Sleeping Beanie
SLEEPING BEANIE
Author: Lottie Lenya
Type: RPS
Pairing: VM/SB
Rating: PG - with a bit of swearing
Category: AU
Disclaimer: This is a fairy tale folks, totally made up by me for you…
Beta: darknight999 my dearest Southern Belle who led me gently through the vagaries of LJ and is a darling girl and a really good friend.
A/N - This was inspired by seleneheart who started this whole fairy tale thing and is an inspiration. And Amanda, my very own hopalong - this one’s for you babe!
Once upon a time, many years ago, in a land far, far away, there reigned a King and Queen. They had a baby, a child they had waited for, for a long time.
When he was a few weeks old the King and Queen decided it was time for the Christening. As was the custom in those parts, they invited all the fairies of the land in the hope that they would bestow special gifts on the boy. They decided to call him Sean.
When the glorious day arrived, the sun shone and the fountains ran with wine and everyone had a lovely day. As custom decreed the fairies lined up and bestowed their bounty on the little lad.
“He will be a studmuffin extraordinaire.” promised Fairy Speed Machine, a sprite of the black leather variety, who was always seen with several hundred horsepower throbbing between his thighs.
“He will be able to charm the birds off the trees with his silver tongue.” Offered Fairy Tonsil-Tennis, so called for reasons which, gentle reader, are probably quite obvious.
“He will excel in all sports.” This from the Hole-in-One Fairy who was more often to be found on the great golf courses of the land.
“I gift this child with a kind and gentle nature.” Smiled Fairy Entente Cordiale, who had flown in from one of the world’s troubles spots that very morning.
And so it went on, leaving the King and Queen beaming with happiness - a happiness which did not last…
In their anxiety to see their son well launched into the world, they had forgotten The Boss Fairy (short for Carabosse). He was a tetchy, easily offended imp, and one who had been known to hold a grudge for at least three score years and ten. It had been one of those administrative mistakes that will happen in a busy office. They had employed temps to send out the invitations and everyone thought that the other person had sent one to The Boss. A clear case of too many cooks spoiling the broth.
Naturally The Boss had heard all about it, nothing stays secret in Fairy Land. He was incensed that he had been overlooked and determined to attend the occasion in any case. He strolled in, dressed head to toe in bright pink, which clashed terribly with his red hair, he looked nothing less than benign, but underneath that fluffy exterior lay the most twisted malicious heart in all the land.
“Your Royal Highnesses, good afternoon. I trust I am not interrupting anything of import.” The Boss smiled in a way that had been known to sour milk and make strong men blanch. The Queen looked at the King and they both knew in an instant that The Boss had been overlooked. It was pointless making excuses. The last time someone had inadvertently snubbed him, The Boss had turned them into that most loathsome of creatures, a paparazzi photographer. The poor individual now spent his days chasing after the most popular lute player in the land trying to get an exclusive.
Prevarication was no use but the royal couple could not help but prostrate themselves on the ground begging forgiveness. Unsurprisingly The Boss was not moved.
“You dare to hold a Royal Christening and not invite me, you half witted, interbred pair of numbskulls! Pah, there is no excuse but I will still deliver the dear little babe a gift.
Holding his wand aloft, the light seemed to fade and there was a rumble of thunder.
The Boss smiled, he was into amateur dramatics in a big way and always played the villain in the annual panto as well as directing and designing it. He was actually rather a good actor and had he not been a full time Bad Fairy, it is quite possible that his Iago would have been the toast of the town.
“Prince Sean will grow up with all these gifts and more. Another rumble of thunder. “And on his seventeenth birthday he will cut himself on a Blade and fall down dead.”
At this point the Queen fainted quietly away. The Boss continued.
“And so the end of your line will be reached for there will be no successor and the kingdom will pass to the Queen’s brother.” Maniacal laughter was heard, followed by a loud explosion and the smell of sulphur so pungent that it brought the Queen around.
It must be explained that the Royal Couple did not get on with their neighbours, the Queen’s brother and his equally strange family. He was an odd man, very into poetry and painting, he had been known to sit up all night and watch the stars when he should have been doing something sensible - like sleeping. The King could not stand him and though they sent presents to their nephew, the two families almost never met.
