Pretty good...it's a bit thin and hard to figure out what perspecitve you're using...y'know what I mean? It doesn't quite come off as an outside observer, nor does it quite come off as one of the other members or of one of the three. I'd offer to beta, but until I finish Touru to Shidou, I'm a touch swamped with words. I think it's a very good start and would be a very good story with a little bit of spit and polish ;)
Hehe, Thank you for reading this story...lol. I was really really tired when I wrote it. But it was one of those ideas that I had to get out of my head before I could fall asleep. The story had started out in first person then switched to 3rd person and then I guess I forgot to change everything...lol. I can see where you would get confused with what perspective I was using. At times it seemed like it was Kyoya's and at others it wasn't. Thanks for the constructive criticism I appreciate it. As for the beta offer, don't worry about me :) You have your own writing to worry about :) Thanks again for reading.
It was enjoyable. If you work more on it, I'd like to read it again, or if you just let it stand, that's fine, too. My own writing is swamping mostly because I have a personal deadline and I really do see it as a possiblity of making it. I've never worked so long on a story (and I'm really going to edit it, too, so that'll be even longer...*pants* I'm not ready for marathons!)
Comments 3
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment