One-shot: Momentum

[phoenix_zeal]

Title: Momentum
Author: phoenix_zeal
Pairings: Akame, Jin/Meisa
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 11222
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: If I owned them I'd be too busy to write...
Beta: death_note13 ♥
Summary: Jin was married to the successful actress Meisa; he was a stay at home dad to two lovely children. His life seemed idyllic but appearances can be deceiving. When ten years younger Kazuya and his parents moved in next door, Jin’s life was about to change.




Outwardly it seemed like Akanishi Jin had the perfect life. He was married to a famous actress that many men would kill for, if it gave them a chance to even spend one night with her. Jin had actually been nervous about being killed by one of those men but Meisa had just laughed when he told her that and pecked him on the cheek. They’d been married for five years and had two kids; Mika who was four and Jun who was two years old.

As Meisa’s career was so hectic, Jin had sacrificed his own career to be a stay at home husband and father. He didn’t mind it much, he loved spending time with his children but at times it could be exhausting and he would like some more time to spend on things that he enjoyed doing. Most of the time he was busy watching the kids at the same time as he was taking care of the house or the garden.

Jin was cleaning while keeping an eye on Mika and Jun who were playing on the living room floor when the doorbell rang. He told Mika to take care of Jun before walking out in the hallway to open the door. For a moment he was stunned as he saw the young man standing outside, he seemed to be around 20 years old and had long reddish blond hair, wore tight fitting jeans and a white t-shirt which contrasted against his tanned skin. Jin didn’t realise that he was letting his gaze run all over the other man’s body until the stranger cleared his throat and Jin quickly looked up at his face again.

“My name is Kamenashi Kazuya”, the young man said with a small smile and his brown eyes thinly lined with black eyeliner practically enchanted Jin. “My parents and I just moved in next door and they sent me to greet the neighbours.”

“Oh, so you’re the new neighbour”, Jin said. “Or well, one of them. It’s nice to meet you”, it surprised him that he could speak so normally. “Actually I thought that you might be a fan that somehow got a hold of this address.”

“Are you someone famous?” Kazuya raised a thin eyebrow.

“No, my wife is but I hope that you, and your parents, will be able to keep it a secret. It’s a miracle really that we’ve managed to avoid having paparazzi all over the place.”

“I won’t tell anyone so you don’t have to worry and my parents aren’t really interested in celebrities at all. Who is your wife?”

“Kuroki Meisa”, Jin replied and he couldn’t help but to look a bit smug as he said it but Kazuya didn’t really look impressed.

“She’s a good actress but I’m not really a fan, she’s not my type”, Kazuya said, smiling slightly. “Well then, I shouldn’t take up more of your time. It was nice to meet you, Akanishi-san.”

“It was nice to meet you too”, Jin smiled and Kazuya was about to turn around when Jin suddenly asked, “Then what is your type?”

Kazuya looked at Jin again and seemed like he was thinking for a bit before he smirked and replied, “Well, I guess I can say that you’re exactly my type.”

The young man turned around and walked down the garden path, hips swaying, while Jin stared after him. Jin was in a daze for awhile before he realised that he’d left the children alone for too long and wondered what it was about Kazuya that had made him so captivated. It was probably only because he was bored and anything or anyone new in his life would seem exciting for awhile before he got used to them.

When he returned to the living room Jun had fallen asleep on the floor and Mika was busy drawing patterns on his face with a black marker she’d managed to find somewhere. Jin sighed as he took the marker from her despite her protests.

“You’re not jigglypuff, honey”, he said as he carefully picked Jun up, trying not to wake the sleeping boy. “If you want to draw then you should draw on a paper and not on your sleeping brother.”

***

When Meisa came home in the evening the kids were already asleep and Jin had made a nice dinner for the two of them and he’d even lit candles and tried to make a romantic atmosphere. They didn’t really get to spend much time alone with each other or spend any time with each other at all really. Meisa was always busy with her work as she was not only an actress but a singer as well and when she was at home she mostly spent time with the kids.

“How was work today?” Jin asked after they’d eaten in silence for awhile.

“It was exhausting but it’s so much fun”, Meisa replied and proceeded with telling Jin about something that had happened during filming that she apparently thought was funny but he didn’t get it; maybe you had to be there.

Then they were silent again for a bit before Jin said, “I was thinking that we should get the kids into a nice kindergarten so that they’ll get used to playing with other kids and so that I can do some other things that I enjoy.”

“I thought that you loved being with them all the time”, Meisa said, not really sounding interested in what Jin was saying at all.

“Yes, but I think that it would be good for them.”

“Do what you think is best then, I trust that you know what’s best for them better than I do.”

Jin was irked by Meisa’s lack of interest but he didn’t say anything about it as he didn’t want to fight. Perhaps it was true that he knew the kids much better than what she did but he still wanted her to take part in all the decisions when it came to them. It was also true that Jin had been the one who wanted children the most but Meisa hadn’t protested much either until he had wanted a third one and she said that they should wait with that for some time. Maybe it had been wise of her to make that decision.

“The new neighbours have moved in now, the son came to say hello earlier today”, Jin said when the silence became too heavy for him to bear.

“Oh, we should invite them to dinner when I’m free some weekend”, Meisa said. “Actually I think that I’m going to have a day off next Saturday. Do you mind cooking something nice then and we’ll have them over? Mika and Jun can stay with your parents for the weekend.”

“If you’re free, shouldn’t we just spend time with each other?” Jin frowned. “We haven’t had quality time alone for a long time.”

“We’re alone now, aren’t we?” Meisa smiled and rolled her eyes. “Please, Jin? We should have a good relationship to our neighbours.”

Jin sighed but nodded, he didn’t even know why he tried anymore. They never acted like a couple anymore, they were just married on paper and that was it. He still loved her though but he wondered if she ever really loved him or just went along with it to have someone to take care of chores for her. That was a bit unfair but he couldn’t help but feeling that way at times like these.

***

They did invite the new neighbours for dinner just like Meisa had wanted and Jin had cooked one of his most delicious meals if he could say so himself. He was proud of how good he’d gotten at cooking, especially since he couldn’t cook at all before he married Meisa. Some of his friends, that he rarely got to spend time with, teased him about how he’d become the perfect housewife.

The doorbell rang while Jin was placing the food on the table and he looked up when he heard footsteps and was quite blown away by what he saw. Kazuya was even more beautiful than he’d remembered him and was dressed in dark, slightly ripped jeans and a white shirt with the top buttons undone, revealing the smooth chest underneath.

