam's weight, and surrenders to it, eyes half-closed pleasure.
He tangles his fingers in Adam's hair as his boyfriend - god, his boyfriend - sucks tiny bruises into the skin over his ribs. Adam's fingers toy with the button on Kris' jeans and he darts a look up at him through his eyelashes, his lips swollen with kisses, and Kris nods, please -
And bucks with sudden pleasure as Adam pulls his jeans and boxers in one swift movement, the cloth setting his erection free. Adam sits up, his legs on either side of Kris' hips, and just looks at him. He looks like he can't believe he's really here, can't believe Kris is for him, and Kris gives an impatient squirm. "Adam, please, just - "
And maybe his voice has the same sort of effect on Adam as Adam's does on him because Adam wraps a long-fingered hand around him and Kris arches upward, unable to get the friction he wants because of Adam's hand on his stomach, holding him there, and Adam's strong and god, his hand's so large and warm and nothing like anything Kris has ever felt. He twists and bucks and Adam chuckles at him, all low and amused and breathless, and strokes him slowly, tantalizingly, exploring Kris' length with clever, skilled fingers. He cups the curve of him and curls down all low to kiss Kris again and here, at least, Kris has some modicum of control, thrusting his tongue against Adam's, catching Adam's lips between his teeth and tugging, and Adam's hand stutters on Kris' cock and then he speeds up his strokes and Kris can't do anything but gasp.
It's over too soon, with Adam stroking him through the aftershocks, and Kris opens his eyes to see Adam cleaning his hand with his tongue, sucking each finger into his mouth and flicking his tongue out between them. He's smiling, contented, catlike, but Kris frowns at him.
"You, sir," He says, and doesn't miss the way Adam's eyes darken at the word, "Are entirely too dressed."
Adam watches him, amused and a bit amazed, as he pulls his legs out from under Adam and slides to the floor, arranging Adam's legs on either side of him. Adam's eyes widen as Kris reaches for his belt, but he catches them in his own. "Later," He says, when Kris scowls at him. "God, please later, but I...I want to show you something before I forget."
He stands, and arranges Kris on the couch. Kris kicks his jeans off entirely, not caring about modesty (especially not after that), and Adam retrieves Kris' guitar and sits next to him, carefully settling the instrument on his lap. He positions his fingers one at a time, and then plays a faltering chord.
Kris' eyes widen as Adam slowly continues, finally adding his voice, and it seems like ages since Kris has heard him sing. He wraps his lips around the words like they're precious things, the song slow and stumbling but his voice, as always, perfect.
I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at the floor and I see it need sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps
His fingers, still a bit shiny, pick out the chords, and Kris notices with a little shock of pure joy that his right thumbnail is bare, a contrast to the black paint on the rest of them. He finds himself sliding his own index finger over his right thumb, wanting to feel the sleekness of polish, and he makes a little promise to himself that as soon as he can he'll have Adam redo it.
I don't know why nobody told you
how to unfold your love
I don't know how someone controlled you
they bought and sold you
I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps
Kris remembers the first time he heard Adam sing, how it had sent shivers down his spine, made him widen his eyes and look at the glam rocker with pure awe. He'd thought, sitting on that couch with him a little ways from the party, That voice is going to win him American Idol.
I don't know how you were diverted
you were perverted too
I don't know how you were inverted
no one alerted you
I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at you all
Still my guitar gently weeps
And sitting here, naked, watching Adam play his guitar, he still doesn't understand how he was wrong.
Adam stumbles to a stop, and gives a rueful sort of laugh. "Um, it's not, I'm not the best at it yet, but - "
Kris cuts him off with a kiss, and Adam laughs into his mouth. "What was that for?"
Kris slides his tongue over his lips and curls into Adam's shoulder, his arms draped over his guitar. He's suddenly sleepy, the stresses of the day caught up with him and all his energy sapped by Adam's hands and lips and voice. He tucks his fingers into Adam's side, knuckles against his skin, and says, "Because you deserved it."
Wordcount: ~4000
Pairing: Kris/Adam (Kris/Katy, sort of)
Note: Um, this part is even longer somehow. Also! I decided that Katy is kickass, because Kris wouldn't have married her, otherwise, and also because she's friends with Adam, and by all accounts is, well, kickass. So don't expect her to be a bitch in this.
