[One shot] Broken
Title : Broken
Pairing : Domoto Tsuyoshi x Domoto Koichi
Genre : Romance, angst, but fluff at the same time if it's possible?
Rating : G, maybe PG13
Disclaimer : The boys aren't mine, I really hope I own them tho XD
Summary : Tsuyoshi and his panic attack (straight summary is straight)
Note : This fic is my very first KinKi fic. I'm still VERY insecure to write about them. Since I'm a newbie that is. I'm afraid I won't pull out their chars well, but... this plot is just won't get out of my mind so... here is it. *sits uncomfortably*
I'm still not sure about the whole story of Tsuyoshi's panic attack episodes, but I really want to pull the story out. So really, this fic is basically all my imagination.
Un-beta-ed, because my love is super busy atm~ XD
~*~
The world seemed like never side on him. If other people would thought that he was everything they wanted, Tsuyoshi thought the exact opposite about himself. People praised him, for being talented in everything he was doing. For being good looking as he was, to be able to play more than one instrument, to has beautiful voice, and drawing beautifully. The artist, that what they said about him.
That’s all though?
That’s all right? Domoto Tsuyoshi, a good looking man and a very talented artist. Could people describe other things from him? None. Okay, maybe some people said he was personality wise, just because he was friendly and had more friends than Koichi. That wasn’t fair though, Tsuyoshi always thought, if people compared the quantity of his friends with Koichi’s. But then it was just the two of them in the group, of course people would compare. Like people tend to say Koichi was visually better than him, not like he cared about that because he loves Koichi the way he is and vice versa, and what’s better than having a hot companion in the same group? It could be very refreshing. Despite that Koichi was more than some handsome faces, as for Tsuyoshi his good looking was just a bonus of the whole real existance of Koichi. Because Koichi was the only one who could make Tsuyoshi happy for only being exist. And just like that, Tsuyoshi always wanted to be more than people’s image : a talented Domoto Tsuyoshi.
The more people said how perfect his life was the more he was losing the grip, just like the ground under him gone and he was floating in some dark parallel world. Sometimes Tsuyoshi afraid to be alone, maybe that’s why he hangs out with other people more than Koichi. But then, there were times when the crowds were totally suffocating him. Because he had to live in their expectation. To be the Tsuyoshi they wanted. He likes people, he really does. He likes to learn about life, to hear about their stories, or just to see they were living, just like when he was sitting in the park staring to people. Just staring, and wondering what they had in mind, what were waiting for them at home, what their wishes at the moment.
People said Koichi was really gloomy, but he was no better, it was just the Tsuyoshi he was playing to that shine beautifully, the mask he was wearing. He was a good actor not for nothing anyway. That way people would be happy, that way he gets accepted, that way he keeps his heart away from other people. To make people thought they knew anything about him but keep himself away from them. People took it anyway, they were happy with the Tsuyoshi he was playing to.
He kept himself far far away, deep in the corner of his heart, pure and untouchable.
That what he planned to. But he was human after all. He had a pair of unfiltered ears to hear and eyes to see. People talk, talk, and talk. This was just not enough. This won’t bring them to the peak. They had to work harder, harder, and harder.
Singing was his way out from everything but when even singing was pressuring him, when his hands numb and cannot draw anything anymore, he had lost everything. He wasn’t even the talented Tsuyoshi because he was nothing but useless human. He didn’t know for whom he sang. He used to sing for KinKi Kids fans, for Koichi, even for himself but now, he was losing his hold. His world was ruptured, the sky that he used to love scattered, he has no goal and no one to help his stand back.
The only thing proved that he was still alive was just his heart, that beating so loudly, hitting from inside, telling him, “you are still alive Tsuyoshi, until I say you die.”
