Fic: Double Dog Dare 1/2 and (belated) happy birthday to sasha_anu
Title: Double Dog Dare 1/2
Pairing: Batman, Superman
Rating: G.
Disclaimer: I don't own any dogs or any DC characters, though I hope to create my own in DCUO.
Warning: Batman has many skills!
Word Count: 600
It was something of a running gag at JLA meetings: Batman knew everyone, had done everything, was prepared for anything. It was something of a running gag--and yet it seemed to be true more often than not. Even in the strangest of cases.
So Superman was not at all surprised when Batman quickly identified the cause of the marks on the chest of a body that had been found at the mouth of Hobb's River.
"Sioux Sun Dance ritual. Or a copy of it, likely. Whoever did it didn't really know what they were doing. ...and it's painful even when they do."
Superman did a double-take. "Wait... you mean you've done the Sun Ritual?"
Batman didn't look up from his terminal. "Not officially, no. Don't be silly. But I convinced a holy man of my sincerity in my search to understand Mother Earth and Father Sky. He did it as a favor for me. Twice."
Superman winced. "Why?"
Batman grunted.
Superman leaned forward. "No, seriously. Why? And why twice?"
Batman stopped typing and turned around. "Because I flinched the first time."
"That seems a perfectly natural reaction."
"Not for everyone. If I need to pass as a devote of piercing rituals for some mission, I need to be able to do that without flinching."
"Still..."
Batman sighed. "Look, Clark. I've trained myself to be calm and collected in almost any situation. I've gone through SERE training at least once a year for the past 7 years. I know how to clog, waltz and dance the bon odori. I can identify, break down and reassemble most major firearms in the dark. I can tell you the best wine available and not on the wine list at any of a hundred restaurants in Gotham. I can not only curse like a sailor but also spit racist and sexist epithets like a man who deeply believes them. I can play baccarat, poker, sic bo and every major form of mahjong. I can climb Everest without using bottled oxygen. I can identify almost every brand of cigarette by smell. If need be, I can hold my liquor with the best of them. Hell, I've even built up an immunity to Iocane powder."
Superman chuckled. "Oh come on. Now you're just being silly. There is no such thing as Iocane."
Batman nodded. "But I just proved I can lie to Superman with a straight face and without elevating my heart rate. Which is better than an immunity to some fictional poison."
"Point taken."
Batman turned back toward the monitor. "Look, Clark. I know it seems strange, but it is what I feel I need to do. I have to be ready. I have to have the knowledge to keep the thin advantage I need to stay alive and get the job done. I can't afford to be shocked or surprised. So I never am."
Superman grinned. "That sounds like a challenge."
Batman grunted again, his fingers tapping on the keyboard. "I'm busy, Clark."
"You've got that party next week."
"It's a fund-raiser and a carnival."
Superman nodded. "And Clark Kent would have an easy time getting Perry to assign him to do an 'about town' story on that generous Gothamite, Bruce Wayne."
"Fine, Kent. If you think you can shock me, you have the three hours at the carnival. That's it."
"Five. I want dinner beforehand. I'll give Alfred the menu. Then we'll go together to the carnival."
Batman waved his hand in a manner that either meant "go away" or "fine." Clark Kent decided that it meant "fine" and set about making his plans.
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