Blame forbiddenromanc and blue_icy_rose. Also, this is kind of a thank-you to them for being such good fandom-guides. ♥
Kris wakes up. His first thought is oh god my mouth tastes like crap why does my neck hurt did I fall asleep on the couch why didn't Adam wake me up -
His second thought is, oh, right, Idol's over.
His third thought is, shit, Katy.
He peels himself off the couch, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, and pads through his house to the stairs. He pauses when he sees the pile of photos on the hall table, glossy and beautiful. He thumbs through them despite himself. He pauses on a picture of himself grinning up at Adam, one hand on the earpiece in his ear. Adam's looking at him, grinning, and Kris' whole body is sort of curled in towards him. He remembers this day, on the tour. Behind it, there's another photo, the same day, Adam leaned down to whisper something into Kris' ear, his lips inches from Kris' cheek, and Kris can remember the warmth of his breath across his skin. He closes his eyes and drops the photos.
He gives a quick sigh, shakes himself, and goes to find his wife.
She's asleep on their bed, sheet thrown casually over her curves. Her hair was fanned out over the pillow, golden and tangled, and she has a pillow clutched to her chest. Kris is tempted to shed his shoes and jeans, just slip himself where the pillow is, let her wake up naturally, let everything be normal. But it won't be, not quite, and...
And Adam's voice rings in his head, distant but still so concerned over the phone. Talk to your wife, sober up.
He's done the first. The second is harder.
He takes Katy's hand, so small, and traces small, senseless patterns across the back of it. He slides his fingers across her wedding band, so like his, with the tiny, star-like diamond set into it shining like hope. He smiles a bittersweet sort of smile, and Katy shifts. She opens her eyes, startled to see him there, perched on the edge of the chair. She sits up, blue eyes guarded, but doesn't pull her hand away. There's none of last night's anger in her gaze, none of the sorrow or fear that meant both I don't want to lose you and I think I already have.
Kris takes a deep breath. "I met you when I was small, when...when the world was small. When my biggest dreams were to record an album that - that anyone would listen to. When all I knew was how you got me, how you looked when I sang to you. When all I needed was music and you."
She closes her eyes, and he swallows because if she starts crying than there's no way he can get through this, and he'll bundle her up and tell her soothing lies and when this happens again, on his birthday or Adam's birthday or whenever the hell, he might not have a chance to say this at all before she's gone. "And then, well..." He smiles. "God booted me in the ass and yelled in my ear, and I thought, maybe...maybe I can do more. Maybe I can be more." He sighs, a ragged sound, and she takes his other hand, silent encouragement, and maybe he'll start crying, because it just makes him feel worse.
"And then I....I fucking won, Katy. And I started thinking about why. And yeah, I'm not...I don't think I suck, or anything, I know I'm damn good. But i also...I didn't do it alone. You helped - " She opens her mouth, but if she interrupts he won't be able to finish and so he rolls right over her. "You did," he insists. "But you also...you couldn't be there when I needed someone most, you couldn't be backstage after the judges tore my heart out, you couldn't be there to hold me and tell me fuck the judges, that I was worth more." She smiles, a little watery, at that, and he breathes a bit easier. "Adam...he was. And he's...he's amazing, Katy. He just, he gives and gives and I don't understand how anyone in the world can be so unselfish. And after he came out, there was...all this nonsense, even among the contestants, that he was being nice to me because he wanted to get into my pants, because he wanted me to be grateful to him, that he, like, got off on it. And I knew it wasn't true, even after he admitted to being attracted to me, because he's Adam."
He remembers Adam's face when he heard those rumors, when fucking Sarver had mentioned it, not out of malicious intent (not even Sarver would dare) but as a joke thing. It had been clear that Adam hadn't heard, had had no idea anyone had even thought of that. His face had gone blank, completely shocked, and then his eyes had hardened in anger. He'd cast a look at Kris, a flash of worry in his eyes, and Kris had found his hand under the table, smoothing his thumb across his knuckles as he'd laughed at Sarvar, determined that this wouldn't be a thing, determined that Adam would know he'd never believe something like that. And Adam'd relaxed immediately, turning his hand over in Kris', long, warm fingers tracing across Kris' wrist. And Kris had suppressed a shiver at his touch, and...
