Fic: The Oncoming Storm (Slash, AU, Janto 40/40 Conclusion Part 2)
Author: d8rkmessngr
Pairing: Jack/OMC, Jack/?, Jack/Ianto eventually, het and slash
Rating: NC-17
Summary: He left Jack on the game station. Abandoned. But then…he came back…different. An AU look on what happens if things happened differently. Doctor Who 'verse with Torchwood later on.
Warnings: Please read each chapter's individual warnings. Some parts down the road may briefly mention non-con, abuse, and/or violence. Dark in the beginning. Please note there are some dark thoughts as my boys are broken…for now. Each chapter will be labeled for your convenience.
Author's Notes: Note that "the Year That Never Was" was suggested that it wasn't fun. I took it as a challenge to somehow still find a way to instill comfort in it. If it didn't work, I'm sorry. I suck. LOL.
Disclaimer: RTD and BBC owns them. I'm just borrowing them for a while.
Warning For This Chapter: strong language, dark, angsty, VIOLENCE, torture (mostly implied, all a matter of reader interpretation), sappy maudlin
Notes For This Chapter: Note there are events/dialogue here that was referenced in DW's "Last of the Time Lords"
Prologue + Ch , Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, Ch 10, Ch 11, Ch 12, Ch 13, Ch 14, Ch 15, Ch 16, Ch 17, Ch 18, Ch 19, Ch 20, Ch 21, Ch 22, Ch 23, Ch 24, Ch 25, Ch 26, Ch 27, Ch 28, Ch 29, Ch 30, Ch 31, Ch 32, Ch 33, Ch 34, Ch 35, Ch 36 Ch 37, Ch 38, Ch 39, Ch 40 1/11, Ch 40 2/11, Ch 40 3/11, Ch 40 4/11, Ch 40 5/11, Ch 40 6/11, Ch 40 7/11, Ch 40 8/11, Ch 40 9/11, Ch 40 10/11, Ch 40 Conclusion 1/2
Master Fic List: here
Chapter 40 "The Last of the Time Lords"
Conclusion 2/2: "I would have someone to care for."
"I thought I died."
Jack wasn't sure why he said it out loud. Lying on the bed, Ianto's head on his shoulder, they drowsily listened to the weak hum of the TARDIS above them. He should have been content to stay in a limbo, in a place where it felt like time stood still.
After the shower, Jack vaguely remembered being steered back to bed. Jack didn't argue, didn't protest. It required too much and it felt easier to just let Ianto wrap a towel around him and guide him out by the hand.
A shirt was pulled over his head, his legs coaxed into trousers, a thick towel scrubbed carefully over his hair. Jack just watched Ianto through the proceedings, lulled to complacency by Ianto's calm and rolling vowels that actually caressed his mind.
Jack had blinked drowsily at Ianto as he pulled a clean t-shirt over his head. Ianto made sure Jack knew what he did. He talked about the warm socks he rolled over Jack's bony ankles, commented on the service shirt he slipped over Jack's shoulders, talked about the wrist strap he returned to Jack's wrist.
Ianto had found a set of dry clothes in his exact size in the closet; the TARDIS and her magic again. He looked odd in Jack's clothes but at the time, it wasn't in Jack to form a teasing remark. Dressed, Ianto then eased him down to the bed only slipping in when Jack wouldn't let go of this hand.
They stayed, legs tangled, snug under a thick duvet Jack vaguely remembered Rose had given him when he caught a form of pneumonia after a trip to an ocean colony. She'd stayed with him that night while he shivered and burned. She then convinced the Doctor to make a trip to Hong Kong in the mid-nineteenth century because she said that was where the best bedding was made.
"I was dead, wasn't I?" Jack rubbed his cheek on Ianto's hair that smelled like soap and life and everything untainted.
Ianto's head rolled as he gazed up at Jack. His eyes dimmed, his arms tightened around Jack's middle and Ianto turned to stare at the ceiling.
"Yes, you were," Ianto whispered. The quaver in his voice begged Jack not ask anymore so Jack didn't.
Jack followed Ianto's eyes and studied the golden pink ceiling that rose as high as a cathedral. The TARDIS warbled but other than the occasional feeble note, the recovering ship was mostly quiet. The silence made Jack's throat ache.
"I thought Saxon was going to kill the Doctor," Ianto said quietly. His left hand absently patted Jack's chest. "I thought for sure you went to…"
"I didn't." Jack rubbed his chin against Ianto's temple. Hair shorn too short tickled his lips and Jack mused Ianto had his hair cut very short at some point. He wondered who did it. He was sorry he wasn't there to do it. "I knew he would have killed you."
"But…" Ianto fidgeted. "I saw him turn…even I thought at first he was going to kill the Doctor. What made you so sure he would try and kill me?"
Jack's eyes burned. "Because that's what would have broken me," Jack croaked.
Silent, Ianto's only response was to rest his head over Jack's heart. Ianto kissed Jack's collarbone.
Jack lay there listening to Ianto breathe and thought it was the only other sound besides the TARDIS that he could listen to all night. Jack ran a hand up and down Ianto's back, his fingers lazily following the strong arch of Ianto's spine. It felt so…ordinary after so many extraordinary things had happened.
Jack snorted.
"What?"
"Just thinking he went to a lot of trouble just to…I'm still not sure why he decided to scre-to interfere with my timeline." Jack sighed. What did it accomplish?
Ianto squirmed next to Jack and he propped himself up on an elbow.
"Jack." Ianto hesitated. His face contorted and it reminded Jack of that night, down in the vaults, steps away from where Lisa was hidden away; the hesitation that shone even in the dark tunnels.
"We know Saxon tampered with your timeline. Do you think if…if he hadn't…do you think we still would have met?"
Jack took a deep breath. It was a question Jack was trying not to think about.
Ianto dropped his eyes and he bit his lower lip.
"There's no way to ever know," Jack said finally. He pulled out a hand from under the covers and with two fingers, tipped Ianto's chin up.
"Although," Jack said quietly, "I can't imagine how my life would have been if I'd never met you." It didn't feel like it never should have happened. In fact, it felt so right.
Ianto nodded and gave him a shaky smile.
"Same here," Ianto whispered. He took a deep breath. "Even if we…I mean, because of Lisa-"
"I told you. I forgave you," Jack interrupted.
Ianto blinked at him. His lower lip trembling, Ianto shook his head.
"Wait," Ianto murmured, "let me finish. If…even if we'd never…you know…I think we would have…" Ianto settled his free hand over Jack's.
"I think this thing between us would have still happened eventually." Ianto rubbed every knuckle on Jack's hand with his thumb. "It feels like the natural next step," Ianto added softly.
Jack stared at their hands over his heart.
"Lisa or not," Jack said quietly, "you're my best friend. I don't think there was anyone else I could have trusted."
"Well, I did a brilliant thing with that trust, didn't I?" Ianto said bitterly.
"Hey." Jack's hand slipped out from under Ianto's and he settled it on Ianto's jaw. Ianto leaned against his hand.
"In the past now, okay?" Jack curled his hand slightly to cup Ianto's cheek. "All of it. The past now."
Ianto stared at Jack for a long moment before he nodded.
Above them, the TARDIS cooed but her tune was sad and it faded at times.
Ianto tilted his head up. His brow furrowed as he studied the ceiling.
"We used a lot of dynamite," Ianto murmured. His mouth crinkled with regret. "It was the only thing we had."
"She's tough," Jack assured him "But yeah, she'll need some repairs but not because of you guys," Jack added quickly when Ianto jerked and stared up at her in dismay. "The Mas-that paradox machine took a lot out of her."
The lines furrowed across Ianto's brow smoothed. He studied Jack.
"Are you going to help the Doctor fix her?"
Jack stopped. His throat squeezed as he gave it some thought before he nodded slowly. "If…if he asks for my help." Jack hesitated. "If he wants it. I helped with repairs before so she trusts me to tinker with her. It would stand to reason he would ask."
Ianto's head bobbed and he idly rubbed the blanket over Jack's heart. His fingers walked up his chest and traced the slope of his collarbone.
Jack stared at Ianto and his intense study of his neck and throat. "I'm coming back," Jack murmured.
Ianto nodded, not looking up. His eyes stayed on Jack's jaw. He brushed a finger along Jack's chin, his mouth, his nose like he was committing Jack to memory.
"I am," Jack stressed, hurt.
Ianto's eyes lifted. They looked a little resigned, a little tired. But despite that, Ianto smiled.
"I'll understand if you don't though."
The first thing that came to mind was that Ianto didn't want him to come back. But no, Jack thought. If anything, during the past year Ianto had proved the exact opposite.
Nevertheless, something must have shown on his face because Ianto sighed. He dipped his head and carefully kissed the corner of his mouth.
"I'm just saying," Ianto murmured, "that this Doctor, he…he was the one you should have been waiting for and now he's here. The right Doctor. What if that's what was tampered with in the original timeline?"
"We don't know what should have happened in the timeline," Jack repeated. He captured Ianto's hand, halting his mapping. "Stop that. Stop acting like this will be the last time we'll see each other." Jack's throat worked. "I feel like I wasted so much time with you already."
Ianto's gaze dropped and he exhaled slowly. He raised a hand to sweep the hair away from Jack's forehead.
Jack felt the soothing strokes brush across him. He looked blearily at Ianto. He wished his head didn't feel so stuffed with cotton right now. He watched Ianto, his face so serious, so focused as he explored every part of Jack's face.
"Tired?" Ianto's fingers never stopped.
"No," Jack mumbled even as his eyelids were sliding shut.
Ianto chuckled deep in his throat. It was a pleasant rumble against his chest.
"Your eyes are closed."
"I'm meditating."
"How spiritual of you." Soft lips peppered his neck and left ear. Jack swallowed and Ianto kissed his Adam's apple when it bobbed.
"What were you meditating about?"
"Your coffee," Jack sighed.
Ianto laughed against his shoulder when he eased back down on the bed.
Even lying down, Ianto's fingers still lingered on him, never demanding, inquisitive in touch. Jack felt himself sinking deeper into the bed. He heard Ianto murmur by his ear and remembered something.
"Carrot," Jack slurred.
"Hm?" Fingers carded through his hair now.
"There were times…" Jack tried to swallow back a yawn but Ianto's quiet puff of laughter told him he failed.
"You called me…" Jack's brow knitted. "Carrot…no…carat…cariad?"
The fingers paused over his eyes.
"What does that mean?" Jack mumbled sleepily. "The TARDIS never translated it."
Ianto kissed his jaw.
"Perverted old man."
Jack's right eye opened with difficulty and glared at Ianto smiling at him.
"No it doesn't," Jack yawned. He burrowed deeper into the comfortable hollow Ianto formed with the bed and the duvet. Warm, shadowy, dark, and quiet. Jack wiggled against Ianto and felt Ianto press his lips on Jack's ear.
Ianto chuckled again and Jack thought he could hear it forev-for a very long time.
Hands cradled him and it reminded him of the trance the Doctor placed him in before: cocooned in a wrapping of peace and cottony heat. It invited lethargy; it sheltered him away from memories.
"I'll come back," Jack mumbled as he sank deeper into Ianto's embrace. "I'll come back, damn it."
As Jack floated into real sleep for the first time in a long time, Ianto just held him and said nothing.
He didn't mean to fall asleep, but he did with his face pressed into Jack's throat, his arms wrapped loosely around Jack.
Somewhere between tracing the firm profile of Jack's jaw and the gentle lobe of Jack's left ear, Ianto had nodded off. He slept with the scent of Jack and soap around him.
Eventually though, Ianto could sense they were being watched. There was also a faint odor of smoke, of burnt wood. His left eyelid opened sluggishly and he studied the figure standing at the foot of the bed. Both eyes opened and Ianto peered past the duvet at the visitor.
"Ah." The Doctor sounded sheepish for getting caught. He rocked on his heels. "Didn't mean to wake you."
Ianto stretched as he sat up. "Didn't mean to sleep." He looked down at Jack, still curled towards his spot.
"No, no," the Doctor murmured when Ianto reached over to nudge Jack on the shoulder, "don't wake him. I think it's the first time he's ever been able to sleep like this."
Ianto pursed his lips at the Time Lord. The Doctor looked a little ragged. Even the usually wild disarray of his brown hair was listless, flopped over his eyes like he had been under the rain except he was dry. The pinstripe suit hung loosely even on the Doctor's lanky frame. The Doctor wore his long tan wool coat like a death shroud.
Ianto made a face. Sitting up, the smoke was more acute. "Was something burning?"
The Doctor's expression cooled; his eyes were suddenly dull.
"Funeral pyre," the Doctor offered succinctly.
"Oh." Ianto didn't know what else to say. He didn't want to apologize either. He peered up at the Time Lord.
"You're…not going to stay there staring at us, are you?"
The Doctor made a face. "Most certainly not! I just thought…well…thought I would peek in and see how you two were doing."
It was unsettling to hear the Doctor fumble for words, not when the Time Lord usually seemed to favor a more rapid-fire vocabulary that made people's heads spin. Ianto carefully swung his legs around the bed and levered off. He pulled the duvet up higher, past Jack's shoulders. Jack mumbled something, squirmed briefly before he settled back with a low sigh that made the corners of his mouth upturn.
"Now who's staring?"
Ianto glared at the Doctor over his shoulder. The Doctor merely grinned back.
Ianto held up a finger when the Doctor's eyebrows rose after he got a better glimpse at his outfit. The Doctor's mouth snapped shut and he nodded towards the door. Ianto hesitated, his eyes on Jack.
"He'll be fine," the Doctor whispered. "She'll tell me if anything happens."
Ianto glanced around the room and reluctantly nodded. He followed the Doctor out, but kept checking over his shoulder until they shut the door behind him.
To Ianto's surprise, the Doctor stopped outside of the door and no further. He stared at the door and Ianto came to the startling conclusion that the Doctor didn't want to stray too far either.
His chest twinging, Ianto rested back against the door and swallowed before he cleared his throat.
"Where are the others?" Ianto asked. Something pinched inside him when he realized he left Owen and the others to handle everything.
"Your Dr. Harper is checking on the Jones family, making sure everyone is in reasonable health. Gwen Cooper-remarkable resemblance, really-was coordinating planes to head back to London and Ms. Sato…" The Doctor fidgeted where he stood. "Don't quite know but Martha advised I should avoid her for the time being."
Ianto bit back a smirk. "Is Martha all right?"
The Doctor's smile was wide, his eyes dark with a paternal pride that reminded Ianto of his father the day he graduated uni.
"Oh, she's fine. Well…she will be." The smile faded to something more melancholy. "She will be."
"And you?" Ianto asked carefully.
"Hm? Oh, quite all right. I'm a little muffled right now, like water in my ears. Nothing a spot of tea won't cure. A good leaf for whatever ails you. Perhaps a good biscuit as well."
The Doctor looked very serious when he said that. Ianto didn't know what to make of it so he just ducked his head.
"Were you really going to keep him alive in the TARDIS?" Bollocks. Of all the things he should say, that was not on his short list.
The Doctor gave him a look before his shoulders lifted up, then dropped.
"A bit moot to ask now don't you think?" The Doctor shook his head and pursed his lips in thought.
"If that's what I had to do." There was a rueful grin, as the Doctor's thoughts seem to have turned inward. "It would have been time for a change. Maybe I've been wandering for too long. I would have someone to care for." The smile dropped.
"Does no good to speculate now though, eh?" The Doctor rocked on his heels. "The Master's dead, UNIT has Lucy Saxon and the year has been reverted."
The about face was unsettling.
"I think Jack was right," Ianto tried, his words careful. "You couldn't have trusted him."
"No, I couldn't have but I've been surprised before." The Doctor stared past Ianto's shoulders to the door. "Many times, in fact. I've been surprised by how many times humans have proven to be much bigger on the inside." The Time Lord chuckled to himself at whatever he found amusing.
"Like the TARDIS," Ianto murmured. He sobered. "But Saxon wasn't human."
"No," the Time Lord muttered, his expression darkening, "he wasn't."
Ianto didn't know how to respond. He struggled for something to say. His eyes wandered down the hall and drifted to the double doors that led to the main chamber. He thought of the blackened, scorched ruins that smoldered in the main chamber. Thank God Jack hadn't see it. Ianto's throat closed up when he saw the twisted cage piercing the console like a harpoon. The stench of burnt metal and glass made him want to vomit.
"Sorry about the dynamite."
"Hm? Oh, that?" The congenial smile was back as the Doctor studied around him.
"A few sticks of nitroglycerin and sawdust won't get rid of her that easily," the Doctor scoffed. "I once accidentally had five dozen Rhynerotarians rampaging in her main chamber and she turned out fine in the end."
Ianto frowned to himself. "How did you accidentally get sixty Rhy-Rhy-whatever in there?"
The Doctor shot him an exasperated look. "Well they weren't sixty to begin with." He shook his head, muttering. "Told her not to feed them but no, Ace couldn't resist those big eyes and they just multiplied and goodness, the smell…"
Ace? Ianto rolled his eyes. "Let me guess? They bred like tribbles?" Ianto joked.
