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[damarie]

In case you've managed to avoid the drama...I just want to say that this is the sort of thing that only works in an ideal world. I would love to live in a world where someone can ask for physical attention (of whatever sort), I can say no, and there is nothing but respect and no hard feelings on all sides. Because, seriously, I shouldn't have to

Comments

[ndkid]

I agree that this isn't an ideal world. What I find myself pondering the most is, does that mean I should be unwilling to ask people if I can touch their boobs? And, similarly, should asking to be able to touch someone's breasts, penis, or any other part, be illegal?

[damarie]

I'm pretty sure that a large percentage of our culture would say "Yes" to both of those questions.

I would say that is because there *are* contexts that would make this sort of asking not-skeezy, however, it's extremely hard to legislate context. Therefore, in order to make sure that inappropriate context is included, the prohibition on those sort of questions must be a blanket one.

(Consider the difference between being asked at work by a supervisor, "Can I fondle you?" and the difference between being asked by someone you are interested in, in a purely social setting. It seems pretty clear-cut, but what if your supervisor asks off-hours? What if you reject someone and later find out they have some sort of position of power and begin to make life difficult for you? What if you trigger someone who has previously been assaulted?)

[ndkid]

Which brings me back to the problem I raised on my blog on this topic: if asking someone something sexual is always illegal if they don't like it, regardless of what they liked before, and asking "can I ask you X" is also illegal, isn't all sexual interaction illegal if the target wants it to be, with no way to discern whether you act will be illegal beforehand?

[damarie]

Well yeah, pretty much. For someone who's very sensitive - or just wants to stir up trouble - a simple, would you like to go on a date with me?, can quickly assume the proportions of, OMG this monster is going to drag me into a back alley and rape me!