[fic] pour raconter les follies
Title: pour raconter les follies
Author: daisysusan
Fandom: The Social Network
Genre: Humor, friendship
Characters: Mark, Chris
Rating: G
Word Count: ~950
Summary: Mark makes fun of people, in French. (Hover footnotes for the translations.)
Notes: (1) AHAHA I BLAME hapakitsune FOR THIS AND IT IS ENTIRELY HER FAULT AND I CLAIM NO RESPONSIBILITY. Except for the part where I wrote it, but I'm ignoring that part. (2) This hasn't been properly betaed, nor have I really checked the French as closely as I should. I know the grammar isn't perfect (which is okay, given that the boys aren't native speakers), but if there are typos or anything, please point them out to me. (3) THIS IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING.
Disclaimer: This story is about the fictional representations of these characters from the movie The Social Network, and is in no way a reflection on these actual people. I am making no money from this and am in no way affiliated with the movie itself. Also, seriously, if you found this by googling yourself, abort now, this is not a drill.
pour raconter les follies
When Chris hears Mark start muttering, the words are almost exactly what he expects-cutting and sarcastic, concise articulations of people’s shortcomings.
What he didn’t expect was for them to be in French.
“Si tu étais plus bête,” 1 he says, barely loud enough for Chris to hear him but clearly directed at the speaker, “tu ne serait pas capable de trouver ton cul avec unc carte.” 2
Before Chris can catch himself, he snickers softly, pressing a hand over his mouth to keep the sound from from traveling. “C’est la verité,” 3 he adds. “Je ne suis pas convainçu qu’il sait le trouver maintenant.” 4
Mark grins. “I forgot that you’d be able to understand me,” he says, then slips smoothly back into French. “D’habitude, je me trouve à ces événements stupides avec Eduardo ou Dustin, et ils ne comprennent rien.” 5
“Donc tu dis des choses méchants que personne peut comprendre?” 6
“C’est mieux que les dire en anglais, n’est-ce-pas?” 7
Chris nods, wry. Mark has a fair point there; if insulting people in French is going to keep him from getting punched (again), then he’s all for it.
--
Two days later, they’re sitting at lunch when a boy Chris doesn’t know comes up to Mark and starts chatting with him. He’s too absorbed by his book to catch most of the conversation, but he can tell by Mark’s tone that he’s not enjoying it.
As soon as the boy’s back is turned, Mark rolls his eyes. “Il voulait me demander si je peux lui donner des paramètres individuelles sur son page de facebook. Parce que nous sommes dans le même cour d’histoire d’art.” 8
If Chris raised his eyebrows any higher, he thinks they’d run a serious risk of just getting stuck. “Vraiment?” 9
“Oui. Je rencontre un ou deux de ces génies près-ce que tous les jours.” 10
The people at the next table are looking at them a little oddly, and then Chris gets it, why Mark does this. Being able to insult the people around him without their knowledge is a little thrilling. He grins, and says, “Regarde la fille la-bas.” 11
“Celle dans le t-shirt bleu?” 12
“Oui,” Chris confirms. “Elle me demande au moins une fois par semaine si je peux vous introduire.” 13
“Qu’est ce que tu dis?” 13 Mark asks, smirking.
“Des bêtises, maintenant, mais je pense qu’elle me croit.” 14
Mark outright laughs.
--
They don’t exactly stop doing it. If anything, they get more daring.
Chris should have known this would happen eventually.
--
The meeting is completely pointless, which Chris knew when he dragged Mark out of his office. Mark knew it was pointless, too, but he still had to go. He pays Chris to make him go to these things.
The point, though, is that Chris is not at all surprised when Mark leans over to him and whispers, “Que fait ce sot? Je pense que sa veste et ses pantalons viennent de deux complets differents.” 15
Chris bites his lip to keep from laughing. If Mark is bored enough to notice people’s suits ... “Tu as raison, c’est affreux,” 16 he says. “Mais peut-être tu n’es pas la meilleure personne pour commenter sur les habits des autres?” 17
“Ferme ta gueule, Prada,” 18 Mark answers. “Je sais qu’on ne met pas des souliers bruns avec un pantalon noir, pas comme l’imbécile à côté de moi.” 19
The whole exchange is pretty normal for them-except that the lawyer seated on Mark’s other side, who is apparently a fashion criminal, leans toward Mark and says, “Que dites-vous?” 20
Of course, Mark is Mark and still can’t extricate himself from an awkward situation to save his life, so he immediately turns to Chris. Trying desperately not to just bury his face in his hands, Chris leans over Mark toward the other man. “I don’t know if you noticed, sir,” he whispers, “but our CEO is awfully hypocritical, and you should take everything he says with a very large grain of salt.”