Meanwhile the Queen was slumped in a chair weeping even as Sean gurgled away, more intent on playing with his toes than the dramas going on around him.
A further commotion could be heard from outside the court.
“Yo dudes, was hanging with my crew and…..” Here the Fairy Better-Late-Than-Never ground to a halt. It was obvious that some mischief was afoot. Everyone was in a state and the Queen looked like she’d been crying. BLT was a kindly soul, despite his propensity to hang out with his ‘homies’ and to dress like a gangsta rappa, he had a heart of gold. Once apprised of the situation, he wracked his brains to come up with a solution. His manner became brisk and businesslike, all traces of his street speak gone.
“We’re looking at damage limitation here, Sire.” He looked thoughtful. “Whilst I can’t lift the curse, I can at least alter it. In the meantime I would try and make sure that the young Prince is kept away from all blades.”
And that was that, the Christening was over. Throngs of fairies jostled for position at their specially provided launch pad and the King and Queen began to bring up their young son.
***
The years passed and Sean grew up into a handsome, kind, intelligent lad. He was unfailingly cheerful and excelled in any sport he turned his hand (or foot to). He was universally loved by the people and was a joy and a delight to his doting parents.
After The Boss’ dire predictions, the King had made sure that all blades were outlawed. Beards became the order of the day and the people took to a near vegetarian diet with gusto. It was common knowledge that a blade could be fatal to their beloved Prince.
The day of Sean’s seventeenth birthday was as fine as anyone could wish. Despite their best efforts, his parents couldn’t help but feel uneasy. It had been Sean’s dearest wish to play with his favourite football team, The Palace Rovers, who were scheduled to meet their bitter rivals, Swordfield United.
At 3pm both teams jogged onto the fields to much applause and chanting.
Sean was an excellent football player. A brilliant striker, he was soon in the thick of things, darting here and there, the Rovers making use of his speed and dexterity with the ball.
Around ten minutes before half time, disaster struck. Sean was tackled and sent flying into the air, he collided with Dan Reckham, who “accidentally” dealt him a kick which would have seen him red carded had not his studs pricked Sean's skin...
The Boss' curse was fulfilled for Swordfield United's nickname was The Blades.. Normally The Boss would have turned up at this point, just so he could employ a maniacal laugh and crow at the unlucky King and Queen, who were standing, transfixed by the scene unfolding itself on the pitch. But he was currently taking classes in Audition Technique and had decided to give it a miss, so confident was he that his curse was going to work.
Luckily The BLT who had been hanging out with the homies in a parallel universe, managed to tear himself away from a rather enjoyable party his good friend Dr Dre was giving and whisk himself to the Rovers' match.
As Sean swayed and began to fall, four big hefty fairies, dressed in low slung jeans, football jerseys and much bling, materialised and stretchered him off the field of play. Everyone around him was yawning and making themselves comfortable and five minutes later the whole stadium was filled with the sounds of 25,000 people sleeping.
BLT made sure the Kingdom was secured, whistled for his lads and returned to Dr Dre in the blink of an eyelid, having put his well organised plan into action.
***
Many years later in another Kingdom, Prince Viggo had become bored. He loved poetry and art as much as the next man, but his father was impossible when the Muse was on him. He wandered about the Palace with a vague expression on his face, infuriating anyone and everyone who had to deal with him. His Queen had long since got bored with it all and removed herself to live elsewhere - Viggo often wished that he could have gone with her. However, his father insisted that as heir to the throne, he must live in the Palace.
One fine morning, Viggo was just finishing his breakfast when a cheeky looking robin came to sit on his window sill.
'Here little bird, have some crumbs for your breakfast… Come on little one, I won't hurt you.' Viggo loved birds and animals and he was overjoyed that the bird seemed to trust him. The robin put its head on one side and eyed Viggo speculatively.
"Hurt me, you great lummox, I'd like to see you fucking try it."
You can only imagine Viggo's surprise at hearing such profanities coming out of the beak of one so small and innocent looking. He just sat, open mouthed, staring at the little bird.
"And close your mouth for fuck's sake - you look like a fish out of water! Now let's cut to the chase 'cos frankly you're boring me half to death and I've only just met you."
