[fanfic] Loud Night - Silent Life. Chapter 2
Title: Loud Night - Silent Life. Chapter 2
Pairing: none in that chapter. (later yoosu and maybe some other)
Genre: angst. drama. friendship.
Rating: PG-16 (because I have no idea and want to be safe)
Words: 3 363
Length: chaptered -> Part 1 . Part 2 . Part 3 .
Warning: /
Summary: Something happens in that night. Something that changes Junsu's life forever. And with him it changes everything in the life of DBSK.
Disclaimer: Don't own DBSK or any other persons in that story. Just the plot is mine.
~
They all visited their families and tried to calm down, though the worry and the pain didn’t faded with this, it just eased it a bit.
Yoochun played with his brother soccer when his mother called him for the phone. It was the third day after the four members had left their usual home.
Yoochun felt more relaxed and his body enjoyed the pause from dance practice, but his thoughts were still in worry about Junsu and the other members.
He didn’t get through to Junsu, his phone was always off, but he talked everyday with the other members, shared his thoughts with them.
He stepped into the house and picked up the phone, sent a questionably look to his mother but she just shook her head and went off to the kitchen.
Confused he pressed the phone to his ear.
“Hello? Here is Yoochun…”
He heard someone’s breath and waited patiently for a minute before sighing deeply.
“Junsu? Is that you?”
He didn’t believe it really though it was a try, so he was really surprised when finally a quiet almost not noticeable voice answered.
“Yoochun… Can you pick me up?”
It sounded like Junsu hadn’t spoken in a long time and Yoochun thought that this could be true.
He didn’t thought about the why or how, just asked where.
After Junsu told him the address the phone went dead and he stared a moment at it in his hand.
After apologizing to his brother and saying goodbye to his family he set off to the place Junsu told him.
~
He arrived a half hour later and didn’t see him first, until his eyes were aware of the body sitting on the ground, shivering and crawled into itself.
“Junsu!”
He rushed to him and sat down, wrapping his arms around the cold body. He didn’t really want to know for how long Junsu already sat here.
Yoochun felt relief that he has found his friend and that he had asked him for help instead of sitting here alone and freezing to death.
After a short while, Yoochun detached himself a little bit from Junsu and tried to look into his eyes, but the other man just hold his head and eyes constantly low.
“Do you want to come to my home?”
His voice was soft and worried but Junsu could also hear the concern in it. He could feel how a smile was formed in his heart but it didn’t come to the outside.
The time where he had smiled easily was over and he didn’t know when it would come back.
He refused to reply until a warm hand was caressing his cheek and he almost choked up though his tears were finally dried. Junsu swallowed hard to keep the choke inside and just nodded in the end, but didn’t look up at all.
After another short silence Yoochun sighed and embraced him with his arms, lifted him up.
Now Junsu had to look up and his cheeks reddened a little bit.
He bit his lower lip and lowered his gaze as soon as it met Yoochun’s.
He didn’t feel well in Yoochun’s arms, though they were strong enough to hold and carry him to the car. It was maybe just that he felt uncomfortable and somehow sick all the time, like he had some disease which could took him to death.
Yoochun said nothing but just put him on the seat and closed the door. He sent him a last unreadable gaze before starting the car and driving home.
Junsu’s gaze went through the window outside but he didn’t see anything, not the rain which was about to fall again and not the house when they were finally at Yoochun’s home.
He didn’t even turn his head when his friend spoke to him.
“Do I need to carry you again or can you walk alone?”
It should sound teasing but Yoochun’s voice didn’t give the right feeling and he was pretty sure that even if he had sounded playfully Junsu hadn’t reacted at all.
It hurt to see him like this. Never had he seen his friend in such a condition and it made his eyes burn and his heart clench.
He waited another minute before he got out of the car and walked to Junsu’s side, but he was already out and stood there, with low hanging head.
He followed him in the house without any sound and his family was thoughtful enough to not disturb them when they were heading through the corridor to Yoochun’s room on the second floor.
