twi fic // five times edward cullen had a girl but he ated her [edward/ofc; PG-13]
title: Five times Edward Cullen had a girl but he ated her
author: crooked
pairing(s): Edward Cullen/OFCs
rating: PG-13
word count: 1714
warning(s): CRACK. [nekare forbid me to call it that. :P] if you don't have a sense of humor about Twilight, you'd probably want to skip this. and, yes, i realize Twilight!vampires don't actually eat people. this title was just more fun. :P
summary:Edward Cullen adheres to a strict "No Girl-Eating" policy. Except for these five times.
disclaimer: Not mine.
a/n: as requested by nekare for the Five Times meme.
five times edward cullen had a girl but he ated her
01. Margaret Howard: St Louis, Missouri; 1927. Edward is one year shy of a decade as a vampire, and he's just seen the most gorgeous creature he's ever encountered. She's petite, cute, and blonde, with curls cascading down her back. Her chocolate brown, knife-pleated skirt shows off her legs just enough to remain decent; Edward despises the garish and inappropriate flapper-style dresses that had come into fashion in the decade. In short? He's in love.
Edward moves with speed undetectable to the human eye, and sets himself up at the street corner the girl is approaching. He attempts to look casual as he leans against the lamppost (which isn't easy when you're essentially marble leaning against steel), and flashes her a blindingly white smile. Dazzled, just like that. Edward is walking her home in minutes, under the guise of keeping her safe at this time in the evening, and Margaret can do nothing but stare dreamily up at him as they glide arm-in-arm down the sidewalk. In the course of the fifteen minute stroll, he's told her that she's the sun that breaks on his horizon, bringing light where darkness once reigned. Edward tells Margaret he can hardly live without her, and Margaret just sighs - his breath is so sweet and his voice so hypnotic that Edward can tell her she's utterly hideous and she'd still swoon.
When he realizes he's surrounded by the scent of blood, Edward figures something's probably gone wrong. Beside him in the fluffy, white bed is Margaret, her throat a dark red gash and her duvet utterly ruined. He's still relatively new, as far as vampires go, and Edward must've been overtaken by the thirst some time in the night. But he can only guess as the previous hours are nothing but a blank to him. Oh, Edward thinks as he hastily escapes out her bedroom window, Carlisle is going to be displeased.
02. Betty Borland: Kansas CIty, Kansas; 1944. Another blonde - this time with soft, brassy-hued curls farming her face just like Lauren Bacall - catches Edward's eye as he walks toward the University hospital where Carlisle is on duty. Edward recognizes the girl; she's a student at the University of Kansas in Lawrence, same as he is. He's seen her on campus with her sorority sisters but something about her on this day makes Edward take notice more than usual. Once again, he uses his preternatural gifts to position himself in her line of sight, beneath a beam of light from yet another lamppost. (It's becoming something of his M.O., he realizes.)
Betty is helplessly ensnared in his trap the moment she catches sight of his unusually auburn hair, the gleam of his bright eyes. She ditches the two girls she's walking with at the mere suggestion of Edward escorting her to the diner on the corner. He watches her delicately eat her slice of cherry pie, the bright red filling dribbling down her chin, and Edward reaches across to dab at it with a cloth napkin. She blushes and flashes him a demure smile, and Edward leans over to tell her how she's the brightest star in his nighttime sky.
The next morning, it's just like with Margaret: Edward has no recollection of the hours before, her bed is stained with blood, blonde hair tinged red at the bottom of her limp curls, throat ripped open. Edward hears her mother's screams as his feet hit the concrete below her window, streaking down the sidewalk like a bolt of lightning.
03. Deborah Stabler: Portland, Maine; 1968. By now, Edward's starting to think that blondes just might not be his type. That's when he spots Deborah, a fiery redhead at a midnight anti-war rally on the steps of City Hall. The flame of the candle she's holding flickers and illuminates her face, beautiful even as it contorts with each angry cry of 'make love, not war'. Her mini-skirt is covered with iron-on peace symbol patches and hand-painted flowers of all shapes and colors, and Edward is more sure than he's ever been that she is very possibly the one.
