Ra-Hari «The Guide for the Beginner Meditators» / Перевод Ра-Хари на английский в одном файле
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Ra-Hari «The Guide for the Beginner Meditators»
Shiva and Parvati were sitting on a high mountain, and Parvati asked without thinking,
- Look, Shiva, how come all people are suffering so much?
- It’s because they wish to suffer, - replied Shiva.
- But what can be done so they don’t wish to suffer?
- They should simply stop wishing, that’s all there is to it, but you know these folks, you can’t explain to them freaking anything.
- Why don’t you, oh Shiva, try.
- Why bother? I have already sent them the Vedas, and the Upanishads and all sorts of Sutras. It’s about as useful as tits on a boar. They just can’t wait to make a religion out of anything, - wearily said Shiva.
- But I know there is this crazy Russian guy Ra-Hari, what about trying to deliver through him?
- Are you out of your mind? Or have you been eating meat? He’s a con artist, drug addict and pretty much an untrustworthy character.
- But you have nothing to lose anyway.
This is how she bugged him, and - hey, what do you expect from a chick - surely talked Shiva himself into that.
- Indeed, one has nothing to lose, the most important is that:
1. You don’t have to meditate.
2. You should sleep frequently but much.
3. Everything is being good, will be good and with you too.
4. When you succeed in meditation, remember - success is also an illusion.
5. You, old man, better retire. You’ve been digging here for a bunch million of years, it’s time to rest.
6. You’ve been set up. Somebody has swindled you out of all the money you had to the last cent. All money is illusion. You have nothing. And you never had anything else.
7. If you’ll have a chance to live in India try not to meet with Russian spiritual seekers.
8. One night at a Puna town cemetery a spiritual seeker smoked too much hash and became aware of the Meaning of Everything. Needless to say, he forgot it the morning after.
9. There are no sins at all. The sin is that the mind recognizes as a sin, but the mind also does not exist.
10. Once in the middle of nightly Malavi Lake one guy said to African old men:
- You know, Baba, Americans traveled to the Moon.
- I know, - Baba said, - I saw them there.
Great hash they have in Malavi!
11. Don’t hurry to meet the Lord, it’s coming soon.
12. Bang: Leaves of hemp are cleaned from the dust by Gang waters. Then they are being grinded in a small mortar for 20 minutes reading mantra OM NAMA SHIVAYA. If hemp is dry you have to clean it from seeds and twigs first and soak it for 10 minutes. You should put as much energy in the process as possible. Add honey, lemon, sugar, fruit to your liking. For a start with not more than a spoon per a meditator. You can add it to any porridge, cakes or eat it separately. Bring it to the third eye, praise Shiva before use.
13. One day Krishna found out that he had nothing to do. Then he came to Bhaktivedanta Praphupada to have any fun with him, at least, to play the fife…
Praphupada told him:
- I’m busy with praising God 6100 times a day and advise others to follow my example. And you, my dearest, praise him for a week and come to satang at 7 a.m.
“How have you come to such a life?” - wanted Krishna to ask him but strangely didn’t do that.
14. Yoga - it’s when you are having pleasure in some pose. The main one is - on the back.
15. Christianity is rubbish.
16. Someone asked the wise man: “Should the meditating one drive away the mosquitoes?” -
«Well, if you really get meditating - Master answered - you will not note mosquitoes, but if you just sit for what to suffer?”
17. Once Osho woke up in the morning after wild sanyasin party and forgot who he is. There is no one around to ask - everyone had a swollen face and took the eyes away. So he decided to read the books he wrote to know what to tell the people. Just after then he started to read he fell to sleep again.
Naturally, on the next morning he recalled everything.
18. Disciple asked: “Master, how can I perceive the unknown?” -
“Well, wait a little until it becomes known” - Master answered.
19. One wise man said: “The bottom part of my head - it is rails”. And then he said it his house-top started to shift away.
20. Once a group of meditators freaked out and materialized a real cop, who checked everyone’s IDs and then dissolved. Because it’s all nothing but illusions.
21. OM MANI PADME HUM.
22. One meditator has been tormented by his conscience because, while everyone around him was meditating, reading books by the Bhagavans and discussing something, he was just staying at home and eating Bang. While other meditators were relishing the Truth in silence, he was blasting Pink Floyd. He got upset for a while, had some Bang and then stopped being upset.
23. a wise man was asked «what a medittor-beginner should eat?» he answered: “Well, he should eat the products that are tasty while you eat them! But you should stay away from meat, chicken, eggs, onion and pepper, for those, who want to calm their mind down”.
24. a Guru begets a church around. But that’s only a game played by the Guru. After the Guru has left, the church is out of place.
25. a meditator is distracted by women. He should either find his inner woman or keep shagging until he gets bored with it. Same for meditatoresses.
26. Vodka, undoubtedly, is bad for a meditator.
27. You can do whatever you like, as long as you don’t forget who you are.
28. The cat is a very holy animal. Such is the cow.
29. Don’t fear troubles. If they haven’t happened yet, they are somewhere in the future, and if they have already happened, they are already in the past. Which means there is none here and now.
30. Working against one’s will is an absolute no-no!
31. Do forget that you are moving towards the enlightenment.
32. All questions can be deduced to «Who am I?» All answers can be deduced to, «Who the hell knows.»
33. Once a Sage was passing by a cave where a famous holy hermit lived. It was late, so the holy hermit let the Sage sleep inside the cave and made his own bed outside. The Sage felt that the pillow was uncomfortable, so he moved it and discovered a Playboy issue. «The holy father must be jerkingoff,»-figured the Sage.
34. Life is so funny. Look around-is it possible not to laugh?
35. a meditator can be wherever.
36. Knowing much makes the eyes tired. Sleeping much doesn’t.
37. One wise man decided to catch humans, but only mollies could be caugt. Then he shrug off humans and started to catch mollies.
38. There is no God.
39. Someone asked: «Does the seeker have to abandon his family and follow the Master?» - «You don’t have to do anything for me» - replied the Master.
40. a certain seeker wanted to buy a motorcycle and was happily looking forward to the purchase. Then he bought the bike, but he became unhappy, because there was too much hassle with the bike, and also he became happy, because he was looking forward to selling it.
41. Above all is not to overstrain yourself in spiritual seeking.
42. a watch always confuses our rhythm of life.
43. Don’t play with karma! Fallen meditators are re-born as mosquitos.
44. One seeker said:
- Master, I want to become a monk.
- Well, go and try monkery, if you want it so much, - replied the Master.
45. If you cause trouble by avoiding action, your karma is not affected in any way.
46. Meditation is the art of being.
47. Don’t be afraid to stay alone with yourself, you don’t bite.
48. The Path leads to nowhere. Just don’t go astray.
49. As a rule, meditators love to teach each other the meaning of life.
50. Next time you should be pickier when choosing your birth nationality.
51. You cannot save anyone. You can save yourself.
52. a Sage said, in food there is truth.
53. Prepare carefully for your meeting with Belly-God. Many found enlightenment this way.
54. If you cannot follow this guide, don’t.
55. After you wake up, don’t rush to get out of bed. There is nowhere to go.
56. a seeker asked, «Can I reach nirvana by reciting mantras and fasting?» «You can, but it won’t speed up reaching nirvana,» said the Sage.
57. When a seeker is sitting in a solemn meditation position, the seeker is usually pretending.
58. To fight one’s thoughts is to act like the fool who decided to stop pooping for the sake of neatness and hygiene. He didn’t poop for a day, for two days. Then naturally he couldn’t hold it any more, but he kept telling everyone that he doesn’t poop.
59. You are allowed to do only what you want to do. Not wanting to do anything is a true sign of deepened awareness of the world.
60. Fear the meditators who want to hang their problems on you. There are no problems. Problems are illusions. Don’t fear.
61. While listening carefully to other seekers’ advice, never spend your energy on following through.
62. No one knows anything, except for those who know, but those who know don’t even want to know.
63. Singing and dancing are good for a meditator. You don’t have to know how to sing and dance.
64. The only thing that I can offer you is to be free.
65. If the meditation position is bothering the meditator, why the hell is he calling this a meditation?
66. If you want to quarrel with another spiritual seeker, lend him money.
67. a disciple wanted to approach the Master and ask him, «What should I do?» But he felt lazy and didn’t approach him.
68. Shame is one of the most dangerous illusions of the mind.
69. Two animal forces live inside us: fear and love. Sex and aggression are only their children. But there is nothing to fear, and there is something to love.
71. Planning is senseless. Come what may. Everybody is given a chance to sweat-out his «come what may».
72. Oh, honey! You just awake Buddha in me.
73. a true sage always gets his tenement cleanded by somebody else.
