latest short story

[dancetocalypso]

i wrote this story over a month ago and recently turned it in to my writing class for critique, but barely received any, so if any of you would care to provide some, i would totally appreciate it.  the ending was forced, and if anyone has suggestions on how i could make a proper one, that would be really cool.  a warning: it's rather long.

Comments

[alycatison]

I liked your story, and as an aside, I, too, have difficulty writing endings sometimes. It only happens when I have a good body. Sometimes I can't write the meat of a story, but I have the ending. If I could match my endings to my beginnings and my bodies I might, one day, have a real story.

Also, your Christmas present! Come get it!

[sensible_jenna]

Very nice! And unfortunately, I struggle with endings. Lots of times, my stories will sit unfinished for days, weeks, sometimes months...until I go back after time has elapsed and reread them. Then I seem to be able to put an ending on it that feels right.

Oh, and I love the "Go home Dad, you're drunk." Being that it came from an anecdote I shared on the trip, I feel special. it fit quite nicely in there.