Yoochun closed the door behind them and looked at Junsu who was standing like lost in the middle of the room.
He couldn’t take it anymore. The sight of his friend hurt more than anything else, more than the loss of Junho or the worry he had all the time. Seeing him like that made Yoochun shiver and he couldn’t hold the tears back anymore.
Junsu shouldn’t see the tears because he would have been troubled even more so Yoochun turned around and tried to find something to be distracted by.
A hand on his shoulder stopped him.
When he turned around it was the first time he could fully see into Junsu’s eyes and it broke his heart completely. There was no sparkling like before, not even a glint of light; it was like he was looking into glass globes without any feeling.
Junsu knew when his friend was crying, they knew each other too long and too well to not know it.
He was wondering why Yoochun was crying. Was it because of Junho? Or something else? He knew his friend was fragile and all, but at the moment he couldn’t think of anything else. That he himself could be the reason; this idea didn’t come into his mind.
He couldn’t say comforting words to his friend, they were in his head, but they wouldn’t come out of his throat.
So he just embraced Yoochun with his arms and held softly but tightly onto him.
“No…”
Junsu was surprised by the quiet voice and the rejection he just received to his embrace.
“Don’t console me like this. You are the one who needs comfort.”
Yoochun dried his tears hastily with his arm and took Junsu’s hands in his own. He directed him to the bed and sat down, dragged him next to himself.
“Junsu… I know nobody can know how you feel and I don’t know how I could make you feel better.”
Yoochun paused and lowered his head, very doubtful about this whole thing. He didn’t know what to say, how could he?! Yoochun just felt so helpless and completely alone with the sad and lifeless Junsu.
Probably Yunho or Jaejoong could do this better, they would know what to do in this situation and they wouldn’t feel such helpless.
These were the thoughts Yoochun had and though he told himself he wouldn’t give up. His friend needed him now, which he could tell for sure; otherwise Junsu hadn’t called him earlier.
He looked up again and stared a moment at Junsu’s empty face.
There was no use in thinking about others or wishing he could see the old Junsu again.
Maybe he would never come back or it would take a long time. Until then he had to do his best he could to help him.
“First you take these wet clothes off!”
Junsu looked finally up and sent a confused gaze to his friend. What was with his clothes?! He didn’t feel the clamminess of the rain and the night.
But he did how he was told and began to undress before taking the clothes which Yoochun gave him.
After he put them on he could feel the warmth and the light scent which was all too familiar to him.
Yoochun put him to bed and wrapped him in the blanket.
“Sleep a little and then we’ll talk, okay?!”
Junsu noticed how Yoochun treated him like a little child and suddenly it reminded him of Yoochun’s brother and that he had treated him like this years ago the same.
Though he didn’t notice and he didn’t want to show it, his eyes began to sadden and became glassy.
Yoochun already turned around so he didn’t see it, but Junsu felt the urge to hold him back, he didn’t want to be alone. He had it been for the last days and called Yoochun precisely because of this.
He didn’t want to be alone anymore; he didn’t want to feel so lonely anymore.
So his hand grabbed Yoochun’s wrist and held him back.
Though still he didn’t speak his eyes were pleading that he wouldn’t go and left him alone here.
Yoochun turned around and had to smile, not brightly, but sad and still worried, when he saw this.
“It’s okay, Su-ah… I won’t go away. I’ll stay here, okay?!”
He sat down next to him on the bed and held his hands.
~
Yoochun’s mother came after two hours to see what was going on with the two and found them both sleeping on the bed. They snuggled together under the blanket and holding onto each other like they would be afraid of being separated.
She smiled and watched them for a while, before stroking over both heads and placing on both foreheads a kiss. She knew Junsu for a long time and knew how strong the friendship was between them.
Yoochun didn’t talk about the incident with Junho and she was worried about him, but now with Junsu on his side, maybe he could talk about it. Maybe the two boys could help each other with the loss and the mourning.