74. Laziness is a key that God has left to us.
75. Earnest pursuance of ceremonies and rituals leads a meditator to a thought: “What the fuck I am doing that for?”
76. Let horse think. His head is big.
77. Don’t try to change your life. It will change by itself.
78. If others think the meditator to be stupid, he shouldn’t make effort to change their opinion.
79. If a meditator thinks he is stupid, it is good. But trying to change something is pointless.
80. Novice meditators are eager to become Masters. Masters always stay novice meditators.
191. When young, the famous sage Ra-Hari drank plenty of vodka, smoked everything, fucked almost everything and thought about almost nothing but money. Oh, this “almost”, how beautiful you are.
192. The Disciple asked: “Master, I found that thoughts are caused by discomfort of my body. For example, when I smoke, emptiness comes, but my body gets disturbed by nicotine attacks, and generates verbal images. How does one overcome this?” The Master answered: “Well, if oversmoked, some tea with lemon is pretty good.”
193. «Mind is just a part of the body. They are equal. Consciousness is apart of them both, but the “mind-body” is a part of consciousness», - said Mao Tze Dun when he dressed up as Lao-Tzy.
194. When danger is gone, movement remains, when movement is gone, being remains, when being is gone, consciousness remains. But the last thing is not true.
195. In Africa I had a cat named Matzo and a puppy named Goofy. There were also some fish, but they used to starve to death. Matzo and Goofy were gays and zoophiles, even lived in the same doghouse. Goofy learned cat habits from Matzo. Then Matzo got shot. My cats always got killed. Cats always get killed.
…
200. Fun created Fun just for fun.
201. Just Be.
Translated by:
Stas, krvss@nadprof.ru
Max Go
Belka, netgirl@front.ru
OF, the_transl8or@yahoo.com
Nataly Ananjeva, ananjeva@ksan.ru
swamiby, swamiby2002@rambler.ru
Flyhippo, flyhippo@flyhippo.org
Zender, zender@tut.by
An Zy, anzy@ksan.ru
Thanks!
Original in russian (оригинал на русском).
If you would like to help translating this text in english, visit page for translators (страница для переводчиков).
Ra-Hari «The Guide for the Beginner Meditators»
Shiva and Parvati were sitting on a high mountain, and Parvati asked without thinking,
- Look, Shiva, how come all people are suffering so much?
- It’s because they wish to suffer, - replied Shiva.
- But what can be done so they don’t wish to suffer?
- They should simply stop wishing, that’s all there is to it, but you know these folks, you can’t explain to them freaking anything.
- Why don’t you, oh Shiva, try.
- Why bother? I have already sent them the Vedas, and the Upanishads and all sorts of Sutras. It’s about as useful as tits on a boar. They just can’t wait to make a religion out of anything, - wearily said Shiva.
- But I know there is this crazy Russian guy Ra-Hari, what about trying to deliver through him?
- Are you out of your mind? Or have you been eating meat? He’s a con artist, drug addict and pretty much an untrustworthy character.
- But you have nothing to lose anyway.
This is how she bugged him, and - hey, what do you expect from a chick - surely talked Shiva himself into that.
- Indeed, one has nothing to lose, the most important is that:
1. You don’t have to meditate.
2. You should sleep frequently but much.
3. Everything is being good, will be good and with you too.
4. When you succeed in meditation, remember - success is also an illusion.
5. You, old man, better retire. You’ve been digging here for a bunch million of years, it’s time to rest.
6. You’ve been set up. Somebody has swindled you out of all the money you had to the last cent. All money is illusion. You have nothing. And you never had anything else.
7. If you’ll have a chance to live in India try not to meet with Russian spiritual seekers.
8. One night at a Puna town cemetery a spiritual seeker smoked too much hash and became aware of the Meaning of Everything. Needless to say, he forgot it the morning after.
9. There are no sins at all. The sin is that the mind recognizes as a sin, but the mind also does not exist.
10. Once in the middle of nightly Malavi Lake one guy said to African old men:
- You know, Baba, Americans traveled to the Moon.
- I know, - Baba said, - I saw them there.
Great hash they have in Malavi!