Ianto was given a rather impolite snort. "Tribbles? Oh no, their mating seasons far exceed-hang on, how do you know about tribbles?"
"How do I-you mean they're real?" Ianto gaped at the Time Lord who stared back with such a bland expression, Ianto couldn't tell if he was serious or not. He was afraid it was the former. Nevertheless, Ianto huffed, folded his arms and leaned back against the door. He studied the Doctor a long time.
Finally, Ianto cleared his throat.
"What now?" Ianto rasped.
The Doctor cocked his head towards him.
"The timeline?" Ianto's insides twisted. "Saxon had interfered with it. What does it mean for, well…everything."
"Time moves on." The Doctor's eyes aged before him and Ianto couldn't look away. "Time doesn't stop. What the Master did was merely dam the flow but like all things in life, the river of time will continue…whatever path is carved out before it."
It made sense yet it didn't and it made Ianto feel very small that he couldn't wrap his mind around it. Both the Doctor and Jack treated time with a practiced ease and the casual air a time traveler would have honed in his or her lifetime.
"So the universe won't…implode or anything, will it?" Ianto asked tentatively.
The Doctor cocked his head as if listening for something in the air. He frowned to himself. His eyes drifted to Ianto and widened slightly.
Ianto's throat suddenly went dry. "Uh…Doctor?"
The Time Lord's dark scrutiny was making Ianto squirm before the Doctor shook his head, stuck a finger in his ear and muttered something about water. He nodded to himself.
"Not for another thousand years, no."
Ianto's mouth dropped open. "A t-thousand…" Ianto's mouth snapped shut at the Doctor's toothy grin. "Not funny."
The Doctor made a face. "Yes, I'd forgotten you're a humorless sort of fellow."
Ianto counted to ten. Then to fifteen. "Look-" he began.
"The universe is the universe," the Doctor interrupted, his hand up. "She doesn't give up her secrets easily. Whatever the Master hoped to achieve, whatever past he wished to correct, was sorted out all on its own." The Doctor waved a lazy hand towards Ianto then himself. "We were mere players." Teeth flashed again. "All the universe's a stage to paraphrase."
"Shakespeare would have wept if he was still alive," Ianto deadpanned.
The grin snapped into a scowl. "Blimey, you must be a joy to work with, Torchwood."
One, two, three, four…
Ianto loosened his fist before he did anything he would regret and inadvertently start a galactic war. Ianto took a deep breath.
"So, we're fine. Everything is how it should be?" Ianto bit his lower lip. "Even Jack?"
The Doctor's expression sagged. The Time Lord dipped his head and contemplated his shoes.
"The Master went back with the sole purpose of destroying Jack's timeline." The Doctor shook his head. "Where he should be? I…I simply don't know. We can only guess. The only one who does know is dead."
Ianto covered his mouth with a hand. "Then we don't know if we were supposed to be part of his life?"
"Does it matter?" the Doctor pointed out. "He is now."
"But if he was suppose to be with…" Ianto's throat worked. "He waited for you but instead, he got…him."
Brown eyes darkened to near black. "There's nothing we can do about that now. Whatever subtle differences there are, the stone has been cast, and the ripples in the water already have gone far beyond our comprehension. Wondering will only bring madness."
Ianto nodded but the nausea brewing inside didn't go away completely.
"It is what it is, Ianto," the Doctor said kindly.
Ianto blinked at his name. He smiled tentatively at the Doctor.
"At least no more visits from talking rodents for me," Ianto joked.
"That wasn't a rodent," the Doctor huffed, "it was a common house mouse."
"Very common," Ianto drawled.
The Doctor peered at his bare feet. "You know, now that I have a better look, your feet look more to be a size-"
"Doctor!" Ianto stepped back and wished he was wearing shoes.
The Doctor bared his teeth at him. Cheeky alien…
Irritation died as the door against Ianto's back reminded him. Ianto cleared his throat and nodded back towards the door he was leaning on.
Brown eyes shadowed. "Oh." The Doctor slipped his hands in his trousers. He shrugged.
"Martha and I are planning to spend some time in the vortex." At Ianto's questioning look, the Doctor reiterated, "A sort of limbo where the regular stream of time pauses." The Doctor patted the wall next to Ianto.
"The old girl needs a lot of work, lots of repair." The Doctor hesitated.
"I was going to ask Jack if he would remain to help."
It wasn't a surprise but Ianto's stomach still lurched. He worked his jaw and stared at his bare feet.
"Jack…uh…he mentioned you might ask and that…" Ianto tapped his right foot against his left. "He said he would help if you asked."
"Ah." The strange lilt in the Doctor's voice made Ianto looked up.
"You thought he might say no," Ianto guessed.
The Doctor shrugged. "There are too many variables to determine that, but yes, I thought once he knew the truth Jack might not-"
"The truth?"
The sick churning in his gut returned when the Doctor merely shook his head. Ianto straightened and stepped away from the door.
"What truth?"
The Doctor sighed and even his hair seemed to deflate further.
"That I was never going to come back for him."
The walls shrank around him. Ianto stared. Nothing would come out of his throat.
The Doctor merely sighed again and met Ianto's stunned look with shadowed eyes.
"You…" It took a few gulps of air before he could speak. "So what Saxon said…t-that was true? You were never-Why?" At the Doctor's hesitation, all the pieces fell into place.
"Because you thought he was wrong? Because he can't die? You said at the end of the universe that…" Ianto's breath quickened when the Doctor said nothing. "That was it then? You were never going to come back for him? Was that what the original timeline was? Jack…abandoned far into the future simply because you were…prejudiced?"
The Doctor blinked. He scratched his jaw. "I never thought of it that way," he mused.
God, he wanted to hit something, preferably someone. Ianto stood there, breathing harshly, his hands balled into tight fists against his sides.
"And Jack doesn't know this?" Ianto whispered. He was suddenly very afraid their voices would carry into the room behind him.
"The Master taunted him with this but I doubt Jack believed him…" The Doctor paused. "At least not entirely." The Doctor's mouth twitched as if he was trying to smile. It died quickly and the Doctor appeared resigned.
"But sooner or later, Jack is bound to ask."
Inside something was screaming so loud, Ianto thought his ears would bleed.
"And you'll tell him?"
The Doctor nodded. "I owe him the truth. I owe him that much."
"No. You owe him a lie."
The Doctor looked at him sharply. "What?" He shook his head. "No, I won't lie."
The screaming was scouring his guts from the inside and Ianto wasn't sure if it was because of what the Doctor said or what Ianto was going to say.
"You can't, can't tell Jack you were never going to come back for him." Ianto was beginning to shake. "If he…if he finds out you were never going to…it'll destroy him."
The Doctor's face screwed up. "Lying to him won't solve anything and I owe him the-"
"You owe him this!" The screaming had vibrated down to his limbs and suddenly Ianto was grabbing the Doctor's jacket and slamming him against the opposite wall. Startled, the Doctor raised his arms in defense but only grunted when his back struck the hard surface.
"Please," Ianto whispered. He bowed his head over the fists still clutching onto the suit like a lifeline. His eyes burned. His mouth tasted sour as he pleaded.
"Please. You can't. You just…you just can't tell him the truth. He's waited so long, even when the one who came back tore him apart, Jack still waited for you. You can't tell him."
The Doctor never pushed him away.
"Do you realize what you're asking?" the Doctor asked, his voice gruff.
Ianto sniffled but he nodded against the Doctor.
"If you tell him, you'll do the one thing that Saxon was trying to do," Ianto whispered. The Doctor flinched.
"What you're asking me to do…" The Doctor gripped Ianto's shoulders to push him back but Ianto held on.
"After everything Jack has done for you…" Ianto couldn't finish.
"Ianto Jones, do you truly understand what you're asking me to do? What it might mean for you as well?" the Doctor's voice became thin and demanding.
Ianto shivered. "Please," he whispered brokenly. "Jack needs this."
Hands moved around. The Doctor awkwardly patted Ianto's shoulders.
"I'm sorry," the Doctor said sadly. "I'm so, so sorry."
Ianto held on, not sure which he hoped the Doctor was apologizing for.
The first thing Jack noticed was the spot next to him was empty.
But he wasn't alone.
Cold needles raced up his back and Jack twisted, ready to kick at the body he could sense sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Easy, Captain."
A strong grip on the duvet covering his legs held him down but the deep timber relaxed him.
Jack rolled onto his back and blinked blearily at the Doctor. He sat up and looked around him.
