The Difference - Chapter 2
Title: The Difference
Pairing: Santana Lopez/Brittany
Rating: R
Words: 7205
Spoilers: none (for now)
Disclaimer: Glee characters don't belong to me.
Summary: After playing "Pretend" for a while you start to question who exactly is your real self and who exactly is the person you created. So, it's a lucky thing Santana finds a girl who can help her distinguish between the two. After all, that girl is just as talented at "Pretend" as Santana is.
A/N: not beta-ed
(Prologue) (1)
Chapter Two: The Lyin', The Bitch, and The Wardrobe
To say that Santana was anxious for her first day of high school would have been a huge understatement. Prior to what Santana deemed as judgment day, Santana had spent the night at Quinn’s memorizing the entire school map. There was no way she was going to seem like those lost, pathetic freshman who wandered aimlessly around the halls. The two girls chatted about their expectations of the new school, their plans to get hot boyfriends (or that was Quinn’s plan, Santana didn’t think monogamy was something very badass-like), and how they planned to remain at the top of the school’s hierarchy - not that that was going to be difficult. One month after eighth grade graduation, William McKinley High School’s cheerleading tryouts for the incoming freshman recruitments opened. Quinn and Santana made sure to work their butts off through the entire eighth grader for that very moment and ensure a spot on the team. The tryouts were grueling and only a few lucky girls were deemed worthy of being a Cheerio. And by the end of a hectic three-day tryout, Santana and Quinn found themselves rewarded with a red, black, and white cheerleading uniform that they would be proudly wearing for the rest of their high school careers.
In a way, this uniform was a declaration of how they were part of the cooler-than-you crowd. As soon as they’d enter high school fresh in their Cherrios uniform, they would already be that much closer to ruling the school because as everyone knows, the cheerleaders rule the school. Santana, however, had to admit that she was going to miss dressing up every day to school. She could no longer show off her sense of style and was even forced to tie her hair up into a high pony tail. The issue eventually became less of a disappointment after Quinn told her that the Cheerio outfit said that much more than any cute shirt or skirt would ever do. And besides, they looked hot in it - way hot.
For the rest of the summer, Santana and Quinn were rushed away to cheerleading camp since their coach Sue Sylvester didn’t believe in wasting any time when it came to cheer practice. The news of her joining cheerleading had shocked her family, but what did they know? If there was anything good about cheerleading camp, it was that the football coach of their school had also decided to hold a football camp. Quinn immediately fell for this awkward, but kind of hot guy named Finn, while Santana befriended a badass, Mohawk-haired hunk named Noah Puckerman, better known as Puck. The two guys were from another middle school and seemed to also be best friends just like her and Quinn. It was freakishly coincidental.
Santana likes Quinn, but the more she hung with the perfect girl, the more she realized the other girl’s flaws. It wasn’t like those minor details were something she couldn’t handle, but sometimes she wished there was another person getting all the celibacy lectures with her. She respected Quinn’s ideals, but no way in hell was she going to wait until she was married to have sex. So, she’d learn all the tips Quinn had to give for teasing, and would spend the rest of the time at home learning about the pleasing. Still, she knew she couldn’t have been the only one who thought that ninety percent of what Quinn had to say about relationships and sex was complete and utter bullshit. She needed a companion, someone to bitch to when she was annoyed with Quinn and not Puck because most of his solutions were to just go back to his place and have sex, which was something she definitely wasn’t ready for.
She would find her first day of school to be rather anti-climatic though. She spent her first morning at high school watching the football players throw losers into the dumpster, chuck their ice-cold slushies at the losers, and make fun of these lowly creatures every possible second. It made Santana glad that she had made the right choice after all in becoming the person who she was today. And after a rather mundane five periods of class, she finally got to go cheerleading practice (which along with all the other sports teams was held six period), where she could be among those worthy of her attention.
The schedule of the cheerleading world was a little different from a normal high school. Thus, when the final bell rung, signifying the completion of the first day of school, Santana scowled in annoyance that she still had to stay at school for another hour doing dance and cheer routines. It was then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a group of ordinary girls near their field dancing. Amongst that very group of wannabes was the girl with no last name doing perfect spins and ending her dance with a perfect split. Santana raised an impressed eyebrow and found herself surprised that the girl could be so talented. In fact, the tall blonde was better than anyone she’d ever seen, and dare she say it, better than herself. Too bad, that that very girl would be the one to cause her so many migraines for the week.
“Who is that and why is she not in her Cheerios outfit?” Sue shouts obnoxiously at her Cheerios with her megaphone. Confused, the squad turns their heads in the direction to the foreign group of dancers. It was like a mini invasion, but no one really knew who the coach was talking about.
“I don’t think she’s on the team, coach?” replies one of the Cheerios, probably one of the older girls who knew how Sue liked to be answered within a 5 second period.
“That is preposterous, what kind of mess of teenage hormones wouldn’t want to be part of the exclusive Cheerios and raise the ranks amongst all the worthless, talentless pests of this pitiful school? Who is that girl is and why are there so many losers on my practicing area?” Sue angrily rants, her voice seeming to grow louder with each word. And if there was something Santana learnt from cheerleading camp, it was to never leave a question unanswered. Last time they didn’t answer a question, they all had to run until they passed out. The other thing she noticed about Sue was that she seemed to be able to talk for a long time without ever taking another breath.
“Her name is Brittany,” Santana answers with confidence, Sue doesn’t like wishy-washy guesses much either.
“Do you know this Brittany, girl whose skin looks like it was lathered in too much tanning lotion…?” Sue focuses her megaphone so that the booming voice is focused mostly in Santana’s section.
“Um, we had class together, but…” Uh-oh, what was she getting herself into?
“What’s your name?” Sue asks as she lowers her megaphone and approaches Santana. And because of Sue’s height, as soon as she stands in front of Santana it cast a great shadow blocking her view of the sun. That was Sue for you, blocking the light in your life... sucking the life out of everything.
“Santana Lopez,” she answers calmly because she doesn’t want Sue to think she’s scared of her.
“Whatever, you are going to tell this Brittany that she’s going to try out for the Figgin-Sue second chance Cheerio try outs,” Sue declares definitely, her piercing blue eyes seeming to immobilize the young Cheerio.
“But…” I don’t know her… I haven’t even talked to her since that one time.
“Listen, when I held tryouts in the summer, I had thought I would get the cream of the crop, but instead I get a bunch of lazies and coordination-challenged students who make my blind grandmother with one leg look like a world class Olympian. Now Sue Slyvester is never wrong, but considering how schools have this summer vacation to let the students slack and forget everything they learn, I guess I missed a couple in the selection,” Sue raises her microphone once more towards Santana’s face and shouts, “Get her on this team or you risk your own position. I have enough incapable freshmen cheerleaders as it is, it wouldn’t be that difficult replacing you.”
“Yes, Coach Sylvester.” Shit.
-TUESDAY: DAY ONE-
Santana feels like a stalker as she watches Brittany grab some things from her locker. A locker, it feels like a semi-public declaration of what kind of person you are. She wonders what things Brittany has in her locker, what pictures she post, what textbooks... and just when Brittany seemed about done preparing for her next class, Santana decides to make her move.
“Hey,” she says in a neutral tone, not threatening because she doesn’t want to scare her and not friendly because she doesn’t want Brittany to get the wrong idea that they’re friends.
“Are… you talking to me?” Brittany asks confused as she looks around her to see if the Latina Cheerio could be talking to someone else.
“No, I’m talking to your locker,” Santana rolls her eyes as she internally winces that she couldn’t control her sarcasm.
“Oh, okay, I just wanted to make sure,” Brittany smiles as she moves out of the way to give Santana the proper angle to continue her conversation with her locker. It’s during these times that Santana questions the authenticity of Brittany’s behavior.
“Wait,” Santana suddenly spurts because Brittany walks really fast and if she loses her this moment, she’ll have to wait until another period.
“Done talking to my locker? Because, like, I keep wondering why it eats my homework, but when I ask it, it never says anything.” Sometimes Santana wonders if people really believe the shit coming out of Brittany’s mouth. There was no way this girl could be so dense.
“Principal Figgins forced Sue to open her Cheerios because some girls were complaining on how they missed tryouts due to summer vacation. They’re going to hold another audition this Friday,” Santana watches as Brittany tilts her head in confusion. Shouldn’t her words be enough of a hint that Brittany needs to tryout? Maybe everyone was right, who was dumb enough to miss the opportunity to become of the school’s elite population.
“You should try out…” Santana does her best to not sound commanding, though she figures if she can’t negotiate with the airhead, she’d have to fall back on all her other plans - plans that involved much more dramatic action.