“Hello again”, he said and smiled at Jin who seemed to have temporarily lost the ability to speak. “Your wife is entertaining my parents in the hallway but I snuck passed to find you.”

“Why would you do that?” Jin asked, clearing his throat and adjusted a fork that suddenly seemed to be a few millimetres out of place.

He remembered what the younger man had said about Jin being his type and now it made him uncomfortable. Kazuya had probably only been joking but he still affected Jin much more than he’d like to admit. He was a married man and the father of two wonderful children and he shouldn’t be attracted to a man ten years younger than him.

“I want to get to know you”, Kazuya said with a small smile and Jin opened his mouth to reply but then Meisa came into the room with Kazuya’s parents behind her.

Jin greeted the guests and they sat down at the table to begin eating before the food became cold. By some strike of bad luck, Jin ended up sitting opposite to Kazuya who was quite... expressive when he ate. Every time he put a piece of food in his mouth it seemed like he would have an orgasm judging by the sinful expression on his face. It was highly distracting but Jin tried to keep up with the conversation that the others were having.

By the time for dessert, Kazuya’s and Jin’s feet accidentally rubbed together and the older man had enough. He excused himself and went to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. When he’d dried off, he sighed heavily and stared into the mirror with a quite desperate look in his eyes.

“You really should lock the door”, Kazuya said and closed the door behind him, catching Jin off guard. “What if I had walked in on you peeing or something? That would have been embarrassing.”

“Yes, I’ll definitely lock the door next time”, Jin mumbled and turned around to look at the other. “The other bathroom is down the hall.”

“Yes, I know”, Kazuya said and sat down on the toilet lid, looking at Jin calmly. “Can I smoke?”

“Not in the house, think of the children.”

“Oh, right. Mika and Jun, right? I saw the photos; Mika looks a lot like you only a tiny girl version. They’re adorable.”

“Thank you”, Jin said, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub, not thinking of the fact that he could just leave the bathroom instead of staying in the somehow dangerous situation.

“You cook really good food”, Kazuya said. “It was like I’d gone to heaven or something. I wish that I could cook like you or that my mother could.”

“It’s nothing special really... I could see that you enjoyed it though.”

“I wonder if there are other things you could do that I would enjoy even more”, Kazuya smirked slightly and Jin wondered if he was talking about food anymore.

“We should go back before they wonder where we are”, Jin said and stood up. “I guess you should come a bit later than me.”

Kazuya chuckled and Jin looked questioningly at him but he just motioned for Jin to leave the bathroom. Jin couldn’t understand if there was something funny about what he’d said and he looked a bit confused when he returned to the dining room. Meisa looked at him with a raised eyebrow but he just shook his head and smiled slightly. About a minute later Kazuya also returned to the table.

The rest of the night went smoothly though Kazuya’s parents soon excused themselves and Kazuya of course followed them, though as he passed Jin on the way out he took the opportunity to whisper something to the older man.

“You should let me come first sometime.”

Jin blushed as he realised what he’d said earlier in the bathroom and what other meanings it could have. The younger man grinned at him before he walked out of the door and was gone.

“They seem like really nice people”, Meisa commented as they got ready for bed.

“Yeah, I guess”, Jin mumbled, his thoughts still occupied with Kazuya.

He was thinking about the younger man even as he made love to Meisa for the first time in many months. When he climaxed Kazuya was the name on the tip of his tongue but luckily he didn’t say anything and Meisa soon fell asleep. Jin stared at her, thinking about how messed up things had become in such a short time. Or perhaps things had been messed up for a very long time but Kazuya had just managed to break down some of the facade.

***

Jin found a nice kindergarten that was quite close to the house for the kids to go to and they seemed to adjust quickly. That meant that Jin had more time for himself but he didn’t really know what to do as his friends were busy with their jobs during daytime. He had to make do with cleaning the house and taking care of the garden but now without having to watch the children at the same time which meant that it didn’t take as much time. When he was done with the chores for the day he’d either read a book or watch TV.

This day Jin was sitting on a bench in the garden which was surrounded by tall bushes that concealed him from the outside world. There was only a narrow opening but that wasn’t easily seen either. He was completely immersed in a book when he suddenly heard a familiar voice calling for him outside in another part of the garden.

“I’m here”, Jin called out without really thinking about it as he was still wrapped up in the exciting book.

“I didn’t realise that there was a space like this in these bushes”, Kazuya said as he sat down on the bench beside Jin making the older man finally look up from the book. “I rang the doorbell but you didn’t open so I figured that you’d be here.”

“Are you bored again?” Jin asked, the younger man had come to visit him a few times before but Jin had been busy with chores every time so Kazuya soon left.

“I can’t find a job”, Kazuya shrugged and pulled up his legs, hugging them and leaned against Jin slightly. “Bugging you seems better than being alone.”

“Hmm”, Jin looked down at the book again, trying not to let the closeness of the other man affect him even if Kazuya was making that increasingly difficult as he rested his head on Jin’s shoulder.

The younger man made it seemed like it was the most natural thing in the world when it in fact really wasn’t. They hadn’t touched like that before or been that close but Jin couldn’t really said that he minded even when Kazuya took a hold of his hand that had rested on the bench between them. Silence rested over them as Jin pretended to read the book though none of the words made any sense to him anymore, all he could think about was the man leaning against him and holding his hand.

“Can I smoke here?” Kazuya asked after awhile; Jin really couldn’t tell how much time had passed.

“There’s no ashtray”, Jin said, finally giving up pretending to read the book and placed it on the small table in front of the bench.

“I brought one with me”, Kazuya fished out a small ashtray from one of the large pockets in his oversized sweater. “We’re outside so it should be okay, right?”

“Go ahead.”

Jin felt disappointed when Kazuya released his hand and stopped leaning against him to take a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of one of the pockets. He watched as the younger man brought a cigarette to his lips and lit it, taking a deep drag. How could he make the simplest things look so damn sensual? It frustrated Jin how his desire for the younger man only seemed to grow every time they met.

“Have you ever smoked?” Kazuya asked and looked at Jin with those mysterious eyes that were always lined with black.

“When I was younger, before I became a father”, Jin replied and without thinking he brought a hand up to wipe away a smudge from Kazuya’s face with his thumb.

It could have been seen as a fatherly gesture but as they stared into each other’s eyes it got an entirely different meaning because of the hint of lust that could be seen from both of them. What he felt was wrong, Jin knew that. He was married and he had two children and he couldn’t mess things up.