"Your little team are preparing to head back to Cardiff in a few hours," the Doctor explained. "The rift has been testy since that timed release." The Doctor snorted under his breath. "They couldn't understand how that was possible if time was reversed. I offered to find an orange, maybe a pomelo to explain but for some reason, they refused."
"Huh?" Jack's brow furrowed. "Oranges? What?"
The Doctor shook his head. "Never mind." He smiled brightly. "Well then. Interesting group, your Torchwood."
Jack smirked wanly. "Bet you never thought you would say that."
The Doctor glowered at him. He harrumphed. "Yes, well, they’ve proven to be bigger on the inside." He smiled at Jack. "Like some people I know."
Jack sighed. He sat cross-legged and dropped his head.
"Are you sure about that?" Jack asked dully.
The Doctor mirrored Jack and sat, facing him.
"Yes."
Jack nodded to himself. He swiped his tongue across his lower lip.
"I'm sorry." Jack shrugged, not looking up. "For…you know…shooting him."
"No you're not."
Startled, Jack lifted his eyes and met the Doctor's gaze empty of any anger.
"No," Jack agreed, "no, I'm not. But I know you wanted to…save him."
"This happened before, Jack," the Doctor told him in a serious voice. "I would have tried before and as this showed us, he failed to be saved the first time." His face grew stormy.
"I don't give second chances."
Jack stared. "You gave me one and I thought…I thought I proved myself to you and Rose-"
"You did." The Doctor's eyes were a rare warm brown that Jack had only seen cast upon Rose before. "You did, Jack. You've proven yourself a thousand times over."
"Then why-" Jack clamped his mouth shut. He lowered his eyes.
"Why what?" the Doctor quietly prodded.
Jack shook his head. "You're heading off to the vortex?"
The Doctor blinked at the change of subject. "The TARDIS needs a complete overhaul. Be safer in there."
"Better than on a planet with dinosaurs," Jack commented archly.
"So I overshot it by a million years! It can happen!"
Jack snickered. "When Rose came back with that egg to make breakfast…"
The Doctor chuckled as well. "Oh, the scream she made when it started hatching."
It was odd but vaguely comforting to laugh in this room, with this Doctor, at this time. Jack wasn't sure how he should feel and again, like before, wished Rose was here to act as a buffer with her usual sweet and giving nature that she shared with them both.
"I miss her, too."
Jack leveled his gaze at the Doctor and the ancient eyes that once again didn't match the youthful face and that felt perfectly right.
"Jack…" the Doctor paused. "What Rose did…" He shook his head. "Please don't blame her. She thought-well, I don't know what she was thin-no, I do." The Doctor surprised Jack by settling a hand on Jack's knee.
"Don't ever think what was done to you was punishment." The Doctor's mouth curved to something worn, fragile and a little sad. "She came back to help us, must have felt your death and she…" The Doctor shook his head. "Ah, what she must have felt when she saw you were dead. She brought you back, but…"
"She brought me back forever," Jack finished.
The Doctor looked at him, willing Jack not to look away.
"She just wanted you to live again and like every human, she took it too far but…" The Doctor settled both hands on either side of Jack's face. His hands were cool, but his words weren't.
"What happened to you was done out of love, Jack. Nothing more."
Jack didn't move, could barely breathe. He opened his mouth then closed it a couple of times before he whispered, "I don't blame her." He never did.
"But you've always wondered," the Doctor guessed.
Jack sat back, pulling out of the Doctor's touch.
"I understand Rose's reasoning. I can even understand why you left." Jack gave a self-deprecating laugh. "The Master told me often enough."
"Don't take everything the Master told you at face value," the Doctor rumbled. "Not everything he said was true."
Jack mutely nodded. He stared at the Doctor, his heart hammering and thought frantically for something to say. But he couldn't think of anything else. Nothing else except…
"During that year…the year that never was…he always made sure I knew that you were never going to come back for me." Jack tried to laugh but it stuck painfully in his throat. "I guess he thought I would be grateful to him for coming back to get me."
The Doctor didn't comment. He studied Jack with the same sorrowful eyes his canine counterpart wore as it stood silently behind the Master.
"Doctor…" Jack stopped. He couldn't ask. Even when alone with the Doctor's projection, Jack couldn't ask and now, inches away from him, the words choked him.
Jack forced himself to grin as he fumbled to wiggle out from under the covers. "Never mind. I…long day." Long year. "I-I…"
The Doctor never laughed. He never said a word. He just looked at Jack with an aged and worn gaze.
Jack shrank back to where he had been sitting.
"Is it true? You were never going to come back for me?" Jack whispered. Finally voiced, it felt like the ground opened up below him.
The Doctor stared at him with an intensity that pinned Jack to the spot. The Time Lord never said a word but his eyes were dark and fathomless. After a few moments, he took a deep breath.
"No." The Doctor's gaze never wavered. "It's not true."
"Oh." Jack wanted to ask when the Doctor would have returned. Jack wanted to ask why the Doctor took so long. But Jack's mind went completely blank.
"Oh," Jack choked. He dropped his gaze. "That's…that's g-good to know. I-I…"
"Ah, Jack." Hands rested on his shoulders made Jack look up and he stared at the Doctor who was suddenly very close, very blurry.
The Doctor's eyes gleamed with a wetness Jack didn't understand but the sad smile the Doctor wore thawed an icy lump that had been sitting in his gut for so long, growing colder and colder as years passed on Earth.
"Ah, Jack." The Doctor's voice cracked. He pulled Jack's head down to his shoulder. "I am sorry. So, so sorry. Shh…"
It was then Jack realized he was making small, incoherent sounds, his throat too tight to form anything else. He could taste salt as tears streamed down his face and the more he tried to stop them, the more they wouldn't stop.
"Just let it go, Jack," the Doctor murmured. A hand curled around his neck, smooth and cool where Ianto's had been calloused and warm. "I'm so sorry, Jack."
"I forgive you," Jack whispered. He pressed his face into the Doctor's narrow shoulder and the last of the sharp ice inside him thawed away into nothing.
"Idiot."
Ianto hastily wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand and pulled the door shut, closing the crack. He spun around and saw Owen standing there, his mouth pressed to a thin line, his arms folded in front of him.
"What," Ianto rasped. "What are you talking about?"
"You know what this means?" Owen bit out. "If that Doctor asks Jack to stay after the ship's fixed, chances are he will now, thanks to you."
Ianto stared. "You…you heard," he managed.
Owen gave a curt nod. "Your bright idea? Yea. Should have come right out and boxed you though when I heard."
Ianto touched the door. He sniffed loudly. "Saxon tampered with Jack's timeline. What if he really belonged here?"
"How do you know he doesn't belong with us?"
Ianto turned sharply. "You don't know that."
"Well, you don't know if he belongs with that bloke either," Owen pointed out. "He left Jack in the first place if I heard correctly."
Ianto shifted uneasily. "He…"
"Don't worry. I can keep a secret," Owen scoffed. He glowered at the door. "But what if it happens again? Habits die hard. It sounds to me all the more reason he knows the truth-"
It took him a few blinks before Ianto realized he had Owen up against a wall, a forearm under Owen's chin.
Owen looked at Ianto impassively, pinned to the wall by Ianto's arm.
"Wrong bloke," Owen growled low. He jerked his head towards the door. "He's the one you should be doing that to."
Ianto stared at Owen before he staggered back. He mumbled an apology-at least he thought he did-and staggered back.
"At least your shoulder seems to be working," Owen grumbled as he massaged under his jaw. "Now that we have proper things again, remind me to put you under every annoying scanner there is, you twit."
"It feels fine," Ianto muttered as he rotated his right shoulder. For once it didn't feel as stiff. "Owen, I'm…I'm sorry." Ianto lowered his eyes. "But if this is what's best for Jack, I…I can't interfere. Enough of that has been done to Jack." Ianto's eyes blurred as he stared at the ground.
Owen sighed and Ianto felt an arm drop over his shoulders.
"You're still an idiot," Owen griped but he steered Ianto away from the door. "Come on. UNIT's dropping us off in Cardiff."
Ianto forced himself not to look over his shoulder at the door. His feet dragged as he walked farther away but he made himself face forward. A part of him held Jack's promise to his chest, another part of him was already shoring up for the lonely possibility that this might be goodbye.
Owen swatted the back of his head before he shoved his hands into his jeans. "Hurry up, narco boy. Let us go find a pub and we'll all get pissed. My treat."
Ianto smiled despite it all. A few mind-numbing pints sounded good right now. "And how are you going to pay for this?"
Owen gleefully brandished a brown leather billfold over his shoulder as he headed for the double doors. "I found someone's wallet."
Epilogue 1/2
Additional Notes: Many thanks to soullessminion for betaing this chapter. And trtmx for her magic trick that saved my sanity! LOL.
Pairing: Jack/OMC, Jack/?, Jack/Ianto eventually, het and slash
Rating: NC-17
Summary: He left Jack on the game station. Abandoned. But then…he came back…different. An AU look on what happens if things happened differently. Doctor Who 'verse with Torchwood later on.
Warnings: Please read each chapter's individual warnings. Some parts down the road may briefly mention non-con, abuse, and/or violence. Dark in the beginning. Please note there are some dark thoughts as my boys are broken…for now. Each chapter will be labeled for your convenience.
Author's Notes: Note that "the Year That Never Was" was suggested that it wasn't fun. I took it as a challenge to somehow still find a way to instill comfort in it. If it didn't work, I'm sorry. I suck. LOL.
Disclaimer: RTD and BBC owns them. I'm just borrowing them for a while.
Warning For This Chapter: strong language, dark, angsty, VIOLENCE, torture (mostly implied, all a matter of reader interpretation), sappy maudlin
Notes For This Chapter: Note there are events/dialogue here that was referenced in DW's "Last of the Time Lords"
Prologue + Ch , Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, Ch 10, Ch 11, Ch 12, Ch 13, Ch 14, Ch 15, Ch 16, Ch 17, Ch 18, Ch 19, Ch 20, Ch 21, Ch 22, Ch 23, Ch 24, Ch 25, Ch 26, Ch 27, Ch 28, Ch 29, Ch 30, Ch 31, Ch 32, Ch 33, Ch 34, Ch 35, Ch 36 Ch 37, Ch 38, Ch 39, Ch 40 1/11, Ch 40 2/11, Ch 40 3/11, Ch 40 4/11, Ch 40 5/11, Ch 40 6/11, Ch 40 7/11, Ch 40 8/11, Ch 40 9/11, Ch 40 10/11, Ch 40 Conclusion 1/2
Master Fic List: here
Chapter 40 "The Last of the Time Lords"
Conclusion 2/2: "I would have someone to care for."
"I thought I died."
Jack wasn't sure why he said it out loud. Lying on the bed, Ianto's head on his shoulder, they drowsily listened to the weak hum of the TARDIS above them. He should have been content to stay in a limbo, in a place where it felt like time stood still.
After the shower, Jack vaguely remembered being steered back to bed. Jack didn't argue, didn't protest. It required too much and it felt easier to just let Ianto wrap a towel around him and guide him out by the hand.
A shirt was pulled over his head, his legs coaxed into trousers, a thick towel scrubbed carefully over his hair. Jack just watched Ianto through the proceedings, lulled to complacency by Ianto's calm and rolling vowels that actually caressed his mind.
Jack had blinked drowsily at Ianto as he pulled a clean t-shirt over his head. Ianto made sure Jack knew what he did. He talked about the warm socks he rolled over Jack's bony ankles, commented on the service shirt he slipped over Jack's shoulders, talked about the wrist strap he returned to Jack's wrist.
Ianto had found a set of dry clothes in his exact size in the closet; the TARDIS and her magic again. He looked odd in Jack's clothes but at the time, it wasn't in Jack to form a teasing remark. Dressed, Ianto then eased him down to the bed only slipping in when Jack wouldn't let go of this hand.
They stayed, legs tangled, snug under a thick duvet Jack vaguely remembered Rose had given him when he caught a form of pneumonia after a trip to an ocean colony. She'd stayed with him that night while he shivered and burned. She then convinced the Doctor to make a trip to Hong Kong in the mid-nineteenth century because she said that was where the best bedding was made.
"I was dead, wasn't I?" Jack rubbed his cheek on Ianto's hair that smelled like soap and life and everything untainted.
Ianto's head rolled as he gazed up at Jack. His eyes dimmed, his arms tightened around Jack's middle and Ianto turned to stare at the ceiling.
"Yes, you were," Ianto whispered. The quaver in his voice begged Jack not ask anymore so Jack didn't.
Jack followed Ianto's eyes and studied the golden pink ceiling that rose as high as a cathedral. The TARDIS warbled but other than the occasional feeble note, the recovering ship was mostly quiet. The silence made Jack's throat ache.
"I thought Saxon was going to kill the Doctor," Ianto said quietly. His left hand absently patted Jack's chest. "I thought for sure you went to…"
"I didn't." Jack rubbed his chin against Ianto's temple. Hair shorn too short tickled his lips and Jack mused Ianto had his hair cut very short at some point. He wondered who did it. He was sorry he wasn't there to do it. "I knew he would have killed you."
"But…" Ianto fidgeted. "I saw him turn…even I thought at first he was going to kill the Doctor. What made you so sure he would try and kill me?"
Jack's eyes burned. "Because that's what would have broken me," Jack croaked.
Silent, Ianto's only response was to rest his head over Jack's heart. Ianto kissed Jack's collarbone.
Jack lay there listening to Ianto breathe and thought it was the only other sound besides the TARDIS that he could listen to all night. Jack ran a hand up and down Ianto's back, his fingers lazily following the strong arch of Ianto's spine. It felt so…ordinary after so many extraordinary things had happened.
Jack snorted.
"What?"
"Just thinking he went to a lot of trouble just to…I'm still not sure why he decided to scre-to interfere with my timeline." Jack sighed. What did it accomplish?
Ianto squirmed next to Jack and he propped himself up on an elbow.
"Jack." Ianto hesitated. His face contorted and it reminded Jack of that night, down in the vaults, steps away from where Lisa was hidden away; the hesitation that shone even in the dark tunnels.
"We know Saxon tampered with your timeline. Do you think if…if he hadn't…do you think we still would have met?"
Jack took a deep breath. It was a question Jack was trying not to think about.
Ianto dropped his eyes and he bit his lower lip.
"There's no way to ever know," Jack said finally. He pulled out a hand from under the covers and with two fingers, tipped Ianto's chin up.
"Although," Jack said quietly, "I can't imagine how my life would have been if I'd never met you." It didn't feel like it never should have happened. In fact, it felt so right.
Ianto nodded and gave him a shaky smile.
"Same here," Ianto whispered. He took a deep breath. "Even if we…I mean, because of Lisa-"
"I told you. I forgave you," Jack interrupted.
Ianto blinked at him. His lower lip trembling, Ianto shook his head.
"Wait," Ianto murmured, "let me finish. If…even if we'd never…you know…I think we would have…" Ianto settled his free hand over Jack's.
"I think this thing between us would have still happened eventually." Ianto rubbed every knuckle on Jack's hand with his thumb. "It feels like the natural next step," Ianto added softly.
Jack stared at their hands over his heart.
"Lisa or not," Jack said quietly, "you're my best friend. I don't think there was anyone else I could have trusted."
"Well, I did a brilliant thing with that trust, didn't I?" Ianto said bitterly.
"Hey." Jack's hand slipped out from under Ianto's and he settled it on Ianto's jaw. Ianto leaned against his hand.
"In the past now, okay?" Jack curled his hand slightly to cup Ianto's cheek. "All of it. The past now."
Ianto stared at Jack for a long moment before he nodded.
Above them, the TARDIS cooed but her tune was sad and it faded at times.
Ianto tilted his head up. His brow furrowed as he studied the ceiling.
"We used a lot of dynamite," Ianto murmured. His mouth crinkled with regret. "It was the only thing we had."
"She's tough," Jack assured him "But yeah, she'll need some repairs but not because of you guys," Jack added quickly when Ianto jerked and stared up at her in dismay. "The Mas-that paradox machine took a lot out of her."
The lines furrowed across Ianto's brow smoothed. He studied Jack.
"Are you going to help the Doctor fix her?"
Jack stopped. His throat squeezed as he gave it some thought before he nodded slowly. "If…if he asks for my help." Jack hesitated. "If he wants it. I helped with repairs before so she trusts me to tinker with her. It would stand to reason he would ask."
Ianto's head bobbed and he idly rubbed the blanket over Jack's heart. His fingers walked up his chest and traced the slope of his collarbone.
Jack stared at Ianto and his intense study of his neck and throat. "I'm coming back," Jack murmured.
Ianto nodded, not looking up. His eyes stayed on Jack's jaw. He brushed a finger along Jack's chin, his mouth, his nose like he was committing Jack to memory.
"I am," Jack stressed, hurt.
Ianto's eyes lifted. They looked a little resigned, a little tired. But despite that, Ianto smiled.
"I'll understand if you don't though."
The first thing that came to mind was that Ianto didn't want him to come back. But no, Jack thought. If anything, during the past year Ianto had proved the exact opposite.
