Goodbye and Gone
Title: Goodbye and Gone
Author: CSIGeekFan
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Tragedy, Angst
Spoilers: Through the end of the season
Disclaimer: As The World Turns is the property of someone else. I’m just borrowing the characters.
Author’s Rant: You know, in soap operas, people die. Often. Some come back to life, some don’t. Reid’s death was plain stupid. The pedantic lines of the characters and ridiculous lack of emotion really bothered me more than Reid dying. So, while I’ve kept some of the (general) lines, I’m rewriting the scene.
X X X
Luke Snyder didn’t think his legs could take his weight anymore. They’d turned gelatinous long ago, and now only the force of will kept him standing. But he was there, gazing at the beautiful and battered face of Dr. Reid Oliver, wondering how they could all just… give up. Not when his heart and his head viciously screamed.
Sinking down onto the edge of the bed, he leaned over Reid, and smiled gently. Those beautiful blue eyes focused in on him… and any hope he’d had vanished in the lucidity he found there. The wounded doctor hadn’t offered his heart in a drug-filled haze of painkillers; he’d done so with selfless dedication and complete sobriety.
Reid Oliver lay dying, and nothing Luke could do or say could take it back.
The younger man had wanted to beg or stomp his feet; he’d wanted to plead with Reid to hold on and fight. Instead, he took a steadying breath. He owed Reid that much - to be calm for him at the end of all things.
Leaning down, his face just inches from Reid’s, Luke gripped his doctor’s hand and held on firmly.
“I love you,” he said, ignoring the tears that streamed down his cheeks. “You love me. You told me so.”
When Reid’s lips turned up and the older man nodded, Luke smiled. Even battered, the good doctor looked smug.
Bending his head, the young blond lightly kissed wounded lips, and closed his eyes. In his mind, he could see their future so damn clearly. He could see their fights; fantasize their making up. They’d be miserable one day and ecstatic the next. Always, he could see love.
“It’s not fair,” Luke choked as a single sob racked him, and he pulled just a breath away. Fiercely, he pushed the swelling emotion down to join the bile that constantly threatened. “There are so many stupid fights we’re supposed to have. So many nights together. Forgotten dates, too much work, and so much making up when one of us is wrong.” He paused his dialogue at the regret he saw in Reid’s eyes, before he rubbed his lips across a cheek and whispered, “And we’re supposed to have so many days, Reid. There haven’t been enough days.”
Another sob hit when he saw the tears slowly roll from Reid’s eyes and down his temples to drip onto the pillow. Fiercely, Luke added, “We haven’t had enough years.” In a bare whisper, he said, “I want forever.”
“You already have it,” Reid rasped, trying desperately to lift his hand and put it on Luke’s cheek. When he couldn’t, he frowned in irritation.
Not that it mattered, because Luke gently lifted those long surgeon’s fingers and held them up to his face. It took only a turn of his head to place a kiss in the bruised palm. No sooner did his lips touch skin than Reid jerked from the pain in his chest.
“Let me get you something,” Luke helplessly offered. “Please, Reid…”
“No,” he ground out, riding the wave of pain through clenched teeth. And as quickly as the wrenching agony struck through him, it eased, as did the older man’s breathing. Somberly, with a voice like rolling gravel, he said, “Wanna be clear headed. Don’t wanna miss a second.”
Luke inhaled a shaky breath, and whispered, “You won’t. We’ll have forever.”
Lost in each other’s eyes, Luke let the knife of grief slice through, over and over, spreading the pain from sharp and pointed to dull agony. They only redeeming thing in that moment - that second - was the receding lines of pain on Reid’s face.
“Thank you,” Reid thickly said.
“For what?” Luke asked.
“Loving me back.”
An alarm shrilled from a machine, and Reid’s face suddenly contorted in pain once again, this time arching the man off his bed, and Luke knew in his bones their time had come. He tried to pull back his hand, just to adjust his position, only to have the dying man squeeze harder than Luke thought possible.
“Stay,” Reid pleaded.
“Of course,” Luke returned, leaning down to kiss a bare chest and then shoulder. With a final kiss to Reid’s lips, he noted the sheen of sweat covering the other man’s face as the pain began to consume. The only thing that could break Luke free from his hope that it was all a sick joke, was the sight of the man he loved in so much pain.
And he knew what had to be done. Their forever had come.
“Close your eyes, Reid,” he said, swallowing the tidal wave of grief that threatened to drown him. “It’s okay to go.”
And wish his forehead bent, touching Reid’s, he listened as one monitor after another settled into a steady cry.
X X X
They didn’t make him leave, but brought him a chair on which to perch while the young man held Reid’s hand. In his shock and grief, nurses and doctors moved around Luke, who held his position. Careful not to disturb, Dr. John Dixon and Dr. Bob Hughes carefully hooked up lifelines that would keep the organs viable.
When Tom Hughes arrived with paperwork, Luke finally stood up, and signed his name. He then laid his head on Reid’s shoulder, and whispered, “I can’t stay here without you.”
Without a backward glance, Luke headed down the hallway, past those who had gathered to watch him mourn the loss of the man he loved, and out the doors of the hospital. No one made him pause; how could they, when he looked so tired? Even friends parted as he passed, giving him a path. It never occurred to them that he wouldn’t stop.