*cllink, clink* Here's my two cents.
Lots of posts flying about, talking about cons, men grabbing boobs, women who feel like they live in display cases, and just generally talking about an interesting topic. I've enjoyed all of the different points of view, even if I didn't agree with them. Now, pardon me while I take it in a new direction.
It's not about boobs, it's about control.
Women want to control who gets access to their personal space, and that includes their bodies. Most of us, however, were taught from the fetus stage and upwards, "Be nice. Be sweet. Don't be rude. Don't make such a fuss. Don't fight." This has made many women afraid to speak up for themselves. This can start at "Go ahead and go out with that guy. He asked you, and you don't want to seem snobbish to the other boys." And it continues with other nonsense, like "girls don't call boys. Boys have to call you, or you seem desperate. Girls don't ask boys on dates. Boys don't like pushy girls." And it continues into adulthood. We're pushed towards motherhood, whether we are interested or not, because "Isn't that every woman's job?" We're asked, "You don't make more than your boyfriend/husband do you? Because that can cause strife in the relationship." We're told to keep our eyes down, and avoid eye contact with creepy men because, somehow, this will save you from dealing with them. We're told we need to stay eternally young, eternally perky, and eternally slim and idealized.
*ahem* This load of horse manure is keeping us from the one thing that we need. And our society keeps snatching it out of our reach, and slapping our hand. Ladies, take back your control.
If a guy at work makes a gross comment, either draw his attention to it, or smack him down verbally. Yes, yes, I know you have to be careful. But when has that changed in the workplace? We all know we are damned if we do, and damned if we don't. Hang me as a lion, rather than a lamb.
"Hey Jane, that skirt makes me want to slap you against the wall and hammer away at you until dawn!"
"Hey, Jack! Not even with someone else's uterus!"
*wolf whistles and general howling*
"Did you lose your dog? Or is that an idiot mating call?"
*inappropriate touching, with or without the apology*
"Gosh, I feel the need to touch you, too. Did you know you can remove a man's testicles with only five pounds of pressure?"
And dating...you know, I know of a lot of men that would drop a month's paycheck to the charity of your choice if women would be willing to initiate by calling, or even asking them to go get a coffee. And in relationships? Hello, aren't we supposed to be equals? If I make more money than you do...either stop bitching and get a new job, or suck it up, buttercup. I'm certainly not going to have a hissy if you make more than I do.
And what is going on or not going on in my uterus in no one's business but my own, period. I get to decide if I'm going to let you have a say.
And the same goes for my body. Yes, I have decked men. As a matter of fact, I have a great story about that, and I'll post about that later. I have also screamed, threatened, and at one point brought out a tire iron to convince someone I meant business. I'm not going to live in fear. Obviously, stay cautious, but stop mincing about. Grab onto life with both hands.
And what about the things we are told not to do? I have gone walking late at night, with a giant walking staff. Yes, I had a car with two men slow down and stop right in my path. I flipped the staff in to a 'fighting staff' stance, and started jogging towards the car, screaming like a banshee. They couldn't get out of there fast enough.
I've been surprised in a parking lot. I was leaving work late at night, and I heard footsteps behind me. I did a beautiful 180, with mace in one hand, and my purse ready to swing in the other. (Turned out it was a very frightened security guard, who never snuck up on me again)
I've been 'surprise fondled' in public and in private. In each instance, I called the guy on it. I've been called a bitch, frigid, scary, crazy, or just heard 'what the hell is wrong with you?!' But they all backed off, or ran off. (Well, one didn't want to back off, but that was when I got the tire iron. His friends dragged him off very quickly.) I was once trapped in an empty hall by a group of men. I looked the leader right in the eye and said, "Move. Now." And yes, they did move.
You are never at fault for being a woman. If someone tries to say 'you were asking for it', do not accept this. Not from your friends, not from your parents, not from the police, not from a doctor, not from anyone. If you are attacked, and an authority figure tries to brush it away, or tell you it was somehow your fault that you were in the wrong place at the wrong time...do not accept this. If you back away, they assume you are accepting fault. You are not at fault. And stick up for each other. If a woman is being threatened by four guys, you've just doubled her odds by stepping in. Most men who attempt this tactic are terrible cowards, full of bluster and threating movements that end the second you look like you are ready to really fight back.
And before you say 'Hey, you've just never really been threatened/scared/hurt', let me tell you something. Yes, I've had a gun in my face. More than once. I've lived next door to a homeless shelter, and had my life threatened a few times. And yes, I've taken down a few people. I've been threatened by a group of men. And yes, I've been raped. No, that's not a sympathy ploy, it's a statement of fact.
The reality is this. You get to decide if you are a victim. People can stab you, curse you, trample you, and as long as you are still alive...you can rise again. You aren't going to be the same person, but you can come back. My experiences have made me stronger. And yes, someone could kill me. I know that. But that can happen under any circumstances.
No, you can't completely control your surroundings. You can't control whether or not you are in a freak car accident tomorrow, not even if you stay indoors. They could drop in the car by helicopter, for all you know. So don't live in fear. Live in life, and take it as it comes. Yes the boogey man might come for you. Take the bastard's balls as a souvenir.