She let them alone again and walked downstairs to phone the other members of DBSK to tell them that Junsu was here, because she knew how worried all of them were about their dolphin.
~
Again Junsu woke up with the scent of his friend in his nose, but this time he was actually still lying next to him. The younger one looked into the face in front of him and detached himself a bit from him.
Yoochun looked exhausted and even in his sleep not relaxed. Suddenly Junsu felt sorry for him. He hadn’t think one minute about the feelings of his friends. He had been at home and stayed there for a day to comfort his parents. He didn’t show his own sorrow and suffered alone afterwards.
But even when he called Yoochun he didn’t think of the other’s feelings, just of his own. How selfish he was.
Junsu sighed and stroked with his fingertips over Yoochun’s face, his cheeks, nose, the edges of his mouth and eyes.
With a soft smile he felt how gratitude and brotherly love swollen up in his heart.
The smile felt uneasy and a bit like he hadn’t smile for a long time, though it were just three days.
While Yoochun was still asleep, snuggled closely to him, he thought of the other members and not only of them but of all the other friends who surely tried to call him the last days.
He tried to say something, just to mumble a few words to make sure his voice would do it, but no sound wanted to come out.
Now his smile faded and his eyes became sad again.
Even to his parents he hadn’t spoken anything; somehow his voice didn’t want to work anymore for him. When he phoned Yoochun he wasn’t sure he could say anything, but it worked, for that one moment.
Now he felt like he was voiceless again. Junsu wasn’t scared or thought that it was something serious. He just took it as it was.
With a sigh his attention directed back to his friend and he met sleepy but opened eyes which were watching him silently.
“Junsu…”
The calm and dark voice of his friend washed over him like a warm rain and suddenly Junsu missed all the other voices too, the voices with which he had sing for so long and which he knew as good as his own.
But he couldn’t say anything; he couldn’t say how much he wanted to see Jaejoong, Yunho and Changmin. How much he wanted to sing with them or just listen to their voices, to a song.
He coughed and tried once again to say something but his voice refused to come back and he became completely silent, didn’t meet the caring eyes of his friend.
Yoochun straightened a little and stroked over Junsu’s cheek.
“What is wrong?”
When no answer came, just again an avoiding of his gaze, he got suspicious.
“Junsu? Why don’t you talk to me?”
“I can’t, I just can’t”, answered Junsu in his head, but he brought no sound over his lips.
Now Yoochun began to worry and he straightened more until he was sitting.
“Just say something!”
He tried not to sound panic, but somehow he couldn’t hide the worried tone in his voice and regretted it immediately when he saw the look in Junsu’s eyes.
“It’s okay… I’ll call a doctor, okay?!” He tried to calm himself and Junsu down, so he wouldn’t have to see that look in his eyes anymore.
Junsu just looked at him and said nothing, because he couldn’t. So Yoochun stood up and wanted to go to the door, but suddenly a hand grabbed his shirt and made him turn around.
He looked in Junsu’s eyes and then smiled a bit.
“It’s okay. You don’t want the doctor? So… wait, I will bring paper and pencil, so you can write down, okay?!”
Now Junsu nodded and let go of him, watching silently how his friend went out of the room.
It lasted bit longer until Junsu heard the familiar foot steps again. Yoochun came not only with paper and pencil but also a plate with something to eat.
He smiled for a moment at Junsu and put the plate down on the table beside the bed.
“Umma made something for you, she thought you looked hungry.”
Junsu just nodded, but didn’t grab any of the fruit or toast. He took instead the pencil and paper and hesitated for a moment before writing down the words which were still in his head.
It took a while until he gave the paper back to Yoochun, who was watching him all the time. The first sentence nearly shocked Yoochun but he tried not to show how sad it made him to read something like this. When his eyes flew over the next lines a smile curved his lips up and he looked up, met Junsu’s eyes and nodded finally understanding.