Viggo was a little affronted but deciding that discretion was probably the better part of valour, he closed his mouth and waited for the bird to continue.
'That's better you great ugly gimp. Now, if you get up off that fat arse of yours and take yourself to the woods on the borders of your dad's kingdom, you'll find you can get through to your great uncle's gaff. No, don't sodding well interrupt me, I've got a meeting with my stockbroker shortly and I'm already late."
Viggo had started to interrupt but the little bird's biting tone brooked no interference.
"Right, so you get yourself through the thorn bush, well it's a bit bigger than a bush, but you'll have no difficulties, then follow your gonk until you reach a tower. Get yourself up there and you'll find a beautiful maiden, well, he's not strictly speaking a maiden but he's bloody tasty. Give him a smackeroony on the lips and he'll be yours. Then you can live happily ever after and my boss can get on with making seriously good hip hop."
"Hip what?" Queried Viggo who was beginning to feel a little lost here.
"Don't worry about it, pet, just do what I said and I'll get on my way."
A couple of hours later Viggo mounted his horse and set off in the direction the robin had suggested. When he got to the borders, he was amazed to see a huge mass of thorns, which he could have sworn had not been there a couple of days previously. Remembering the robin's words he moved forward nervously. To his surprise a path opened up before him and he passed through. He heard the way behind him closing and he begun to panic...
"Alright son, stay cool, nothing to worry about - just remember what I told you."
Viggo could hear the robin's voice though he could see no sign of the little bird.
He cautiously moved forward until he realised he was in the midst of a city. He made his way towards the Palace where he could see a tall tower. Dismounting, he made his way to the door and hesitated.
"Go on, get your arse up the stairs, remember what I told you"
Again the robin's voice spurred him on and he begun to slowly climb the stairs.
When he finally reached the top, the sight that met his eyes made him more breathless than the long climb. Lying asleep on a chaise-lounge was the most beautiful creature Viggo had ever set eyes on. A young man with silky blond hair, chiselled cheek bones and the body of a young god. Viggo longed to look into his eyes which he was sure would be the deepest azure blue. He leant over the sleeping form and gently kissed his lips. The eyes opened and they were green and catlike and Viggo knew at once that he'd fallen deeply and irrevocably in love...
Sean sat bolt upright, looking wildly about the room.
"Foul you tosser! Where's the fucking ref? Is he blind? Get the red card out...."
He stopped and looked at Viggo.
"You're not Reckham are you? Where am I? Did we win?"
Viggo was mesmerised by the animated man in front of him; he couldn't speak.
A voice was heard. "Kiss him you great gimp, go on my son. What are you waiting for."
Viggo needed no second bidding, he took Sean in his arms and kissed him, slowly and thoroughly.
Sean was a tad surprised it's true, but when he tasted Viggo he was overcome with a sense of coming home and melted into the embrace.
They were interrupted by a commotion from outside.
"Where is Prince Sean, he has to take a penalty kick. Call Prince Sean"
Sean smiled up at Viggo. "They're calling for me. I must go and take this penalty." He held out his hand. "Come and cheer me on..."
Hand in hand the two men made their way to the football stadium, handily built in the Palace grounds. A great cheer greeted their arrival.
"Come on you Rovers."
The crowd were ecstatic when Sean walked onto the pitch and took the penalty which glided past the goalkeeper, safely hitting the back of the net.
The Ref had no compunction in ending the match there and then. After a few hasty calculations and the help of Fairy Entente Cordiale who had dropped in on his way back from mediating between different factions of Sprites, they realised that the Kingdom had been sleeping for 100 years. Quite long enough for one match. And anyway, there were wedding preparations to be made.
The Queen was heard bemoaning the lack of grandchildren that such a match would mean, but she was a sensible woman and when she saw the glow on her son's face, she put away her doubts and concentrated on deciding which designer would update her now sadly outmoded wardrobe.
And so it was that most of the Boss' predictions came true. The Kingdom did pass to the Queen's brother's side of the family indirectly and the line sort of did come to an end, though it was later discovered that the rather vague King had actually fathered several children by a kitchen maid which ensured the succession - but that is another story.
Meanwhile Sean and Viggo had a beautiful wedding and lived happily ever after.
