Feeling [Part Two]
Title - Feeling [Part 2]
Rating - R
Warnings - Language, self harm, incestuous thoughts..
Pairing - Dean/Adam
Summary - Adam just wanted to feel something...
Disclaimer - All characters and original plots belong to Eric Kripke and The CW. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended.
Word Count - 1,951 approx
Author Notes - This story has not been beta'd. I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors. Also, its rather dark. Ive had to extend this story, I dont know how many parts it will be now, sorry. I also changed my lj username just incase you are confused lol
Dean still could not believe Sam actually walked. After everything, he still walked. Got inside that bitch’s car and left, not a care in the world. Dean can see it, every time he shut his eyes, Sam casually getting his shit and walking. Out of Dean’s life, just like that for the second time. Dean realized a long time ago that everyone he has ever cared about leaves him eventually, his mom, his dad, now Sam. It was only a matter of time really. They all left. But it still fucking hurt.
Dean wanted to throw up, his head was banging as he stumbled inside the small, warm motel room. He was surprised to find his younger half brother asleep in one of the queens. He’d assumed Adam would have left as soon as possible too. What did the kid have to stay for? Maybe Dean would just take Adam back to Minnesota.
Dean stumbled into the bathroom before kneeling down to throw up most of what he drank last night, he could barely remember what he did. He briefly remembered a girl but he couldn’t remember how far he went with her, fuck, he couldn’t even remember her name. He doubted they’d gone far though. Dean made sure all of the contents of his stomach were gone before he tried to stand up. Keeping a grip on the sink as he did. He splashed some water on his face before heading back into the living room to make himself some coffee. Adam was still sleeping, his chest slowly rising and falling.
Watching Adam sleep as he sipped on the crappy coffee made Dean realize he was right all along, Adam didn’t deserve this poor excuse of a life, didn’t deserve to be dragged into hunt after hunt, shitty motel after shitty motel. Sam had wanted Adam to play sidekick, kill the thing that killed his mom and then learn the tricks of the trade and now Sam had fucked off. And Adam was, well, Dean would find himself glancing at the kid every so often, when he wasn’t looking. He knew it was fucked up but he would often get thoughts, unbrotherly thoughts.
It first happened just one random morning in some diner, just after Adam had started hunting with them full time. Sam was reading the paper, looking for their next hunt and Adam was licking jam off his thumb. Dean watched as his tongue slowly ran up his thumb. Licked it clean of the red jam. Next thing Dean knew he was hard. He’d shaken it off as just needing to get laid, with a girl. But even then he could only reach a good climax thinking about Adam. Even when he had some alone time under the lukewarm spray of a motel shower, he would think of that tongue and those lips as he stroked himself. He knew it was wrong, and it was totally fucking one billion per cent fucked up but he couldn’t stop himself. Even though Adam was a pissy little bitch when he wanted to be and he never ever fucking smiled. Dean was still attracted to him, still thought about Adam sucking him off as he climaxed in the shower. His half brother. His own flesh and blood. The guilt he felt inside... it made him try to avoid Adam totally, leave Sam to teach him the hunters fucking code. He just couldn’t look at him without feeling like the sickest person ever, and now Sam was gone he knew it would be unbearable. Dean knew he had to take Adam back. He was still shocked the kid was still there.
Adam slowly fluttered his eyes open. He looked around the humid motel room to find it Dean sitting on the other bed, staring blankly at some tv show. He slowly sat up.
“Finally you’re awake”
“Yeah” Adam murmured “I’m just gonna go get dressed”
Adam yawned as he grabbed his clothes and headed into the bathroom. He brushes his teeth, he gets dressed, noticing the now dry blood caked around his thigh. The scar was already prominent, big ugly red thing. Adam didn’t mind how it looked though. In a sick way he felt sort of proud of the self inflicted wounds he’d collected over the last month or so, they represented control. They represented feeling and it felt good.
After getting dressed Adam headed back into the living room to find Dean had changed, the smell of alcohol still slightly lingered on him but his duffel was packed.
“You found us another job?”
Dean looked down “Erm, about that, I think I should take you back to Minnesota”
“What?”
“Look kid, now Sam’s gone its just..” Dean paused, hearing the words out loud for the first time Sam’s gone It gave Dean a chill down his spine “You, you need to go back to Windom,”.
“I’ll be out in the car” Dean said quietly, not really knowing what else there was to say. His head was fucking killing him and it would take them the entire day and most of the evening to get to Windom, he just wanted it over and done with.