Nevertheless, something must have shown on his face because Ianto sighed. He dipped his head and carefully kissed the corner of his mouth.
"I'm just saying," Ianto murmured, "that this Doctor, he…he was the one you should have been waiting for and now he's here. The right Doctor. What if that's what was tampered with in the original timeline?"
"We don't know what should have happened in the timeline," Jack repeated. He captured Ianto's hand, halting his mapping. "Stop that. Stop acting like this will be the last time we'll see each other." Jack's throat worked. "I feel like I wasted so much time with you already."
Ianto's gaze dropped and he exhaled slowly. He raised a hand to sweep the hair away from Jack's forehead.
Jack felt the soothing strokes brush across him. He looked blearily at Ianto. He wished his head didn't feel so stuffed with cotton right now. He watched Ianto, his face so serious, so focused as he explored every part of Jack's face.
"Tired?" Ianto's fingers never stopped.
"No," Jack mumbled even as his eyelids were sliding shut.
Ianto chuckled deep in his throat. It was a pleasant rumble against his chest.
"Your eyes are closed."
"I'm meditating."
"How spiritual of you." Soft lips peppered his neck and left ear. Jack swallowed and Ianto kissed his Adam's apple when it bobbed.
"What were you meditating about?"
"Your coffee," Jack sighed.
Ianto laughed against his shoulder when he eased back down on the bed.
Even lying down, Ianto's fingers still lingered on him, never demanding, inquisitive in touch. Jack felt himself sinking deeper into the bed. He heard Ianto murmur by his ear and remembered something.
"Carrot," Jack slurred.
"Hm?" Fingers carded through his hair now.
"There were times…" Jack tried to swallow back a yawn but Ianto's quiet puff of laughter told him he failed.
"You called me…" Jack's brow knitted. "Carrot…no…carat…cariad?"
The fingers paused over his eyes.
"What does that mean?" Jack mumbled sleepily. "The TARDIS never translated it."
Ianto kissed his jaw.
"Perverted old man."
Jack's right eye opened with difficulty and glared at Ianto smiling at him.
"No it doesn't," Jack yawned. He burrowed deeper into the comfortable hollow Ianto formed with the bed and the duvet. Warm, shadowy, dark, and quiet. Jack wiggled against Ianto and felt Ianto press his lips on Jack's ear.
Ianto chuckled again and Jack thought he could hear it forev-for a very long time.
Hands cradled him and it reminded him of the trance the Doctor placed him in before: cocooned in a wrapping of peace and cottony heat. It invited lethargy; it sheltered him away from memories.
"I'll come back," Jack mumbled as he sank deeper into Ianto's embrace. "I'll come back, damn it."
As Jack floated into real sleep for the first time in a long time, Ianto just held him and said nothing.
He didn't mean to fall asleep, but he did with his face pressed into Jack's throat, his arms wrapped loosely around Jack.
Somewhere between tracing the firm profile of Jack's jaw and the gentle lobe of Jack's left ear, Ianto had nodded off. He slept with the scent of Jack and soap around him.
Eventually though, Ianto could sense they were being watched. There was also a faint odor of smoke, of burnt wood. His left eyelid opened sluggishly and he studied the figure standing at the foot of the bed. Both eyes opened and Ianto peered past the duvet at the visitor.
"Ah." The Doctor sounded sheepish for getting caught. He rocked on his heels. "Didn't mean to wake you."
Ianto stretched as he sat up. "Didn't mean to sleep." He looked down at Jack, still curled towards his spot.
"No, no," the Doctor murmured when Ianto reached over to nudge Jack on the shoulder, "don't wake him. I think it's the first time he's ever been able to sleep like this."
Ianto pursed his lips at the Time Lord. The Doctor looked a little ragged. Even the usually wild disarray of his brown hair was listless, flopped over his eyes like he had been under the rain except he was dry. The pinstripe suit hung loosely even on the Doctor's lanky frame. The Doctor wore his long tan wool coat like a death shroud.
Ianto made a face. Sitting up, the smoke was more acute. "Was something burning?"
The Doctor's expression cooled; his eyes were suddenly dull.
"Funeral pyre," the Doctor offered succinctly.
"Oh." Ianto didn't know what else to say. He didn't want to apologize either. He peered up at the Time Lord.
"You're…not going to stay there staring at us, are you?"
The Doctor made a face. "Most certainly not! I just thought…well…thought I would peek in and see how you two were doing."
It was unsettling to hear the Doctor fumble for words, not when the Time Lord usually seemed to favor a more rapid-fire vocabulary that made people's heads spin. Ianto carefully swung his legs around the bed and levered off. He pulled the duvet up higher, past Jack's shoulders. Jack mumbled something, squirmed briefly before he settled back with a low sigh that made the corners of his mouth upturn.
"Now who's staring?"
Ianto glared at the Doctor over his shoulder. The Doctor merely grinned back.
Ianto held up a finger when the Doctor's eyebrows rose after he got a better glimpse at his outfit. The Doctor's mouth snapped shut and he nodded towards the door. Ianto hesitated, his eyes on Jack.
"He'll be fine," the Doctor whispered. "She'll tell me if anything happens."
Ianto glanced around the room and reluctantly nodded. He followed the Doctor out, but kept checking over his shoulder until they shut the door behind him.
To Ianto's surprise, the Doctor stopped outside of the door and no further. He stared at the door and Ianto came to the startling conclusion that the Doctor didn't want to stray too far either.
His chest twinging, Ianto rested back against the door and swallowed before he cleared his throat.
"Where are the others?" Ianto asked. Something pinched inside him when he realized he left Owen and the others to handle everything.
"Your Dr. Harper is checking on the Jones family, making sure everyone is in reasonable health. Gwen Cooper-remarkable resemblance, really-was coordinating planes to head back to London and Ms. Sato…" The Doctor fidgeted where he stood. "Don't quite know but Martha advised I should avoid her for the time being."
Ianto bit back a smirk. "Is Martha all right?"
The Doctor's smile was wide, his eyes dark with a paternal pride that reminded Ianto of his father the day he graduated uni.
"Oh, she's fine. Well…she will be." The smile faded to something more melancholy. "She will be."
"And you?" Ianto asked carefully.
"Hm? Oh, quite all right. I'm a little muffled right now, like water in my ears. Nothing a spot of tea won't cure. A good leaf for whatever ails you. Perhaps a good biscuit as well."
The Doctor looked very serious when he said that. Ianto didn't know what to make of it so he just ducked his head.
"Were you really going to keep him alive in the TARDIS?" Bollocks. Of all the things he should say, that was not on his short list.
The Doctor gave him a look before his shoulders lifted up, then dropped.
"A bit moot to ask now don't you think?" The Doctor shook his head and pursed his lips in thought.
"If that's what I had to do." There was a rueful grin, as the Doctor's thoughts seem to have turned inward. "It would have been time for a change. Maybe I've been wandering for too long. I would have someone to care for." The smile dropped.
"Does no good to speculate now though, eh?" The Doctor rocked on his heels. "The Master's dead, UNIT has Lucy Saxon and the year has been reverted."
The about face was unsettling.
"I think Jack was right," Ianto tried, his words careful. "You couldn't have trusted him."
"No, I couldn't have but I've been surprised before." The Doctor stared past Ianto's shoulders to the door. "Many times, in fact. I've been surprised by how many times humans have proven to be much bigger on the inside." The Time Lord chuckled to himself at whatever he found amusing.
"Like the TARDIS," Ianto murmured. He sobered. "But Saxon wasn't human."
"No," the Time Lord muttered, his expression darkening, "he wasn't."
Ianto didn't know how to respond. He struggled for something to say. His eyes wandered down the hall and drifted to the double doors that led to the main chamber. He thought of the blackened, scorched ruins that smoldered in the main chamber. Thank God Jack hadn't see it. Ianto's throat closed up when he saw the twisted cage piercing the console like a harpoon. The stench of burnt metal and glass made him want to vomit.
"Sorry about the dynamite."
"Hm? Oh, that?" The congenial smile was back as the Doctor studied around him.
"A few sticks of nitroglycerin and sawdust won't get rid of her that easily," the Doctor scoffed. "I once accidentally had five dozen Rhynerotarians rampaging in her main chamber and she turned out fine in the end."
Ianto frowned to himself. "How did you accidentally get sixty Rhy-Rhy-whatever in there?"
The Doctor shot him an exasperated look. "Well they weren't sixty to begin with." He shook his head, muttering. "Told her not to feed them but no, Ace couldn't resist those big eyes and they just multiplied and goodness, the smell…"
Ace? Ianto rolled his eyes. "Let me guess? They bred like tribbles?" Ianto joked.