“I am sorry for making you cry, for not thinking about you and the others. You must have been worried about me the last days. I don’t know what happened to my voice, but it doesn’t matter, just don’t worry about it okay?!
Please call Jaejoongie and the others. I want to meet them… (Here he had hesitate the most) I want to hear your voices.”
After reading the little letter Yoochun stood up and went out to get the phone and do as Junsu wished. He smiled a bit at the reaction of his friends and told them they should come over to his house, because here weren’t so many fans.
At this thought he suddenly thought of the time Junsu were alone outside. Didn’t the fans bother him?
With a frown he came back to Junsu who now looked questioningly up to him.
“It is okay, they will be here in a moment. Do you want to have some clothes from me?”
Maybe Junsu wanted to keep the current clothes on. Yoochun was somehow a bit nervous at the moment about how he should deal with Junsu. That never happened before. They knew each other now for five years and never had he felt so awkward and unsure in the presence of Junsu, even not when the other was unusually calm and depressed.
And with this feeling he was in some way relieved that their friends would come any minute to help him and especially Junsu with all this.
It was just so unusual to have Junsu next to him, not talking with his voice, not making jokes and laugh afterwards. It was something he never knew could happen and it scared him.
Junsu nodded to the question and got up as well, glancing to the food but didn’t take anything. He wasn’t hungry at all.
~
Junsu had showered and wore now clothes from Yoochun, again. He sat on the bed, staring at his friend who told him about the things happened the last days, trying to ease the awkwardness between them.
He stopped when the bell rang and some voices could be heard from the corridor. The next moment three young men stormed in the room, Jaejoong ahead with a face like he would yell at the two younger ones in the room.
But he just hugged Junsu and held him tight, burying his head into Junsu’s neck.
Changmin and Yunho greeted Yoochun before they turned to Jaejoong and Junsu, who were still holding to each other. Finally Jaejoong let his friend go and allowed the other two to hug him.
Junsu smiled a bit at his friends, patted their heads and held their hands, sometimes a bit too tight but nobody would complain.
Junsu felt how the emptiness and loneliness in his heart eased. The feeling he had the moment they all gathered around him on the bed, every one of them trying to comfort him with touching and caressing him, it made him smile. The smile spread on his lips and finally reached his eyes, making them lighten a bit.
The other four were glad to see him smile again. They were silent for a moment, just enjoying each other’s company before Yoochun began to speak, explaining how he found Junsu, or better, how he was called and picked him up. He explained that Junsu couldn’t speak at all and that they don’t know why.
“We should send you to the doctor, Junsu. Maybe he can give an answer to all this.”
Junsu looked to Yunho and smiled a bit, waving his hands in denial. He got pen and paper from Yoochun and wrote down his answer to that suggestion.
“But I could speak to Yoochun before, when I called him. I don’t know why it was just in that moment. I didn’t even talk to my family (that was crossed right the moment after he wrote it) parents. I don’t want to go to a doctor. I just need…. you right now.”
He hesitated for a moment, looked up to his members who were watching him carefully, waiting for him to end his writing. He smiled a bit, squeezed Jaejoong’s hand in his and continued to write.
“I want to hear you sing. Can you sing for me, please? I am sorry that I can’t sing with you.”
He gave the paper to Yunho who read it out loud for everyone. They all smiled when he ended and Yoochun caressed his thigh for a moment, making him feel like everything was okay. Just like the other hands on his shoulders, back and in his hands. They all told him it was okay, it would be okay.
They talked about what they should sing before Jaejoong finally began to hum the melody of “Picture of You”.
Junsu closed his eyes and didn’t even try to hold back his tears. He sank deeper into the pillows and the bodies around him, the arms holding him. A smile appeared on his lips when he listened to his friends singing for him.
Slowly the tears began to trail down his cheeks, more and more. There was a pause in the song when the other four men saw them, but then Yunho stroked them away while they continued to sing.