11. Don’t hurry to meet the Lord, it’s coming soon.
12. Bang: Leaves of hemp are cleaned from the dust by Gang waters. Then they are being grinded in a small mortar for 20 minutes reading mantra OM NAMA SHIVAYA. If hemp is dry you have to clean it from seeds and twigs first and soak it for 10 minutes. You should put as much energy in the process as possible. Add honey, lemon, sugar, fruit to your liking. For a start with not more than a spoon per a meditator. You can add it to any porridge, cakes or eat it separately. Bring it to the third eye, praise Shiva before use.
13. One day Krishna found out that he had nothing to do. Then he came to Bhaktivedanta Praphupada to have any fun with him, at least, to play the fife…
Praphupada told him:
- I’m busy with praising God 6100 times a day and advise others to follow my example. And you, my dearest, praise him for a week and come to satang at 7 a.m.
“How have you come to such a life?” - wanted Krishna to ask him but strangely didn’t do that.
14. Yoga - it’s when you are having pleasure in some pose. The main one is - on the back.
15. Christianity is rubbish.
16. Someone asked the wise man: “Should the meditating one drive away the mosquitoes?” -
«Well, if you really get meditating - Master answered - you will not note mosquitoes, but if you just sit for what to suffer?”
17. Once Osho woke up in the morning after wild sanyasin party and forgot who he is. There is no one around to ask - everyone had a swollen face and took the eyes away. So he decided to read the books he wrote to know what to tell the people. Just after then he started to read he fell to sleep again.
Naturally, on the next morning he recalled everything.
18. Disciple asked: “Master, how can I perceive the unknown?” -
“Well, wait a little until it becomes known” - Master answered.
19. One wise man said: “The bottom part of my head - it is rails”. And then he said it his house-top started to shift away.
20. Once a group of meditators freaked out and materialized a real cop, who checked everyone’s IDs and then dissolved. Because it’s all nothing but illusions.
21. OM MANI PADME HUM.
22. One meditator has been tormented by his conscience because, while everyone around him was meditating, reading books by the Bhagavans and discussing something, he was just staying at home and eating Bang. While other meditators were relishing the Truth in silence, he was blasting Pink Floyd. He got upset for a while, had some Bang and then stopped being upset.
23. a wise man was asked «what a medittor-beginner should eat?» he answered: “Well, he should eat the products that are tasty while you eat them! But you should stay away from meat, chicken, eggs, onion and pepper, for those, who want to calm their mind down”.
24. a Guru begets a church around. But that’s only a game played by the Guru. After the Guru has left, the church is out of place.
25. a meditator is distracted by women. He should either find his inner woman or keep shagging until he gets bored with it. Same for meditatoresses.
26. Vodka, undoubtedly, is bad for a meditator.
27. You can do whatever you like, as long as you don’t forget who you are.
28. The cat is a very holy animal. Such is the cow.
29. Don’t fear troubles. If they haven’t happened yet, they are somewhere in the future, and if they have already happened, they are already in the past. Which means there is none here and now.
30. Working against one’s will is an absolute no-no!
31. Do forget that you are moving towards the enlightenment.
32. All questions can be deduced to «Who am I?» All answers can be deduced to, «Who the hell knows.»
33. Once a Sage was passing by a cave where a famous holy hermit lived. It was late, so the holy hermit let the Sage sleep inside the cave and made his own bed outside. The Sage felt that the pillow was uncomfortable, so he moved it and discovered a Playboy issue. «The holy father must be jerkingoff,»-figured the Sage.
34. Life is so funny. Look around-is it possible not to laugh?
35. a meditator can be wherever.
36. Knowing much makes the eyes tired. Sleeping much doesn’t.
37. One wise man decided to catch humans, but only mollies could be caugt. Then he shrug off humans and started to catch mollies.
38. There is no God.
39. Someone asked: «Does the seeker have to abandon his family and follow the Master?» - «You don’t have to do anything for me» - replied the Master.
40. a certain seeker wanted to buy a motorcycle and was happily looking forward to the purchase. Then he bought the bike, but he became unhappy, because there was too much hassle with the bike, and also he became happy, because he was looking forward to selling it.
41. Above all is not to overstrain yourself in spiritual seeking.
42. a watch always confuses our rhythm of life.
43. Don’t play with karma! Fallen meditators are re-born as mosquitos.
44. One seeker said:
- Master, I want to become a monk.
- Well, go and try monkery, if you want it so much, - replied the Master.