“Oh, it’s okay, I think I’m going to try out for the dance team. I don’t really like cheering anyway, the cheers are way too long,” Brittany confesses with complete seriousness.
“You’re kidding right? The cheers are less than twenty words…and most of it is just spelling…”
“Yeah, but I already have enough trouble with the alphabet as it is,” there’s a strange moment of silence between them as Santana shoots a dubious look at Brittany as the latter continues to smile innocently. Oh she’s good… she’s too good. The bell rings and Santana finds herself failing to convince Brittany to join the Cheerios. She’ll find Brittany again.
“Bring it on, Brittany,” Santana mumbles to no one in particular as she brings out a folded piece of paper from her pocket. On it was Brittany’s class schedule complete with teacher’s name, room number, and subject. It was simple enough to get after intimidating one of those AV nerds who happened to work for attendance. A little fist shaking and raising of the voice will get you anywhere in high school.
The fifth period bell rings to signal the end of class and just as Brittany steps out of the class, she finds the persistent Latina girl standing in front of her with her arms crossed.
“Won’t you at least consider it?” Play nice, play nice, be nice, you are nice. Pretend you’re talking to Mama.
“Did my locker tell you I had this class…?” the blonde hair girl inquires. Maybe stalking Brittany is a bit creepy, but she didn’t want to lose another opportunity to convince the girl to join the Cheerios.
“N- yes, yes it did, and it also said that you should try out or this time it’ll eat everything inside,” she’ll play Brittany’s little game as long as it gets her what she wants in the end.
“You really want me to try out, don’t you?” Brittany watches as the usual cool girl’s face furrowed into annoyance.
“Of course, Sue herself wants you to be on the team. And in my memory, that’s something that happens only once a millennium, so I’d be wise if I were you and take her up on the offer. Be a somebody, don’t be a loser amongst these Lima freaks,” And the more Brittany studies the girl, the more she realizes the honesty to the girl’s words. It was amazing how much Santana was opening about herself without even knowing.
“Are you busy this today? Like after school?” Brittany asks as she walks to her locker to switch books for her final class.
“Not reall -“
“Cool because we’re gonna go feed the ducks,” Brittany interrupts with an ever so slight grin on her lips. Let’s see how willing you are to get me on your precious Cheerios.
“No.” Abso-fucking-lutely not. There was no way she’d do something so childish, pathetic, time-wasting, insignificant… she didn’t even do such a ridiculous activity as a child.
“Too bad because the ducks are the ones who will determine if I go or not…” In her mind, Santana secretly just wants to end this all. There was no way she was going to go to a fucking pond and fucking feed the fucking ducks and fucking risk someone fucking seeing her. Public humiliation was just another ticket to being a loser, and yet if she didn’t do this stupid thing she’d get kicked off the team. Maybe she could just bypass doing such a stupid thing because she was so cool that if she went to feed the ducks it was because she was cool. Yeah, maybe that’d work… in her head.
“Fine. Four o’clock, meet me by my locker,” she agrees annoyingly because she knows she has no choice. If only Brittany was a mind reader she could hear the string of profanities that would make a rapper sick to his stomach. School technically ended at three o’clock for normal students, but she has practice to attend. If Brittany wants to feed the fucking ducks, she was going to have to wait for her.
But, no Brittany is having way too much fun with this girl. And so, just as Santana is about to leave, the dancing blonde asks, “Oh yeah, who are you again?”
However, rather than an extremely annoyed face that Brittany expects to see, Santana slowly turned to the girl looking quite taken back. She does her best bitch-please face and in the most DUH voice she could pull, she states her name making sure to enunciate every syllable.
“See you later, Santana.”
They sit quietly at the park, eyes not meeting each other. Santana is seething because she thinks this is the stupidest thing she’s ever willingly done in her life. This is going to take way too long. She draws shapes with her shoes in the dirt, stopping once she realized that brown streaks begin to appear on her pristine, white shoes.
She wants to say something, anything. C’mon Lopez work the courage to say something. But, she hates small talk though and just when she was going to ask about how the other girl thought of school, the blonde eagerly moves out of her seat on the bench.
“The ducks!” Brittany searches her backpack, “oh no, where’s the food!”
“Here, you can use this,” Santana brings out the leftovers of her sandwich. Ever since she became thin, Santana made a promise to herself to never eat more than what was necessary to get through the day. But once she joined the Cheerios, food soon no longer became an option. If she gained anymore weight, it’d just give Sue even more reason to kick her off the team.
“Thanks,” Brittany tears small bits of the crust throwing it to some ducks before stuffing a large chunk into her mouth. “This is really good.”
“I thought you wanted to feed the ducks…”
“I do, but I think my little sister ate all the grapes…” Brittany replies before taking another big bite of Santana’s sandwich.
“That’s why I gave you the sandwich…” Santana states as though to make Brittany seem like an idiot. You have no food, I give you sandwich, you feed sandwich to duck. How simple was that?
“Hey!” the blonde gasps as she whips her head so she can face Santana. “Bread is like the equivalent of… a really delicious ice cream sunday sprinkled with lots of colorful sprinkles and chocolate and strawberry sauce with a cherry on top.”
“That’s disgusting…”
“No, it’s really good, but like I was saying bread is basically a really fattening dessert for them. Imagine all the people feeding them that because they don’t know! It makes the ducks really fat, so that they can’t fly properly. It ruins their diet and can be detrimental for their health. We can feed them a little, but there are a lot of alternatives we can do. I usually use grapes, just got to cut them to smaller pieces, but I think stupid Lizzy ate them all. She needs to stop sneaking into my food. Or maybe the cat ate it,” and as she loses her train of thought, she mindlessly takes another bite of the delicious sandwich.
“You really know a lot about ducks, don’t you?” she asks as she watches the ducks finish eating the sandwich and then proceed to quack at the blonde to feed them more. Of course, Brittany knowing that little tidbit about ducks doesn’t feed them. They continue to quack though, like the persistent creatures they are.
“You tend to know a lot about the things you like, Santana.”
“Yeah I guess you do…” Santana never says these words, but it is at this very moment that she feels the greater potential of Brittany. It would be months later that she’d say these hidden words to Brittany and for a much different topic.
-SECOND DAY-
Santana had earlier mentioned to Brittany telling the girl to go first because Cheerio practice was running a little late. Brittany shrugs at the comment because she figures this was the Latina girl’s way of flaking out. She wasn’t going to be one of those girls who wait endlessly for the other person to show up, only to realize that it was all a joke. She didn’t really think Santana would hold up her end of the promise of coming later, and that’s why she had such a happily, surprised expression when she sees the Cheerio walk towards her wagging a zip-lock bag.
“Hey, I didn’t have any grapes at home, but I found some peas. I looked up alternative thing to feed ducks and it said that defrosted frozen peas were okay. And why are you looking at me strangely…?” Santana gives Brittany her usual annoyed-confused expression as she dips her hand into the bag and flings the green balls across the lake for the ducks to feed on.
“You looked up information about feeding ducks?” Brittany feels the corners of her lips tugging and soon a full on smile reveals its beautiful self. It was like a mini-Christmas finding these little, usually secretive things about Santana.
“Well, I figured if we’re going to be going here every day, I should amuse myself and feed them too. I’m not a monster; I won’t deny the ducks their dinner,” the Latina finds herself returning the smile in a very uncharacteristic way. It brought her back to a year ago of when they first met. She doesn’t know why she feels so calm around Brittany considering that the latter isn’t even popular and doesn’t know shit about her, but for some reason it relieves her a bit. She hands the bag to her blonde acquaintance and together they take the time to feed the ducks.
As they do so, Brittany takes a sneak peek at her new companion, who seems to be having just as much fun feeding the ducks as she is. In fact there’s almost a child-like innocence to the tanned girl that she hadn’t expected. Brittany was suddenly reminded of Holden of Catcher in the Rye, he seemed to be interested in ducks too.
“Do you really not know your last name?” Santana asks as she breaks Brittany’s thoughts.
“What?”
“In eighth grade… that was the first time I met you,” the girl elaborates still annoyed that she has to remind the girl about their first meeting, especially since it was just three months ago.
“Oh that’s right, you were the one who shouted profane things to the guy who called me a dumbass. I remember you now,” the truth was Brittany always remembered Santana. And after that incident, she really wanted to talk to the girl thinking she had made a friend. But every time she went to say hi, Santana would look away and talk to someone else leaving Brittany with the impression the girl didn’t want to be friends. It was hurtful to see the girl who was so kind to her suddenly act so cold. It didn’t help that Santana’s reputation as a huge bitch also escalated through eighth grade. It made trying to approach the Cheerio a lot more initimidating, but perhaps now things were going to change.
