Satisfied she'd made her walk nice and short, even after being waylaid and kissed (admittedly, her head was still somewhat fuzzy and her cheeks still felt red, but on the whole, she felt good!). Miku adjusted her bag again and knocked on Subaru's door. "Sumeragi-san? Are you awake?"
"They would say, 'You're imagining things' or 'There's nothing there', too, wouldn't they?" Miku knew how that was. The first time, her mother had told her to be quiet and not talk of it ever again. Afterwards, Mafuyu had kept it to himself.
Subaru decided it was better not to tell Hinasaki-san about some of the worse experiences he'd had as a child--he knew the truth of the matter now, but Mitsuki-san declaring that she hated him because he was abnormal... that early broken heart had haunted him for a long time. "Mm. Sometimes they'd even call me a liar." And worse. A freak. Scary. Abnormal. It was tough growing up different from everyone else.
"Or worse," Miku completed the thought for him. She would never admit how often she thought that vanishing from school would fix her problems. But that was silly, and even now, she'd learned to live with her ability thought it scared her and worried Sousuke when she went off following something he couldn't see.
"Sumeragi-san, do you ever see the ghosts here in the Institute? Not the ones that anyone and everyone can see, but..." How did she explain this? No one else saw the little helping spirits that sometimes watched from the walls or led her to and from certain places "The ones that help, sometimes."
Subaru winced and shook his head, looking down at his hands. "No. It's like I'm blind, here." He touched the side of his face that was still swathed in bandages and smiled bitterly. "It may sound strange, but losing this eye was actually less disorienting than waking up here and realising I could no longer see the spirits I'd interacted with all my life."
"I can understand that," Miku replied. There was a time where everything had been silent, for two whole, peaceful years. She was sure that she had Mafuyu and Kirie to thank for that, though she had started seeing things again. "Maybe this will help you, too, Sumeragi-san."
It would be better if they snapped themselves out of the painful reverie of their pasts and looked to the present.
Subaru had a sinking feeling that this exercise would only make him feel more useless and helpless, especially if he wasn't able to help Hinasaki-san at all. He couldn't even see what she would be doing, or detach his mind from his body to try to help her more directly. But, well. She was right that they at least needed to try. "Have you had any experience with meditation?"
Miku shook her head, "Not really, no. I mean, unless you count going to the shrines once in a while..." Did prayer count? Now Miku was curious. She shifted in her seat, mindful of her still-healing torso.
Then again, she didn't stay very long at shrines - there were too many things around before the loss of her abilities, that she'd never gotten into the habit of going regularly.
"Any use of magical or spiritual power is inherently dangerous. It can rebound and harm you if you allow yourself to be distracted at a critical moment. Being able to sense what you're doing and being able to keep control of what you're doing even under stress are both very important, and a calm mind is an important step in acheiving that." Subaru smiled gently again, not wanting to discourage Hinasaki-san completely. "Which is not to say that you can't get upset or frightened or react to the things around you. But there needs to be a small part of you that remains focused on what you're doing, always."
Miku nodded, "Ah, I see." Meditation would be something she'd have to practice more often. Maybe, if her mother had been able to still her mind, she wouldn't have done that terrible thing.
She certainly wasn't discouraged. "So, what is the best way? Or is it different for some people?"
"There's many different traditions, but in practical terms they all exist to give shape and focus to power. I can only truly teach my own tradition, but of course Onmyoudo takes years of study to learn. I think the best I can offer you under the circumstances here is to teach you how to sense and better control the flow of your own power. You already know how to channel it through your own tools of choice, to a certain extent, what I hope to do is give you a better understanding of what it is you're doing." Subaru would have loved to really teach the Onmyoudo tradition, of course, but it simply wasn't possible--there was a focus on ritual and on very detailed knowledge that he just didn't have the tools or time to teach in this place.
"Mm," Miku wondered if what she had been doing could be called 'channeling'. She doubted it, a little. Without the camera, here in the institute, it was so much more instinctual, like it used to be. Miku shuddered at the thought. She pulled her feet under her and winced as pain danced up and down her legs. Perhaps there was a reason that the nurses had made her sit in a damned wheelchair. It hadn't hurt so much when she'd walked here, but...