The End
Author: Lottie Lenya
Type: RPS
Pairing: VM/SB
Rating: PG - with a bit of swearing
Category: AU
Disclaimer: This is a fairy tale folks, totally made up by me for you…
Beta: darknight999 my dearest Southern Belle who led me gently through the vagaries of LJ and is a darling girl and a really good friend.
A/N - This was inspired by seleneheart who started this whole fairy tale thing and is an inspiration. And Amanda, my very own hopalong - this one’s for you babe!
Once upon a time, many years ago, in a land far, far away, there reigned a King and Queen. They had a baby, a child they had waited for, for a long time.
When he was a few weeks old the King and Queen decided it was time for the Christening. As was the custom in those parts, they invited all the fairies of the land in the hope that they would bestow special gifts on the boy. They decided to call him Sean.
When the glorious day arrived, the sun shone and the fountains ran with wine and everyone had a lovely day. As custom decreed the fairies lined up and bestowed their bounty on the little lad.
“He will be a studmuffin extraordinaire.” promised Fairy Speed Machine, a sprite of the black leather variety, who was always seen with several hundred horsepower throbbing between his thighs.
“He will be able to charm the birds off the trees with his silver tongue.” Offered Fairy Tonsil-Tennis, so called for reasons which, gentle reader, are probably quite obvious.
“He will excel in all sports.” This from the Hole-in-One Fairy who was more often to be found on the great golf courses of the land.
“I gift this child with a kind and gentle nature.” Smiled Fairy Entente Cordiale, who had flown in from one of the world’s troubles spots that very morning.
And so it went on, leaving the King and Queen beaming with happiness - a happiness which did not last…
In their anxiety to see their son well launched into the world, they had forgotten The Boss Fairy (short for Carabosse). He was a tetchy, easily offended imp, and one who had been known to hold a grudge for at least three score years and ten. It had been one of those administrative mistakes that will happen in a busy office. They had employed temps to send out the invitations and everyone thought that the other person had sent one to The Boss. A clear case of too many cooks spoiling the broth.
Naturally The Boss had heard all about it, nothing stays secret in Fairy Land. He was incensed that he had been overlooked and determined to attend the occasion in any case. He strolled in, dressed head to toe in bright pink, which clashed terribly with his red hair, he looked nothing less than benign, but underneath that fluffy exterior lay the most twisted malicious heart in all the land.
“Your Royal Highnesses, good afternoon. I trust I am not interrupting anything of import.” The Boss smiled in a way that had been known to sour milk and make strong men blanch. The Queen looked at the King and they both knew in an instant that The Boss had been overlooked. It was pointless making excuses. The last time someone had inadvertently snubbed him, The Boss had turned them into that most loathsome of creatures, a paparazzi photographer. The poor individual now spent his days chasing after the most popular lute player in the land trying to get an exclusive.
Prevarication was no use but the royal couple could not help but prostrate themselves on the ground begging forgiveness. Unsurprisingly The Boss was not moved.
“You dare to hold a Royal Christening and not invite me, you half witted, interbred pair of numbskulls! Pah, there is no excuse but I will still deliver the dear little babe a gift.
Holding his wand aloft, the light seemed to fade and there was a rumble of thunder.
The Boss smiled, he was into amateur dramatics in a big way and always played the villain in the annual panto as well as directing and designing it. He was actually rather a good actor and had he not been a full time Bad Fairy, it is quite possible that his Iago would have been the toast of the town.
“Prince Sean will grow up with all these gifts and more. Another rumble of thunder. “And on his seventeenth birthday he will cut himself on a Blade and fall down dead.”
At this point the Queen fainted quietly away. The Boss continued.
“And so the end of your line will be reached for there will be no successor and the kingdom will pass to the Queen’s brother.” Maniacal laughter was heard, followed by a loud explosion and the smell of sulphur so pungent that it brought the Queen around.
It must be explained that the Royal Couple did not get on with their neighbours, the Queen’s brother and his equally strange family. He was an odd man, very into poetry and painting, he had been known to sit up all night and watch the stars when he should have been doing something sensible - like sleeping. The King could not stand him and though they sent presents to their nephew, the two families almost never met.