“I can’t stand people who pick on others…” Santana softly mutters as she throws the final pea into the water and watches three ducks dive to fight over the meal.
“Does that mean you can’t stand yourself?” Brittany asks honestly because it’s obviously something anyone would wonder about Santana. Even though it’s been only a couple days, Santana has already established quite the reputation (and now in high school) of being a class A bitch who’s has made at least three girls and two guys cry (rumors she made someone drop out too, but that’s just a rumor). Maybe Brittany is overstepping their unspoken boundaries by asking that question, but Brittany couldn’t help but find herself drawn to the darker haired girl.
“…I’m popular, things are a little different,” Santana admits almost automatically as though it was what she was programmed to say. But Brittany sees beyond the computations and hears the human in Santana’s voice and sees the sadness in the girl’s eyes. And there Santana goes again revealing everything about herself with her obvious body language. Brittany wonders if she can read Santana so well because the girl isn’t closing herself as much around her. It was a strange thing, but at the same time, Brittany feels that the only way to reciprocate was to opening talk about herself. It would seem Santana wouldn’t be able to pick up on subtlety anyway.
“My mom was married two times and my father married four. They’re divorced, in case you don’t know, my biological parents. I grew up with both of them… moving back and forth between all these different families. I was always pretty close to all my parents’ partners, except that one lady married to Dad… second wife or something. I just don’t know whose last name to take. I know you’re supposed to take your father’s, but my mom does raise me most of the time. Then she’s married to this new guy and now I’m not sure if I’m supposed to take his name. So as you can see, it’s all pretty confusing.”
“Oh my God, that’s…are you serious?” Santana’s eyes are wide like child’s. She could only imagine the drama with all those failed marriages.
“No,” she smiles naughtily and Santana feels stupid for believing her. “I know my last name, but why would people need to know it if they’re just going to spend most of the time saying my first?”
“People call each other by their last name all the time… I call Quinn, Fabray more than I call her Quinn.”
“Well, I’d prefer if we call each other by our first names, Santana,” she emphasizes the name in the same way Santana did a day ago. Each syllable carefully pronounced, and Santana doesn’t know why, but her name seems to sound hot, really hot, when the other girl pronounces it. And because she’s Santana Lopez, she takes up this weird “who can do it better” challenge because, of course, she can do so much better.
“Okay, Brittany.”
“Santana, let’s go lay down in the grass?” and they travel together to the grass where Brittany takes off her shoes and lies down on the cool blades of green. She looks up and sees that Santana is awkwardly standing in her Cheerio uniform hugging herself. The Cheerio wasn’t going to dirty her new uniform.
“Brittany…” Santana breaks the silence, breaks Brittany from whatever world in her head.
“Yes?”
“How old are you?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m the same age as you silly…” okay, so she never had to retake a class. She’s never flunked anything, but she could still graduate middle school with D’s. Santana contemplates all the possibilities of the girl’s stupidity. What is the root?
“What was your GPA for middle school?”
“Oh I don’t one of those yet, I don’t even have my permit. My parents think I might confuse all the weird letters, but I mean I know P is “Push to go” and R is “release to stop” and D is probably something like duck…” Brittany spews some nonsense and it takes a while for Santana to realize that Brittany is talking about a GPS and not about her GPA.
“Brittany…” Be serious… I deserve more respect than that her look seems to say.
“I’m not too sure why there’s a duck function, but there’s a 4 3 2 1 too. Maybe it’s for when I see ducks? Can cars go into the pond?” Brittany’s eyes are closed and behind her eyelids she imagines herself driving a car in the shape of a duck.
“Stop rambling and just answer the question.”
“2.5,” she replies and opens a single eye to observe the shorter girl’s expression, which at the moment seemed to be deep in thought.
“Did you get any head injuries when you transferred?”
“No.”
“Do you have some of disorder or brain problem? Something that’s affecting your memory?”
“No.”
“How about your ability to learn or something… dyslexic?”
“I don’t think so…” Santana goes over her mental checklist… there aren’t that many reasons left she can think of.
“Is there a cute guy you like?” She suddenly says as she remembers how Cady made herself seem dumb so that that Aaron could be her tutor.
“What?”
“Never mind…” she quickly relinquishes the idea and shakes her head in embarrassment. Of course Brittany wouldn’t do that.
“Santana… you sure a lot of questions when you could just ask a single one.” Are you really that stupid?
“I don’t need to ask that to know what I want to know,” Santana makes sure to catch Brittany’s gaze when she reveals Brittany’s deep, dark secret. “I know you’re smarter than you act…”
“Mmm… and I know you’re not as big of a bitch as you pretend to be.” And suddenly Santana feels sick to the stomach. It was as though Brittany had gotten a huge hammer and just shattered the glass cage she built for her loser-self. As the pieces of glass shards fell, she could feel the shy, awkward teenage girl cringe at the sudden brightness of the light.
Brittany sees through it… she sees through the façade.
“Why do you… of all things,” Santana asks, still uncomfortable about the sudden bonding.
“If I act dumb, people don’t really have any expectations for me. I don’t need to try in anything I don’t want to. I don’t have to compete against others and it makes people feel safe being around me. I can also mingle between you guys and others because I’m just dumb - I don’t know any better. If I get slushied, it’s fine, I’ll smile and say something dumb like, they must think I have a really big mouth to catch he drink. At the same time I can be myself, I can dance in the halls because it’s my stage. Plus, I can make you guys laugh, even if it’s at me and not with me.” The blonde pauses for a second. “I’m not going to college. I never planned on it; it’s not something I’d ever want to do. I want to become a dancer.”
Santana finds herself speechless at what the blonde girl just revealed. Was this something Brittany told anyone? No, that would blow her cover. Why her? Why did she tell her then?
“It seems like we’re both pretty good at doing what we do,” Brittany concludes giving Santana an all-knowing smile. Was she waiting for Santana to explain her reasoning?
“I’m good at everything I do …” Santana diverts.
“That’s fine, I didn’t expect it. I’ll wait, I know one day - OH! The ducks! They’re coming our way! Oh my god they’re so cute!” she shouts not completing her sentence. Santana watches as the girl gets up with a grass-ass-stain on her pants and run to the ducks. She isn’t sure what makes Brittany so sure of herself, but she’s scared. Not even Quinn is that curious and they are the best of friends. There’s something about Brittany though, something about being so care-free that allows Santana to relax.
-THIRD DAY, LAST DAY BEFORE TRYOUTS-
It’s almost four, and Santana is already waiting by Brittany’s locker. The Cheerios got an early dismissal after Sue’s apparent disgust with their routine drove her to an upset stomach. They wait by Brittany’s locker because the Latina doesn’t want to one day see Brittany waiting by her locker. It wouldn’t do well for a popular girl like her to associate with a nobody like her.
Just as she sees Brittany come into sight, the football players burst from the opposite end finished with their practice, ice cold slushies in hand. Suddenly it’s all too late, and Santana watches in slow motion as the refreshing purple slush flies from its big gulp cup and splashs onto her golden-haired acquaintance. The perpetrator even turns his head to wink at her as though it was the funniest thing in the world. The football players around him laugh at the scene and high-five him before the exit from the other end leaving Santana alone with a fallen Brittany.
Slushing the losers, the tradition of William McKinley was great, wasn’t it? Inside, an unmentionable turmoil fumbles, and Santana suddenly has the rage to chase after the guy and knee the asshole in the crotch. Something ultimately prevents her from doing so though, something prevents her from protecting his girl and it would be later in life that she regrets never defending (never apologizing to) the girl right then and there. But this is the way it is, this system of losers and cool kids. And as Santana swallows her anger as Brittany lifts her face and gives Santana a weak smile with purple dripping from her hair.
“Too bad I don’t really like grape that much,” a pink tongue comes to lick the sticky liquid at the corner of her lips, “yeah I think I’m a cherry kind of girl.”
It takes Santana a little while to start functioning again and she looks with mild sympathy at the innocent blonde drenched in purple. She didn’t know why this feeling bothered her so much, sure Brittany was a loser, but the girl never deserved in her life to be slushied. Furiously, she takes Brittany by the hand and drags her to the girl’s locker room where she knows clean towels and even some clean sweats could be found. No one really knows this, but behind the box of used physical education uniforms is a stash of brand new ones just for the Cheerios in case they have to do runs and forgot to bring spare sweats.