Even if what he and Meisa had could hardly be seen as a relationship anymore, the vows he’d made still meant something and if he’d ever want to break those he’d have to do it the proper way. That meant asking for a divorce and if that happened it could be bad for the kids. It could be bad for Jin if Meisa decided that she wanted full custody of them. Jin didn’t even know why he was thinking so far, it was just lust and it would pass sooner or later.

Their eye contact broke and Kazuya finished smoking his cigarette, putting out the stub in the ashtray. He looked at Jin with a small, almost sad, smile. Jin didn’t know what the younger man was thinking but he had an urge to find out at the same time as he was really scared.

“I should leave you alone so you can continue reading”, Kazuya said. “That’s a good book, I’ve read it.”

“Yes, it is”, Jin agreed and let his fingertips run over the book’s title, ‘Let the Right One In’.

Who was the right one to let in? Jin shook his head; he really didn’t know what he was thinking anymore. So much could change during so little time and yet they hadn’t changed at all, maybe he was the only one who’d changed. He wasn’t even making sense to himself.

Despite his words Kazuya didn’t leave and instead he took Jin’s hand again, their fingers interlacing. They didn’t even have to look at each other to know that the other also felt the spark between them, the compelling urge to touch in more intimate ways.

“Why are you married?” Kazuya asked; his voice barely more than a whisper.

“Because I loved her”, Jin answered; past tense, that was new. “I wanted to be with her forever.”

“Does she want to be with you?”

“I don’t know.”

“I want to be with you”, Kazuya confessed and they looked at each other, both of their expressions mirrored the hopelessness of the situation but the younger man’s eyes also spoke of defiance. “If she doesn’t want to be with you then she doesn’t deserve having you in any way at all. She might just keep you around because it’s convenient but I want you in every single way. I knew the second I laid my eyes on you that I must have you.”

“I’m still married to her, I have children together with her”, Jin bit his lip. “I can’t be unfaithful to her because even though she might not care that much, it could hurt Mika and Jun. I don’t want to do anything that could hurt them,” only that he did want to do it but not for the reason to hurt them.

“I won’t try to make you do something that you’ll regret so I’ll leave now before I force myself on you”, Kazuya smiled slightly and brought up their interlocked hands, kissing the back of Jin’s before letting go and got up to walk away. “Come to me when she lets go of you.”

Jin watched as the younger man walked through the narrow opening in the bushes and then sighed deeply. He wished that he could chase after Kazuya and hold the other tightly but he knew that he was doing the right thing. Perhaps his marriage was only for appearances but he would still honour it until the day it shattered into miserable pieces. He wasn’t going to let Meisa have the satisfaction of blaming him for their failed marriage, he’d wanted her until the point of madness but he really just had been convenient for her all along.

***

Jin’s life went on as normal but he didn’t see Kazuya for several months. Usually he would’ve seen the younger man pass by on the street at times but now it was as if Kazuya had simply vanished.

Another person he rarely saw was his wife; she was becoming increasingly busy with filming a drama, recording an album and doing promotions for a movie at the same time. Soon she was also going to go to Okinawa for a longer period of time and she was bringing the children with her. Meisa’s mother lived on Okinawa and she’d been born there. They hadn’t really talked about it but it seemed that their marriage really would be over soon as she hadn’t asked Jin to come along.

Jin didn’t know what to feel about it as he didn’t know if Meisa intended to take Mika and Jun away from him or if they were going to have shared custody. Everything was falling apart around him and he supposed that he had to find a job and an apartment and he had a thousand things to take care of and yet all he could think about was his gorgeous neighbour. He was really messed up. It wasn’t normal to be so apathetic about one’s life but he thought that it might just be the shock of what was about to happen.

***

Kazuya had met a man at a bar that had offered him a place to stay and food in exchange for certain... favours. So that was where he’d been for a few months but now he’d been kicked out and was heading back to his parents’ house. He wasn’t exactly leading a perfect or healthy lifestyle and he was really nothing more than a prostitute but he couldn’t find a job and he didn’t want to weigh down his parents too much.

As Kazuya passed by he happened to see Jin sitting on the front steps to his house, looking forlorn and like he had absolutely nothing left in the world. Kazuya decided to just pop into his parents’ house to leave his bag and then headed back to Jin’s house, squatting down in front of the older man.

“What’s the matter with you?” Kazuya asked and smiled as Jin looked at him in surprise. “You look as if someone stole all of your money and ran away.”

“Technically it isn’t my money but I guess that she’ll be taking it”, Jin replied after having gotten over the shock of seeing Kazuya again. “Meisa is going to Okinawa next week and I don’t know how long she’ll stay. Actually I don’t know if I’m expected to move out of the house before she comes back, she hasn’t spoken to me yet.”

“It seems that some things have happened since I went away.”

“Where were you?”

“It doesn’t matter”, Kazuya sighed. “It didn’t work out in the end. But now I’m back and I can keep you company while she’s away.”

He didn’t have any ulterior motives, really. It wasn’t like he planned to make Jin take care of him in the future or wanted to destroy the older man’s marriage. He’d done those kinds of things before, even at his young age he’d managed to wreck a fair share of relationships for his own gain but this wasn’t one of those times. Kazuya didn’t know why but he was more drawn to Jin than he’d ever been to any other person. It wasn’t love; he didn’t know the older man enough for that but it might develop into something deeper if it got the chance to.

“Do you still want me?” Jin asked and the question surprised Kazuya but he nodded.

Jin stood up and dragged Kazuya along with him into the house. The younger man licked his lips nervously; why did this make him so nervous when he could kiss a man right in front of his wife without even blinking? He’d done that once when he was sixteen, he really had no shame. Jin led him to a room that was obviously a guestroom judging by the impersonal feel of it.

“You don’t have to do anything”, Kazuya said when he saw that the older man hesitated. “I can give you pleasure and you won’t even have to touch me, that way I’m the one to blame the most.”

Seeing as Jin didn’t say a word but just looked at Kazuya with uncertain eyes, Kazuya decided to take charge of the situation. He laid his hands on the older man’s shoulders and pushed him backwards until his back hit the wall. Then Kazuya let his hands slide down Jin’s body as he knelt down in front of the taller man and started unbuttoning his jeans.

Kazuya was becoming more and more nervous as he pulled down Jin’s jeans and underwear; he’d given a lot of hand jobs but he’d only given a blowjob once before. It was his policy never to do anything like that unless he was really serious about someone and he’d never been serious about anyone before; that first time had just been to try it out.

