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[crystalizelight]

You show up in person, because the other option is to make an appointment with a phone call, and you know if it's down to that you'll never, ever go.  You tell yourself you have to walk over, and so you do, but all the things it means are so hard to handle that you're a little wobbly by the time you even show up.  You don't know the room number,

Comments

[tygrestick]

I'm glad you got yourself there. If you want to talk- please call me! I love you dude!

[crystalizelight]

<3 <3

Like I said to Molly else-journal, I am never going to call any of you. I love you and you'd be a fantastic support network and yet, still, the initiative to get off my butt and actually do it? Never ever going to happen. I'd do it if I could, I seriously just don't have it to spare.

I love you anyway, though, and it helps just to see you around on LJ or commenting or whatever. So thank you.

[tygrestick]

that is why the internet is glorious. e-mail me or some shit dude; I had some cognitive behavioral theraphy after the McGill thing and it really helped a lot. I have periods where I can't even eat or look up and it always passes- you will be ok. <3333333333333333333333

I love you!

[hayleyscomet]

Go you--all of this takes incredible strength (especially when you're out of spoons).

When I was in high school I went to cognitive behavioral therapy. She was my favorite therapist ever, and really helped me through some rough times. On the other hand, the therapist I saw last semester at the student health center was fairly worthless, and we'd end up sitting there just staring at one another during our sessions. This is always my advice (that I probably need to take myself this time): if it's not a good fit, please try to keep going and switch to seeing someone else.

Good luck. It's all on the upswing from here.

[crystalizelight]

I really love the spoon metaphor. Someone used it the other day to try and explain having a degenerative joint condition, and it was on my mind for a while before I decided, fuck it, I'm using it. My spoons aren't physical capability, it's just actual, active, emotional energy. And that's a real thing too.

Hunh, I had a halfway decent therapist in junior high/early high school and a kind of awkwardly ineffective one in college, too. Neither of them were amazing, sadly--a lot of talking and very little actually accomplishing anything, which got me through where I was right then, but it's also why I'm so frustrated and kinda disillusioned with the idea of therapy. I think the CBT is completely the way to go, but yeah. Pretty much, if I can't open up to the therapist because I feel awkward or mistrustful? Then I need to get a new one. No question

[hayleyscomet]

My mother loves to use the spoon metaphor for her health problems, and I've used it, too, back when I was having issues with chronic fatigue in high school. It definitely applies to this kind of energy as well.

I'm looking forward to dinner tomorrow. I don't think I have any food in my house (you know, that belongs to me) since I haven't been here very much lately...

[artimahadanna]

I'm still not entirely certain you should forgive me - that I am forgiveable. We have a lot to talk about and I'm not sure how to begin

[crystalizelight]

I love you to distraction, my darling. And that trumps 'forgiveable', trumps 'forgiveness', and goddamn, if this is where you were when you stopped talking to people, if you were worse? Then there has never been anything to forgive.

But yeah, someday we need to talk, and we will, once I'm back to myself enough to cope, once you're ready and able to manage it. That's one of the certainest little glowing things in the handful of hope I'm clenching against the future, that we will both get better, we have to, simply because once we do we have to sit down and talk and figure out us again. And there is no future world of mine that you're not in, one way or another, so clearly we both work through this. Obviously. Not yet--I for one don't have the emotional wherewithal yet, not because you need a lot, just because I don't have any right now to spare. But someday. Maybe even soon. I want it too

[artimahadanna]

All pain is relative: mine was neither worse nor less than yours.

'Breathe' is a very good mantra. Use it. Don't hyperventilate though.

You have my promise, and a poem.