It's not about boobs, it's about control.
Women want to control who gets access to their personal space, and that includes their bodies. Most of us, however, were taught from the fetus stage and upwards, "Be nice. Be sweet. Don't be rude. Don't make such a fuss. Don't fight." This has made many women afraid to speak up for themselves. This can start at "Go ahead and go out with that guy. He asked you, and you don't want to seem snobbish to the other boys." And it continues with other nonsense, like "girls don't call boys. Boys have to call you, or you seem desperate. Girls don't ask boys on dates. Boys don't like pushy girls." And it continues into adulthood. We're pushed towards motherhood, whether we are interested or not, because "Isn't that every woman's job?" We're asked, "You don't make more than your boyfriend/husband do you? Because that can cause strife in the relationship." We're told to keep our eyes down, and avoid eye contact with creepy men because, somehow, this will save you from dealing with them. We're told we need to stay eternally young, eternally perky, and eternally slim and idealized.
*ahem* This load of horse manure is keeping us from the one thing that we need. And our society keeps snatching it out of our reach, and slapping our hand. Ladies, take back your control.
If a guy at work makes a gross comment, either draw his attention to it, or smack him down verbally. Yes, yes, I know you have to be careful. But when has that changed in the workplace? We all know we are damned if we do, and damned if we don't. Hang me as a lion, rather than a lamb.
"Hey Jane, that skirt makes me want to slap you against the wall and hammer away at you until dawn!"
"Hey, Jack! Not even with someone else's uterus!"
*wolf whistles and general howling*
"Did you lose your dog? Or is that an idiot mating call?"
*inappropriate touching, with or without the apology*
"Gosh, I feel the need to touch you, too. Did you know you can remove a man's testicles with only five pounds of pressure?"
And dating...you know, I know of a lot of men that would drop a month's paycheck to the charity of your choice if women would be willing to initiate by calling, or even asking them to go get a coffee. And in relationships? Hello, aren't we supposed to be equals? If I make more money than you do...either stop bitching and get a new job, or suck it up, buttercup. I'm certainly not going to have a hissy if you make more than I do.
And what is going on or not going on in my uterus in no one's business but my own, period. I get to decide if I'm going to let you have a say.
And the same goes for my body. Yes, I have decked men. As a matter of fact, I have a great story about that, and I'll post about that later. I have also screamed, threatened, and at one point brought out a tire iron to convince someone I meant business. I'm not going to live in fear. Obviously, stay cautious, but stop mincing about. Grab onto life with both hands.
And what about the things we are told not to do? I have gone walking late at night, with a giant walking staff. Yes, I had a car with two men slow down and stop right in my path. I flipped the staff in to a 'fighting staff' stance, and started jogging towards the car, screaming like a banshee. They couldn't get out of there fast enough.
I've been surprised in a parking lot. I was leaving work late at night, and I heard footsteps behind me. I did a beautiful 180, with mace in one hand, and my purse ready to swing in the other. (Turned out it was a very frightened security guard, who never snuck up on me again)
I've been 'surprise fondled' in public and in private. In each instance, I called the guy on it. I've been called a bitch, frigid, scary, crazy, or just heard 'what the hell is wrong with you?!' But they all backed off, or ran off. (Well, one didn't want to back off, but that was when I got the tire iron. His friends dragged him off very quickly.) I was once trapped in an empty hall by a group of men. I looked the leader right in the eye and said, "Move. Now." And yes, they did move.
You are never at fault for being a woman. If someone tries to say 'you were asking for it', do not accept this. Not from your friends, not from your parents, not from the police, not from a doctor, not from anyone. If you are attacked, and an authority figure tries to brush it away, or tell you it was somehow your fault that you were in the wrong place at the wrong time...do not accept this. If you back away, they assume you are accepting fault. You are not at fault. And stick up for each other. If a woman is being threatened by four guys, you've just doubled her odds by stepping in. Most men who attempt this tactic are terrible cowards, full of bluster and threating movements that end the second you look like you are ready to really fight back.
And before you say 'Hey, you've just never really been threatened/scared/hurt', let me tell you something. Yes, I've had a gun in my face. More than once. I've lived next door to a homeless shelter, and had my life threatened a few times. And yes, I've taken down a few people. I've been threatened by a group of men. And yes, I've been raped. No, that's not a sympathy ploy, it's a statement of fact.
The reality is this. You get to decide if you are a victim. People can stab you, curse you, trample you, and as long as you are still alive...you can rise again. You aren't going to be the same person, but you can come back. My experiences have made me stronger. And yes, someone could kill me. I know that. But that can happen under any circumstances.
No, you can't completely control your surroundings. You can't control whether or not you are in a freak car accident tomorrow, not even if you stay indoors. They could drop in the car by helicopter, for all you know. So don't live in fear. Live in life, and take it as it comes. Yes the boogey man might come for you. Take the bastard's balls as a souvenir.