“Wait here,” Santana commands as she points to a wooden bench between a mass of lockers. She runs through the crowded female jocks to the box of extra supplies. She could hear the girls around her whispering about Brittany and others laughing. Once she came out, she loudly shuts the door causing everyone to stop their gossiping… but for only a moment. A couple seconds later, they return to their gossip, each girl eager to add their own interpretation of what was happening. Santana had yet to really establish a dominant presence at the school, and it was still too soon for her to really try. So she ignores the comments, rumors, and imagined scenarios and hands the shivering dancer a pile of items.
Just as Brittany is going to wipe the slush with the clean towel, Santana grabs Brittany’s hand, “I think… you should take a shower. Get yourself cleaned up.”
For some reason, Brittany isn’t being her usual chatty self and continues to stare at the ground. Squatting down so she could lift the blonde’s face, she notices liquid pooling around Brittany’s eyes. She didn’t deserve this.
“Hey, I’ll wait here, we can still feed the ducks if you want,” Santana suggests as an attempt to cheer up the tearing girl.
“Thank you, Santana,” the girl other mentioned weakly before gathering some things to go to the shower leaving Santana with her deafening thoughts.
---------------------------------
“You all right?” Santana asks as she tosses a grape into the water only to be greedily fought over by two ducks.
“Yeah, I mean, something like this was bound to happen sooner or later,” Brittany says as she shudders as the memory, “just didn’t think it’d be that soon.”
“Hey, if you become a Cheerio, you wouldn’t ever have to face that treatment,” Santana reminds with an urging tone. Today was the last day she really had to convince the dancer otherwise she’d face being stripped of her Cheerio status and possibly be slushied like Brittany was today. “No one would dare to once they see you wear this hot ensemble.”
“You’re awfully pressuring this issue Santana - “
“Look,” Santana says her voice suddenly raised and direct. She’s running out of time and it makes her agitated, “if you don’t join the fucking team, I’m going to be fucking kicked off okay?” It was the first time Santana used profanity when speaking to Brittany. Even though it wasn’t a direct “fuck you,” the words still had their negative effect.
And suddenly, Brittany finally gets it. She gazes in disbelief at Santana as the dark realization dawns on her, “Is… is that why you’ve been doing all this?” Because you’re just worried about yourself. Because, in the end, you really are just a selfish bitch? Because you didn’t care for me at all? Seemed to be what Brittany is really insinuating. In disgust, Brittany closes her eyes to shut the world out. She feels like a real idiot for ever believing she could be friends with someone so superficial.
“NO! I mean… I... I don’t really know,” Santana beings to feel that weird feeling in her chest again. Her face feels warm and suddenly she feels a stranger in her own mind. You’re different. She has to collect herself though because being around Brittany just makes her constantly unsure about herself.
“Brittany, tryout for the Cheerios. I know you want to be a dancer, but no one pays attention to William McKinley’s pathetic dance team. Sue Slyvester is world-wide famous champion coach of cheerleading. This is something Lima is actually good at. There will probably be dance scouts. Besides, no one goes to watch the dance team, but everyone, everyone, will see the cheerleaders. I know this may seem like I’m just doing it for myself, but I’m not. You’re really talented and when we cheer you’ll shine like a star amongst a black sky of mediocrity.” Brittany didn’t want to believe Santana’s words. If she hadn’t spent so much time with Santana she would’ve thought this was just another ploy to get her to join the Cheerios. But throughout the week, she learns the little signals Santana gives off. She notices how Santana rambles when she’s nervous, how Santana’s cheeks have flushed just a tiny bit because she’s embarrassed, and most importantly, she can hear the sincerity in the girl’s voice. And though she dislikes that Santana has this huge obsession with being popular, she doesn’t dislike Santana and she doesn’t want the girl to be miserable and lose her spot on the team because of her not joining.
“The ducks have made their decision, San!” Brittany suddenly bursts and changes the previous mood.
“San?” Santana repeats, not used to anyone but those close to her calling her the pet name.
“Yeah, I mean I don’t know ‘bout you but Tana sounds kind of bad. It’s like if I was called Any o r Tany… what was my point again?” she smiles causing Santana to unconsciously smile back.
“Brittany, the tryouts are tomorrow after school at the main gym, okay? Don’t forget, bring something to cheer in.”
“So does that mean I’m in?” Brittany asks a little hesitantly. Sure they had their weird moments of bonding during the past week, but was Santana still going to acknowledge her presence once she fulfills Sue’s orders? Would the dark-eyed girl just ignore her again once they were in Cheerios together?
“Well, I guess … Sue was the one who want--”
“I mean… part of whatever you’re part of. I don’t want to enter the world of popularity and football players and not getting slushied without a friend by my side. You’re friends with Quinn right? I’m sure she won’t mind, she’s really nice.”
“Um…” It’s not that she’s worried about Brittany fitting in. Once in the cool crowd, everything in the past is nil because, hey, you’re cool now and everyone has a past. Still, there’s something Santana’s worried about though. Brittany clearly knows her way too much and such information could be easily used against her. She doesn’t really know if she can trust Brittany yet, but from these past day she knows they can, at the very least, get along. The potential to be friends is obviously there but…. But…
“It can be like the… what’s it called balancing a check?” Brittany says a little unsure leaving Santana perplexed, “you know there’s the President… and um… the people who do something. You’re good at history right?”
“You honestly don’t know, do you…” she says amused.
“San…” Brittany whines, not wanting to seem like a real idiot in front of her new friend.
“Checks and balances, Brittany, with the judicial, executive, and legislative powers,” Santana explains. She knows government stuff because rules like that are easy to understand. Things like laws and regulations make sense to her, and not things like making friends and winning the approval of your peers.
“Right, well that. Maybe we should study together for history and copy your homework.”
“Maybe you’re not as smart as I thought you were,” Santana teases as she watches Brittany puff up her face with a hurt expression.
“San!! Maybe I was wrong, maybe you are a bitch!”
“Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve heard that,” she laughs cruelly at the proclamation. And when she turns to see a pouting Brittany, she gives a genuine smile and promises, “You can join us. Stick with me, I’ll protect you from the assholes.”
-THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY-
There’s no practice today on the account that Sue’s holding tryouts. Still in her Cheerios uniform (by now she wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything else during school hours), Santana leans against the doorframe of the gym waiting for a certain blonde to emerge victorious from her audition. As she feels the door move slightly against her back, she gets up to let the person come out. It’s Brittany.
“I made it, San! I made the Cheerios!” the blonde shouts as she throws her arms around Santana giving the girl a big hug. And though she doesn’t really like hugging other people, she can’t help but feel happy for the girl (and for herself). A great weight seems to be lifted from Santana as she breaths out an audible sigh. The blonde was a Cheerio, which meant she too was still a Cheerio.
That night, however, a particular scene keeps playing over and over in her head. It would prove to be a reoccurring scene for many later nights.
She’s in a room that looks exactly like hers, except the room is dark so she can’t really make out all the details.
“Hey Puck, I need a favor,” says a voice that sounds awfully like hers, but she can’t tell. She can’t see the face who happens to have a similar voice.
“You do know that means I’m going to need a favor later,” replies Puck and it’s definitely Puck, she can tell his haughty voice from anywhere.
“Shut the fuck up, dickhole, I mean it…” and there was her laugh. Whoever this girl was, also had the same laugh as her. It was starting to frighten Santana.
“I mean it too, but really, what’s up?” he asks a little concerned.
“You finish practice around the same time as us, right?” Oh no, Santana thinks as she realizes what’s about to happen. She tries to open her mouth, but she can’t speak, and as it turns out to be, she can’t move either. The girl on the phone just continues chatting.
“Uh… I guess that depends on coach, why? You finally giving in to the Puckster?”
“Get over yourself, 4:00, my locker, I need you to slush this girl for me, she’s been annoying me for the past week,” and there it was. The thing she feared the other girl with her voice would say.
“Yeah?” Puck’s voice sounds like he’s going to be having fun.
“Yeah and don’t be late. We’ll discuss my favor for you later…” and the phone ends with a click and Santana watches as the girl’s smile soon melts away into a thin line.
She doesn’t know how, but suddenly she’s teleported to when she’s standing next to Brittany. It’s four o’clock according to her watch and just on time, she sees Puck come by with his grape slushy. Just as she wants to push Brittany to avoid the frozen purple drink, she finds herself once again paralyzed. And then, in that horrendous slow motion, the grape slushy splashes against Brittany’s beautiful face. And as Puck’s face turns, Santana looks in horror as his face slowly transforms into her own. The Santana-double then gives a wink before high-fiving the other football players.
It was all her fault…
But it’s okay because she was going to make sure that it would never happen again.