They were glad that Junsu could finally cry. That he could let go a bit of all the feelings, the feelings which smothered him too much.
Pairing: none in that chapter. (later yoosu and maybe some other)
Genre: angst. drama. friendship.
Rating: PG-16 (because I have no idea and want to be safe)
Words: 3 363
Length: chaptered -> Part 1 . Part 2 . Part 3 .
Warning: /
Summary: Something happens in that night. Something that changes Junsu's life forever. And with him it changes everything in the life of DBSK.
Disclaimer: Don't own DBSK or any other persons in that story. Just the plot is mine.
~
They all visited their families and tried to calm down, though the worry and the pain didn’t faded with this, it just eased it a bit.
Yoochun played with his brother soccer when his mother called him for the phone. It was the third day after the four members had left their usual home.
Yoochun felt more relaxed and his body enjoyed the pause from dance practice, but his thoughts were still in worry about Junsu and the other members.
He didn’t get through to Junsu, his phone was always off, but he talked everyday with the other members, shared his thoughts with them.
He stepped into the house and picked up the phone, sent a questionably look to his mother but she just shook her head and went off to the kitchen.
Confused he pressed the phone to his ear.
“Hello? Here is Yoochun…”
He heard someone’s breath and waited patiently for a minute before sighing deeply.
“Junsu? Is that you?”
He didn’t believe it really though it was a try, so he was really surprised when finally a quiet almost not noticeable voice answered.
“Yoochun… Can you pick me up?”
It sounded like Junsu hadn’t spoken in a long time and Yoochun thought that this could be true.
He didn’t thought about the why or how, just asked where.
After Junsu told him the address the phone went dead and he stared a moment at it in his hand.
After apologizing to his brother and saying goodbye to his family he set off to the place Junsu told him.
~
He arrived a half hour later and didn’t see him first, until his eyes were aware of the body sitting on the ground, shivering and crawled into itself.
“Junsu!”
He rushed to him and sat down, wrapping his arms around the cold body. He didn’t really want to know for how long Junsu already sat here.
Yoochun felt relief that he has found his friend and that he had asked him for help instead of sitting here alone and freezing to death.
After a short while, Yoochun detached himself a little bit from Junsu and tried to look into his eyes, but the other man just hold his head and eyes constantly low.
“Do you want to come to my home?”
His voice was soft and worried but Junsu could also hear the concern in it. He could feel how a smile was formed in his heart but it didn’t come to the outside.
The time where he had smiled easily was over and he didn’t know when it would come back.
He refused to reply until a warm hand was caressing his cheek and he almost choked up though his tears were finally dried. Junsu swallowed hard to keep the choke inside and just nodded in the end, but didn’t look up at all.
After another short silence Yoochun sighed and embraced him with his arms, lifted him up.
Now Junsu had to look up and his cheeks reddened a little bit.
He bit his lower lip and lowered his gaze as soon as it met Yoochun’s.
He didn’t feel well in Yoochun’s arms, though they were strong enough to hold and carry him to the car. It was maybe just that he felt uncomfortable and somehow sick all the time, like he had some disease which could took him to death.
Yoochun said nothing but just put him on the seat and closed the door. He sent him a last unreadable gaze before starting the car and driving home.
Junsu’s gaze went through the window outside but he didn’t see anything, not the rain which was about to fall again and not the house when they were finally at Yoochun’s home.
He didn’t even turn his head when his friend spoke to him.
“Do I need to carry you again or can you walk alone?”
It should sound teasing but Yoochun’s voice didn’t give the right feeling and he was pretty sure that even if he had sounded playfully Junsu hadn’t reacted at all.
It hurt to see him like this. Never had he seen his friend in such a condition and it made his eyes burn and his heart clench.
He waited another minute before he got out of the car and walked to Junsu’s side, but he was already out and stood there, with low hanging head.
He followed him in the house without any sound and his family was thoughtful enough to not disturb them when they were heading through the corridor to Yoochun’s room on the second floor.