“Besides,” he adds, “Mark’s an equal-opportunity critic. He’ll mock anyone around him. I’m mostly just glad he doesn’t do it in English.”
Thankfully, the lawyer snorts a little at this, and says, “As long as I’m not gonna get fired for my sartorial choices.”
By some miracle he doesn’t begin to understand, Chris keeps a straight face for the rest of the meeting (mostly). But when the lawyers have scurried off back to their offices and he and Mark are left alone in the conference room, it takes him only a few seconds to break.
Mark turns to him, grinning mischievously, and Chris immediately loses it, burying his head in his arms and letting his whole body shake with laughter. When he can finally breathe long enough to talk, he looks at Mark and says, still smiling so hard it hurts, “I can’t believe we finally got busted.”
“Il était inévitable, tu sais,” 21 Mark answers.
“Ben, oui,” 22 Chris agrees. “But I was starting to think it would never happen.”
After a brief pause, Mark turns to him, face schooled into something almost serious. “Does this mean you’re going to make me stop?”
Chris looks him up and down appraisingly. “I really don’t think I could,” he says. “And if I tried, you’d probably just start saying mean things in Latin or something really pretentious.”
He lets the dig sink in for a moment, sees it process in Mark’s eyes, before he adds, “Besides, it’s fun.”
Mark smiles at him, a little cocky.
Chris kicks softly at Mark’s leg, covered by threadbare khakis that he’s probably had since high school. “I still think,” he says, “that if you’re going to criticize people wearing suits, you should at least be wearing one yourself.”
“Oh really?” Mark asks, raising one eyebrow.
“Just something I heard about glass houses and throwing stones.” Chris smirks.
“Sounds ridiculous,” Mark says.
“Yeah, well,” Chris says, kicking Mark again, “tu es ridicule.” 23
Author: daisysusan
Fandom: The Social Network
Genre: Humor, friendship
Characters: Mark, Chris
Rating: G
Word Count: ~950
Summary: Mark makes fun of people, in French. (Hover footnotes for the translations.)
Notes: (1) AHAHA I BLAME hapakitsune FOR THIS AND IT IS ENTIRELY HER FAULT AND I CLAIM NO RESPONSIBILITY. Except for the part where I wrote it, but I'm ignoring that part. (2) This hasn't been properly betaed, nor have I really checked the French as closely as I should. I know the grammar isn't perfect (which is okay, given that the boys aren't native speakers), but if there are typos or anything, please point them out to me. (3) THIS IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING.
Disclaimer: This story is about the fictional representations of these characters from the movie The Social Network, and is in no way a reflection on these actual people. I am making no money from this and am in no way affiliated with the movie itself. Also, seriously, if you found this by googling yourself, abort now, this is not a drill.
pour raconter les follies
When Chris hears Mark start muttering, the words are almost exactly what he expects-cutting and sarcastic, concise articulations of people’s shortcomings.
What he didn’t expect was for them to be in French.
“Si tu étais plus bête,” 1 he says, barely loud enough for Chris to hear him but clearly directed at the speaker, “tu ne serait pas capable de trouver ton cul avec unc carte.” 2
Before Chris can catch himself, he snickers softly, pressing a hand over his mouth to keep the sound from from traveling. “C’est la verité,” 3 he adds. “Je ne suis pas convainçu qu’il sait le trouver maintenant.” 4
Mark grins. “I forgot that you’d be able to understand me,” he says, then slips smoothly back into French. “D’habitude, je me trouve à ces événements stupides avec Eduardo ou Dustin, et ils ne comprennent rien.” 5
“Donc tu dis des choses méchants que personne peut comprendre?” 6
“C’est mieux que les dire en anglais, n’est-ce-pas?” 7
Chris nods, wry. Mark has a fair point there; if insulting people in French is going to keep him from getting punched (again), then he’s all for it.