Pairing: Santana Lopez/Brittany
Rating: R
Words: 7205
Spoilers: none (for now)
Disclaimer: Glee characters don't belong to me.
Summary: After playing "Pretend" for a while you start to question who exactly is your real self and who exactly is the person you created. So, it's a lucky thing Santana finds a girl who can help her distinguish between the two. After all, that girl is just as talented at "Pretend" as Santana is.
A/N: not beta-ed
(Prologue) (1)
Chapter Two: The Lyin', The Bitch, and The Wardrobe
To say that Santana was anxious for her first day of high school would have been a huge understatement. Prior to what Santana deemed as judgment day, Santana had spent the night at Quinn’s memorizing the entire school map. There was no way she was going to seem like those lost, pathetic freshman who wandered aimlessly around the halls. The two girls chatted about their expectations of the new school, their plans to get hot boyfriends (or that was Quinn’s plan, Santana didn’t think monogamy was something very badass-like), and how they planned to remain at the top of the school’s hierarchy - not that that was going to be difficult. One month after eighth grade graduation, William McKinley High School’s cheerleading tryouts for the incoming freshman recruitments opened. Quinn and Santana made sure to work their butts off through the entire eighth grader for that very moment and ensure a spot on the team. The tryouts were grueling and only a few lucky girls were deemed worthy of being a Cheerio. And by the end of a hectic three-day tryout, Santana and Quinn found themselves rewarded with a red, black, and white cheerleading uniform that they would be proudly wearing for the rest of their high school careers.
In a way, this uniform was a declaration of how they were part of the cooler-than-you crowd. As soon as they’d enter high school fresh in their Cherrios uniform, they would already be that much closer to ruling the school because as everyone knows, the cheerleaders rule the school. Santana, however, had to admit that she was going to miss dressing up every day to school. She could no longer show off her sense of style and was even forced to tie her hair up into a high pony tail. The issue eventually became less of a disappointment after Quinn told her that the Cheerio outfit said that much more than any cute shirt or skirt would ever do. And besides, they looked hot in it - way hot.
For the rest of the summer, Santana and Quinn were rushed away to cheerleading camp since their coach Sue Sylvester didn’t believe in wasting any time when it came to cheer practice. The news of her joining cheerleading had shocked her family, but what did they know? If there was anything good about cheerleading camp, it was that the football coach of their school had also decided to hold a football camp. Quinn immediately fell for this awkward, but kind of hot guy named Finn, while Santana befriended a badass, Mohawk-haired hunk named Noah Puckerman, better known as Puck. The two guys were from another middle school and seemed to also be best friends just like her and Quinn. It was freakishly coincidental.
Santana likes Quinn, but the more she hung with the perfect girl, the more she realized the other girl’s flaws. It wasn’t like those minor details were something she couldn’t handle, but sometimes she wished there was another person getting all the celibacy lectures with her. She respected Quinn’s ideals, but no way in hell was she going to wait until she was married to have sex. So, she’d learn all the tips Quinn had to give for teasing, and would spend the rest of the time at home learning about the pleasing. Still, she knew she couldn’t have been the only one who thought that ninety percent of what Quinn had to say about relationships and sex was complete and utter bullshit. She needed a companion, someone to bitch to when she was annoyed with Quinn and not Puck because most of his solutions were to just go back to his place and have sex, which was something she definitely wasn’t ready for.
She would find her first day of school to be rather anti-climatic though. She spent her first morning at high school watching the football players throw losers into the dumpster, chuck their ice-cold slushies at the losers, and make fun of these lowly creatures every possible second. It made Santana glad that she had made the right choice after all in becoming the person who she was today. And after a rather mundane five periods of class, she finally got to go cheerleading practice (which along with all the other sports teams was held six period), where she could be among those worthy of her attention.
The schedule of the cheerleading world was a little different from a normal high school. Thus, when the final bell rung, signifying the completion of the first day of school, Santana scowled in annoyance that she still had to stay at school for another hour doing dance and cheer routines. It was then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a group of ordinary girls near their field dancing. Amongst that very group of wannabes was the girl with no last name doing perfect spins and ending her dance with a perfect split. Santana raised an impressed eyebrow and found herself surprised that the girl could be so talented. In fact, the tall blonde was better than anyone she’d ever seen, and dare she say it, better than herself. Too bad, that that very girl would be the one to cause her so many migraines for the week.
“Who is that and why is she not in her Cheerios outfit?” Sue shouts obnoxiously at her Cheerios with her megaphone. Confused, the squad turns their heads in the direction to the foreign group of dancers. It was like a mini invasion, but no one really knew who the coach was talking about.
“I don’t think she’s on the team, coach?” replies one of the Cheerios, probably one of the older girls who knew how Sue liked to be answered within a 5 second period.
“That is preposterous, what kind of mess of teenage hormones wouldn’t want to be part of the exclusive Cheerios and raise the ranks amongst all the worthless, talentless pests of this pitiful school? Who is that girl is and why are there so many losers on my practicing area?” Sue angrily rants, her voice seeming to grow louder with each word. And if there was something Santana learnt from cheerleading camp, it was to never leave a question unanswered. Last time they didn’t answer a question, they all had to run until they passed out. The other thing she noticed about Sue was that she seemed to be able to talk for a long time without ever taking another breath.
“Her name is Brittany,” Santana answers with confidence, Sue doesn’t like wishy-washy guesses much either.
“Do you know this Brittany, girl whose skin looks like it was lathered in too much tanning lotion…?” Sue focuses her megaphone so that the booming voice is focused mostly in Santana’s section.
“Um, we had class together, but…” Uh-oh, what was she getting herself into?
“What’s your name?” Sue asks as she lowers her megaphone and approaches Santana. And because of Sue’s height, as soon as she stands in front of Santana it cast a great shadow blocking her view of the sun. That was Sue for you, blocking the light in your life... sucking the life out of everything.
“Santana Lopez,” she answers calmly because she doesn’t want Sue to think she’s scared of her.
“Whatever, you are going to tell this Brittany that she’s going to try out for the Figgin-Sue second chance Cheerio try outs,” Sue declares definitely, her piercing blue eyes seeming to immobilize the young Cheerio.
“But…” I don’t know her… I haven’t even talked to her since that one time.
“Listen, when I held tryouts in the summer, I had thought I would get the cream of the crop, but instead I get a bunch of lazies and coordination-challenged students who make my blind grandmother with one leg look like a world class Olympian. Now Sue Slyvester is never wrong, but considering how schools have this summer vacation to let the students slack and forget everything they learn, I guess I missed a couple in the selection,” Sue raises her microphone once more towards Santana’s face and shouts, “Get her on this team or you risk your own position. I have enough incapable freshmen cheerleaders as it is, it wouldn’t be that difficult replacing you.”
“Yes, Coach Sylvester.” Shit.
-TUESDAY: DAY ONE-
Santana feels like a stalker as she watches Brittany grab some things from her locker. A locker, it feels like a semi-public declaration of what kind of person you are. She wonders what things Brittany has in her locker, what pictures she post, what textbooks... and just when Brittany seemed about done preparing for her next class, Santana decides to make her move.
“Hey,” she says in a neutral tone, not threatening because she doesn’t want to scare her and not friendly because she doesn’t want Brittany to get the wrong idea that they’re friends.
“Are… you talking to me?” Brittany asks confused as she looks around her to see if the Latina Cheerio could be talking to someone else.
“No, I’m talking to your locker,” Santana rolls her eyes as she internally winces that she couldn’t control her sarcasm.
“Oh, okay, I just wanted to make sure,” Brittany smiles as she moves out of the way to give Santana the proper angle to continue her conversation with her locker. It’s during these times that Santana questions the authenticity of Brittany’s behavior.
“Wait,” Santana suddenly spurts because Brittany walks really fast and if she loses her this moment, she’ll have to wait until another period.
“Done talking to my locker? Because, like, I keep wondering why it eats my homework, but when I ask it, it never says anything.” Sometimes Santana wonders if people really believe the shit coming out of Brittany’s mouth. There was no way this girl could be so dense.
“Principal Figgins forced Sue to open her Cheerios because some girls were complaining on how they missed tryouts due to summer vacation. They’re going to hold another audition this Friday,” Santana watches as Brittany tilts her head in confusion. Shouldn’t her words be enough of a hint that Brittany needs to tryout? Maybe everyone was right, who was dumb enough to miss the opportunity to become of the school’s elite population.
“You should try out…” Santana does her best to not sound commanding, though she figures if she can’t negotiate with the airhead, she’d have to fall back on all her other plans - plans that involved much more dramatic action.