Ianto was given a rather impolite snort. "Tribbles? Oh no, their mating seasons far exceed-hang on, how do you know about tribbles?"
"How do I-you mean they're real?" Ianto gaped at the Time Lord who stared back with such a bland expression, Ianto couldn't tell if he was serious or not. He was afraid it was the former. Nevertheless, Ianto huffed, folded his arms and leaned back against the door. He studied the Doctor a long time.
Finally, Ianto cleared his throat.
"What now?" Ianto rasped.
The Doctor cocked his head towards him.
"The timeline?" Ianto's insides twisted. "Saxon had interfered with it. What does it mean for, well…everything."
"Time moves on." The Doctor's eyes aged before him and Ianto couldn't look away. "Time doesn't stop. What the Master did was merely dam the flow but like all things in life, the river of time will continue…whatever path is carved out before it."
It made sense yet it didn't and it made Ianto feel very small that he couldn't wrap his mind around it. Both the Doctor and Jack treated time with a practiced ease and the casual air a time traveler would have honed in his or her lifetime.
"So the universe won't…implode or anything, will it?" Ianto asked tentatively.
The Doctor cocked his head as if listening for something in the air. He frowned to himself. His eyes drifted to Ianto and widened slightly.
Ianto's throat suddenly went dry. "Uh…Doctor?"
The Time Lord's dark scrutiny was making Ianto squirm before the Doctor shook his head, stuck a finger in his ear and muttered something about water. He nodded to himself.
"Not for another thousand years, no."
Ianto's mouth dropped open. "A t-thousand…" Ianto's mouth snapped shut at the Doctor's toothy grin. "Not funny."
The Doctor made a face. "Yes, I'd forgotten you're a humorless sort of fellow."
Ianto counted to ten. Then to fifteen. "Look-" he began.
"The universe is the universe," the Doctor interrupted, his hand up. "She doesn't give up her secrets easily. Whatever the Master hoped to achieve, whatever past he wished to correct, was sorted out all on its own." The Doctor waved a lazy hand towards Ianto then himself. "We were mere players." Teeth flashed again. "All the universe's a stage to paraphrase."
"Shakespeare would have wept if he was still alive," Ianto deadpanned.
The grin snapped into a scowl. "Blimey, you must be a joy to work with, Torchwood."
One, two, three, four…
Ianto loosened his fist before he did anything he would regret and inadvertently start a galactic war. Ianto took a deep breath.
"So, we're fine. Everything is how it should be?" Ianto bit his lower lip. "Even Jack?"
The Doctor's expression sagged. The Time Lord dipped his head and contemplated his shoes.
"The Master went back with the sole purpose of destroying Jack's timeline." The Doctor shook his head. "Where he should be? I…I simply don't know. We can only guess. The only one who does know is dead."
Ianto covered his mouth with a hand. "Then we don't know if we were supposed to be part of his life?"
"Does it matter?" the Doctor pointed out. "He is now."
"But if he was suppose to be with…" Ianto's throat worked. "He waited for you but instead, he got…him."
Brown eyes darkened to near black. "There's nothing we can do about that now. Whatever subtle differences there are, the stone has been cast, and the ripples in the water already have gone far beyond our comprehension. Wondering will only bring madness."
Ianto nodded but the nausea brewing inside didn't go away completely.
"It is what it is, Ianto," the Doctor said kindly.
Ianto blinked at his name. He smiled tentatively at the Doctor.
"At least no more visits from talking rodents for me," Ianto joked.
"That wasn't a rodent," the Doctor huffed, "it was a common house mouse."
"Very common," Ianto drawled.
The Doctor peered at his bare feet. "You know, now that I have a better look, your feet look more to be a size-"
"Doctor!" Ianto stepped back and wished he was wearing shoes.
The Doctor bared his teeth at him. Cheeky alien…
Irritation died as the door against Ianto's back reminded him. Ianto cleared his throat and nodded back towards the door he was leaning on.
Brown eyes shadowed. "Oh." The Doctor slipped his hands in his trousers. He shrugged.
"Martha and I are planning to spend some time in the vortex." At Ianto's questioning look, the Doctor reiterated, "A sort of limbo where the regular stream of time pauses." The Doctor patted the wall next to Ianto.
"The old girl needs a lot of work, lots of repair." The Doctor hesitated.
"I was going to ask Jack if he would remain to help."
It wasn't a surprise but Ianto's stomach still lurched. He worked his jaw and stared at his bare feet.
"Jack…uh…he mentioned you might ask and that…" Ianto tapped his right foot against his left. "He said he would help if you asked."
"Ah." The strange lilt in the Doctor's voice made Ianto looked up.
"You thought he might say no," Ianto guessed.
The Doctor shrugged. "There are too many variables to determine that, but yes, I thought once he knew the truth Jack might not-"
"The truth?"
The sick churning in his gut returned when the Doctor merely shook his head. Ianto straightened and stepped away from the door.
"What truth?"
The Doctor sighed and even his hair seemed to deflate further.
"That I was never going to come back for him."
The walls shrank around him. Ianto stared. Nothing would come out of his throat.
The Doctor merely sighed again and met Ianto's stunned look with shadowed eyes.
"You…" It took a few gulps of air before he could speak. "So what Saxon said…t-that was true? You were never-Why?" At the Doctor's hesitation, all the pieces fell into place.
"Because you thought he was wrong? Because he can't die? You said at the end of the universe that…" Ianto's breath quickened when the Doctor said nothing. "That was it then? You were never going to come back for him? Was that what the original timeline was? Jack…abandoned far into the future simply because you were…prejudiced?"
The Doctor blinked. He scratched his jaw. "I never thought of it that way," he mused.
God, he wanted to hit something, preferably someone. Ianto stood there, breathing harshly, his hands balled into tight fists against his sides.
"And Jack doesn't know this?" Ianto whispered. He was suddenly very afraid their voices would carry into the room behind him.
"The Master taunted him with this but I doubt Jack believed him…" The Doctor paused. "At least not entirely." The Doctor's mouth twitched as if he was trying to smile. It died quickly and the Doctor appeared resigned.
"But sooner or later, Jack is bound to ask."
Inside something was screaming so loud, Ianto thought his ears would bleed.
"And you'll tell him?"
The Doctor nodded. "I owe him the truth. I owe him that much."
"No. You owe him a lie."
The Doctor looked at him sharply. "What?" He shook his head. "No, I won't lie."
The screaming was scouring his guts from the inside and Ianto wasn't sure if it was because of what the Doctor said or what Ianto was going to say.
"You can't, can't tell Jack you were never going to come back for him." Ianto was beginning to shake. "If he…if he finds out you were never going to…it'll destroy him."
The Doctor's face screwed up. "Lying to him won't solve anything and I owe him the-"
"You owe him this!" The screaming had vibrated down to his limbs and suddenly Ianto was grabbing the Doctor's jacket and slamming him against the opposite wall. Startled, the Doctor raised his arms in defense but only grunted when his back struck the hard surface.
"Please," Ianto whispered. He bowed his head over the fists still clutching onto the suit like a lifeline. His eyes burned. His mouth tasted sour as he pleaded.
"Please. You can't. You just…you just can't tell him the truth. He's waited so long, even when the one who came back tore him apart, Jack still waited for you. You can't tell him."
The Doctor never pushed him away.
"Do you realize what you're asking?" the Doctor asked, his voice gruff.
Ianto sniffled but he nodded against the Doctor.
"If you tell him, you'll do the one thing that Saxon was trying to do," Ianto whispered. The Doctor flinched.
"What you're asking me to do…" The Doctor gripped Ianto's shoulders to push him back but Ianto held on.
"After everything Jack has done for you…" Ianto couldn't finish.
"Ianto Jones, do you truly understand what you're asking me to do? What it might mean for you as well?" the Doctor's voice became thin and demanding.
Ianto shivered. "Please," he whispered brokenly. "Jack needs this."
Hands moved around. The Doctor awkwardly patted Ianto's shoulders.
"I'm sorry," the Doctor said sadly. "I'm so, so sorry."
Ianto held on, not sure which he hoped the Doctor was apologizing for.
The first thing Jack noticed was the spot next to him was empty.
But he wasn't alone.
Cold needles raced up his back and Jack twisted, ready to kick at the body he could sense sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Easy, Captain."
A strong grip on the duvet covering his legs held him down but the deep timber relaxed him.
Jack rolled onto his back and blinked blearily at the Doctor. He sat up and looked around him.
"Your little team are preparing to head back to Cardiff in a few hours," the Doctor explained. "The rift has been testy since that timed release." The Doctor snorted under his breath. "They couldn't understand how that was possible if time was reversed. I offered to find an orange, maybe a pomelo to explain but for some reason, they refused."