Yoochun closed the door behind them and looked at Junsu who was standing like lost in the middle of the room.
He couldn’t take it anymore. The sight of his friend hurt more than anything else, more than the loss of Junho or the worry he had all the time. Seeing him like that made Yoochun shiver and he couldn’t hold the tears back anymore.
Junsu shouldn’t see the tears because he would have been troubled even more so Yoochun turned around and tried to find something to be distracted by.
A hand on his shoulder stopped him.
When he turned around it was the first time he could fully see into Junsu’s eyes and it broke his heart completely. There was no sparkling like before, not even a glint of light; it was like he was looking into glass globes without any feeling.
Junsu knew when his friend was crying, they knew each other too long and too well to not know it.
He was wondering why Yoochun was crying. Was it because of Junho? Or something else? He knew his friend was fragile and all, but at the moment he couldn’t think of anything else. That he himself could be the reason; this idea didn’t come into his mind.
He couldn’t say comforting words to his friend, they were in his head, but they wouldn’t come out of his throat.
So he just embraced Yoochun with his arms and held softly but tightly onto him.
“No…”
Junsu was surprised by the quiet voice and the rejection he just received to his embrace.
“Don’t console me like this. You are the one who needs comfort.”
Yoochun dried his tears hastily with his arm and took Junsu’s hands in his own. He directed him to the bed and sat down, dragged him next to himself.
“Junsu… I know nobody can know how you feel and I don’t know how I could make you feel better.”
Yoochun paused and lowered his head, very doubtful about this whole thing. He didn’t know what to say, how could he?! Yoochun just felt so helpless and completely alone with the sad and lifeless Junsu.
Probably Yunho or Jaejoong could do this better, they would know what to do in this situation and they wouldn’t feel such helpless.
These were the thoughts Yoochun had and though he told himself he wouldn’t give up. His friend needed him now, which he could tell for sure; otherwise Junsu hadn’t called him earlier.
He looked up again and stared a moment at Junsu’s empty face.
There was no use in thinking about others or wishing he could see the old Junsu again.
Maybe he would never come back or it would take a long time. Until then he had to do his best he could to help him.
“First you take these wet clothes off!”
Junsu looked finally up and sent a confused gaze to his friend. What was with his clothes?! He didn’t feel the clamminess of the rain and the night.
But he did how he was told and began to undress before taking the clothes which Yoochun gave him.
After he put them on he could feel the warmth and the light scent which was all too familiar to him.
Yoochun put him to bed and wrapped him in the blanket.
“Sleep a little and then we’ll talk, okay?!”
Junsu noticed how Yoochun treated him like a little child and suddenly it reminded him of Yoochun’s brother and that he had treated him like this years ago the same.
Though he didn’t notice and he didn’t want to show it, his eyes began to sadden and became glassy.
Yoochun already turned around so he didn’t see it, but Junsu felt the urge to hold him back, he didn’t want to be alone. He had it been for the last days and called Yoochun precisely because of this.
He didn’t want to be alone anymore; he didn’t want to feel so lonely anymore.
So his hand grabbed Yoochun’s wrist and held him back.
Though still he didn’t speak his eyes were pleading that he wouldn’t go and left him alone here.
Yoochun turned around and had to smile, not brightly, but sad and still worried, when he saw this.
“It’s okay, Su-ah… I won’t go away. I’ll stay here, okay?!”
He sat down next to him on the bed and held his hands.
~
Yoochun’s mother came after two hours to see what was going on with the two and found them both sleeping on the bed. They snuggled together under the blanket and holding onto each other like they would be afraid of being separated.
She smiled and watched them for a while, before stroking over both heads and placing on both foreheads a kiss. She knew Junsu for a long time and knew how strong the friendship was between them.
Yoochun didn’t talk about the incident with Junho and she was worried about him, but now with Junsu on his side, maybe he could talk about it. Maybe the two boys could help each other with the loss and the mourning.