“Oh, it’s okay, I think I’m going to try out for the dance team. I don’t really like cheering anyway, the cheers are way too long,” Brittany confesses with complete seriousness.
“You’re kidding right? The cheers are less than twenty words…and most of it is just spelling…”
“Yeah, but I already have enough trouble with the alphabet as it is,” there’s a strange moment of silence between them as Santana shoots a dubious look at Brittany as the latter continues to smile innocently. Oh she’s good… she’s too good. The bell rings and Santana finds herself failing to convince Brittany to join the Cheerios. She’ll find Brittany again.
“Bring it on, Brittany,” Santana mumbles to no one in particular as she brings out a folded piece of paper from her pocket. On it was Brittany’s class schedule complete with teacher’s name, room number, and subject. It was simple enough to get after intimidating one of those AV nerds who happened to work for attendance. A little fist shaking and raising of the voice will get you anywhere in high school.
The fifth period bell rings to signal the end of class and just as Brittany steps out of the class, she finds the persistent Latina girl standing in front of her with her arms crossed.
“Won’t you at least consider it?” Play nice, play nice, be nice, you are nice. Pretend you’re talking to Mama.
“Did my locker tell you I had this class…?” the blonde hair girl inquires. Maybe stalking Brittany is a bit creepy, but she didn’t want to lose another opportunity to convince the girl to join the Cheerios.
“N- yes, yes it did, and it also said that you should try out or this time it’ll eat everything inside,” she’ll play Brittany’s little game as long as it gets her what she wants in the end.
“You really want me to try out, don’t you?” Brittany watches as the usual cool girl’s face furrowed into annoyance.
“Of course, Sue herself wants you to be on the team. And in my memory, that’s something that happens only once a millennium, so I’d be wise if I were you and take her up on the offer. Be a somebody, don’t be a loser amongst these Lima freaks,” And the more Brittany studies the girl, the more she realizes the honesty to the girl’s words. It was amazing how much Santana was opening about herself without even knowing.
“Are you busy this today? Like after school?” Brittany asks as she walks to her locker to switch books for her final class.
“Not reall -“
“Cool because we’re gonna go feed the ducks,” Brittany interrupts with an ever so slight grin on her lips. Let’s see how willing you are to get me on your precious Cheerios.
“No.” Abso-fucking-lutely not. There was no way she’d do something so childish, pathetic, time-wasting, insignificant… she didn’t even do such a ridiculous activity as a child.
“Too bad because the ducks are the ones who will determine if I go or not…” In her mind, Santana secretly just wants to end this all. There was no way she was going to go to a fucking pond and fucking feed the fucking ducks and fucking risk someone fucking seeing her. Public humiliation was just another ticket to being a loser, and yet if she didn’t do this stupid thing she’d get kicked off the team. Maybe she could just bypass doing such a stupid thing because she was so cool that if she went to feed the ducks it was because she was cool. Yeah, maybe that’d work… in her head.
“Fine. Four o’clock, meet me by my locker,” she agrees annoyingly because she knows she has no choice. If only Brittany was a mind reader she could hear the string of profanities that would make a rapper sick to his stomach. School technically ended at three o’clock for normal students, but she has practice to attend. If Brittany wants to feed the fucking ducks, she was going to have to wait for her.
But, no Brittany is having way too much fun with this girl. And so, just as Santana is about to leave, the dancing blonde asks, “Oh yeah, who are you again?”
However, rather than an extremely annoyed face that Brittany expects to see, Santana slowly turned to the girl looking quite taken back. She does her best bitch-please face and in the most DUH voice she could pull, she states her name making sure to enunciate every syllable.
“See you later, Santana.”
They sit quietly at the park, eyes not meeting each other. Santana is seething because she thinks this is the stupidest thing she’s ever willingly done in her life. This is going to take way too long. She draws shapes with her shoes in the dirt, stopping once she realized that brown streaks begin to appear on her pristine, white shoes.
She wants to say something, anything. C’mon Lopez work the courage to say something. But, she hates small talk though and just when she was going to ask about how the other girl thought of school, the blonde eagerly moves out of her seat on the bench.
“The ducks!” Brittany searches her backpack, “oh no, where’s the food!”
“Here, you can use this,” Santana brings out the leftovers of her sandwich. Ever since she became thin, Santana made a promise to herself to never eat more than what was necessary to get through the day. But once she joined the Cheerios, food soon no longer became an option. If she gained anymore weight, it’d just give Sue even more reason to kick her off the team.
“Thanks,” Brittany tears small bits of the crust throwing it to some ducks before stuffing a large chunk into her mouth. “This is really good.”
“I thought you wanted to feed the ducks…”
“I do, but I think my little sister ate all the grapes…” Brittany replies before taking another big bite of Santana’s sandwich.
“That’s why I gave you the sandwich…” Santana states as though to make Brittany seem like an idiot. You have no food, I give you sandwich, you feed sandwich to duck. How simple was that?
“Hey!” the blonde gasps as she whips her head so she can face Santana. “Bread is like the equivalent of… a really delicious ice cream sunday sprinkled with lots of colorful sprinkles and chocolate and strawberry sauce with a cherry on top.”
“That’s disgusting…”
“No, it’s really good, but like I was saying bread is basically a really fattening dessert for them. Imagine all the people feeding them that because they don’t know! It makes the ducks really fat, so that they can’t fly properly. It ruins their diet and can be detrimental for their health. We can feed them a little, but there are a lot of alternatives we can do. I usually use grapes, just got to cut them to smaller pieces, but I think stupid Lizzy ate them all. She needs to stop sneaking into my food. Or maybe the cat ate it,” and as she loses her train of thought, she mindlessly takes another bite of the delicious sandwich.
“You really know a lot about ducks, don’t you?” she asks as she watches the ducks finish eating the sandwich and then proceed to quack at the blonde to feed them more. Of course, Brittany knowing that little tidbit about ducks doesn’t feed them. They continue to quack though, like the persistent creatures they are.
“You tend to know a lot about the things you like, Santana.”
“Yeah I guess you do…” Santana never says these words, but it is at this very moment that she feels the greater potential of Brittany. It would be months later that she’d say these hidden words to Brittany and for a much different topic.
-SECOND DAY-
Santana had earlier mentioned to Brittany telling the girl to go first because Cheerio practice was running a little late. Brittany shrugs at the comment because she figures this was the Latina girl’s way of flaking out. She wasn’t going to be one of those girls who wait endlessly for the other person to show up, only to realize that it was all a joke. She didn’t really think Santana would hold up her end of the promise of coming later, and that’s why she had such a happily, surprised expression when she sees the Cheerio walk towards her wagging a zip-lock bag.
“Hey, I didn’t have any grapes at home, but I found some peas. I looked up alternative thing to feed ducks and it said that defrosted frozen peas were okay. And why are you looking at me strangely…?” Santana gives Brittany her usual annoyed-confused expression as she dips her hand into the bag and flings the green balls across the lake for the ducks to feed on.
“You looked up information about feeding ducks?” Brittany feels the corners of her lips tugging and soon a full on smile reveals its beautiful self. It was like a mini-Christmas finding these little, usually secretive things about Santana.
“Well, I figured if we’re going to be going here every day, I should amuse myself and feed them too. I’m not a monster; I won’t deny the ducks their dinner,” the Latina finds herself returning the smile in a very uncharacteristic way. It brought her back to a year ago of when they first met. She doesn’t know why she feels so calm around Brittany considering that the latter isn’t even popular and doesn’t know shit about her, but for some reason it relieves her a bit. She hands the bag to her blonde acquaintance and together they take the time to feed the ducks.
As they do so, Brittany takes a sneak peek at her new companion, who seems to be having just as much fun feeding the ducks as she is. In fact there’s almost a child-like innocence to the tanned girl that she hadn’t expected. Brittany was suddenly reminded of Holden of Catcher in the Rye, he seemed to be interested in ducks too.
“Do you really not know your last name?” Santana asks as she breaks Brittany’s thoughts.
“What?”
“In eighth grade… that was the first time I met you,” the girl elaborates still annoyed that she has to remind the girl about their first meeting, especially since it was just three months ago.
“Oh that’s right, you were the one who shouted profane things to the guy who called me a dumbass. I remember you now,” the truth was Brittany always remembered Santana. And after that incident, she really wanted to talk to the girl thinking she had made a friend. But every time she went to say hi, Santana would look away and talk to someone else leaving Brittany with the impression the girl didn’t want to be friends. It was hurtful to see the girl who was so kind to her suddenly act so cold. It didn’t help that Santana’s reputation as a huge bitch also escalated through eighth grade. It made trying to approach the Cheerio a lot more initimidating, but perhaps now things were going to change.