Meanwhile the Queen was slumped in a chair weeping even as Sean gurgled away, more intent on playing with his toes than the dramas going on around him.
A further commotion could be heard from outside the court.
“Yo dudes, was hanging with my crew and…..” Here the Fairy Better-Late-Than-Never ground to a halt. It was obvious that some mischief was afoot. Everyone was in a state and the Queen looked like she’d been crying. BLT was a kindly soul, despite his propensity to hang out with his ‘homies’ and to dress like a gangsta rappa, he had a heart of gold. Once apprised of the situation, he wracked his brains to come up with a solution. His manner became brisk and businesslike, all traces of his street speak gone.
“We’re looking at damage limitation here, Sire.” He looked thoughtful. “Whilst I can’t lift the curse, I can at least alter it. In the meantime I would try and make sure that the young Prince is kept away from all blades.”
And that was that, the Christening was over. Throngs of fairies jostled for position at their specially provided launch pad and the King and Queen began to bring up their young son.
***
The years passed and Sean grew up into a handsome, kind, intelligent lad. He was unfailingly cheerful and excelled in any sport he turned his hand (or foot to). He was universally loved by the people and was a joy and a delight to his doting parents.
After The Boss’ dire predictions, the King had made sure that all blades were outlawed. Beards became the order of the day and the people took to a near vegetarian diet with gusto. It was common knowledge that a blade could be fatal to their beloved Prince.
The day of Sean’s seventeenth birthday was as fine as anyone could wish. Despite their best efforts, his parents couldn’t help but feel uneasy. It had been Sean’s dearest wish to play with his favourite football team, The Palace Rovers, who were scheduled to meet their bitter rivals, Swordfield United.
At 3pm both teams jogged onto the fields to much applause and chanting.
Sean was an excellent football player. A brilliant striker, he was soon in the thick of things, darting here and there, the Rovers making use of his speed and dexterity with the ball.
Around ten minutes before half time, disaster struck. Sean was tackled and sent flying into the air, he collided with Dan Reckham, who “accidentally” dealt him a kick which would have seen him red carded had not his studs pricked Sean's skin...
The Boss' curse was fulfilled for Swordfield United's nickname was The Blades.. Normally The Boss would have turned up at this point, just so he could employ a maniacal laugh and crow at the unlucky King and Queen, who were standing, transfixed by the scene unfolding itself on the pitch. But he was currently taking classes in Audition Technique and had decided to give it a miss, so confident was he that his curse was going to work.
Luckily The BLT who had been hanging out with the homies in a parallel universe, managed to tear himself away from a rather enjoyable party his good friend Dr Dre was giving and whisk himself to the Rovers' match.
As Sean swayed and began to fall, four big hefty fairies, dressed in low slung jeans, football jerseys and much bling, materialised and stretchered him off the field of play. Everyone around him was yawning and making themselves comfortable and five minutes later the whole stadium was filled with the sounds of 25,000 people sleeping.
BLT made sure the Kingdom was secured, whistled for his lads and returned to Dr Dre in the blink of an eyelid, having put his well organised plan into action.
***
Many years later in another Kingdom, Prince Viggo had become bored. He loved poetry and art as much as the next man, but his father was impossible when the Muse was on him. He wandered about the Palace with a vague expression on his face, infuriating anyone and everyone who had to deal with him. His Queen had long since got bored with it all and removed herself to live elsewhere - Viggo often wished that he could have gone with her. However, his father insisted that as heir to the throne, he must live in the Palace.
One fine morning, Viggo was just finishing his breakfast when a cheeky looking robin came to sit on his window sill.
'Here little bird, have some crumbs for your breakfast… Come on little one, I won't hurt you.' Viggo loved birds and animals and he was overjoyed that the bird seemed to trust him. The robin put its head on one side and eyed Viggo speculatively.
"Hurt me, you great lummox, I'd like to see you fucking try it."
You can only imagine Viggo's surprise at hearing such profanities coming out of the beak of one so small and innocent looking. He just sat, open mouthed, staring at the little bird.
"And close your mouth for fuck's sake - you look like a fish out of water! Now let's cut to the chase 'cos frankly you're boring me half to death and I've only just met you."
Viggo was a little affronted but deciding that discretion was probably the better part of valour, he closed his mouth and waited for the bird to continue.
'That's better you great ugly gimp. Now, if you get up off that fat arse of yours and take yourself to the woods on the borders of your dad's kingdom, you'll find you can get through to your great uncle's gaff. No, don't sodding well interrupt me, I've got a meeting with my stockbroker shortly and I'm already late."
Viggo had started to interrupt but the little bird's biting tone brooked no interference.
"Right, so you get yourself through the thorn bush, well it's a bit bigger than a bush, but you'll have no difficulties, then follow your gonk until you reach a tower. Get yourself up there and you'll find a beautiful maiden, well, he's not strictly speaking a maiden but he's bloody tasty. Give him a smackeroony on the lips and he'll be yours. Then you can live happily ever after and my boss can get on with making seriously good hip hop."
"Hip what?" Queried Viggo who was beginning to feel a little lost here.
"Don't worry about it, pet, just do what I said and I'll get on my way."
A couple of hours later Viggo mounted his horse and set off in the direction the robin had suggested. When he got to the borders, he was amazed to see a huge mass of thorns, which he could have sworn had not been there a couple of days previously. Remembering the robin's words he moved forward nervously. To his surprise a path opened up before him and he passed through. He heard the way behind him closing and he begun to panic...
"Alright son, stay cool, nothing to worry about - just remember what I told you."
Viggo could hear the robin's voice though he could see no sign of the little bird.
He cautiously moved forward until he realised he was in the midst of a city. He made his way towards the Palace where he could see a tall tower. Dismounting, he made his way to the door and hesitated.
"Go on, get your arse up the stairs, remember what I told you"
Again the robin's voice spurred him on and he begun to slowly climb the stairs.
When he finally reached the top, the sight that met his eyes made him more breathless than the long climb. Lying asleep on a chaise-lounge was the most beautiful creature Viggo had ever set eyes on. A young man with silky blond hair, chiselled cheek bones and the body of a young god. Viggo longed to look into his eyes which he was sure would be the deepest azure blue. He leant over the sleeping form and gently kissed his lips. The eyes opened and they were green and catlike and Viggo knew at once that he'd fallen deeply and irrevocably in love...
Sean sat bolt upright, looking wildly about the room.
"Foul you tosser! Where's the fucking ref? Is he blind? Get the red card out...."
He stopped and looked at Viggo.
"You're not Reckham are you? Where am I? Did we win?"
Viggo was mesmerised by the animated man in front of him; he couldn't speak.
A voice was heard. "Kiss him you great gimp, go on my son. What are you waiting for."
Viggo needed no second bidding, he took Sean in his arms and kissed him, slowly and thoroughly.
Sean was a tad surprised it's true, but when he tasted Viggo he was overcome with a sense of coming home and melted into the embrace.
They were interrupted by a commotion from outside.
"Where is Prince Sean, he has to take a penalty kick. Call Prince Sean"
Sean smiled up at Viggo. "They're calling for me. I must go and take this penalty." He held out his hand. "Come and cheer me on..."
Hand in hand the two men made their way to the football stadium, handily built in the Palace grounds. A great cheer greeted their arrival.
"Come on you Rovers."
The crowd were ecstatic when Sean walked onto the pitch and took the penalty which glided past the goalkeeper, safely hitting the back of the net.
The Ref had no compunction in ending the match there and then. After a few hasty calculations and the help of Fairy Entente Cordiale who had dropped in on his way back from mediating between different factions of Sprites, they realised that the Kingdom had been sleeping for 100 years. Quite long enough for one match. And anyway, there were wedding preparations to be made.
The Queen was heard bemoaning the lack of grandchildren that such a match would mean, but she was a sensible woman and when she saw the glow on her son's face, she put away her doubts and concentrated on deciding which designer would update her now sadly outmoded wardrobe.
And so it was that most of the Boss' predictions came true. The Kingdom did pass to the Queen's brother's side of the family indirectly and the line sort of did come to an end, though it was later discovered that the rather vague King had actually fathered several children by a kitchen maid which ensured the succession - but that is another story.
Meanwhile Sean and Viggo had a beautiful wedding and lived happily ever after.
The End