She let them alone again and walked downstairs to phone the other members of DBSK to tell them that Junsu was here, because she knew how worried all of them were about their dolphin.
~
Again Junsu woke up with the scent of his friend in his nose, but this time he was actually still lying next to him. The younger one looked into the face in front of him and detached himself a bit from him.
Yoochun looked exhausted and even in his sleep not relaxed. Suddenly Junsu felt sorry for him. He hadn’t think one minute about the feelings of his friends. He had been at home and stayed there for a day to comfort his parents. He didn’t show his own sorrow and suffered alone afterwards.
But even when he called Yoochun he didn’t think of the other’s feelings, just of his own. How selfish he was.
Junsu sighed and stroked with his fingertips over Yoochun’s face, his cheeks, nose, the edges of his mouth and eyes.
With a soft smile he felt how gratitude and brotherly love swollen up in his heart.
The smile felt uneasy and a bit like he hadn’t smile for a long time, though it were just three days.
While Yoochun was still asleep, snuggled closely to him, he thought of the other members and not only of them but of all the other friends who surely tried to call him the last days.
He tried to say something, just to mumble a few words to make sure his voice would do it, but no sound wanted to come out.
Now his smile faded and his eyes became sad again.
Even to his parents he hadn’t spoken anything; somehow his voice didn’t want to work anymore for him. When he phoned Yoochun he wasn’t sure he could say anything, but it worked, for that one moment.
Now he felt like he was voiceless again. Junsu wasn’t scared or thought that it was something serious. He just took it as it was.
With a sigh his attention directed back to his friend and he met sleepy but opened eyes which were watching him silently.
“Junsu…”
The calm and dark voice of his friend washed over him like a warm rain and suddenly Junsu missed all the other voices too, the voices with which he had sing for so long and which he knew as good as his own.
But he couldn’t say anything; he couldn’t say how much he wanted to see Jaejoong, Yunho and Changmin. How much he wanted to sing with them or just listen to their voices, to a song.
He coughed and tried once again to say something but his voice refused to come back and he became completely silent, didn’t meet the caring eyes of his friend.
Yoochun straightened a little and stroked over Junsu’s cheek.
“What is wrong?”
When no answer came, just again an avoiding of his gaze, he got suspicious.
“Junsu? Why don’t you talk to me?”
“I can’t, I just can’t”, answered Junsu in his head, but he brought no sound over his lips.
Now Yoochun began to worry and he straightened more until he was sitting.
“Just say something!”
He tried not to sound panic, but somehow he couldn’t hide the worried tone in his voice and regretted it immediately when he saw the look in Junsu’s eyes.
“It’s okay… I’ll call a doctor, okay?!” He tried to calm himself and Junsu down, so he wouldn’t have to see that look in his eyes anymore.
Junsu just looked at him and said nothing, because he couldn’t. So Yoochun stood up and wanted to go to the door, but suddenly a hand grabbed his shirt and made him turn around.
He looked in Junsu’s eyes and then smiled a bit.
“It’s okay. You don’t want the doctor? So… wait, I will bring paper and pencil, so you can write down, okay?!”
Now Junsu nodded and let go of him, watching silently how his friend went out of the room.
It lasted bit longer until Junsu heard the familiar foot steps again. Yoochun came not only with paper and pencil but also a plate with something to eat.
He smiled for a moment at Junsu and put the plate down on the table beside the bed.
“Umma made something for you, she thought you looked hungry.”
Junsu just nodded, but didn’t grab any of the fruit or toast. He took instead the pencil and paper and hesitated for a moment before writing down the words which were still in his head.
It took a while until he gave the paper back to Yoochun, who was watching him all the time. The first sentence nearly shocked Yoochun but he tried not to show how sad it made him to read something like this. When his eyes flew over the next lines a smile curved his lips up and he looked up, met Junsu’s eyes and nodded finally understanding.