He sidles up just behind her, taking up the chant as she shouts out, standing just a hair closer than strictly necessary. Deborah takes notice of the body pressed almost imperceptibly against hers, and she turns to flash whoever it is a smile. Edward looks down at her, smiles, and she's already his. He can tell by the way she abruptly winds her arms around his neck and kisses him, her chant lost on her lips when they meet his. Edward leads her away from City Hall, Deborah placing her small hand in his, fingers tangled and hands swinging back and forth. They wander into the nearby park, and Deborah races over to the swings. Edward pushes her lightly, watching her red hair flow behind her and telling her she's the lush, green clearing in the dark forest of his heart. She tells him she lives nearby.
Deborah doesn't fare much better than the blondes. (The Cullens have long since moved by the time the authorities follow the anonymous tip pointing them to the field where her body is buried, love beads still wound around what's left of her neck.)
04. Cynthia Frye: Regina, Saskatchewan; 1983. Perhaps Canadian girls are more his type, Edward thinks when Carlisle and Esme make the decision to move up North. As he treks through downtown Regina, the blustery winter winds blowing snow in his face, one happens to catch his eye. She's got a bright red scarf wrapped tightly around her neck, and she pulls her charcoal coat closed even tighter as she walks into Central Library. Edward streaks across the street and follows her inside, watching as she shakes out her copper-colored hair from the knit cap she's just pulled off.
She moves into the fiction section, walking leisurely along, her fingertip trailing along the spines of the books on the shelf. When she comes to the end of the aisle, Edward is there, strategically placed so that she runs smack into him. She stumbles back, he reaches out to catch her, and she lets out a tiny gasp as she peers up into his impossibly beautiful face. Edward knows she's under his spell when he feels her relax in his hold as if there's nowhere else she'd rather be. Cynthia doesn't even ask his name; she slips her hand in the crook of Edward's arm as he steers her back out of the library. There's a shortcut back to her parent's house, she says, and they turn down a narrow alley. Edward stops her and curls his finger beneath her chin, tilting her head up and peering into her emerald eyes. She sighs dreamily as Edward tells her his life was naught but a vast, lifeless desert before he met her, the sweet rain that set his love into blossom.
One moment Cynthia is pressing herself against Edward, kissing desperately at his lips, and the next she's sprawled out on the snow, her blood staining the pure white snow deep crimson. He rather expected he'd have had this under control by now. This time, Carlisle takes Edward's driving privileges away for two weeks.
05. Jennifer Woods: Anaconda, Montana; 1994. Emmett insists on going to the Oktoberfest celebration, and he drags Edward along with him. It's at the third knackwurst and sauerkraut booth they visit (which makes Edward roll his eyes because Emmett can't even digest the stuff) when Edward spots the pretty brunette with the light blue eyes. She's serving someone one of the god-awful sausages when she locks eyes with Edward. Jennifer asks him if he's ready to order and he politely refuses, flashes her a smile, and Emmett just shakes his head as he walks away because the girl is clearly smitten.
A few words between the two, and Jennifer is skipping out on her promise to help at her uncle's booth, tossing her apron on the ground and ignoring the complaints of the customers still in line. Her cousin is yelling after her but Jennifer doesn't seem to care. Edward takes her by the hand as he leads her away from the festival, wandering down East Commercial Avenue. She tells him all about her family's history as local sausage makers, and it's mundane and boring but Edward pretends it's the most interesting thing he's ever heard. They turn down Main Street just as twilight falls, the sun's waning light making their shadows appear long and sinewy on the sidewalk before them. Jennifer is about to launch into a tale about the bratwurst her uncle gave her for her 16th birthday when Edward cuts her off, a finger pressed to her lips as he tells her that his life was but a long, continuous winter until she came along, the loveliest Spring thawing his frozen heart.
Her eyes are full of stars as she tugs Edward off the sidewalk, crossing past the sculpture garden with the stupid deer family that reminds him that he's not hunted in some time. But Jennifer is pushing him back against a wall, the side of the building seeming to appear out of nowhere. The town is quiet everywhere that isn't Oktoberfest so no one sees her kiss him, nearly attacking him in her inexplicable lust for this boy she's just met. (He knows that it's his sweet breath, his seductive voice, and his mesmerizing eyes that have her so worked up.) No one is there to see him sniff at her neck, the hot pulse of blood beneath her skin so tempting. And so no one is there to see Edward bite into Jennifer's neck, so fast that she can't even scream. He leaves her slumped there under the 'Historic Montana' mural, boasting of the town's Main Street appeal.
