Fic: Denial
Well this is new for me considering I don’t really know what I’m doing and I usually kinda suck at this putting my thoughts and ideas on paper or computer as the case is. Probably cuz I’m not that great of a typist. Okay here goes. Not mine, alas. Hope you like. Comments, reviews always welcomed.
Denial (Daniel)
The first time he thinks she’s beautiful is when he sees her in that dress portraying herself as Quetesh, she looks regal and, well, stunning. It’s not that hard to believe people thought she was a goddess. But if he’s honest with himself, and he so rarely is in regards to her, its not the first time he notice her beauty. Honestly, the first time was on the Prometheus, dress all in black that body suit hardly hiding any of her curves. She was stunning then too, even of she was kicking his ass (not that he’d ever admit to that).
The first time he’s drawn in by her smile she has just finished telling the off the SGC, while standing on a crate in the gateroom. She had thought that they were gonna lock her up somewhere, abandon and leave her - so she was gonna leave first (and he wasn’t going to admit how that felt). But then they gave her the hope of family, of a place to belong and she smiles. Her whole face lights up and something in him feels alive. But that wasn’t completely true, because the first time he’s drawn in by her smile was long before that. In truth, had been when she was leaving after the bracelet debacle; she had walked up to him and tried to scam him again, but she had given him that smile before she left, lightly touching his breaded cheek and for a moment he hadn’t want to let her go. He almost hadn’t.
The first time he understands that she hides behind her pigtails, innuendo and flirtations she doesn’t even remember who she really is, much less who he really is. She’s holding a gun to him and shaking and he understands that if he doesn’t stop her she’s going to run because that was she learned to do when the universe dumped her on her ass with nothing. She’s gonna run and hide (away from him... but he doesn’t let that thought linger too long) and do what she has to do. It what she knows, to hide in plain sight, make sure people don’t get to close even when they think they are. Trickster. Con-woman. Smuggler. Thief. Flirt. Alone. He manages to stop her (to keep her) but for a brief second he sees past the mask and sees his Vala. But honestly that wasn’t the first time either. His first glimpse behind her mask happened in his room months ago when he still told himself she was nothing more but a pain. He had hurt her feelings and she had opened up to him, unfortunately at that moment neither of them could have handled it. Truth. Honesty. Nakedness. So he had given her an out and she had taken it. He doesn’t know if he’s grateful for that.
The first time he sees her bravery, a bravery that she doesn’t believe she even has, he actually looking at himself. She is risking her life, her child’s life, from another galaxy to warn him… um, them, about the threat of the Ori invasion and the second Supergate. And when he sees the transmission abruptly cut off and she’s gone and he’s back, his heart constricts in fear every single time and he has watched the recording more than once and that can’t be good for his blood pressure. Unfortunately this is a lie too, because the first time he saw her bravery was when she basically sacrificed herself to save them at the Ori beachhead. She had gotten on that cargo ship and flew into the Supergate saving them without a second thought to herself and left him… um, them. When she had left he had felt it, really felt it, and not just because of the bond. He had felt it in his entire being, his loss of her amplified by the guilt he felt in his treatment of her, he had belittled and ignore her when all she had wanted to do was help. And then after all he wanted was her back.
The first time he realizes that she actually cares about him, the team, the universe and not looking out for number one anymore, she’s sitting on his lap and he is looking like the monsters that haunt her nightmares, wielding fire that surrounds her. She is sitting telling him about the most mundane things and he vaguely recalls her face anchoring him to the world when the ancient device was taking him away. Because even when he is slipping away from her and when he wears the face of her murders, she is there next to him and she’s not going to let him go. She’s going to fight for him. Fight to keep him. But that’s a big fat lie because the first time he realizes that she cares about others more than she wants too, was back on Quetesh’s planet fighting for and healing the very people that turned against her and wanted her punished. The Ori were punishing these people for not wanting to submit to them, killing them and she hadn't been able to do anything except heal, only to watch them fall ill again. By the end she had been exhausted, forcing back tears and honestly he hadn't been able blame her when she had fired upon the Prior, especially since he had been entertaining that thought too. She would not give up. She would fight for them (and he for her).
The first time he thinks he might (does) love her they are outside the room her daughter may be dying in. She can’t watch and she’s hiding behind the mask, she’s telling him that she doesn’t care and he doesn’t buy it for a second. Neither does she. They’ve gotten too good at reading each other. She tries to hide away, but he won’t let her gently drawing her back to him like she’s done for him several times before. Later when its clear that Adria is dying he goes with her to into the room because well, really, where else would he be? He’s not going to leave her alone. Still though that’s the biggest lie of them all because he knows. He knows he loves her. He has for a while now, longer that he care to admit, longer than he’ll ever admit. He just doesn’t know when he started to… maybe…maybe he always did (has).