45. If you cause trouble by avoiding action, your karma is not affected in any way.
46. Meditation is the art of being.
47. Don’t be afraid to stay alone with yourself, you don’t bite.
48. The Path leads to nowhere. Just don’t go astray.
49. As a rule, meditators love to teach each other the meaning of life.
50. Next time you should be pickier when choosing your birth nationality.
51. You cannot save anyone. You can save yourself.
52. a Sage said, in food there is truth.
53. Prepare carefully for your meeting with Belly-God. Many found enlightenment this way.
54. If you cannot follow this guide, don’t.
55. After you wake up, don’t rush to get out of bed. There is nowhere to go.
56. a seeker asked, «Can I reach nirvana by reciting mantras and fasting?» «You can, but it won’t speed up reaching nirvana,» said the Sage.
57. When a seeker is sitting in a solemn meditation position, the seeker is usually pretending.
58. To fight one’s thoughts is to act like the fool who decided to stop pooping for the sake of neatness and hygiene. He didn’t poop for a day, for two days. Then naturally he couldn’t hold it any more, but he kept telling everyone that he doesn’t poop.
59. You are allowed to do only what you want to do. Not wanting to do anything is a true sign of deepened awareness of the world.
60. Fear the meditators who want to hang their problems on you. There are no problems. Problems are illusions. Don’t fear.
61. While listening carefully to other seekers’ advice, never spend your energy on following through.
62. No one knows anything, except for those who know, but those who know don’t even want to know.
63. Singing and dancing are good for a meditator. You don’t have to know how to sing and dance.
64. The only thing that I can offer you is to be free.
65. If the meditation position is bothering the meditator, why the hell is he calling this a meditation?
66. If you want to quarrel with another spiritual seeker, lend him money.
67. a disciple wanted to approach the Master and ask him, «What should I do?» But he felt lazy and didn’t approach him.
68. Shame is one of the most dangerous illusions of the mind.
69. Two animal forces live inside us: fear and love. Sex and aggression are only their children. But there is nothing to fear, and there is something to love.
71. Planning is senseless. Come what may. Everybody is given a chance to sweat-out his «come what may».
72. Oh, honey! You just awake Buddha in me.
73. a true sage always gets his tenement cleanded by somebody else.
74. Laziness is a key that God has left to us.
75. Earnest pursuance of ceremonies and rituals leads a meditator to a thought: “What the fuck I am doing that for?”
76. Let horse think. His head is big.
77. Don’t try to change your life. It will change by itself.
78. If others think the meditator to be stupid, he shouldn’t make effort to change their opinion.
79. If a meditator thinks he is stupid, it is good. But trying to change something is pointless.
80. Novice meditators are eager to become Masters. Masters always stay novice meditators.
191. When young, the famous sage Ra-Hari drank plenty of vodka, smoked everything, fucked almost everything and thought about almost nothing but money. Oh, this “almost”, how beautiful you are.
192. The Disciple asked: “Master, I found that thoughts are caused by discomfort of my body. For example, when I smoke, emptiness comes, but my body gets disturbed by nicotine attacks, and generates verbal images. How does one overcome this?” The Master answered: “Well, if oversmoked, some tea with lemon is pretty good.”
193. «Mind is just a part of the body. They are equal. Consciousness is apart of them both, but the “mind-body” is a part of consciousness», - said Mao Tze Dun when he dressed up as Lao-Tzy.
194. When danger is gone, movement remains, when movement is gone, being remains, when being is gone, consciousness remains. But the last thing is not true.
195. In Africa I had a cat named Matzo and a puppy named Goofy. There were also some fish, but they used to starve to death. Matzo and Goofy were gays and zoophiles, even lived in the same doghouse. Goofy learned cat habits from Matzo. Then Matzo got shot. My cats always got killed. Cats always get killed.
…
200. Fun created Fun just for fun.
201. Just Be.
Translated by:
Stas, krvss@nadprof.ru
Max Go
Belka, netgirl@front.ru
OF, the_transl8or@yahoo.com
Nataly Ananjeva, ananjeva@ksan.ru
swamiby, swamiby2002@rambler.ru
Flyhippo, flyhippo@flyhippo.org
Zender, zender@tut.by
An Zy, anzy@ksan.ru
Thanks!
Original in russian (оригинал на русском).
If you would like to help translating this text in english, visit page for translators (страница для переводчиков).