It’s hard to breathe…
It’s hard to keep his eyes open…
His knees hit the floor hard as his hands found their way for support in the nearest chair. Both of his legs already gave up, paralyzed as his movements became even more frantic, almost desperate. The chair cracked by his trembling wet hands. Tsuyoshi tried to talk, to scream, to getting back on his sense but none is working. Instead everything started to blur and his head hurts so much like someone hammered it without mercy. That, he needed to make everything clear, he needed to make this headache stopped. His head was just one centimeter away from the wall when someone pulled him, prevent him from ramming his head to anything hard.
Suddenly, he was being pulled to a strong embrace, a nice familiar scent infiltrated his smell. In the mute helpless state he buried his nails to the other’s arms hurtfully, who wrapped him even tighter despite that. His lungs still rejected to work, as Tsuyoshi short breathily tried to concentrate on the other guy’s hand that found its way to his back, stroking him slowly. The guy pressed himself so close Tsuyoshi could feel his even heartbeat and his steady breath on his nape.
“Tsuyoshi, I’m here…” the guy breathily whispered to his ear.
Shockingly his effort on focusing on the other brought a tranquil for him. The guys’ scent calmed him and slowly his lungs work almost normally, only a hitch every now and then. His heartbeat slowed down, synchronized with the guy’s slow heart beat. Now when he almost back to all senses, the haze on his head started to diminish. The guy mumbled in soft tone, a song that he identify as one of KinKi’s songs although he still couldn’t recall what.
“Sorry…” his voice sounded far and broken.
“Shhh… nothing to worry about, I’m here you know it, I won’t leave you, ever…”
His body was getting relaxed as now the guy’s fingers buried on his hair, stroking them slowly and soft lips pressed on his neck, trailed it with tender kisses, “Keep singing, Koichi…”
His partner laughed over his request, “Just a minute greedy, I will continue after I tell you that I love you.”
Tsuyoshi waits.
“I love you, Tsuyoshi…”
A smile crossed over his cheeks as he closed his eyes, listening to Koichi’s love song.
Their love song…
~*~
AN : comments? criticisms? are loved~ <3
*worried as hell*
Pairing : Domoto Tsuyoshi x Domoto Koichi
Genre : Romance, angst, but fluff at the same time if it's possible?
Rating : G, maybe PG13
Disclaimer : The boys aren't mine, I really hope I own them tho XD
Summary : Tsuyoshi and his panic attack (straight summary is straight)
Note : This fic is my very first KinKi fic. I'm still VERY insecure to write about them. Since I'm a newbie that is. I'm afraid I won't pull out their chars well, but... this plot is just won't get out of my mind so... here is it. *sits uncomfortably*
I'm still not sure about the whole story of Tsuyoshi's panic attack episodes, but I really want to pull the story out. So really, this fic is basically all my imagination.
Un-beta-ed, because my love is super busy atm~ XD
~*~
The world seemed like never side on him. If other people would thought that he was everything they wanted, Tsuyoshi thought the exact opposite about himself. People praised him, for being talented in everything he was doing. For being good looking as he was, to be able to play more than one instrument, to has beautiful voice, and drawing beautifully. The artist, that what they said about him.
That’s all though?
That’s all right? Domoto Tsuyoshi, a good looking man and a very talented artist. Could people describe other things from him? None. Okay, maybe some people said he was personality wise, just because he was friendly and had more friends than Koichi. That wasn’t fair though, Tsuyoshi always thought, if people compared the quantity of his friends with Koichi’s. But then it was just the two of them in the group, of course people would compare. Like people tend to say Koichi was visually better than him, not like he cared about that because he loves Koichi the way he is and vice versa, and what’s better than having a hot companion in the same group? It could be very refreshing. Despite that Koichi was more than some handsome faces, as for Tsuyoshi his good looking was just a bonus of the whole real existance of Koichi. Because Koichi was the only one who could make Tsuyoshi happy for only being exist. And just like that, Tsuyoshi always wanted to be more than people’s image : a talented Domoto Tsuyoshi.