He licked his lips once more before enclosing his mouth around Jin’s member. Jin moaned loudly and tangled his fingers into Kazuya’s hair as the younger man did his best to pleasure him. It seemed like Kazuya was doing well judging by the sounds that Jin was making and the way that he held onto the other man’s hair tightly to keep him in place.

“Mm, Kazuya”, Jin groaned and the younger man glanced up at him; it was the first time that he’d said Kazuya’s name. “It feels so good...”

Jin’s words encouraged him to make even more effort in pleasuring the older man and it didn’t take long for Jin to climax. Kazuya swallowed everything despite the weird taste and then helped the other with getting properly dressed again. He spotted a mirror on the wall and looked at his reflection; trying to get his hair straightened out and wiped away some smudges from his eyeliner. While he did this Jin was still leaning against the wall, looking satisfied but ashamed.

“Akanishi-san”, Kazuya turned to the older man and took a step closer but Jin gestured for him to stop.

“I think that it’s best if you leave now”, Jin said, not looking the other man in the eyes. “I’m sorry but I can’t deal with this right now, I have to go pick up the kids soon.”

“I understand.”

Kazuya was a bit hurt but he knew that he shouldn’t have expected more. He was never the first priority for any man; he was just an easy way to get pleasure or simply an accessory. One could say that it was because he chose the wrong men to be with but he’d never found anyone who just wanted to be with him. Perhaps Jin did truly want to be with him though it was just the circumstances which complicated things. Kazuya sighed as he left the house and headed out on the street to walk to his parents’ house next door. He knew that he’d be with Jin again however; it was just a matter of time.

***

Knowing that Meisa had already left for Okinawa a couple of days ago, Kazuya headed to Jin’s house and rang the doorbell. For once he wasn’t wearing any makeup because Jin has mentioned once that he thought that Kazuya would look good even without it. Kazuya felt really insecure and unsafe without it though and he licked his lips as he waited for the older man to come open the door.

“Kazuya”, Jin said, his eyes widened a bit in surprise as he’d opened the door.

It was evident that he was still uncomfortable and ashamed about what had happened between them the last time they’d seen each other. Kazuya ignored that and pushed his way inside, heading for the living room and sat down on the couch as if he lived there. Jin followed him and after hesitating a bit, the older man sat down next to him.

“Have you talked things through with her yet?” Kazuya asked, looking down at his nails and trying to seem indifferent.

“We’re just taking a break from each other to think about what we really want”, Jin said. “So I’m staying here and when she comes back we’ll talk about the conclusions we’ve made.”

“So I guess that I have no chance, huh?”

Kazuya looked at the older man and he felt really vulnerable and naked, more so than he did when he was actually naked. He’d always used his makeup as a way to hide and if he was actually naked then the other person would focus more on that and not on whom he actually was. But he wanted Jin to know who he was, maybe not absolutely everything but still.

“You’re really beautiful even without makeup”, Jin said and it wasn’t a reply to the question but it made Kazuya smile. “I shouldn’t do something that can hurt my family, especially not before hearing what Meisa wants.”

The smile disappeared from Kazuya’s face and he nodded, looking down at the fluffy carpet which was surprisingly white considering the fact that two small children lived in the house. He’d ruined a carpet once when he was a child by spilling paint on it and his mother had gotten very angry at him. Jin didn’t strike him as the type to get that angry at his children when they accidentally did something wrong.

“I’ve ruined relationships and marriages between other people before”, Kazuya confessed. “I get sick seeing people being happy and in love so I want to do things to break that and it’s always a challenge to get supposedly straight men to be with me. I know that it isn’t right but I’ve always done things like that without regret but I don’t want to do that to you. You’re so damn attractive but I really wish that you weren’t.”

“Am I the first person you’ve really wanted to be with without having any other motives?” Jin asked and it didn’t sound like he was judging Kazuya for what he’d done.

“Yes, from the moment I laid eyes on you I just instantly wanted you and I knew that I could easily fall for you. Then I found out that you were married and later also that you have kids, just typical of me to fall for the wrong person.”

“You’re a very gorgeous young man and I know that there are so many people who would want to be in a relationship with you, people who’d be better for you than me.”

“You’re the best man I’ve ever met”, Kazuya said and Jin smiled bitterly.

“Then you must’ve met the worst men in history”, he replied. “Even though I shouldn’t do this, even though I should tell you to get over me I can’t do that. I want you too much.”

Kazuya’s eyes widened slightly in surprise and Jin leant in and their lips met. Soft at first but it quickly became more passionate as Kazuya climbed onto Jin’s lap and tangled his fingers in the older man’s hair. He was used to men wanting him enough to cheat on their girlfriend, boyfriend or wife and so on but he didn’t think that Jin would be that type of person. Somehow he thought that that should change his opinion about the other in a way but he couldn’t bring himself to care, he’d already fallen too deep.

“It’s been a really long time since I’ve felt this way for anyone”, Jin said as they had to stop kissing for a moment to catch their breaths.

“I thought that it couldn’t have been that long ago since you have a quite young son”, Kazuya said with a tiny smile.

“That wasn’t about passion or about wanting her, it was just about wanting another child and that’s a really different thing.”

“I suppose that it is”, Kazuya trailed his thumb over Jin’s lower lip. “I’ll never become the most important person in your life, even if you’d fall in love with me, she would still be more important since she’s the mother of your children.”

“You already knew that even when you decided to still go after me”, Jin said and caressed Kazuya’s back. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this after all. In the end it’ll probably only hurt us both.”

“I don’t care about that anymore, it’s too late now.”

Somehow they managed to ascend the stairs while kissing passionately and shedding their clothes. They stumbled into the guest room and landed on the bed in a tangle of limbs. Jin was still really gentle even when he was passionate unlike many of the other men that Kazuya had had sex with. It made it feel more special and like it was about more than just sex, almost as if they were actually making love.

Kazuya wanted to pleasure Jin again, but the older man pushed him down on the bed and told him not to move. At first he was confused but then Jin began to kiss him all over and caress him so gently that it almost drove him out of his mind. It felt like he was being worshipped and it was a new feeling for Kazuya, all the other times it had only been about his partner’s pleasure but Jin was different.

Jin might not have any previous experience of having sex with men but he made up for any fumbling with enthusiasm and Kazuya hadn’t received that many blowjobs in the first place so he had nothing to compare it to. Not that Kazuya could actually have any coherent thoughts while Jin’s mouth surrounded his cock.