Adam ignored the rage that built up inside him, as he started shoving his stuff in his duffel. His hands were shaking as he reached under his pillow and slid his precious knife in his jacket pocket before leaving the crummy ass motel for the last time.
The drive was unbearably silent. Dean kept his eyes on the road, it felt strange not having Sam riding shotgun. He would glance over occasionally and Adam would be leaned against the window just starting out into the never ending roads. He maybe thought about talking to Adam, trying to tell the kid why he needed to go back to Windom, but Adam had barely spoke to him since he’d been with them so he decided against it. Adam didn’t seem like he wanted to chat anyway, just kept staring out of the window. Man had the kid inherited the famous Winchester stubborn streak.
About six hours into the drive and Dean’s hangover still hadn’t gone away. His head was banging and he’d threw up at nearly all of the bathroom and gas pit stops they’d taken and now the sun was setting and Dean was getting tired, the need to sleep in a bed for the night was greater than the need to just get to Windom as quickly as possible. So instead Dean pulled up outside some random motel just hoping to get a decent sleep for the night.
Deep down Adam was glad when Dean pulled up outside the motel, he knew this would be his last night on the road with Dean. And it would be his last night as a ‘Hunter’ He would probably never see Dean or Sam again after tonight. He would be alone. Again. He remembered how scared he was when his mom disappeared, how he didn’t sleep and how his mind played tricks on him. Now his mom was gone and he was alone.
Dean was barely in the room before he was undressing. Adam was just sitting on the edge of the small bed. Staring into space, it made Dean feel uneasy. The silence of the room and the horrible awkwardness was becoming unbearable. Dean knew Adam was pissed, he wasn’t stupid. He knew he needed to talk to the kid, try and get him to see where he was coming from.
“Adam?”
“What?” Adam replied, still sitting on the edge of the bed. His back to Dean.
“Look kid, I know you might be pissed at me but you gotta understand, being a hunter, it, well it becomes your whole life and well, you don’t...you’re not”
“I’m not cut out for the job?” Adam interrupted “That what you’re saying?
“What? No Adam I’m not sayin’ that, it’s just......”
“Just what?”
“You need to go back home kid, I need to take you home” Dean said quietly.
Adam let out a laugh as he stood up to face Dean. Oh he was fucking feeling now, but unlike the euphoric feeling he got when he dragged the knife across his skin, he felt anger. And fear and disbelief all at the same time. He clenched his fists to try and hide how hard he was shaking.
“Are you fucking serious?! Home?! You know nothing about my fucking home!, you stupid bastard! My mom was my home! So don’t you fucking talk to me about home!!”
Dean,visbly stunned at Adam’s outburst stood up “Listen Adam, I.... Sam wanted you to come, and he left....and, well”
“You don’t want me hanging around. I get it"
What could Dean say? ’Adam I gotta take you back because every time I jerk off I think about you’ or maybe ’Adam you have to go back because i cant look at you without thinking about what it would be like to fuck you’ No. No way. He would just have to lie.
“Sam wanted you here, not me”
Adam didn’t respond, but Dean saw the look on his face. The hurt, the rejection was clear to see and it made Dean feel like the worst person ever. But he had to do it, he could live with Adam hating him, better that than think him the perverted freak he was.
He did realize Adam wasn’t in the room until he heard the bathroom door slam. Still feeling tired and nursing a headache he climbed into bed. Knowing he wouldn’t get much sleep..
Adam was shaking as he sat down on the cold bathroom floor, he removed his jacket and took out his knife. He needed this, he just needed the anger and the hurt and the fear to go away. He was so scared, Dean probably thought he had relatives’ from his mom’s side that he could stay with. He didn’t. He had no one, his mom was dead, his dad was dead and his brother’s didn’t want him around. He was alone. What did he have to fucking live for now? He just wanted his mom, he missed her so fucking much. He couldn’t go back to Windom, he didn’t even have the energy to get up off the bathroom floor. He pulled his knees closer to his chest. He wanted to be with his mom. He picked up the knife, his hand shaking as he did. He looked at it for a few seconds before knowing what he had to do...
Several minutes later and his eyesight was blurry, he could barely hold his head up so he lay down on the cold hard bathroom floor. Blood, there was so much blood. It hurt he guessed, he couldn’t really tell anymore if it was painful. He felt empty, like the life was being sucked right out of him. His head was spinning, he knew the end was coming, he would be with his mom soon, everything would be okay. He wouldn’t be alone anymore. He smiled at the thought as his eyes fluttered shut....
