I like this story so far but one thing that has been bothering me is Yuchun wanting to change Junsu's laughter. I think his laugh is cute, and certainly unique, so I hope that he retains that trait, because individuality is also a thing of beauty too, ne? :) If everyone was beautiful and perfect, then nobody would be interesting enough to remember. Nice story so far.
**Note: I notice that you used 'Harry Potter Bigass circle glasses' or some variation of it often. I think using it just once and just afterwards saying either 'Harry Potter glasses' or 'bigass circle glasses' or even 'ugly glasses' would be enough, because too many descriptions lined up in front of a noun makes the sentence look clunky. And you tend to switch from present tense to past tense a lot. Make it easier for the reader by just sticking to one. And is Jaejoong British? (he uses the word 'mum' instead of 'omma' or even 'mom') Sorry if I'm a bit nit-picky, but I think this can become a really awesome story if you take a few things into account. :D
aww man, someone's faster then me. Lol, keeping Junsu's laugh was suppose to be somewhere near the end of the story! LOL. yep totally, Individuality can be a beautiful thing.
Yeah, I noticed that too. I was too lazy to proof read it myself so I just posted it up. I'll proof read it and fix some other stuff too. Thanks for reminding me!
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can't imagine long-unruly-haired yunnie,
and joongie with big glasses is sexy:) haha
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**Note: I notice that you used 'Harry Potter Bigass circle glasses' or some variation of it often. I think using it just once and just afterwards saying either 'Harry Potter glasses' or 'bigass circle glasses' or even 'ugly glasses' would be enough, because too many descriptions lined up in front of a noun makes the sentence look clunky. And you tend to switch from present tense to past tense a lot. Make it easier for the reader by just sticking to one. And is Jaejoong British? (he uses the word 'mum' instead of 'omma' or even 'mom') Sorry if I'm a bit nit-picky, but I think this can become a really awesome story if you take a few things into account. :D
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Yeah, I noticed that too. I was too lazy to proof read it myself so I just posted it up. I'll proof read it and fix some other stuff too. Thanks for reminding me!
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wow, Sadako's popular, hahaha
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