They didn’t go all the way because they didn’t have condoms or lube, but just pleasuring each other with their mouths and hands was more than enough for the moment. Kazuya thought that it was stupid but he felt a connection with Jin and it felt even stronger when afterwards he was enveloped in the older man’s embrace. Snuggling was also a pretty new experience for him; he hadn’t chosen the best of men before. Jin wasn’t the best of men either but he was far better than so many others.

“It is truly too late to stop this now”, Jin mumbled as he ran his fingers through Kazuya’s hair.

“Do you regret it?” Kazuya asked, his heart feeling heavy after hearing the other’s words.

“No, I probably should but I can’t. You’re amazing, Kazuya.”

Kazuya smiled and lifted his head a bit to press a kiss on Jin’s chest before he let his head rest on it again. He felt safe and for the first time in his life he felt precious and like he was actually worth something. That wasn’t something one was supposed to find with a married man but fate or chance had a tendency to screw up people’s lives. Kazuya couldn’t say that he minded however.

***

After about a week their relationship evolved from just having sex all the time to doing other things together. Not that the sex wasn’t great but too much of it could be a bad thing at times.

They were seated on the sofa in the living room, watching a movie and drinking some wine that Jin had found in a cabinet. Kazuya had curled up on the sofa, leaning against the older man with a small smile that was partly hidden by the rim of the wine glass he rested against his lips. Both of them were a bit tipsy and they weren’t really paying attention to the movie as they were too aware of each other’s presence. Jin’s arm was around Kazuya’s shoulders and his fingers slowly caressed the younger man’s arm.

“Wait, what just happened?” Jin asked as the movie had yet another twist and he’d gotten lost already after the first.

“I have no idea”, Kazuya replied, chuckling a bit. “This movie is pretty strange.”

“Yeah, it is”, Jin nodded and then drank the last of the wine in his glass before placing it on the coffee table.

Kazuya followed his example and then snuggled even closer to him if possible. They still kept their eyes on the screen even if they weren’t following the events in the film. Kazuya didn’t want to make a move that would lead them to having sex because even if he loved the feeling of Jin’s naked skin against his, this was something new for him. Just cuddling with someone, clothes on and being close in a way that wasn’t sexual.

They had cuddled before but nothing like this, nothing that made Kazuya feel so excited and yet so calm at the same time. It was as if a fire was burning inside of him; not a consuming one but one that was gentle, warming every inch of his body that before had been so cold. There was a difference between the consuming fire of passion and the gentle warmth of... love. Yes, Kazuya had fallen in love with Jin.

It scared him as he didn’t know what would happen when Jin’s wife came back but at the same time he was grateful that he got to experience the emotion that he’d gone to such lengths to destroy. He’d taken pleasure in destroying relationships between people who loved each other but now he didn’t know why. When the time came that he had to separate from Jin he didn’t know what he’d do. Jin had changed Kazuya so much in so little time; quitting wearing makeup completely was a part of that.

“Aren’t your parents worried when you don’t come home at night?” Jin asked when they’d been silent for awhile.

“No, they’re used to it”, Kazuya said. “I don’t think that they even want to know the reason why. I’ve always been allowed to do whatever I want to without them questioning me.”

The truth was that his parents had never really cared that much about him, they hadn’t even wanted a child to begin with. If one wanted to be all analysing and shit, one could probably say the reason why Kazuya destroyed loving relationships was because he never got enough love from his parents and resented them for only paying attention to each other. Kazuya didn’t like to be analytical.

“So they wouldn’t even care if they found out about us?”

Kazuya could tell that Jin was nervous about it; he didn’t want anyone to find out about them. If he still cared so much about who knew or not it definitely meant that he might go back to Meisa when she came back from Okinawa. It hurt, Kazuya couldn’t deny that but he’d known already from the start so he shouldn’t let it bother him too much.

“No, they’d think that it was not their business”, Kazuya said. “If they had known you better they might’ve had a problem with it but as it is now they won’t care.”

“That means that you can stay over”, Jin said.

Previously Kazuya would always go home after they were done having sex no matter how late, or early, it was. It seemed that Jin actually did want them to sleep together as in the literal meaning of those words. Kazuya smiled and finally turned his attention from the screen to look at the older man.

“Yeah, I can”, Kazuya nodded. “If you want me to.”

“Of course I do.”

The movie was completely forgotten as their lips met and even though Kazuya had wanted to cuddle more, he didn’t mind the new development much. He’d get to fall asleep in Jin’s arms tonight and not have to worry about getting dressed and going home to his cold, lonely bed.

***

“What are you doing?” Jin mumbled tiredly as Kazuya slid out of bed and fumbled with getting dressed. “I thought that you were going to stay the night.”

“I have to smoke, I’ll be back soon”, Kazuya replied. “You can go back to sleep.”

“Kazu, it’s freaking cold outside and you’ll wake me up when you come back to bed”, Jin sighed. “Screw smoking and come back to bed right now.”

“I really have to smoke.”

Kazuya let out a yelp as Jin suddenly grabbed his wrist and tugged him back down on the bed; he’d only had a chance to put on his underwear and a t-shirt. He struggled against Jin’s grip half-heartedly and gave up pretty quickly as the older man climbed on top of him.

“Just stop smoking for good, it’s a disgusting habit”, Jin said, placing small kisses on Kazuya’s neck.

“I can’t help craving cigarettes, it’s an addiction you know”, Kazuya moaned silently as Jin bit down lightly on his neck. “Just let me go.”

“Just become addicted to me instead”, Jin mumbled and Kazuya laughed but he thought that he was probably already addicted to the older man.

He didn’t have such a big craving for tobacco anymore when Jin was kissing him and caressing him like that. Being addicted to Jin might turn out to be far more dangerous than being addicted to tobacco however. The cigarettes might kill him but Jin had the power to break his heart and that fate seemed much worse.

“I thought that you were going to sleep”, Kazuya said as Jin pulled the t-shirt over his head. “Aren’t you tired?”

“You woke me up so you’ll have to accept the consequences”, Jin replied and sucked on one of Kazuya’s tiny nipples, making him gasp.

“Gladly”, Kazuya moaned and arched up into the older man’s touch.

He would willingly give up every part of his old life for Jin’s sake; breaking people’s hearts, using makeup, smoking. All of it seemed so insignificant when Jin was holding him; kissing him and making him feel loved. Even if it might be an illusion of love, it was still far better than anything else he’d ever experienced. It terrified him that he would go to such lengths just for one person when he’d always laughed at love before. Anything that felt so perfect definitely wouldn’t last.