Rating - R
Warnings - Language, self harm, incestuous thoughts..
Pairing - Dean/Adam
Summary - Adam just wanted to feel something...
Disclaimer - All characters and original plots belong to Eric Kripke and The CW. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended.
Word Count - 1,951 approx
Author Notes - This story has not been beta'd. I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors. Also, its rather dark. Ive had to extend this story, I dont know how many parts it will be now, sorry. I also changed my lj username just incase you are confused lol
Dean still could not believe Sam actually walked. After everything, he still walked. Got inside that bitch’s car and left, not a care in the world. Dean can see it, every time he shut his eyes, Sam casually getting his shit and walking. Out of Dean’s life, just like that for the second time. Dean realized a long time ago that everyone he has ever cared about leaves him eventually, his mom, his dad, now Sam. It was only a matter of time really. They all left. But it still fucking hurt.
Dean wanted to throw up, his head was banging as he stumbled inside the small, warm motel room. He was surprised to find his younger half brother asleep in one of the queens. He’d assumed Adam would have left as soon as possible too. What did the kid have to stay for? Maybe Dean would just take Adam back to Minnesota.
Dean stumbled into the bathroom before kneeling down to throw up most of what he drank last night, he could barely remember what he did. He briefly remembered a girl but he couldn’t remember how far he went with her, fuck, he couldn’t even remember her name. He doubted they’d gone far though. Dean made sure all of the contents of his stomach were gone before he tried to stand up. Keeping a grip on the sink as he did. He splashed some water on his face before heading back into the living room to make himself some coffee. Adam was still sleeping, his chest slowly rising and falling.
Watching Adam sleep as he sipped on the crappy coffee made Dean realize he was right all along, Adam didn’t deserve this poor excuse of a life, didn’t deserve to be dragged into hunt after hunt, shitty motel after shitty motel. Sam had wanted Adam to play sidekick, kill the thing that killed his mom and then learn the tricks of the trade and now Sam had fucked off. And Adam was, well, Dean would find himself glancing at the kid every so often, when he wasn’t looking. He knew it was fucked up but he would often get thoughts, unbrotherly thoughts.
It first happened just one random morning in some diner, just after Adam had started hunting with them full time. Sam was reading the paper, looking for their next hunt and Adam was licking jam off his thumb. Dean watched as his tongue slowly ran up his thumb. Licked it clean of the red jam. Next thing Dean knew he was hard. He’d shaken it off as just needing to get laid, with a girl. But even then he could only reach a good climax thinking about Adam. Even when he had some alone time under the lukewarm spray of a motel shower, he would think of that tongue and those lips as he stroked himself. He knew it was wrong, and it was totally fucking one billion per cent fucked up but he couldn’t stop himself. Even though Adam was a pissy little bitch when he wanted to be and he never ever fucking smiled. Dean was still attracted to him, still thought about Adam sucking him off as he climaxed in the shower. His half brother. His own flesh and blood. The guilt he felt inside... it made him try to avoid Adam totally, leave Sam to teach him the hunters fucking code. He just couldn’t look at him without feeling like the sickest person ever, and now Sam was gone he knew it would be unbearable. Dean knew he had to take Adam back. He was still shocked the kid was still there.
Adam slowly fluttered his eyes open. He looked around the humid motel room to find it Dean sitting on the other bed, staring blankly at some tv show. He slowly sat up.
“Finally you’re awake”
“Yeah” Adam murmured “I’m just gonna go get dressed”
Adam yawned as he grabbed his clothes and headed into the bathroom. He brushes his teeth, he gets dressed, noticing the now dry blood caked around his thigh. The scar was already prominent, big ugly red thing. Adam didn’t mind how it looked though. In a sick way he felt sort of proud of the self inflicted wounds he’d collected over the last month or so, they represented control. They represented feeling and it felt good.
After getting dressed Adam headed back into the living room to find Dean had changed, the smell of alcohol still slightly lingered on him but his duffel was packed.
“You found us another job?”
Dean looked down “Erm, about that, I think I should take you back to Minnesota”
“What?”
“Look kid, now Sam’s gone its just..” Dean paused, hearing the words out loud for the first time Sam’s gone It gave Dean a chill down his spine “You, you need to go back to Windom,”.
“I’ll be out in the car” Dean said quietly, not really knowing what else there was to say. His head was fucking killing him and it would take them the entire day and most of the evening to get to Windom, he just wanted it over and done with.
