from the nearest to my heart universe/words of love: charlie, john, and paul
Charlie Tillman had never taken to drinking tea. She would always prefer a cup of strong black coffee, but she sipped on a cup of green tea, feeling a bit restless seated alone at Paul's kitchen table. She'd always been a night owl, and Charlie and Paul had fallen into a habit of sitting at the kitchen table and talking. Their friendship while intimate remained platonic, It's like sleeping with your best mate Paul once remarked. She hadn't taken it to mean she was masculine, and found his declaration on their sexual friendship to be amusing.
"Tea is on, but it's probably gone cold." She called out when she heard footsteps headed toward the kitchen. She took a drag off of her cigarette, blowing a plume of smoke into the air. Charlie was surprised to see John step into the kitchen. It wasn't the sight of him that was cause for surprise. John wasn't the same, but she'd grown use to his new look. He was far too thin in her opinion, and his long hair could've used a good trim, and his bushy beard seemed to strip John somewhat of his genuine warmth. What stood out to Charlie the most that night wasn't John, but the sight of him not being flanked by a small Japanese woman. Charlie wanted to point it out, but John had lost a bit of his sense of humor. She hadn't taken to Yoko. The other woman seemed purposefully standoffish and Charlie didn't understand the reason for it. She assumed that it was related to her history with John, but they hadn't been a thing in years, and it'd never been serious.
John sat down across from her at the table. "What're you doing up?" He grabbed her pack of cigarettes and lighter.
She tapped the ash of her cigarette into the ashtray. "Just taking whatever we want?" She watched him light one of her cigarettes, and take a long drag off of it.
"Not everything." He stated, the innuendo not lost on her. John momentarily tensed up, hearing the sound of footsteps, worried that it was Yoko. He'd soundlessly left the bedroom they were staying in.
Charlie picked up on his change of demeanor but didn't say anything. Paul walked into the kitchen, his face momentarily falling at the sight of John seated at the table with Charlie. He was beginning to regret opening up his home to John and Yoko. It was just too much having them there combined with the growing tension he felt during their studio sessions. It carried over into his home life. Paul had been looking forward to spending time alone with Charlie. They had great talks over endless cups of tea and cigarettes. He walked over to Charlie, pressing a kiss to the side of her face.
"Home already?" Charlie asked.
Paul laughed. "It's quite late." He moved over to the counter, leaning against it and surveyed the scene. He was trying to pick up on anything between John and Charlie.
"You struck out then?" She playfully teased, stubbing out her cigarette into the ashtray.
Paul smirked. "Just because I didn't bring her home doesn't mean I wasn't with someone."
John listened to the banter between the two, appearing uninterested in the conversation as he smoked his cigarette. Jealousy was just below the surface at the easiness of Paul's relationship with Charlie. He was jealous of the friendship that excluded him. He didn't like being left out. He took a final drag off of his cigarette and aggressively stubbed it out into the ashtray. Charlie and Paul had with each other what he wanted for himself with Yoko. John sometimes felt that he and Yoko were acting out an all encompassing love that he was trying painfully hard to feel. John needed some semblance of freedom, and watching Paul casually talk about other women and Charlie not bat an eyelash made him more envious and resentful. It was clear they cared about one another, and had a solid relationship, but Charlie and Paul didn't need to spend every moment with each other.
"The next time you do come home with another woman call ahead. I'll turn down the bed for you." Charlie winked.
Paul smiled, and walked over to her. "Come to my room when you're done here?"
She nodded, and Paul walked out of the kitchen, purposefully ignoring John.
John smiled far too broadly for it to be genuine. "He'll find someone to replace you in his bed." He casually stated.
Charlie didn't find it necessary to explain her relationship with Paul or how far off base John was with the dynamic of their relationship. She stood up from the table, grabbing her half empty cup off tea, and walked over to the sink and poured it out. John frowned, he didn't like that she hadn't risen to the bait. She was ignoring him.
"Do you care?" He whispered, shoulders slumping forward.
She turned to face him. Charlie did care about John, but she didn't live her life for the sake of making other people comfortable. It wasn't any way to live, and she refused to cater to any man, especially someone like John who had grown accustomed to being fawned over. A man was a man, regardless of his wealth or fame and one wasn't treated better because of it. She'd never grown comfortable with sharing her feelings. She knew there was another side to John when his defenses and pretenses were down. It'd been so long since she'd seen him in that way. She walked over to him, sliding her hands onto the sides of his bearded face, tilting his head up to meet her eyes. "I do." She knew he needed to hear it, not just from anyone, but from her for reasons that weren't even clear to Charlie.
"It should've been you and me, Tilly. You and me." He covered his hands with hers.
It wouldn't have worked back then or even now, but she didn't have it in her to tell him that. She wasn't interested in making John feel low, but she didn't want to give him false hope either. "I'm not what you need, John. I don't think I've ever been."
the nearest to my heart