Carlisle has been eying that little town in Washington anyway, Edward tells himself as he rushes to find Emmett before the sheriff finds Jennifer.
author: crooked
pairing(s): Edward Cullen/OFCs
rating: PG-13
word count: 1714
warning(s): CRACK. [nekare forbid me to call it that. :P] if you don't have a sense of humor about Twilight, you'd probably want to skip this. and, yes, i realize Twilight!vampires don't actually eat people. this title was just more fun. :P
summary:Edward Cullen adheres to a strict "No Girl-Eating" policy. Except for these five times.
disclaimer: Not mine.
a/n: as requested by nekare for the Five Times meme.
five times edward cullen had a girl but he ated her
01. Margaret Howard: St Louis, Missouri; 1927. Edward is one year shy of a decade as a vampire, and he's just seen the most gorgeous creature he's ever encountered. She's petite, cute, and blonde, with curls cascading down her back. Her chocolate brown, knife-pleated skirt shows off her legs just enough to remain decent; Edward despises the garish and inappropriate flapper-style dresses that had come into fashion in the decade. In short? He's in love.
Edward moves with speed undetectable to the human eye, and sets himself up at the street corner the girl is approaching. He attempts to look casual as he leans against the lamppost (which isn't easy when you're essentially marble leaning against steel), and flashes her a blindingly white smile. Dazzled, just like that. Edward is walking her home in minutes, under the guise of keeping her safe at this time in the evening, and Margaret can do nothing but stare dreamily up at him as they glide arm-in-arm down the sidewalk. In the course of the fifteen minute stroll, he's told her that she's the sun that breaks on his horizon, bringing light where darkness once reigned. Edward tells Margaret he can hardly live without her, and Margaret just sighs - his breath is so sweet and his voice so hypnotic that Edward can tell her she's utterly hideous and she'd still swoon.
When he realizes he's surrounded by the scent of blood, Edward figures something's probably gone wrong. Beside him in the fluffy, white bed is Margaret, her throat a dark red gash and her duvet utterly ruined. He's still relatively new, as far as vampires go, and Edward must've been overtaken by the thirst some time in the night. But he can only guess as the previous hours are nothing but a blank to him. Oh, Edward thinks as he hastily escapes out her bedroom window, Carlisle is going to be displeased.
02. Betty Borland: Kansas CIty, Kansas; 1944. Another blonde - this time with soft, brassy-hued curls farming her face just like Lauren Bacall - catches Edward's eye as he walks toward the University hospital where Carlisle is on duty. Edward recognizes the girl; she's a student at the University of Kansas in Lawrence, same as he is. He's seen her on campus with her sorority sisters but something about her on this day makes Edward take notice more than usual. Once again, he uses his preternatural gifts to position himself in her line of sight, beneath a beam of light from yet another lamppost. (It's becoming something of his M.O., he realizes.)
Betty is helplessly ensnared in his trap the moment she catches sight of his unusually auburn hair, the gleam of his bright eyes. She ditches the two girls she's walking with at the mere suggestion of Edward escorting her to the diner on the corner. He watches her delicately eat her slice of cherry pie, the bright red filling dribbling down her chin, and Edward reaches across to dab at it with a cloth napkin. She blushes and flashes him a demure smile, and Edward leans over to tell her how she's the brightest star in his nighttime sky.
The next morning, it's just like with Margaret: Edward has no recollection of the hours before, her bed is stained with blood, blonde hair tinged red at the bottom of her limp curls, throat ripped open. Edward hears her mother's screams as his feet hit the concrete below her window, streaking down the sidewalk like a bolt of lightning.
03. Deborah Stabler: Portland, Maine; 1968. By now, Edward's starting to think that blondes just might not be his type. That's when he spots Deborah, a fiery redhead at a midnight anti-war rally on the steps of City Hall. The flame of the candle she's holding flickers and illuminates her face, beautiful even as it contorts with each angry cry of 'make love, not war'. Her mini-skirt is covered with iron-on peace symbol patches and hand-painted flowers of all shapes and colors, and Edward is more sure than he's ever been that she is very possibly the one.