--
Two days later, they’re sitting at lunch when a boy Chris doesn’t know comes up to Mark and starts chatting with him. He’s too absorbed by his book to catch most of the conversation, but he can tell by Mark’s tone that he’s not enjoying it.
As soon as the boy’s back is turned, Mark rolls his eyes. “Il voulait me demander si je peux lui donner des paramètres individuelles sur son page de facebook. Parce que nous sommes dans le même cour d’histoire d’art.” 8
If Chris raised his eyebrows any higher, he thinks they’d run a serious risk of just getting stuck. “Vraiment?” 9
“Oui. Je rencontre un ou deux de ces génies près-ce que tous les jours.” 10
The people at the next table are looking at them a little oddly, and then Chris gets it, why Mark does this. Being able to insult the people around him without their knowledge is a little thrilling. He grins, and says, “Regarde la fille la-bas.” 11
“Celle dans le t-shirt bleu?” 12
“Oui,” Chris confirms. “Elle me demande au moins une fois par semaine si je peux vous introduire.” 13
“Qu’est ce que tu dis?” 13 Mark asks, smirking.
“Des bêtises, maintenant, mais je pense qu’elle me croit.” 14
Mark outright laughs.
--
They don’t exactly stop doing it. If anything, they get more daring.
Chris should have known this would happen eventually.
--
The meeting is completely pointless, which Chris knew when he dragged Mark out of his office. Mark knew it was pointless, too, but he still had to go. He pays Chris to make him go to these things.
The point, though, is that Chris is not at all surprised when Mark leans over to him and whispers, “Que fait ce sot? Je pense que sa veste et ses pantalons viennent de deux complets differents.” 15
Chris bites his lip to keep from laughing. If Mark is bored enough to notice people’s suits ... “Tu as raison, c’est affreux,” 16 he says. “Mais peut-être tu n’es pas la meilleure personne pour commenter sur les habits des autres?” 17
“Ferme ta gueule, Prada,” 18 Mark answers. “Je sais qu’on ne met pas des souliers bruns avec un pantalon noir, pas comme l’imbécile à côté de moi.” 19
The whole exchange is pretty normal for them-except that the lawyer seated on Mark’s other side, who is apparently a fashion criminal, leans toward Mark and says, “Que dites-vous?” 20
Of course, Mark is Mark and still can’t extricate himself from an awkward situation to save his life, so he immediately turns to Chris. Trying desperately not to just bury his face in his hands, Chris leans over Mark toward the other man. “I don’t know if you noticed, sir,” he whispers, “but our CEO is awfully hypocritical, and you should take everything he says with a very large grain of salt.”
“Besides,” he adds, “Mark’s an equal-opportunity critic. He’ll mock anyone around him. I’m mostly just glad he doesn’t do it in English.”
Thankfully, the lawyer snorts a little at this, and says, “As long as I’m not gonna get fired for my sartorial choices.”
By some miracle he doesn’t begin to understand, Chris keeps a straight face for the rest of the meeting (mostly). But when the lawyers have scurried off back to their offices and he and Mark are left alone in the conference room, it takes him only a few seconds to break.
Mark turns to him, grinning mischievously, and Chris immediately loses it, burying his head in his arms and letting his whole body shake with laughter. When he can finally breathe long enough to talk, he looks at Mark and says, still smiling so hard it hurts, “I can’t believe we finally got busted.”
“Il était inévitable, tu sais,” 21 Mark answers.
“Ben, oui,” 22 Chris agrees. “But I was starting to think it would never happen.”
After a brief pause, Mark turns to him, face schooled into something almost serious. “Does this mean you’re going to make me stop?”
Chris looks him up and down appraisingly. “I really don’t think I could,” he says. “And if I tried, you’d probably just start saying mean things in Latin or something really pretentious.”
He lets the dig sink in for a moment, sees it process in Mark’s eyes, before he adds, “Besides, it’s fun.”
Mark smiles at him, a little cocky.
Chris kicks softly at Mark’s leg, covered by threadbare khakis that he’s probably had since high school. “I still think,” he says, “that if you’re going to criticize people wearing suits, you should at least be wearing one yourself.”
“Oh really?” Mark asks, raising one eyebrow.
“Just something I heard about glass houses and throwing stones.” Chris smirks.
“Sounds ridiculous,” Mark says.
“Yeah, well,” Chris says, kicking Mark again, “tu es ridicule.” 23