***

Kazuya was seated on a high stool beside the bar, tapping his fingers against the counter. It felt strange, awkward, to be there while not wearing makeup or particularly provocative clothes. The club was the same one where he’d often gone to find someone new to stay with for awhile so that he could get away from his parents and not make them pay for him all the time. Of course they still had to give him money so he’d be able to buy drinks unless someone bought them for him.

This time he wasn’t there just to find a meaningless fuck however, he was there waiting for his... whatever Jin was to him. They weren’t boyfriends; was Kazuya Jin’s lover? The dirty little secret kept on the side because it was exciting. But their relationship wasn’t like that, even if Jin didn’t exactly love him, Kazuya still knew that the older man cared a lot about him.

After over a month of spending time together in only Jin’s house, the older man had decided that they should go out and do something together. Kazuya had suggested going clubbing and said that he knew a gay club that was pretty good. Perhaps it was a bit strange to bring Jin there but somehow he wanted to show the other regulars that he’d finally found someone great unlike the losers he used to go home with.

“Sorry to leave you right away like that”, Jin said as he came back from the bathroom, sitting down on the stool next to Kazuya. “There are some pretty interesting things going on in that bathroom.”

“Yeah, I know”, Kazuya said with a small smile as he’d on occasion been a part of those interesting things. “Buy me a drink?”

He should feel guiltier about making Jin pay for things but it was Meisa’s money anyway. That sort of made him feel happy as if it was a small revenge on her for marrying the man that Kazuya wanted. He wondered if it made Jin uncomfortable though but the older man just nodded as if he wasn’t bothered by it.

“What do you want?” Jin asked.

“Sex on the beach”, Kazuya murmured right next to Jin’s ear.

“No, I meant, what drink do you want?” Jin joked and then got the attention of the bartender to order their drinks.

“That was a lame joke, Jin”, Kazuya said but couldn’t help laughing a bit. “You tell jokes that make you seem like such an old man.”

“I am an old man so it’s not that strange.”

“You’re not old”, Kazuya protested and ran a hand through Jin’s half long hair. “If you are then it’s only more amazing how incredibly gorgeous you are.”

“I should be the one saying how gorgeous you are”, Jin smiled and paid the bartender as he brought their drinks. “Cheers.”

The glasses made a tinkling sound as they softly knocked them together before they drank. Jin grimaced a bit and Kazuya looked at him questioningly.

“I prefer beer”, Jin said as an explanation and the younger man laughed.

They drank the rest of their drinks while conversing as best as they could with the quite loud music in the club and then Kazuya grabbed the older man’s hand and dragged him to the dance floor. Jin tried to protest but Kazuya insisted because if they weren’t going to dance, why had they gone to a club?

It had been years since Jin had gone clubbing and danced but he wrapped his arms around the younger man’s waist and then it suddenly seemed easy. Together they moved smoothly and sensually to the beat of the music. Their lips were only centimetres apart but they didn’t meet, the tension between them making it all more exciting. In the dim lights they looked into each other’s eyes, not breaking eye contact for even a second. To anyone watching them it would seem like they were completely lost in each other, lost in a world that was only for them.

One of the regulars in the club, one of Kazuya’s friends if you could call him that, sat by the bar and looked at the couple. He frowned slightly as he hadn’t seen Kazuya acting that way with anyone before. Kazuya would practically have sex with people on the dance floor but this was something far more intimate than that. When Jin left Kazuya for awhile to go get them some water to drink, he was there by Kazuya’s side in an instant.

“Ueda”, Kazuya said, surprised. “I didn’t know that you were here tonight.”

“Obviously not since you’ve only had eyes for him,” Tatsuya said, gesturing towards Jin who was trying to get the bartender’s attention. “Be careful, Kamenashi.”

“Why should I?”Kazuya asked, frowning. “You’ve never told me to be careful before, not when I’ve gone home with useless thugs.”

“This is different, I wouldn’t warn you then because I knew that you knew what you were getting yourself into, but this time you don’t.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It’s obvious that you’re in love with him”, Tatsuya replied.

“And why is that such a bad thing?” Kazuya raised an eyebrow. “He’s a good man, far better than anyone else I’ve been with.”

“But he’s also married. Look, I know that it isn’t my business but I do care about you even if all we’ve ever done was getting really drunk together and done some pretty stupid things.”

“He’s separated”, Kazuya said defensively. “I appreciate your concern but I do know what I’m doing.”

“Fine, have fun”, Tatsuya smiled slightly before he left Kazuya just as Jin came back with two glasses of water.

“Who was that?” Jin asked.

“Just a friend”, Kazuya said, accepting one of the glasses and smiled at Jin. “Thank you.”

Jin didn’t ask any more questions and when they had drank the water they went out on the dance floor again. Kazuya knew what he was doing no matter what Tatsuya might say. He knew that it wasn’t the best thing to fall in love with a married man but Jin was worth it, definitely.

***

The air was chilly and on the streets people were milling about, wearing coats and hats, their red noses from cold. At least that was how it seemed to Kazuya, everyone melted into being the same person because none of them really mattered except for the man walking beside him. They were walking close together, their entwined hands hidden between their bodies.

Christmas was already over, Jin and Kazuya had spent it together at the older man’s house, eating cake and listening to old corny Christmas songs. Jin had been a bit depressed as it was the first Christmas since Mika and Jun were born that he had not spent with them. Kazuya had tried his best to distract the older man from thoughts about his family but he knew that he could never fully succeed with that task. No matter what, Kazuya would never be Jin’s first priority, even now when they’d spent months together behaving like a couple.

They were strolling through town to shop a bit but mostly they just stopped at a display window now and then, peering inside before they continued walking. Kazuya had loved shopping whenever one of his ‘boyfriends’ had been the one who paid but with Jin it became more about just being close to the older man. He was satisfied with just holding Jin’s hand and doing something that a normal couple would do.

Jin halted by the display window of a pet store and he tugged Kazuya’s hand to make him stop too. They smiled at the puppies that were playing together and then at each other.

“Aren’t they cute?” Jin said. “I always had dogs growing up but when I moved out from my parents’ house I couldn’t have them anymore. I do visit my parents at times though and then I get to play with their dogs.”

“Yeah, they’re adorable”, Kazuya smiled. “Maybe I’ll get one someday.”

“They’re good company when humans fail”, Jin said, smiling at the puppies for awhile longer before they continued down the street.

Kazuya thought that humans tended to fail a lot; everyone was too wrapped up in their own lives and problems to truly care about anyone else. It felt lonely and hopeless a lot of the time but it was just human nature and he couldn’t do anything to change that.

They arrived at a small café and decided to go inside since it was so cold outside and they wanted something to drink. Jin ordered black coffee and Kazuya ordered hot chocolate with whipped cream.

“You’re really just a kid after all”, Jin commented with a warm smile, amused by Kazuya’s order.

“And you’re an old man”, Kazuya said, eyebrow slightly raised. “That makes you a cradle robber.”

“That would be true if it wasn’t for the fact that you were the one who seduced me and robbed me of my sanity.”

Their eyes sparkled with mirth but their conversation was interrupted when the waitress brought their drinks. Thanking her, they then sat in silence for a moment, taking careful sips of the hot beverages. Cooped up in a corner of the café, the table was small and their knees bumped together and Jin accidentally stepped on Kazuya’s toes. Laughing together they looked into each other’s eyes.

“How is work by the way?” Jin asked.

Kazuya had managed to get a job at IKEA where he hadn’t bought anything in his entire life but he supposed that his parents had. It was a boring job but it was stable and he never would’ve thought that he’d one day end up with a job like that.

“It’s fine, extremely boring but fine”, Kazuya replied, drawing random patterns on the table with his finger. “Thanks for encouraging me to find a job.”

“Don’t mention it. Now you’re far more responsible than me as I’m still a freeloader.”

“You could get a job there too and we could sneak away together during breaks”, Kazuya gave the older man a sultry smile.

Jin was about to reply when someone said his name and he turned his head to see his old friend Tomohisa. Quickly he drew back his hand that had been touching Kazuya’s on the table and the younger man’s eyes flashed with hurt. It was only natural for Jin to hide it though; Kazuya was just the one he had an affair with after all. Still Kazuya couldn’t help but feeling hurt and bitter.

“Yamapi, it’s been awhile”, Jin stood up to greet the other with a hug, slaps on the back and all.

“Yeah, it’s been too long”, Tomohisa said and then, glancing at Kazuya, he added, “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“This is my neighbour, Kamenashi Kazuya”, Jin said quickly and Kazuya bowed with a small smile. “Kamenashi-kun, this is Yamashita Tomohisa, my friend.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Yamashita-san”, Kazuya said.

“Likewise”, Tomohisa bowed slightly. “Call me Yamapi or Pi though, everyone else does.”

“It’s such a coincidence to see you here”, Jin said as he sat back down.

“My fiancée works here and she’s about to end her shift”, Tomohisa explained. “How are Meisa and the kids?”

“They’re in Okinawa but I believe that they’re fine.”

“Ah, yes, I read something about her being there.”

“Excuse me; I have to go to the bathroom”, Kazuya mumbled and slipped away from the table, uncomfortable with the situation.

He really was Jin’s dirty secret; the older man couldn’t tell anyone about their relationship. Of course he couldn’t, he was still married and relationships between men weren’t widely accepted even now. Kazuya locked himself up in the restroom, staring at his own reflection in the mirror. Wasn’t he worth more? Probably now, he’d ruined so many relationships that this time it was his turn to suffer.

“Is he really your neighbour?” Tomohisa asked and sat down on Kazuya’s chair as the younger man had left.

“Yes, he lives with his parents next door”, Jin said, trying to stay calm in front of the other man’s inquisitive gaze. “We became friends because both of us didn’t have jobs and I was lonely and bored when Meisa left with the kids.”

“Just how lonely and bored were you? I watched you two awhile before I called out to you and you looked pretty damn cosy to me.”

“You have no right to judge me and you don’t know how terrible my marriage has been the last couple of years. She left me, not the other way around.”

“Are you really going to throw away your marriage for some young guy?” Tomohisa asked, frowning. “Isn’t it just some crisis over turning 30? You could still solve your relationship with Meisa.”

“It isn’t a crisis; I’m in love with him”, Jin said, standing up abruptly and threw some money on the table to cover for what he and Kazuya had ordered.

Just then Kazuya came out of the restroom and Jin grabbed his hand, dragging him out from the café while a stunned Tomohisa watched. Jin didn’t explain his behaviour and Kazuya didn’t question. They returned home as the mood of their date was ruined.

“I think that I should probably go home”, Kazuya said as they approached their houses but Jin shook his head and made him follow.

They entered Jin’s house and before they could remove their shoes and coats, Jin was already kissing Kazuya passionately. When they broke away for air, Kazuya looked questioningly at the older man who was impatiently taking off his shoes and coat.

“What’s gotten into you?” Kazuya asked; none of them had been so urgent about having sex for quite a long time already as their relationship had progressed into something calmer, perhaps deeper.

“I just want you so much”, Jin said as they’d both gotten rid of their outer garments and walked further inside.

Jin’s hand snuck under Kazuya’s t-shirt as they kissed again, the older man surprisingly letting the younger take control though he’d been the insistent one. It was as if there was a sudden change in Jin but Kazuya couldn’t tell what.

“I want you inside of me”, Jin mumbled huskily into Kazuya’s ear when the kiss had ended and the younger man’s eyes widened.

Those were words he’d never expected Jin or anyone else say to him. It shouldn’t be so strange in a relationship between two males that they switched roles at times unless they both preferred the roles they always had in the bedroom. For Kazuya it was a big deal however. He’d spent years being submissive and giving himself to anyone who wanted him. With Jin he’d come to get more control but he still hadn’t thought that the older man would let him in so completely.

In Kazuya’s opinion, one had to completely trust the partner or be self-destructive to let someone penetrate you like that. Even if one could still be the dominant one as the bottom, Kazuya had a feeling that Jin would let him completely dominate the older man this time. He had no idea what had brought Jin to this decision but he wasn’t about to complain. Taking the older man’s hand, Kazuya led him to the guestroom with a smile full of promises of what was to come.

***

Green leaves tentatively came out of their hiding places and flower buds broke through the earth. Bird song filled the days of the early spring, signalling that it would soon be one year since Jin and Kazuya first met.

Jin sat alone at the kitchen table, eating instant ramen and reading the newspaper. Kazuya was at work which had become a hindrance for them to see each other as often as before. It was good that the younger man had a job though, Jin felt proud of him for coming so far within a year.

The telephone rang, interrupting Jin’s musings. He frowned a bit as he left his seat to answer the phone, hardly anyone called the house number.

“Akanishi residence”, Jin’s voice was slightly confused and also annoyed because he’d been interrupted while eating.

“Jin, it’s me”, Meisa said.

They’d been talking on the phone now and then but mostly Jin had just talked with the kids using Skype, if he hadn’t been allowed to see them somehow he would’ve gone insane. Things had gone well for Meisa in Okinawa, she’d recorded a new album there and Mika and Jun had been taken care of by their grandmother.

