The passing of my father

[cunninggod]

So finally I am writing about the events of his passing. Hear me well.

We got the call on Friday, Feb 19 (DT junkies will get the significance of this, I just realized is myself in writing this down). An under-21 male donor with the correct tissue match had become available. He was in good health, non-smoker, a bit taller than Dad but still with in

Comments

[rhonan]

There is nothing worse than having your hopes raised, only to have fate crush it. I suppose I was lucky in a way. When I lost my Dad, there was never any hope for any sort of recovery.

I wish I could say that it will go away, but it won't. Oh, your father will not constantly be in your thoughts, and you will also be able to take joy in the happy memories, but that hole will be with you for the rest of your life. It was 10 years ago, day before yesterday, that my Dad died. There are time, like reading this or having some success I wished I could share with him, where the pain and anguish can stab as raw as the day he died. Don't build any lasting alters or shrines, and don't dwell on the loss. Do keep things of his, and things you shared, a part of your life. The joy of the memory will bring some pain, but it's worth it.

[cunninggod]

I thank you for your words of wisdom with tears in my eyes. It's good to hear from someone who understands the pain. May the memories of your own father bring happiness to you when you need it, however painful they may be. I am doing my best to do that myself

[dreams_in_reds]

I am really sorry Lurch and I don't know what else to say. You don't have to apologize for being distant; you are handling it in the best way that you know how and you don't owe people explanations. They understand. Cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself.

Thank you, but...

[cunninggod]

Sadly, some people have decided that they couldn't handle the distance and ended up dumping me as a friend. One even went so far as to call me a "pussy faggot who needs to go cry more about his daddy he didn't hardly see". I do understand that my true friends do understand what is going on, it's just sad to be hurt by ones that don't. I know I'm better off without them, but it just compounds the hurt. I will however take your advice to the best of my ability

[agent_23]

Hey brother.

I would have echoed Bob's sentiments above earlier but I felt it was still far too close to your father's passing until you were ready to talk about it. My grandfather passed away under similar circumstances. He had an operation to his heart and it was deemed successful by the doctors involved. He was already walking around 3 days after the procedure and his fellow patients in the recovery ward (with similar operations) were already congratulating him and telling him "See? Nothing to worry about."

On the 4th or 5th day, something happened and his body started shutting down and the doctors could only delay but not prevent the inevitable. In the end it was my grandmother that gave the ok to shut the ventilator as it was the only thing that was keeping him alive. That was May of 1995 and up to now I find I still have to be on guard with topics like this. Bob was always better with words than I was and his post above was everything I would have liked to have said to you and more. Take care of yourself my friend.

[dreams_in_reds]

Jesus, they sound like right bastards! Frankly, anyone who would much less use offensive words like "faggot" in the first place wouldn't be someone I would want to know personally. NO ONE has the right to tell you how to feel about your own father's death. NO ONE. People who have no ability to have empathy just astound me. I think a real man can feel emotions and work through them and that anyone who not only is uncomfortable around it but insulting isn't much of a person; much less a man. Grr, sorry, I am now pissed off on your behalf!

[agent_23]

That's right! I was shocked when I saw what Lurch wrote above. I hope these self absorbed assholes can read this cause I want to tell them to FUCK OFF AND DIE!!!

[jerry321999]

Lurch, I can't really say anymore than anyone else here...but I do understand all too well what you've been going thru. (see my posts abt my son's mom/ex-wife). No one that REALLY gives a damn abt you is going to fault you for "withdrawing" (at least I wouldn't). I know you've been on an emotional "roller coaster" with this. So do what you need to to morn. We've really lost that understanding in our times and its REALLY needed.
So you do what ya gotta do!