He sidles up just behind her, taking up the chant as she shouts out, standing just a hair closer than strictly necessary. Deborah takes notice of the body pressed almost imperceptibly against hers, and she turns to flash whoever it is a smile. Edward looks down at her, smiles, and she's already his. He can tell by the way she abruptly winds her arms around his neck and kisses him, her chant lost on her lips when they meet his. Edward leads her away from City Hall, Deborah placing her small hand in his, fingers tangled and hands swinging back and forth. They wander into the nearby park, and Deborah races over to the swings. Edward pushes her lightly, watching her red hair flow behind her and telling her she's the lush, green clearing in the dark forest of his heart. She tells him she lives nearby.
Deborah doesn't fare much better than the blondes. (The Cullens have long since moved by the time the authorities follow the anonymous tip pointing them to the field where her body is buried, love beads still wound around what's left of her neck.)
04. Cynthia Frye: Regina, Saskatchewan; 1983. Perhaps Canadian girls are more his type, Edward thinks when Carlisle and Esme make the decision to move up North. As he treks through downtown Regina, the blustery winter winds blowing snow in his face, one happens to catch his eye. She's got a bright red scarf wrapped tightly around her neck, and she pulls her charcoal coat closed even tighter as she walks into Central Library. Edward streaks across the street and follows her inside, watching as she shakes out her copper-colored hair from the knit cap she's just pulled off.
She moves into the fiction section, walking leisurely along, her fingertip trailing along the spines of the books on the shelf. When she comes to the end of the aisle, Edward is there, strategically placed so that she runs smack into him. She stumbles back, he reaches out to catch her, and she lets out a tiny gasp as she peers up into his impossibly beautiful face. Edward knows she's under his spell when he feels her relax in his hold as if there's nowhere else she'd rather be. Cynthia doesn't even ask his name; she slips her hand in the crook of Edward's arm as he steers her back out of the library. There's a shortcut back to her parent's house, she says, and they turn down a narrow alley. Edward stops her and curls his finger beneath her chin, tilting her head up and peering into her emerald eyes. She sighs dreamily as Edward tells her his life was naught but a vast, lifeless desert before he met her, the sweet rain that set his love into blossom.
One moment Cynthia is pressing herself against Edward, kissing desperately at his lips, and the next she's sprawled out on the snow, her blood staining the pure white snow deep crimson. He rather expected he'd have had this under control by now. This time, Carlisle takes Edward's driving privileges away for two weeks.
05. Jennifer Woods: Anaconda, Montana; 1994. Emmett insists on going to the Oktoberfest celebration, and he drags Edward along with him. It's at the third knackwurst and sauerkraut booth they visit (which makes Edward roll his eyes because Emmett can't even digest the stuff) when Edward spots the pretty brunette with the light blue eyes. She's serving someone one of the god-awful sausages when she locks eyes with Edward. Jennifer asks him if he's ready to order and he politely refuses, flashes her a smile, and Emmett just shakes his head as he walks away because the girl is clearly smitten.
A few words between the two, and Jennifer is skipping out on her promise to help at her uncle's booth, tossing her apron on the ground and ignoring the complaints of the customers still in line. Her cousin is yelling after her but Jennifer doesn't seem to care. Edward takes her by the hand as he leads her away from the festival, wandering down East Commercial Avenue. She tells him all about her family's history as local sausage makers, and it's mundane and boring but Edward pretends it's the most interesting thing he's ever heard. They turn down Main Street just as twilight falls, the sun's waning light making their shadows appear long and sinewy on the sidewalk before them. Jennifer is about to launch into a tale about the bratwurst her uncle gave her for her 16th birthday when Edward cuts her off, a finger pressed to her lips as he tells her that his life was but a long, continuous winter until she came along, the loveliest Spring thawing his frozen heart.
Her eyes are full of stars as she tugs Edward off the sidewalk, crossing past the sculpture garden with the stupid deer family that reminds him that he's not hunted in some time. But Jennifer is pushing him back against a wall, the side of the building seeming to appear out of nowhere. The town is quiet everywhere that isn't Oktoberfest so no one sees her kiss him, nearly attacking him in her inexplicable lust for this boy she's just met. (He knows that it's his sweet breath, his seductive voice, and his mesmerizing eyes that have her so worked up.) No one is there to see him sniff at her neck, the hot pulse of blood beneath her skin so tempting. And so no one is there to see Edward bite into Jennifer's neck, so fast that she can't even scream. He leaves her slumped there under the 'Historic Montana' mural, boasting of the town's Main Street appeal.
Carlisle has been eying that little town in Washington anyway, Edward tells himself as he rushes to find Emmett before the sheriff finds Jennifer.