...And this is the part that is hardest to say. "But I...he was attracted to me, and he truly cared about me, and...shit, Katy, you've seen Adam. When he's fully focused on you, it's..." He shakes his head, not having the words. "I wanted him. I wanted to..." He ducks his head. "I wanted to have sex with him, but more I wanted....I wanted to give him what he wanted. I wanted to be what he wanted, I wanted him to see how much I needed him, to need me in the same way, and I...I flirted with him and I pressed him and he must have been going insane but he's..."
Katy's eyes are lowered, staring at their joined hands. "He's the best person you've ever met." She says, softly, sadly, and raises his eyes to look at him, "I heard."
He swallows. "You were...listening? Last night?"
Her mouth twists slightly. "Gee, I dunno, Kris. We have a fight about photos of you and your gay best friend, and as soon as I storm away you break out the alcohol and call him? Yeah, I was listening. Honestly?" She looks at him a bit sideways. "I was worried you were going to yell at him."
And that's so her that he has to chuckle. "You were worried."
She shrugs, pulling her hands out of his. "Sure." She looks at him, sharp. "It's not his fault you're in love with him."
Kris licks his lips, heart in his throat. "No. It's not."
It's as much a confession as he's ever made, and she drops her gaze for a moment before looking back up at him and saying, eyes wet, "Well, I got you for a year." She sniffs, smiling pathetically, "It'd be selfish of me to...to expect..."
Her face kind of breaks his heart, and he pulls her into a hug. She shakes against him, finally crying, and he's crying, too, utter relief and sorrow and guilt just pouring out of him. He holds her and she curls into him and they're sitting there for what could have been hours, his hands in her hair, and finally she pulls back a little and he looks down at her and says, voice rough, "What do we do now?"
She pulls all the way away, and smooths her hands across her face, composing herself. "Now," She says, "I call Adam."
He freezes. "What?"
She cocks an eyebrow at him. "What, you thought I was just gonna hand you over? Oh, no, honey, he's gotta promise me he'll take care of you, and he's gotta mean it. Plus, we're going for manicures, when we fly out there."
Kris blinked, bemused, as she plucked his phone from his pocket. "I'm - we're flying out there?" She rolls her eyes and dials, still naked, and he protests, "Aren't you even going to get dressed - "
She fixes him with a look. "First of all, it's a phone. He can't see me. Second of all, he's flamingly gay, and he wouldn't care if he could. Third of all - " Her voice softens, and a trace of sorrow passes over her face. "If I don't do this right now, I might never do it, so can you shut the hell up?"
Kris shuts the hell up.
"Adam?" Katy says into the phone, and suddenly Kris' palms are sweating like mad and he can't sit still. "Hey, it's Katy Allen." She grins. "Nah, settle down, I'm fine, and so's he, though he looks like he's about to swallow his tongue."
Kris glares at her.
She studiously ignores him. "So, listen, I'm calling because my husband just told me he wants to have sex with you, and I was wondering - "
"KATY!" Kris launches himself forward, trying to grab the phone from her. She holds it away from him, and they end up rolling off the bed, wrestling for the phone. Kris finally manages to get it, slapping it to his ear and babbling, "Adam? Adam, I - "
There's silence on the other end of the line. Kris looks at the phone to see Adam's number displayed, the call button unpressed. Katy's laughing and laughing and laughing at him, a hysterical edge to it, and he looks down at where she's pinned under him and shakes his head, grinning. "You bitch!"
She grins right back and untangles herself from him, pressing a kiss into his hair. "Good luck, honey." She murmurs, before disappearing into the bathroom.
Kris swallows and closes his eyes. He breaths in a long breath. He feels like he did before the finale performance, like he hasn't practiced enough, like he has no idea what he's doing here, like he wants this more than anything in the world. Except then, Adam's arm was warm around him, Adam's lips were in his hair, Adam's words were in his ear, pure confidence, pure love.
God, Kris misses that.
He opens his eyes and hits call, ready to get it back.
******
They do end up flying out there, Katy and him both, because apparently Katy's serious about this manicure plan. The past week has been a whirlwind of legal nonsense as they start drawing up the papers for divorce, and he agrees that she needs to relax. He suspects she's also serious about making sure Adam won't hurt him, but she's met Adam, so the manicure is more important.
The plane ride is the most nerve-wracking thing that's happened since he auditioned for Idol and Katy seems to agree, her hand clutching his in a death grip. She falls asleep on his shoulder, eventually, and he looks down at her hair and thinks, how am I giving this up?