“I am sorry for making you cry, for not thinking about you and the others. You must have been worried about me the last days. I don’t know what happened to my voice, but it doesn’t matter, just don’t worry about it okay?!
Please call Jaejoongie and the others. I want to meet them… (Here he had hesitate the most) I want to hear your voices.”
After reading the little letter Yoochun stood up and went out to get the phone and do as Junsu wished. He smiled a bit at the reaction of his friends and told them they should come over to his house, because here weren’t so many fans.
At this thought he suddenly thought of the time Junsu were alone outside. Didn’t the fans bother him?
With a frown he came back to Junsu who now looked questioningly up to him.
“It is okay, they will be here in a moment. Do you want to have some clothes from me?”
Maybe Junsu wanted to keep the current clothes on. Yoochun was somehow a bit nervous at the moment about how he should deal with Junsu. That never happened before. They knew each other now for five years and never had he felt so awkward and unsure in the presence of Junsu, even not when the other was unusually calm and depressed.
And with this feeling he was in some way relieved that their friends would come any minute to help him and especially Junsu with all this.
It was just so unusual to have Junsu next to him, not talking with his voice, not making jokes and laugh afterwards. It was something he never knew could happen and it scared him.
Junsu nodded to the question and got up as well, glancing to the food but didn’t take anything. He wasn’t hungry at all.
~
Junsu had showered and wore now clothes from Yoochun, again. He sat on the bed, staring at his friend who told him about the things happened the last days, trying to ease the awkwardness between them.
He stopped when the bell rang and some voices could be heard from the corridor. The next moment three young men stormed in the room, Jaejoong ahead with a face like he would yell at the two younger ones in the room.
But he just hugged Junsu and held him tight, burying his head into Junsu’s neck.
Changmin and Yunho greeted Yoochun before they turned to Jaejoong and Junsu, who were still holding to each other. Finally Jaejoong let his friend go and allowed the other two to hug him.
Junsu smiled a bit at his friends, patted their heads and held their hands, sometimes a bit too tight but nobody would complain.
Junsu felt how the emptiness and loneliness in his heart eased. The feeling he had the moment they all gathered around him on the bed, every one of them trying to comfort him with touching and caressing him, it made him smile. The smile spread on his lips and finally reached his eyes, making them lighten a bit.
The other four were glad to see him smile again. They were silent for a moment, just enjoying each other’s company before Yoochun began to speak, explaining how he found Junsu, or better, how he was called and picked him up. He explained that Junsu couldn’t speak at all and that they don’t know why.
“We should send you to the doctor, Junsu. Maybe he can give an answer to all this.”
Junsu looked to Yunho and smiled a bit, waving his hands in denial. He got pen and paper from Yoochun and wrote down his answer to that suggestion.
“But I could speak to Yoochun before, when I called him. I don’t know why it was just in that moment. I didn’t even talk to my family (that was crossed right the moment after he wrote it) parents. I don’t want to go to a doctor. I just need…. you right now.”
He hesitated for a moment, looked up to his members who were watching him carefully, waiting for him to end his writing. He smiled a bit, squeezed Jaejoong’s hand in his and continued to write.
“I want to hear you sing. Can you sing for me, please? I am sorry that I can’t sing with you.”
He gave the paper to Yunho who read it out loud for everyone. They all smiled when he ended and Yoochun caressed his thigh for a moment, making him feel like everything was okay. Just like the other hands on his shoulders, back and in his hands. They all told him it was okay, it would be okay.
They talked about what they should sing before Jaejoong finally began to hum the melody of “Picture of You”.
Junsu closed his eyes and didn’t even try to hold back his tears. He sank deeper into the pillows and the bodies around him, the arms holding him. A smile appeared on his lips when he listened to his friends singing for him.
Slowly the tears began to trail down his cheeks, more and more. There was a pause in the song when the other four men saw them, but then Yunho stroked them away while they continued to sing.
They were glad that Junsu could finally cry. That he could let go a bit of all the feelings, the feelings which smothered him too much.