I am so sorry that everything is piling on so hard right now. I completely understand what it's like to grieve for a lost sibling and how the anniversary of their death can knock you so off kilter. There's a reason I tend to vanish around late December. To have all of this pile on top? God.
I'm glad you told your coworker. I'm extra glad that she said basically all the right things, that she was concerned about you. Sometimes an almost-stranger is the best kind of support for what you need. It's why therapists are rarely your close friends or family. It sounds like she's a good person to check in with, if you need to later.
And of course you want to go out and find someone. It's how you destressed and coped with things for a long time. It's habit to want it and it isn't a bad thing or messed up or twisted. It's something you know comforts you. That it's currently not an option in such an abhorrent way- I wish I had advice. All I can do is offer hugs and a sympathetic ear/shoulder if you want one.
Ah, see I dont tend to find "someone". I just find sex. I spent 4 years without it and finding it again is something I had to actively work at - like learning to play an instrument or riding a bicycle or a skateboard. It was not something that was an easy skill for me to gain and when I did get it was like YAY! MIIIIINE! I refuse to let this douche take that from me. Not not not going to let him. On sheer principle. Just not sure how I'm going to approach it
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All of that sounds like a fantastic plan, actually, particularly the couple you feel comfortable with. Maybe just tell the wife so *someone* knows, but discuss with her whether or not to let her husband know? Especially as you don't have a name for him to go after.
I used 'someone' as a euphemism, sorry. I meant sex however you do want it. I'm glad you still do. You are definitely a strong person and to see you fighting to get yourself where you're comfortable again so soon after is amazing. I don't at all mean this patronizing, but that's something to be god damned proud of. You are still you, you are still going to do the things you like, in the places you enjoy, and you're not going to let him take anything from you.
I feel like I'm really lucky. My assault was nonviolent for one and for another, I've got so much therapy and feminist theory/immersion in rape-culture theory that when this all happened I had so much information, input and about as much psychological understanding of it as a non-survivor could have
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Comments 4
I am so sorry that everything is piling on so hard right now. I completely understand what it's like to grieve for a lost sibling and how the anniversary of their death can knock you so off kilter. There's a reason I tend to vanish around late December. To have all of this pile on top? God.
I'm glad you told your coworker. I'm extra glad that she said basically all the right things, that she was concerned about you. Sometimes an almost-stranger is the best kind of support for what you need. It's why therapists are rarely your close friends or family. It sounds like she's a good person to check in with, if you need to later.
And of course you want to go out and find someone. It's how you destressed and coped with things for a long time. It's habit to want it and it isn't a bad thing or messed up or twisted. It's something you know comforts you. That it's currently not an option in such an abhorrent way- I wish I had advice. All I can do is offer hugs and a sympathetic ear/shoulder if you want one.
<3
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I used 'someone' as a euphemism, sorry. I meant sex however you do want it. I'm glad you still do. You are definitely a strong person and to see you fighting to get yourself where you're comfortable again so soon after is amazing. I don't at all mean this patronizing, but that's something to be god damned proud of. You are still you, you are still going to do the things you like, in the places you enjoy, and you're not going to let him take anything from you.
That's the way it should be.
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