He's not, really. The days between his confession and now have made that clear. He's not abandoning her, he just...won't be married to her. They're still friends, good friends, and they'll still see each other, and everything will be the same except they won't have their too-big house in the country and they won't talk about having kids and they won't have sex, and really, he's alright with that.
It's just a little difficult to see the future, right now, when the only future he's ever seriously thought about is sighing contentedly in her sleep, next to him.
And then he sees Adam at the airport.
He's standing there like...like a tower, in the mass of hurried, harassed people. Some of them cast glances at him, but his eyes are hidden behind sunglasses and his clothes aren't covered in rhinestones so no one's screaming at him. He looks casual and cool and relaxed, only the way his fingers are clutched tight around his phone giving away the tension he must be feeling.
And god, he's beautiful.
Kris lets go of Katy's hand as he pushes his way through the crowds, heart hammering. He feels himself smile like a fool, feels himself break into an almost run and throw his arms wide. Adam turns at the last moment, wide mouth caught in the very beginnings of a grin as Kris crushes him in a hug, and then Adam's arms are around him and Adam's smell is in his nose and Kris feels like he's going to cry because he's missed him so much.
Adam's murmuring his name over and over again, a steady stream of disbelief and joy, and Kris grins into his chest. He never wants to move, ever, enveloped in Adam's warmth, but eventually Adam coughs, embarrassed, and loosens his arms a bit. Kris slides himself sideways so that he's pressed against Adam's side instead and turns and looks where Adam's looking.
Katy's standing at the edge of the crowd, an unreadable expression on her face. Adam holds up a hand and twiddles his fingers awkwardly at her. She seems to shake herself out of it and skips up to him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Adam grins down at her. "Hey, Katy.'
"Adam." She says, face serious, but her eyes are dancing. Adam gestures in front of him, and she nods graciously and leads the way to the exits, letting Kris hang back with Adam. Kris turns from shaking his head at her to see Adam looking down at him, his face nearly split in half with a silly grin. Kris blushes and wants nothing to much as to push up and kiss that smile, but - even without the rhinestones, even without the screaming fangirls. they would be recognized, and Kris isn't quite ready for that particular shitfest, at least, not until the divorce goes through.
So he bides his time, settling for curling his fingers around Adam's (Adam's hands are so big) and following Katy to the waiting limo.
She squeals when she sees it, turning and looking at Adam with a disbelieving expression. He grins at her. "What can I say, baby? I'm a rockstar."
Katy's glad of the limo because she's still, adorably, excited by the trappings of fame.
Kris' glad of the limo because if Adam had been driving Kris wouldn't have been able to drape himself over his lap and kiss him breathless.
Adam makes a surprised noise against his mouth before his warm hands come up and cradle Kris' face. He leans into it, kisses him like this is all he dares ask for, and Kris deepens it, sliding his tongue along the seam of Adam's lips until Adam opens to him with a little strangled moan that Kris finds hotter than anything in the world. Adam's tongue sweeps against his and he tastes fruity and dark and not like Katy at all and Kris loves him.
He says, so, into Adam's mouth, but it comes out more as a throaty sort of moan and Adam shifts, his fingers moving up into Kris' hair and Kris' hands tremble somewhere around Adam's lapels, his thumbs making small circles on Adam's chest. He pulls back a moment to breath and Adam's staring at him like he's never seen anything like him and Kris wants to say something but his eyes are caught by Adam's fucking lips, and before he knows what he's doing he's leaning in again, catching Adam's lower lip in his teeth, and Adam fucking growls.
"Excuse me, boys," Katy interrupts dryly. "Not that I'm not enjoying the show, but we've arrived."
Kris looks past Adam out the window. "This isn't the hotel...?" he says, and it doesn't look like Adam's apartment, either.
Katy shakes her head. "Nope. I redirected the driver while you two were dead to the world, because Adam and I are going shopping. You can pick up where you left off later."
Adam looks like a kicked puppy. "But - "
Kris looks at Katy. She gives him a significant look. He huffs a laugh, and turns back to Adam. "She wants to interrogate you about your intentions." He steals one more kiss, because he knows it'll make Adam smile, and because he can't help it. "Don't worry." He breathes against Adam's lips. "I'll be at your place...waiting."
Adam gives him the key, his eyes are wide-blown and so dark as Katy drags him away. Kris grins, waving at them cheerily, and then directs the driver to Adam's address.