“I can’t stand people who pick on others…” Santana softly mutters as she throws the final pea into the water and watches three ducks dive to fight over the meal.
“Does that mean you can’t stand yourself?” Brittany asks honestly because it’s obviously something anyone would wonder about Santana. Even though it’s been only a couple days, Santana has already established quite the reputation (and now in high school) of being a class A bitch who’s has made at least three girls and two guys cry (rumors she made someone drop out too, but that’s just a rumor). Maybe Brittany is overstepping their unspoken boundaries by asking that question, but Brittany couldn’t help but find herself drawn to the darker haired girl.
“…I’m popular, things are a little different,” Santana admits almost automatically as though it was what she was programmed to say. But Brittany sees beyond the computations and hears the human in Santana’s voice and sees the sadness in the girl’s eyes. And there Santana goes again revealing everything about herself with her obvious body language. Brittany wonders if she can read Santana so well because the girl isn’t closing herself as much around her. It was a strange thing, but at the same time, Brittany feels that the only way to reciprocate was to opening talk about herself. It would seem Santana wouldn’t be able to pick up on subtlety anyway.
“My mom was married two times and my father married four. They’re divorced, in case you don’t know, my biological parents. I grew up with both of them… moving back and forth between all these different families. I was always pretty close to all my parents’ partners, except that one lady married to Dad… second wife or something. I just don’t know whose last name to take. I know you’re supposed to take your father’s, but my mom does raise me most of the time. Then she’s married to this new guy and now I’m not sure if I’m supposed to take his name. So as you can see, it’s all pretty confusing.”
“Oh my God, that’s…are you serious?” Santana’s eyes are wide like child’s. She could only imagine the drama with all those failed marriages.
“No,” she smiles naughtily and Santana feels stupid for believing her. “I know my last name, but why would people need to know it if they’re just going to spend most of the time saying my first?”
“People call each other by their last name all the time… I call Quinn, Fabray more than I call her Quinn.”
“Well, I’d prefer if we call each other by our first names, Santana,” she emphasizes the name in the same way Santana did a day ago. Each syllable carefully pronounced, and Santana doesn’t know why, but her name seems to sound hot, really hot, when the other girl pronounces it. And because she’s Santana Lopez, she takes up this weird “who can do it better” challenge because, of course, she can do so much better.
“Okay, Brittany.”
“Santana, let’s go lay down in the grass?” and they travel together to the grass where Brittany takes off her shoes and lies down on the cool blades of green. She looks up and sees that Santana is awkwardly standing in her Cheerio uniform hugging herself. The Cheerio wasn’t going to dirty her new uniform.
“Brittany…” Santana breaks the silence, breaks Brittany from whatever world in her head.
“Yes?”
“How old are you?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m the same age as you silly…” okay, so she never had to retake a class. She’s never flunked anything, but she could still graduate middle school with D’s. Santana contemplates all the possibilities of the girl’s stupidity. What is the root?
“What was your GPA for middle school?”
“Oh I don’t one of those yet, I don’t even have my permit. My parents think I might confuse all the weird letters, but I mean I know P is “Push to go” and R is “release to stop” and D is probably something like duck…” Brittany spews some nonsense and it takes a while for Santana to realize that Brittany is talking about a GPS and not about her GPA.
“Brittany…” Be serious… I deserve more respect than that her look seems to say.
“I’m not too sure why there’s a duck function, but there’s a 4 3 2 1 too. Maybe it’s for when I see ducks? Can cars go into the pond?” Brittany’s eyes are closed and behind her eyelids she imagines herself driving a car in the shape of a duck.
“Stop rambling and just answer the question.”
“2.5,” she replies and opens a single eye to observe the shorter girl’s expression, which at the moment seemed to be deep in thought.
“Did you get any head injuries when you transferred?”
“No.”
“Do you have some of disorder or brain problem? Something that’s affecting your memory?”
“No.”
“How about your ability to learn or something… dyslexic?”
“I don’t think so…” Santana goes over her mental checklist… there aren’t that many reasons left she can think of.
“Is there a cute guy you like?” She suddenly says as she remembers how Cady made herself seem dumb so that that Aaron could be her tutor.
“What?”
“Never mind…” she quickly relinquishes the idea and shakes her head in embarrassment. Of course Brittany wouldn’t do that.
“Santana… you sure a lot of questions when you could just ask a single one.” Are you really that stupid?
“I don’t need to ask that to know what I want to know,” Santana makes sure to catch Brittany’s gaze when she reveals Brittany’s deep, dark secret. “I know you’re smarter than you act…”
“Mmm… and I know you’re not as big of a bitch as you pretend to be.” And suddenly Santana feels sick to the stomach. It was as though Brittany had gotten a huge hammer and just shattered the glass cage she built for her loser-self. As the pieces of glass shards fell, she could feel the shy, awkward teenage girl cringe at the sudden brightness of the light.
Brittany sees through it… she sees through the façade.
“Why do you… of all things,” Santana asks, still uncomfortable about the sudden bonding.
“If I act dumb, people don’t really have any expectations for me. I don’t need to try in anything I don’t want to. I don’t have to compete against others and it makes people feel safe being around me. I can also mingle between you guys and others because I’m just dumb - I don’t know any better. If I get slushied, it’s fine, I’ll smile and say something dumb like, they must think I have a really big mouth to catch he drink. At the same time I can be myself, I can dance in the halls because it’s my stage. Plus, I can make you guys laugh, even if it’s at me and not with me.” The blonde pauses for a second. “I’m not going to college. I never planned on it; it’s not something I’d ever want to do. I want to become a dancer.”
Santana finds herself speechless at what the blonde girl just revealed. Was this something Brittany told anyone? No, that would blow her cover. Why her? Why did she tell her then?
“It seems like we’re both pretty good at doing what we do,” Brittany concludes giving Santana an all-knowing smile. Was she waiting for Santana to explain her reasoning?
“I’m good at everything I do …” Santana diverts.
“That’s fine, I didn’t expect it. I’ll wait, I know one day - OH! The ducks! They’re coming our way! Oh my god they’re so cute!” she shouts not completing her sentence. Santana watches as the girl gets up with a grass-ass-stain on her pants and run to the ducks. She isn’t sure what makes Brittany so sure of herself, but she’s scared. Not even Quinn is that curious and they are the best of friends. There’s something about Brittany though, something about being so care-free that allows Santana to relax.
-THIRD DAY, LAST DAY BEFORE TRYOUTS-
It’s almost four, and Santana is already waiting by Brittany’s locker. The Cheerios got an early dismissal after Sue’s apparent disgust with their routine drove her to an upset stomach. They wait by Brittany’s locker because the Latina doesn’t want to one day see Brittany waiting by her locker. It wouldn’t do well for a popular girl like her to associate with a nobody like her.
Just as she sees Brittany come into sight, the football players burst from the opposite end finished with their practice, ice cold slushies in hand. Suddenly it’s all too late, and Santana watches in slow motion as the refreshing purple slush flies from its big gulp cup and splashs onto her golden-haired acquaintance. The perpetrator even turns his head to wink at her as though it was the funniest thing in the world. The football players around him laugh at the scene and high-five him before the exit from the other end leaving Santana alone with a fallen Brittany.
Slushing the losers, the tradition of William McKinley was great, wasn’t it? Inside, an unmentionable turmoil fumbles, and Santana suddenly has the rage to chase after the guy and knee the asshole in the crotch. Something ultimately prevents her from doing so though, something prevents her from protecting his girl and it would be later in life that she regrets never defending (never apologizing to) the girl right then and there. But this is the way it is, this system of losers and cool kids. And as Santana swallows her anger as Brittany lifts her face and gives Santana a weak smile with purple dripping from her hair.
“Too bad I don’t really like grape that much,” a pink tongue comes to lick the sticky liquid at the corner of her lips, “yeah I think I’m a cherry kind of girl.”
It takes Santana a little while to start functioning again and she looks with mild sympathy at the innocent blonde drenched in purple. She didn’t know why this feeling bothered her so much, sure Brittany was a loser, but the girl never deserved in her life to be slushied. Furiously, she takes Brittany by the hand and drags her to the girl’s locker room where she knows clean towels and even some clean sweats could be found. No one really knows this, but behind the box of used physical education uniforms is a stash of brand new ones just for the Cheerios in case they have to do runs and forgot to bring spare sweats.
