Snarking on My Yearly Horoscope: 2008 Edition
I'll spare you the latest "I hate driving" rant with another cynically annotated version of my horoscope. (These two links will take you to earlier editions: 2007 and 2006.)
[Snark is contained in brackets and italics.]
Year 2008 Overview
Provided by Astrology.com
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
You're not one to give up on anything without a fight. [I haven't actively fought for anything since 1995...because I learned my lesson then.] This year, you need to prove to yourself that you absolutely can do anything your heart desires. [Bleh, I believe I spent the last few months crushing my heart through a meat grinder so I doubt it's much of a player in my life now.] You have a friendly nature [Ha!], and feel very comfortable enjoying the group dynamics of different social scenes [Double "Ha!"]. Having high personal values [went through the meat grinder with my heart], and being very idealistic [idealism ceased to exist years ago], are just some of the reasons why you attract so many gifts and blessing from others [more like curses] -- not to mention having a natural talent for attracting money easily all year round [LMFAO! Yes, I'm a regular Scrooge McDuck with my huge money bin in Duckburg].
You will feel deep transformation in your attitudes about money and your personal values [so vague], and are seriously thinking about what is important in your life [nothing]. You may find you may are not placing as much importance on having physical things [what physical things are really worth having?]. Security may present itself through family and friendships instead of through objects and possessions [I have never felt secure in my life and I doubt I ever will, you pot-smoking hippie!].
You desire a deeper connection and emotional bonding with your family [I soooo don't], exploring the ideas you have learned from your parents [What? There is a real science to picking lotto numbers?]. You will appreciate some of the perennial wisdom that has been passed down to you from your ancestors [you mean someone will finally teach me how to bake Spanish bread?]. By the summer, you feel a new closeness in your relationships [what relationships?] and will juggle love [what love?] and work in order to maintain balance. Personal transformation is far more appealing than outer changes [of course, "outer changes" require more money], this year.
[Snark is contained in brackets and italics.]
Year 2008 Overview
Provided by Astrology.com
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
You're not one to give up on anything without a fight. [I haven't actively fought for anything since 1995...because I learned my lesson then.] This year, you need to prove to yourself that you absolutely can do anything your heart desires. [Bleh, I believe I spent the last few months crushing my heart through a meat grinder so I doubt it's much of a player in my life now.] You have a friendly nature [Ha!], and feel very comfortable enjoying the group dynamics of different social scenes [Double "Ha!"]. Having high personal values [went through the meat grinder with my heart], and being very idealistic [idealism ceased to exist years ago], are just some of the reasons why you attract so many gifts and blessing from others [more like curses] -- not to mention having a natural talent for attracting money easily all year round [LMFAO! Yes, I'm a regular Scrooge McDuck with my huge money bin in Duckburg].
You will feel deep transformation in your attitudes about money and your personal values [so vague], and are seriously thinking about what is important in your life [nothing]. You may find you may are not placing as much importance on having physical things [what physical things are really worth having?]. Security may present itself through family and friendships instead of through objects and possessions [I have never felt secure in my life and I doubt I ever will, you pot-smoking hippie!].
You desire a deeper connection and emotional bonding with your family [I soooo don't], exploring the ideas you have learned from your parents [What? There is a real science to picking lotto numbers?]. You will appreciate some of the perennial wisdom that has been passed down to you from your ancestors [you mean someone will finally teach me how to bake Spanish bread?]. By the summer, you feel a new closeness in your relationships [what relationships?] and will juggle love [what love?] and work in order to maintain balance. Personal transformation is far more appealing than outer changes [of course, "outer changes" require more money], this year.