Adam's apartment is big and glamorous, like anyone who knows him at all would expect. But as Kris lets himself in, he thinks, yeah, I could live here. There are little touches that are pure Adam - silly notes to himself, scraps of fabric every where, feathers stuffed in odd corners. Kris finds a tattered piece of paper taped to the wall by Adam's bed, that symbol and number that had once been all-important. He has one, too, folded up in his wallet, his Idol identity.
He briefly considers undressing and waiting for Adam on the bed but he's not...he's not entirely sure he's ready for what would come of that, and also he has no idea how long Katy and Adam will be gone and whether or not Katy will come back with Adam and while obviously Katy's seen him naked it feels - different, now.
So he goes back into the living room and slips off his shoes, flopping down on Adam's couch. He casts around for the remote, and then his eyes alight on a familiar leather case in the corner. He pads over to it, flicking open the catches with fingers suddenly nervous, and takes out his old guitar.
He slides his hand along its fretboard, strumming an experimental chord, and breaks out in a grin. Adam's kept it in tune.
He returns to the couch, cradling his baby to his chest, and plays slowly at first, listening to how the notes hang in the air. They fill the air with a simple sweetness, and suddenly Kris knows why Adam chose this apartment, of all the apartments in LA: The acoustics are fantastic.
It's been a long time since he's had time to just play for himself, with no aim in mind but making music, and he takes his time over it, not rushing, not fumbling for a tune but rambling through a thousand, a chorus here, a verse there, humming along when he feels like it, leaving the guitar bare and lonely when he doesn't. He curls into the corner of the couch and closes his eyes, losing himself to the music.
Adam finds him there hours later as he stumbles through the door, laughing, Katy close behind him. Both their arms are full of shopping bags. When Adam sees Kris he immediately stops, his amused grin becoming something more tender, and shushes Katy. Kris finishes the arpeggio, trailing the notes off into silence, and stands, padding over to them on stocking feet. He leans up and curls his fingers against Adam's cheek, just wanting to touch, and Adam clutches his wrist, his thumb running patterns over Kris' pulse point.
Katy clears her throat. "I'll, um." She says. "See you guys tomorrow."
Adam doesn't look away, but Kris turns after her, catching her by the elbow. "Katy." He says, and she meets his eyes. "Thank you."
She smiles at him, bittersweet, and nods. "Go."
She closes the door behind her.
Kris turns to see Adam watching him, dark eyes unreadable. He smiles at him. "She wasn't too hard on you?" He asks, walking over and sliding his hands up Adam's chest just because he can.
Adam catches his hands, shaking his head. "She's amazing."
Kris smiles. "Yeah, she is."
Adam's tongue flicks out, and he drops his eyes. "Kris, are..." He looks back up, and his eyes are guarded, like he's arming himself against Kris' answer. "Are you sure about this?"
Kris rolls his eyes. "No, Adam, I've just spent the last week filing for divorce because I'm not sure. Yes, I'm sure." Adam looks away, and Kris frowns. "Hey. Hey, Adam, look at me."
Adam does, reluctantly, and Kris holds his eyes. "I love you." He says, and Adam swallows. "I do. I have for...months, at least, maybe longer. I...I was ready to act on it even when I wasn't sure, when I hadn't worked things out with Katy, and you stopped that because you're a better person than I am. But now? Now we're free of at least some of the public's attention, we have the blessing of my soon-to-be-ex-wife, and we finally have each other, together. Now do you want to spend our time talking about feelings, or - "
Adam leans down and captures his lips, sliding his tongue across the roof of Kris mouth. Kris' hands are at the back of Adam's neck, playing with the short hairs there, and Adam clutches Kris' hips in his huge hands. Adam breaks the kiss, breathless, and starts walking Kris backwards, towards the couch. Forehead to forehead, Adam murmurs, "I love you, god, Kris, I've loved you for so long, been waiting for this, hoping, never thought I'd ever..."
Kris kisses him again, pushing himself back onto the couch, laying down. Adam climbs on top of him, all warm weight, and presses light kisses to his cheekbones, the corners of his mouth, his temples. Kris slides his hands under Adam's shirt, tracing up and down his sides, and Adam shudders against him. He can feel Adam's erection against his hip, strange and hot. Adam licks and kisses down his neck, his hands busy at Kris' waist and then he's sliding Kris' shirt up and off him and his hands are hot against Kris' chest. Kris' hands clutch at Adam's hips, helpless, as Adam kisses down his chest, sucking a nipple into his mouth. Kris arches up with a cry, his own erection grinding into Adam's and they moan in unison, and it's Adam's voice, always his voice because Kris twitches with want and his fingers find Adam's nipples, hoping to provoke more lovely noises. Adam bats him away, nipping his tender skin and Kris remembers suddenly the interview where Adam laughingly declared I like the top, the sideways glance he'd given Kris. He realizes how thoroughly he's pinned, here, kept deliciously helpless by Adam's weight, and surrenders to it, eyes half-closed pleasure.