“Wait here,” Santana commands as she points to a wooden bench between a mass of lockers. She runs through the crowded female jocks to the box of extra supplies. She could hear the girls around her whispering about Brittany and others laughing. Once she came out, she loudly shuts the door causing everyone to stop their gossiping… but for only a moment. A couple seconds later, they return to their gossip, each girl eager to add their own interpretation of what was happening. Santana had yet to really establish a dominant presence at the school, and it was still too soon for her to really try. So she ignores the comments, rumors, and imagined scenarios and hands the shivering dancer a pile of items.
Just as Brittany is going to wipe the slush with the clean towel, Santana grabs Brittany’s hand, “I think… you should take a shower. Get yourself cleaned up.”
For some reason, Brittany isn’t being her usual chatty self and continues to stare at the ground. Squatting down so she could lift the blonde’s face, she notices liquid pooling around Brittany’s eyes. She didn’t deserve this.
“Hey, I’ll wait here, we can still feed the ducks if you want,” Santana suggests as an attempt to cheer up the tearing girl.
“Thank you, Santana,” the girl other mentioned weakly before gathering some things to go to the shower leaving Santana with her deafening thoughts.
---------------------------------
“You all right?” Santana asks as she tosses a grape into the water only to be greedily fought over by two ducks.
“Yeah, I mean, something like this was bound to happen sooner or later,” Brittany says as she shudders as the memory, “just didn’t think it’d be that soon.”
“Hey, if you become a Cheerio, you wouldn’t ever have to face that treatment,” Santana reminds with an urging tone. Today was the last day she really had to convince the dancer otherwise she’d face being stripped of her Cheerio status and possibly be slushied like Brittany was today. “No one would dare to once they see you wear this hot ensemble.”
“You’re awfully pressuring this issue Santana - “
“Look,” Santana says her voice suddenly raised and direct. She’s running out of time and it makes her agitated, “if you don’t join the fucking team, I’m going to be fucking kicked off okay?” It was the first time Santana used profanity when speaking to Brittany. Even though it wasn’t a direct “fuck you,” the words still had their negative effect.
And suddenly, Brittany finally gets it. She gazes in disbelief at Santana as the dark realization dawns on her, “Is… is that why you’ve been doing all this?” Because you’re just worried about yourself. Because, in the end, you really are just a selfish bitch? Because you didn’t care for me at all? Seemed to be what Brittany is really insinuating. In disgust, Brittany closes her eyes to shut the world out. She feels like a real idiot for ever believing she could be friends with someone so superficial.
“NO! I mean… I... I don’t really know,” Santana beings to feel that weird feeling in her chest again. Her face feels warm and suddenly she feels a stranger in her own mind. You’re different. She has to collect herself though because being around Brittany just makes her constantly unsure about herself.
“Brittany, tryout for the Cheerios. I know you want to be a dancer, but no one pays attention to William McKinley’s pathetic dance team. Sue Slyvester is world-wide famous champion coach of cheerleading. This is something Lima is actually good at. There will probably be dance scouts. Besides, no one goes to watch the dance team, but everyone, everyone, will see the cheerleaders. I know this may seem like I’m just doing it for myself, but I’m not. You’re really talented and when we cheer you’ll shine like a star amongst a black sky of mediocrity.” Brittany didn’t want to believe Santana’s words. If she hadn’t spent so much time with Santana she would’ve thought this was just another ploy to get her to join the Cheerios. But throughout the week, she learns the little signals Santana gives off. She notices how Santana rambles when she’s nervous, how Santana’s cheeks have flushed just a tiny bit because she’s embarrassed, and most importantly, she can hear the sincerity in the girl’s voice. And though she dislikes that Santana has this huge obsession with being popular, she doesn’t dislike Santana and she doesn’t want the girl to be miserable and lose her spot on the team because of her not joining.
“The ducks have made their decision, San!” Brittany suddenly bursts and changes the previous mood.
“San?” Santana repeats, not used to anyone but those close to her calling her the pet name.
“Yeah, I mean I don’t know ‘bout you but Tana sounds kind of bad. It’s like if I was called Any o r Tany… what was my point again?” she smiles causing Santana to unconsciously smile back.
“Brittany, the tryouts are tomorrow after school at the main gym, okay? Don’t forget, bring something to cheer in.”
“So does that mean I’m in?” Brittany asks a little hesitantly. Sure they had their weird moments of bonding during the past week, but was Santana still going to acknowledge her presence once she fulfills Sue’s orders? Would the dark-eyed girl just ignore her again once they were in Cheerios together?
“Well, I guess … Sue was the one who want--”
“I mean… part of whatever you’re part of. I don’t want to enter the world of popularity and football players and not getting slushied without a friend by my side. You’re friends with Quinn right? I’m sure she won’t mind, she’s really nice.”
“Um…” It’s not that she’s worried about Brittany fitting in. Once in the cool crowd, everything in the past is nil because, hey, you’re cool now and everyone has a past. Still, there’s something Santana’s worried about though. Brittany clearly knows her way too much and such information could be easily used against her. She doesn’t really know if she can trust Brittany yet, but from these past day she knows they can, at the very least, get along. The potential to be friends is obviously there but…. But…
“It can be like the… what’s it called balancing a check?” Brittany says a little unsure leaving Santana perplexed, “you know there’s the President… and um… the people who do something. You’re good at history right?”
“You honestly don’t know, do you…” she says amused.
“San…” Brittany whines, not wanting to seem like a real idiot in front of her new friend.
“Checks and balances, Brittany, with the judicial, executive, and legislative powers,” Santana explains. She knows government stuff because rules like that are easy to understand. Things like laws and regulations make sense to her, and not things like making friends and winning the approval of your peers.
“Right, well that. Maybe we should study together for history and copy your homework.”
“Maybe you’re not as smart as I thought you were,” Santana teases as she watches Brittany puff up her face with a hurt expression.
“San!! Maybe I was wrong, maybe you are a bitch!”
“Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve heard that,” she laughs cruelly at the proclamation. And when she turns to see a pouting Brittany, she gives a genuine smile and promises, “You can join us. Stick with me, I’ll protect you from the assholes.”
-THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY-
There’s no practice today on the account that Sue’s holding tryouts. Still in her Cheerios uniform (by now she wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything else during school hours), Santana leans against the doorframe of the gym waiting for a certain blonde to emerge victorious from her audition. As she feels the door move slightly against her back, she gets up to let the person come out. It’s Brittany.
“I made it, San! I made the Cheerios!” the blonde shouts as she throws her arms around Santana giving the girl a big hug. And though she doesn’t really like hugging other people, she can’t help but feel happy for the girl (and for herself). A great weight seems to be lifted from Santana as she breaths out an audible sigh. The blonde was a Cheerio, which meant she too was still a Cheerio.
That night, however, a particular scene keeps playing over and over in her head. It would prove to be a reoccurring scene for many later nights.
She’s in a room that looks exactly like hers, except the room is dark so she can’t really make out all the details.
“Hey Puck, I need a favor,” says a voice that sounds awfully like hers, but she can’t tell. She can’t see the face who happens to have a similar voice.
“You do know that means I’m going to need a favor later,” replies Puck and it’s definitely Puck, she can tell his haughty voice from anywhere.
“Shut the fuck up, dickhole, I mean it…” and there was her laugh. Whoever this girl was, also had the same laugh as her. It was starting to frighten Santana.
“I mean it too, but really, what’s up?” he asks a little concerned.
“You finish practice around the same time as us, right?” Oh no, Santana thinks as she realizes what’s about to happen. She tries to open her mouth, but she can’t speak, and as it turns out to be, she can’t move either. The girl on the phone just continues chatting.
“Uh… I guess that depends on coach, why? You finally giving in to the Puckster?”
“Get over yourself, 4:00, my locker, I need you to slush this girl for me, she’s been annoying me for the past week,” and there it was. The thing she feared the other girl with her voice would say.
“Yeah?” Puck’s voice sounds like he’s going to be having fun.
“Yeah and don’t be late. We’ll discuss my favor for you later…” and the phone ends with a click and Santana watches as the girl’s smile soon melts away into a thin line.
She doesn’t know how, but suddenly she’s teleported to when she’s standing next to Brittany. It’s four o’clock according to her watch and just on time, she sees Puck come by with his grape slushy. Just as she wants to push Brittany to avoid the frozen purple drink, she finds herself once again paralyzed. And then, in that horrendous slow motion, the grape slushy splashes against Brittany’s beautiful face. And as Puck’s face turns, Santana looks in horror as his face slowly transforms into her own. The Santana-double then gives a wink before high-fiving the other football players.
It was all her fault…
But it’s okay because she was going to make sure that it would never happen again.