“What’s up?” Jin said casually, scribbling nonsense in the notebook on the bureau.

“I’m with the kids at the airport now, we’re coming home.”

Jin dropped the pen and his mouth opened and closed, no sound escaping. He was silent for a few seconds before he cleared his throat and asked:

“The airport in Okinawa?”

“We’re in Tokyo and we’ll try to get a taxi”, Meisa replied.

“You should’ve told me something”, Jin said quite angrily, he was totally unprepared for this. “I could’ve come to pick you up.”

“Somehow the paparazzi found out so I don’t think that you would’ve liked it. We’ll be home soon and then we can talk, okay?”

“Fine”, Jin sighed and they hung up.

He had so many thoughts and feelings that they became a blur and he sat down at the kitchen table again, stirring his soggy noodles. Fumbling in his pocket he took out his cell phone and sent a mail to Kazuya about what had just happened. Finally Jin would know what his life was going to be like from then on.

***

Kazuya returned home to his parents though he’d thought that he’d go to Jin’s house straight after work until he got the older man’s mail. Sighing, he opened the door to his room and let out a yelp when he noticed that someone was sitting on his bed. Then he relaxed when he saw that it was Jin and remembered that he’d left the window open that morning.

“Hey”, Kazuya said as he closed the door behind him.

“Hey, I brought your things”, Jin gestured to a bag on the floor. “Actually I brought them here earlier but I just came back.”

“Where’s your wife?” Kazuya asked tensely, taking a few steps closer to the bed.

“She’s trying to get the kids to sleep; they’re a bit disoriented from being home again. They were even too shy to talk to me and hug me even if we’ve talked over Skype...”

“That sounds difficult to deal with.”

“Yeah, but it gave me a chance to discuss some things with Meisa.”

“Where does she think you are?” Kazuya asked, dreading the answer; if it was anything else than there with him it meant that Jin would go back to her.

“Out for a walk”, Jin replied and Kazuya’s heart sank. “I’m sorry, Kazuya, but she is my wife and if we got divorced and she got custody of the kids I wouldn’t know how to deal with it. Just experiencing how they treated me practically like a stranger was heartbreaking and not something I want to go through again.”

“I understand”, Kazuya said even as his heart was shattering to little pieces and he tried his best not to cry; Jin wouldn’t get that satisfaction. “So we’re over then?”

“Yes”, Jin nodded and stood up, approaching the younger man.

Kazuya tried to make himself back away but he couldn’t, he let the older man kiss him though it felt like something inside of him was dying. Jin pushed him down on the bed and for the last time he gave the older man everything; his body, heart and soul.

***

Even though he had to pass by their house everyday when going to work or going out to get really drunk, Kazuya tried not to meet Jin or Meisa. So far he’d been successful but that only meant that he’d probably have the bad luck of running into one of them soon. To his dismay he was right about that part.

When he stepped out of his parents’ house to go to a club he noticed that Meisa was just stepping out of her and Jin’s house. He cursed and was about to turn around to go inside again when she waved at him to come talk to her. Unwillingly he walked over to her and suppressed the urge to punch her in the face as she smiled at him.

“Kamenashi-kun, it’s so nice to see you again”, Meisa said with a smile that would probably make a number of men weak in the knees if they’d been the receiver of it.

“Hi”, Kazuya said, shoving his hands into his pockets.

He was completely reluctant to talk to her and frankly it hurt him to see her smiling like that but Meisa probably took it as shyness. She stepped closer to him and her smile became more predatory and Kazuya glanced towards the house, wondering if Jin could see them. He hoped that the older man could.

“You’re very attractive”, Meisa murmured seductively.

“I know”, Kazuya smirked a bit disdainfully but Meisa didn’t seem to notice.

“We should get together sometime.”

“Sorry, you’re not my type.”

The smile on Meisa’s face instantly disappeared and she glared at him, displeased. It looked like she wanted to slap him and Kazuya thought that the feeling was mutual. This was what Jin had gone back to? Still it made Kazuya a bit happier to think that Jin had named the children as the main reason for it. That didn’t change the fact that he was heartbroken however and now also quite pissed off.

“I should’ve known that you’re gay with all that makeup you’re wearing”, Meisa hissed, referring to the eyeliner that Kazuya had started using again when Jin broke up with him.

“Even if I was straight as a ruler I wouldn’t want you, honey”, Kazuya smiled sweetly and lit a cigarette before flipping her off and walking away.

It helped knowing that he would soon move away from the place that would always remind him of what he’d had with Jin. A friend from work needed a new flat mate as his old one was moving out and Kazuya had instantly taken the opportunity. He’d started wearing makeup again when going to clubs and he’d taken up his old habit of smoking but some things in his life were still changing for the better. Maybe he’d find some way to fuck it up eventually but for now he was okay.

***

Jin watched as Kazuya and another guy carried out boxes and loaded them into a truck. He was seated inside by the window, watching safely from behind a curtain. His children were playing on the floor close to him and Meisa was out working as usual.

Life felt empty and boring without Kazuya; it had been Jin’s choice but he couldn’t say that he was satisfied with it. He loved his kids more than anything else but he also loved Kazuya, he hadn’t realised how much until that last time they had together. It had been completely selfish of him, he knew that but he couldn’t help it. One last time he wanted to feel what he could only feel when he was with Kazuya.

If he could, Jin would run out to the younger man and embrace him but that was impossible. He’d already made his choice and he would never be with Kazuya again unless some kind of miracle happened and that wasn’t likely. Jin watched as the younger man got into the truck and drove away, leaving to probably never come back. Smiling sadly Jin decided that the fact that they’d met in the first place was miraculous enough because without Kazuya, he never would’ve survived the months without his kids.

“Daddy, come play with us”, Mika said and Jin left his place at the window to sit down next to the children, smiling widely at them; it was there he belonged.

---

A/N: So it's been awhile since I last posted something. Hi! 8D *shot*
Sorry for writing something so... uh... well, you read the fic if you're reading this so you should know. XP

I originally began writing this in August last year but things kind of went to hell in my life back then so I never finished it. I randomly found the beginning of it in my notebook in May and I still liked the concept but I didn't like the writing so I started over and this happened. It's long. XD

I have a sort of "soundtrack" for this one-shot, songs I listened to during writing and inspired me to write this:
Momentum & Daughter by Vienna Teng.
I Will Not Forget You by Sarah McLachlan.

I recommend listening to them!
Will stop rambling now. I hope that you enjoyed and thank you for reading. ♥