He tangles his fingers in Adam's hair as his boyfriend - god, his boyfriend - sucks tiny bruises into the skin over his ribs. Adam's fingers toy with the button on Kris' jeans and he darts a look up at him through his eyelashes, his lips swollen with kisses, and Kris nods, please -
And bucks with sudden pleasure as Adam pulls his jeans and boxers in one swift movement, the cloth setting his erection free. Adam sits up, his legs on either side of Kris' hips, and just looks at him. He looks like he can't believe he's really here, can't believe Kris is for him, and Kris gives an impatient squirm. "Adam, please, just - "
And maybe his voice has the same sort of effect on Adam as Adam's does on him because Adam wraps a long-fingered hand around him and Kris arches upward, unable to get the friction he wants because of Adam's hand on his stomach, holding him there, and Adam's strong and god, his hand's so large and warm and nothing like anything Kris has ever felt. He twists and bucks and Adam chuckles at him, all low and amused and breathless, and strokes him slowly, tantalizingly, exploring Kris' length with clever, skilled fingers. He cups the curve of him and curls down all low to kiss Kris again and here, at least, Kris has some modicum of control, thrusting his tongue against Adam's, catching Adam's lips between his teeth and tugging, and Adam's hand stutters on Kris' cock and then he speeds up his strokes and Kris can't do anything but gasp.
It's over too soon, with Adam stroking him through the aftershocks, and Kris opens his eyes to see Adam cleaning his hand with his tongue, sucking each finger into his mouth and flicking his tongue out between them. He's smiling, contented, catlike, but Kris frowns at him.
"You, sir," He says, and doesn't miss the way Adam's eyes darken at the word, "Are entirely too dressed."
Adam watches him, amused and a bit amazed, as he pulls his legs out from under Adam and slides to the floor, arranging Adam's legs on either side of him. Adam's eyes widen as Kris reaches for his belt, but he catches them in his own. "Later," He says, when Kris scowls at him. "God, please later, but I...I want to show you something before I forget."
He stands, and arranges Kris on the couch. Kris kicks his jeans off entirely, not caring about modesty (especially not after that), and Adam retrieves Kris' guitar and sits next to him, carefully settling the instrument on his lap. He positions his fingers one at a time, and then plays a faltering chord.
Kris' eyes widen as Adam slowly continues, finally adding his voice, and it seems like ages since Kris has heard him sing. He wraps his lips around the words like they're precious things, the song slow and stumbling but his voice, as always, perfect.
I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at the floor and I see it need sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps
His fingers, still a bit shiny, pick out the chords, and Kris notices with a little shock of pure joy that his right thumbnail is bare, a contrast to the black paint on the rest of them. He finds himself sliding his own index finger over his right thumb, wanting to feel the sleekness of polish, and he makes a little promise to himself that as soon as he can he'll have Adam redo it.
I don't know why nobody told you
how to unfold your love
I don't know how someone controlled you
they bought and sold you
I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps
Kris remembers the first time he heard Adam sing, how it had sent shivers down his spine, made him widen his eyes and look at the glam rocker with pure awe. He'd thought, sitting on that couch with him a little ways from the party, That voice is going to win him American Idol.
I don't know how you were diverted
you were perverted too
I don't know how you were inverted
no one alerted you
I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at you all
Still my guitar gently weeps
And sitting here, naked, watching Adam play his guitar, he still doesn't understand how he was wrong.
Adam stumbles to a stop, and gives a rueful sort of laugh. "Um, it's not, I'm not the best at it yet, but - "
Kris cuts him off with a kiss, and Adam laughs into his mouth. "What was that for?"
Kris slides his tongue over his lips and curls into Adam's shoulder, his arms draped over his guitar. He's suddenly sleepy, the stresses of the day caught up with him and all his energy sapped by Adam's hands and lips and voice. He tucks his fingers into Adam's side, knuckles against his skin, and says, "Because you deserved it."