The more people said how perfect his life was the more he was losing the grip, just like the ground under him gone and he was floating in some dark parallel world. Sometimes Tsuyoshi afraid to be alone, maybe that’s why he hangs out with other people more than Koichi. But then, there were times when the crowds were totally suffocating him. Because he had to live in their expectation. To be the Tsuyoshi they wanted. He likes people, he really does. He likes to learn about life, to hear about their stories, or just to see they were living, just like when he was sitting in the park staring to people. Just staring, and wondering what they had in mind, what were waiting for them at home, what their wishes at the moment.
People said Koichi was really gloomy, but he was no better, it was just the Tsuyoshi he was playing to that shine beautifully, the mask he was wearing. He was a good actor not for nothing anyway. That way people would be happy, that way he gets accepted, that way he keeps his heart away from other people. To make people thought they knew anything about him but keep himself away from them. People took it anyway, they were happy with the Tsuyoshi he was playing to.
He kept himself far far away, deep in the corner of his heart, pure and untouchable.
That what he planned to. But he was human after all. He had a pair of unfiltered ears to hear and eyes to see. People talk, talk, and talk. This was just not enough. This won’t bring them to the peak. They had to work harder, harder, and harder.
Singing was his way out from everything but when even singing was pressuring him, when his hands numb and cannot draw anything anymore, he had lost everything. He wasn’t even the talented Tsuyoshi because he was nothing but useless human. He didn’t know for whom he sang. He used to sing for KinKi Kids fans, for Koichi, even for himself but now, he was losing his hold. His world was ruptured, the sky that he used to love scattered, he has no goal and no one to help his stand back.
The only thing proved that he was still alive was just his heart, that beating so loudly, hitting from inside, telling him, “you are still alive Tsuyoshi, until I say you die.”
It’s hard to breathe…
It’s hard to keep his eyes open…
His knees hit the floor hard as his hands found their way for support in the nearest chair. Both of his legs already gave up, paralyzed as his movements became even more frantic, almost desperate. The chair cracked by his trembling wet hands. Tsuyoshi tried to talk, to scream, to getting back on his sense but none is working. Instead everything started to blur and his head hurts so much like someone hammered it without mercy. That, he needed to make everything clear, he needed to make this headache stopped. His head was just one centimeter away from the wall when someone pulled him, prevent him from ramming his head to anything hard.
Suddenly, he was being pulled to a strong embrace, a nice familiar scent infiltrated his smell. In the mute helpless state he buried his nails to the other’s arms hurtfully, who wrapped him even tighter despite that. His lungs still rejected to work, as Tsuyoshi short breathily tried to concentrate on the other guy’s hand that found its way to his back, stroking him slowly. The guy pressed himself so close Tsuyoshi could feel his even heartbeat and his steady breath on his nape.
“Tsuyoshi, I’m here…” the guy breathily whispered to his ear.
Shockingly his effort on focusing on the other brought a tranquil for him. The guys’ scent calmed him and slowly his lungs work almost normally, only a hitch every now and then. His heartbeat slowed down, synchronized with the guy’s slow heart beat. Now when he almost back to all senses, the haze on his head started to diminish. The guy mumbled in soft tone, a song that he identify as one of KinKi’s songs although he still couldn’t recall what.
“Sorry…” his voice sounded far and broken.
“Shhh… nothing to worry about, I’m here you know it, I won’t leave you, ever…”
His body was getting relaxed as now the guy’s fingers buried on his hair, stroking them slowly and soft lips pressed on his neck, trailed it with tender kisses, “Keep singing, Koichi…”
His partner laughed over his request, “Just a minute greedy, I will continue after I tell you that I love you.”
Tsuyoshi waits.
“I love you, Tsuyoshi…”
A smile crossed over his cheeks as he closed his eyes, listening to Koichi’s love song.
Their love song…
~*~
AN : comments? criticisms? are loved~ <3
*worried as hell*