Adam ignored the rage that built up inside him, as he started shoving his stuff in his duffel. His hands were shaking as he reached under his pillow and slid his precious knife in his jacket pocket before leaving the crummy ass motel for the last time.
The drive was unbearably silent. Dean kept his eyes on the road, it felt strange not having Sam riding shotgun. He would glance over occasionally and Adam would be leaned against the window just starting out into the never ending roads. He maybe thought about talking to Adam, trying to tell the kid why he needed to go back to Windom, but Adam had barely spoke to him since he’d been with them so he decided against it. Adam didn’t seem like he wanted to chat anyway, just kept staring out of the window. Man had the kid inherited the famous Winchester stubborn streak.
About six hours into the drive and Dean’s hangover still hadn’t gone away. His head was banging and he’d threw up at nearly all of the bathroom and gas pit stops they’d taken and now the sun was setting and Dean was getting tired, the need to sleep in a bed for the night was greater than the need to just get to Windom as quickly as possible. So instead Dean pulled up outside some random motel just hoping to get a decent sleep for the night.
Deep down Adam was glad when Dean pulled up outside the motel, he knew this would be his last night on the road with Dean. And it would be his last night as a ‘Hunter’ He would probably never see Dean or Sam again after tonight. He would be alone. Again. He remembered how scared he was when his mom disappeared, how he didn’t sleep and how his mind played tricks on him. Now his mom was gone and he was alone.
Dean was barely in the room before he was undressing. Adam was just sitting on the edge of the small bed. Staring into space, it made Dean feel uneasy. The silence of the room and the horrible awkwardness was becoming unbearable. Dean knew Adam was pissed, he wasn’t stupid. He knew he needed to talk to the kid, try and get him to see where he was coming from.
“Adam?”
“What?” Adam replied, still sitting on the edge of the bed. His back to Dean.
“Look kid, I know you might be pissed at me but you gotta understand, being a hunter, it, well it becomes your whole life and well, you don’t...you’re not”
“I’m not cut out for the job?” Adam interrupted “That what you’re saying?
“What? No Adam I’m not sayin’ that, it’s just......”
“Just what?”
“You need to go back home kid, I need to take you home” Dean said quietly.
Adam let out a laugh as he stood up to face Dean. Oh he was fucking feeling now, but unlike the euphoric feeling he got when he dragged the knife across his skin, he felt anger. And fear and disbelief all at the same time. He clenched his fists to try and hide how hard he was shaking.
“Are you fucking serious?! Home?! You know nothing about my fucking home!, you stupid bastard! My mom was my home! So don’t you fucking talk to me about home!!”
Dean,visbly stunned at Adam’s outburst stood up “Listen Adam, I.... Sam wanted you to come, and he left....and, well”
“You don’t want me hanging around. I get it"
What could Dean say? ’Adam I gotta take you back because every time I jerk off I think about you’ or maybe ’Adam you have to go back because i cant look at you without thinking about what it would be like to fuck you’ No. No way. He would just have to lie.
“Sam wanted you here, not me”
Adam didn’t respond, but Dean saw the look on his face. The hurt, the rejection was clear to see and it made Dean feel like the worst person ever. But he had to do it, he could live with Adam hating him, better that than think him the perverted freak he was.
He did realize Adam wasn’t in the room until he heard the bathroom door slam. Still feeling tired and nursing a headache he climbed into bed. Knowing he wouldn’t get much sleep..
Adam was shaking as he sat down on the cold bathroom floor, he removed his jacket and took out his knife. He needed this, he just needed the anger and the hurt and the fear to go away. He was so scared, Dean probably thought he had relatives’ from his mom’s side that he could stay with. He didn’t. He had no one, his mom was dead, his dad was dead and his brother’s didn’t want him around. He was alone. What did he have to fucking live for now? He just wanted his mom, he missed her so fucking much. He couldn’t go back to Windom, he didn’t even have the energy to get up off the bathroom floor. He pulled his knees closer to his chest. He wanted to be with his mom. He picked up the knife, his hand shaking as he did. He looked at it for a few seconds before knowing what he had to do...
Several minutes later and his eyesight was blurry, he could barely hold his head up so he lay down on the cold hard bathroom floor. Blood, there was so much blood. It hurt he guessed, he couldn’t really tell anymore if it was painful. He felt empty, like the life was being sucked right out of him. His head was spinning, he knew the end was coming, he would be with his mom soon, everything would be okay. He wouldn’t be alone anymore. He smiled at the thought as his eyes fluttered shut....