"Then, do I just have to find my center?" she asked. "The white room in my mind, so to speak?"
Much as he wished it was otherwise, Subaru simply couldn't teach Miku the use of spells, here; there just wasn't the time for the proper grounding in the theory, and without that... well, he couldn't in good conscience set anyone loose with spells they could use but not fully understand. So this was really all he could do.
"To find your power, yes. Controlling its flow takes more discipline and practice." Subaru crossed his legs, preparing to enter a light trance state, himself--maybe his senses would be slightly less dull, even in this place, if he was not quite fully in his body. "What your power will 'look' or feel like to you, I can't tell you. Everyone's mind tends to find a different metaphor, something that makes the most sense to the individual. It could be a pool, a rope, a web or a ball, it could be something else entirely, but you'll know it when you find it."
Miku stiffened slightly and nodded, though she hoped it wasn't a rope. Ropes seemed awfully unlucky, now that she'd thought about it, "I see..." She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. It hurt, but the last thing she wanted was to get stiffer from sitting. "I'm ready, then."
It would be whatever her own subconscious was most comfortable with, so if a rope bothered her it wasn't likely to be that. Subaru settled himself a little more comfortably, keeping his bad side from taking too much weight as he leaned against the headboard. He nodded once more to Miku, then closed his eyes and started speaking softly, "It can be difficult to find that quiet place within your mind, but the distractions here should be minimal. Eventually you should be able to do it with your eyes open and in the middle of a battle, but for this first try you should close your eyes."
"Mm," Miku nodded and slid her eyes closed. She supposed she'd have to learn to walk before she learned to run, after all. To have something to hold on to, Miku pulled the Washu camera from her bag and put her hands around it. It was hard to think of nothing; she had so much to worry about now. Was Sousuke's mission with the Arts and Crafts club successful? Was Ritsuka okay? She was even worried about Aidou, despite his being a righteous jerk earlier today. Miku could forgive him that - this place made everyone's better judgment and patient thin.
Stop that. Stop thinking. Miku chastised herself as she tried to think of an object that would calm her. Her camera, or her antiques? The doll she bought before coming here came to mind first, as though to keep from reminding the photographer that the camera in her hands was hardly useful for the worst things in the Institute. It was a sweet little thing, with short, dark hair and a pretty red smile. The little name carved into the bottom had been hers, to boot. As though it had been made
( ... )
Satisfied she'd made her walk nice and short, even after being waylaid and kissed (admittedly, her head was still somewhat fuzzy and her cheeks still felt red, but on the whole, she felt good!). Miku adjusted her bag again and knocked on Subaru's door. "Sumeragi-san? Are you awake?"
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Unlucky, how unlucky.
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"Sumeragi-san, do you ever see the ghosts here in the Institute? Not the ones that anyone and everyone can see, but..." How did she explain this? No one else saw the little helping spirits that sometimes watched from the walls or led her to and from certain places "The ones that help, sometimes."
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It would be better if they snapped themselves out of the painful reverie of their pasts and looked to the present.
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Then again, she didn't stay very long at shrines - there were too many things around before the loss of her abilities, that she'd never gotten into the habit of going regularly.
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She certainly wasn't discouraged. "So, what is the best way? Or is it different for some people?"
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"Then, do I just have to find my center?" she asked. "The white room in my mind, so to speak?"
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"To find your power, yes. Controlling its flow takes more discipline and practice." Subaru crossed his legs, preparing to enter a light trance state, himself--maybe his senses would be slightly less dull, even in this place, if he was not quite fully in his body. "What your power will 'look' or feel like to you, I can't tell you. Everyone's mind tends to find a different metaphor, something that makes the most sense to the individual. It could be a pool, a rope, a web or a ball, it could be something else entirely, but you'll know it when you find it."
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Stop that. Stop thinking. Miku chastised herself as she tried to think of an object that would calm her. Her camera, or her antiques? The doll she bought before coming here came to mind first, as though to keep from reminding the photographer that the camera in her hands was hardly useful for the worst things in the Institute. It was a sweet little thing, with short, dark hair and a pretty red smile. The little name carved into the bottom had been hers, to boot. As though it had been made ( ... )
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