"Huh?" Jack's brow furrowed. "Oranges? What?"
The Doctor shook his head. "Never mind." He smiled brightly. "Well then. Interesting group, your Torchwood."
Jack smirked wanly. "Bet you never thought you would say that."
The Doctor glowered at him. He harrumphed. "Yes, well, they’ve proven to be bigger on the inside." He smiled at Jack. "Like some people I know."
Jack sighed. He sat cross-legged and dropped his head.
"Are you sure about that?" Jack asked dully.
The Doctor mirrored Jack and sat, facing him.
"Yes."
Jack nodded to himself. He swiped his tongue across his lower lip.
"I'm sorry." Jack shrugged, not looking up. "For…you know…shooting him."
"No you're not."
Startled, Jack lifted his eyes and met the Doctor's gaze empty of any anger.
"No," Jack agreed, "no, I'm not. But I know you wanted to…save him."
"This happened before, Jack," the Doctor told him in a serious voice. "I would have tried before and as this showed us, he failed to be saved the first time." His face grew stormy.
"I don't give second chances."
Jack stared. "You gave me one and I thought…I thought I proved myself to you and Rose-"
"You did." The Doctor's eyes were a rare warm brown that Jack had only seen cast upon Rose before. "You did, Jack. You've proven yourself a thousand times over."
"Then why-" Jack clamped his mouth shut. He lowered his eyes.
"Why what?" the Doctor quietly prodded.
Jack shook his head. "You're heading off to the vortex?"
The Doctor blinked at the change of subject. "The TARDIS needs a complete overhaul. Be safer in there."
"Better than on a planet with dinosaurs," Jack commented archly.
"So I overshot it by a million years! It can happen!"
Jack snickered. "When Rose came back with that egg to make breakfast…"
The Doctor chuckled as well. "Oh, the scream she made when it started hatching."
It was odd but vaguely comforting to laugh in this room, with this Doctor, at this time. Jack wasn't sure how he should feel and again, like before, wished Rose was here to act as a buffer with her usual sweet and giving nature that she shared with them both.
"I miss her, too."
Jack leveled his gaze at the Doctor and the ancient eyes that once again didn't match the youthful face and that felt perfectly right.
"Jack…" the Doctor paused. "What Rose did…" He shook his head. "Please don't blame her. She thought-well, I don't know what she was thin-no, I do." The Doctor surprised Jack by settling a hand on Jack's knee.
"Don't ever think what was done to you was punishment." The Doctor's mouth curved to something worn, fragile and a little sad. "She came back to help us, must have felt your death and she…" The Doctor shook his head. "Ah, what she must have felt when she saw you were dead. She brought you back, but…"
"She brought me back forever," Jack finished.
The Doctor looked at him, willing Jack not to look away.
"She just wanted you to live again and like every human, she took it too far but…" The Doctor settled both hands on either side of Jack's face. His hands were cool, but his words weren't.
"What happened to you was done out of love, Jack. Nothing more."
Jack didn't move, could barely breathe. He opened his mouth then closed it a couple of times before he whispered, "I don't blame her." He never did.
"But you've always wondered," the Doctor guessed.
Jack sat back, pulling out of the Doctor's touch.
"I understand Rose's reasoning. I can even understand why you left." Jack gave a self-deprecating laugh. "The Master told me often enough."
"Don't take everything the Master told you at face value," the Doctor rumbled. "Not everything he said was true."
Jack mutely nodded. He stared at the Doctor, his heart hammering and thought frantically for something to say. But he couldn't think of anything else. Nothing else except…
"During that year…the year that never was…he always made sure I knew that you were never going to come back for me." Jack tried to laugh but it stuck painfully in his throat. "I guess he thought I would be grateful to him for coming back to get me."
The Doctor didn't comment. He studied Jack with the same sorrowful eyes his canine counterpart wore as it stood silently behind the Master.
"Doctor…" Jack stopped. He couldn't ask. Even when alone with the Doctor's projection, Jack couldn't ask and now, inches away from him, the words choked him.
Jack forced himself to grin as he fumbled to wiggle out from under the covers. "Never mind. I…long day." Long year. "I-I…"
The Doctor never laughed. He never said a word. He just looked at Jack with an aged and worn gaze.
Jack shrank back to where he had been sitting.
"Is it true? You were never going to come back for me?" Jack whispered. Finally voiced, it felt like the ground opened up below him.
The Doctor stared at him with an intensity that pinned Jack to the spot. The Time Lord never said a word but his eyes were dark and fathomless. After a few moments, he took a deep breath.
"No." The Doctor's gaze never wavered. "It's not true."
"Oh." Jack wanted to ask when the Doctor would have returned. Jack wanted to ask why the Doctor took so long. But Jack's mind went completely blank.
"Oh," Jack choked. He dropped his gaze. "That's…that's g-good to know. I-I…"
"Ah, Jack." Hands rested on his shoulders made Jack look up and he stared at the Doctor who was suddenly very close, very blurry.
The Doctor's eyes gleamed with a wetness Jack didn't understand but the sad smile the Doctor wore thawed an icy lump that had been sitting in his gut for so long, growing colder and colder as years passed on Earth.
"Ah, Jack." The Doctor's voice cracked. He pulled Jack's head down to his shoulder. "I am sorry. So, so sorry. Shh…"
It was then Jack realized he was making small, incoherent sounds, his throat too tight to form anything else. He could taste salt as tears streamed down his face and the more he tried to stop them, the more they wouldn't stop.
"Just let it go, Jack," the Doctor murmured. A hand curled around his neck, smooth and cool where Ianto's had been calloused and warm. "I'm so sorry, Jack."
"I forgive you," Jack whispered. He pressed his face into the Doctor's narrow shoulder and the last of the sharp ice inside him thawed away into nothing.
"Idiot."
Ianto hastily wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand and pulled the door shut, closing the crack. He spun around and saw Owen standing there, his mouth pressed to a thin line, his arms folded in front of him.
"What," Ianto rasped. "What are you talking about?"
"You know what this means?" Owen bit out. "If that Doctor asks Jack to stay after the ship's fixed, chances are he will now, thanks to you."
Ianto stared. "You…you heard," he managed.
Owen gave a curt nod. "Your bright idea? Yea. Should have come right out and boxed you though when I heard."
Ianto touched the door. He sniffed loudly. "Saxon tampered with Jack's timeline. What if he really belonged here?"
"How do you know he doesn't belong with us?"
Ianto turned sharply. "You don't know that."
"Well, you don't know if he belongs with that bloke either," Owen pointed out. "He left Jack in the first place if I heard correctly."
Ianto shifted uneasily. "He…"
"Don't worry. I can keep a secret," Owen scoffed. He glowered at the door. "But what if it happens again? Habits die hard. It sounds to me all the more reason he knows the truth-"
It took him a few blinks before Ianto realized he had Owen up against a wall, a forearm under Owen's chin.
Owen looked at Ianto impassively, pinned to the wall by Ianto's arm.
"Wrong bloke," Owen growled low. He jerked his head towards the door. "He's the one you should be doing that to."
Ianto stared at Owen before he staggered back. He mumbled an apology-at least he thought he did-and staggered back.
"At least your shoulder seems to be working," Owen grumbled as he massaged under his jaw. "Now that we have proper things again, remind me to put you under every annoying scanner there is, you twit."
"It feels fine," Ianto muttered as he rotated his right shoulder. For once it didn't feel as stiff. "Owen, I'm…I'm sorry." Ianto lowered his eyes. "But if this is what's best for Jack, I…I can't interfere. Enough of that has been done to Jack." Ianto's eyes blurred as he stared at the ground.
Owen sighed and Ianto felt an arm drop over his shoulders.
"You're still an idiot," Owen griped but he steered Ianto away from the door. "Come on. UNIT's dropping us off in Cardiff."
Ianto forced himself not to look over his shoulder at the door. His feet dragged as he walked farther away but he made himself face forward. A part of him held Jack's promise to his chest, another part of him was already shoring up for the lonely possibility that this might be goodbye.
Owen swatted the back of his head before he shoved his hands into his jeans. "Hurry up, narco boy. Let us go find a pub and we'll all get pissed. My treat."
Ianto smiled despite it all. A few mind-numbing pints sounded good right now. "And how are you going to pay for this?"
Owen gleefully brandished a brown leather billfold over his shoulder as he headed for the double doors. "I found someone's wallet."
Epilogue 1/2
Additional Notes: Many thanks to soullessminion for betaing this chapter. And trtmx for her magic trick that saved my sanity! LOL.